Chapter 26: Twenty-Six
S.T.A.Y had begun working on our next album and we were constantly going in and out of meetings for the same. We were still working on our concept and all the other details but we were making good headway. We still had some programs and shows to go on too. Manager Park was doing his best to keep our schedules under control and to allow us the time that we needed. It was difficult though. Even when we did get time, we were so preoccupied that it was difficult to sleep or just rest that easily. We were gaining a lot of popularity and garnering attention. Releasing a good album at this point would validate us and verify our quality. We could not afford to not meet expectations because, at this stage, if that did happen, we could very easily just fade away.
At this point in our careers, we really could not afford to fade away.
I knocked on the half-open door to the recording studio and pushed it open all the way as I stepped in. "I'm sorry I'm late." I looked around till I found Changmin sitting on the couch in the room. He had been using his phone but he perked up as he noticed me and smiled.
"You're here."
"Yes. Sorry." I entered the room and shut the door behind me. "Where's Manager Nam?"
"He has some other stuff to take care of. Should be back soon." He replied and motioned to the couch. "What about Manager Park? Why are you here alone?"
"Manager-nim had to got with S.T.A.Y for an interview. Manager Kim's around if I need him."
"It's just us for now then." He said as I sat down next to him. "I heard that you stayed up all of last night."
"What? Where did you hear-" There, I stopped short. "Jaehyeon Hyung." He had threatened me saying that he would let Changmin know if I stayed up and I had ignored him.
He nodded. "He's a good guy- easy to talk to."
"He's my roommate. I know." I rolled my eyes. In between our work for the collaboration, Jaehyeon and Mingyu had come to text Changmin too. I had also gotten to know 04:00 am better- even to a point where I had gotten rather free with Beomseok Sunbae too. He had always seemed a little hard to approach but that was just because he was quiet. He was quite the witty personality once you got to know him. I had even interacted with Baekjae Sunbae quite a bit. Both 04:00 am and S.T.A.Y used to drop in on us to show their support whenever they could. In that sense, our collaboration had brought S.T.A.Y and 04:00 am a lot closer to each other as well.
That had proven to be a disadvantage for me here though. I had not wanted Changmin to know that I had stayed up all night working on our song.
"Jeongwoo, I know that we have targets to meet and that you're eager but you know what happened the last time that you pushed yourself this hard."
"I wanted to write." I stated.
"You wanted to write?" He raised an eyebrow at me.
"Yes, I wanted to write." I turned towards him. "I was… inspired last night. I felt that pressing need to write."
He gave in. "And?"
I smiled and took out my notebook from my bag. "I still feel that we can work on it but… it seems to be coming together pretty nicely."
"Mhm?" He waited and watched as I flipped through the pages to find my latest entry. When I had found it, I turned the book towards him and handed it over. "Are you done with it?"
"More or less." I nodded.
"I see." He quickly glanced over it. "Your handwriting has changed a bit."
"I write a lot." I shrugged. "Read, Hyung."
"Okay." He concentrated on what was in front of him.
I took off my shoes and folded my legs on the couch, facing Changmin. I watched him eagerly as he read, looking for any expression on his face that would tell me how he felt about the song. I had pretty much poured my heart out on those few pages. And I was nervous about how he would feel reading it.
A good minute or so passed before he finally took a deep breath, exhaled and brought his eyes to me.
I smiled. "How is it?" Tell me.
"Were you really thinking about me when you wrote this?" He furrowed his brows as if dealing with his emotions. "This is good. This is really good."
"You felt it?" I asked slowly.
"I felt it." He nodded. "It's beautiful and painful. I'm so moved that I could hug you right now."
I chuckled, then moved closer and proceeded to hug him. "I couldn't sleep last night because I had a lot to say."
"I hear you." He patted my back and then let go. "You've hidden it all in plain sight too. With our concept, anyone would only see this as being the two sides of a person."
"On the face of it." I agreed. "But I think that it will only be a matter of time before True and Coffee figure it out."
"You weren't being very kind to me though."
"Hm." You could call this revenge too.
"See… This line, for instance." He turned a page and pointed out a line, reading it aloud. "The lights come on and the stage is set. I leave you behind to go do my best."
"On stage, I am Jeongwoo of S.T.A.Y and you are Minsu of 04:00 am." In every sense. "We didn't look back at each other."
He winced. "And this- I have been waiting for a day like today that allows me to come home to you." He looked at me. "What is this- a love song?"
"Not literally but… you know what I mean." I chuckled.
He then went back to the open notebook. "We have this treasure chest full of our time."
"Our memories." There, I paused. "Do I really need to explain all this?"
"No, but since you're doing it anyway, continue. I want to know what you were thinking when you were writing this." He said without taking his eyes off the open pages before him.
"There's more?"
"Since we're doing this anyway…" He trailed off, then read. "We'll sit together again, for old times' sake, and watch the now we had sung of then. In those times you didn't notice these eyes on you and in those times when I had forgotten to look- unadmitting, we had missed each other and we still knew why our hearts ached. So, take my hand now when I take yours, we are both heading to the same place." He paused. "This is the chorus?"
"Yes. It's a little blunt but we don't need to run from what we already know." Maybe the 'you didn't notice' and 'I had forgotten to look' were a little harsh but I had wanted to put it there regardless. It went well with the concept but it was also really important to us.
"So, you're okay with letting them know so much?" He kept my book down on his lap and looked at me seriously.
"They will think about everything that this could possibly mean. We don't really need to confirm anything."
"So, you don't mind." He reiterated.
I smiled. "I've been thinking about it while writing this song, Hyung. I really don't want them to look at us and fawn over our relationship. I know what it feels like because of how Jaehyeon Hyung and I are. I don't want to have to worry about cameras or whether you were doing what you were doing for the cameras. But then again, I don't want them to look at us and see just fellow artists collaborating. This opportunity and this song mean the world to me. I want to let them know."
"If you're okay with it then I would love to tell them our story." Changmin gave my book back to me. "And I'm using my own name for this. This song is by Choi Jeongwoo and Lee Changmin, not Minsu of 04:00 am."
"What?" That surprised me. "Is that okay? You've never used your given name for songs before."
"I've never made a song with you before."
I was at a loss for words in the face of that sure reply. It looked like both of us were particular about how we would be received and understood. "I had wanted to say I love you…"
"What?"
"No." I recoiled and cleared my throat. "I had wanted to include that in the song too- 'I know that I had left you behind but you know that I still love you, right?' I had wanted to use that but… it would have been too much."
"I wouldn't say 'too much' but it might just have become an actual love song then." He chuckled.
"It could be." I shrugged, then paused and looked at him. "You know it though, right, Hyung?"
"I know." He nodded and smiled at me. After that, he checked his watch. "Our Min Jinhan-ssi is late today."
"He hasn't gotten back from the program that he had gone to watch." I informed him. Min Jinhan was DayBreak Entertainment's own producer. While Changmin and I had already made most of the song, we had wanted Min Jinhan-ssi to give our track a listen and tell us what he felt about it. We were pretty much in the final leg of production. Now that the lyrics were done, we just had to finalise the details and then we could begin work on the choreography and MV.
"Since he's not here yet, do you want to try and get some sleep, Jeongwoo?" Changmin asked. "I'll wake you up when Min-ssi arrives."
"I'm not exactly feeling sleepy though." I was actually more excited than exhausted. "Can't we just talk?"
"Talk?" He shook his head. "As much as I would love to just talk, I need you to sleep. I already told you- I'm not visiting you again if fatigue lands you in the hospital."
And I already told you that I knew that you would come, even if no one else did. "Fine, I'll close my eyes for a bit."
"Good. Don't make me feel guilty for pushing you for this collaboration."
"Lend me your lap?" I asked.
He patted his thigh. "All yours."
I readily got comfortable- lying down on the couch and resting my head on his firm thigh. It was more than comfortable for me. I closed my eyes and smiled. "Reminds me of when we were trainees."
"It does, doesn't it?" He began running his fingers through my hair.
"I slept the most back then since I decided to become an Idol." I sighed. "Ah, Hyung…"
"Hm?"
"Would everyday have been like this if we had debuted together?" Thinking of the possibility made me feel sad about what we had missed out on.
"Who knows? We might just have ended up like you and YoonJae are right now."
"We would have been a real popular ship." I chuckled. "Fans can be really creative."
"Mm. I would not have delivered on the fan service like YoonJae does though."
"I would have preferred that too." I caught his hand and brought it to cover my eyes. The lights were too bright. Besides, the warmth was calming. "Wake me up, okay, Hyung?"
"Mm. Sleep well." He said softly.
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It had taken just a few seconds of silence for Jeongwoo to fall asleep. When he realised this, Changmin couldn't help smiling. Some things had not changed even a bit. Jeongwoo usually fell asleep pretty fast if his mind was clear. If he had work or other things on his mind, he did not sleep so easily. The fact that he was already asleep meant either that he was actually that exhausted or that he wasn't too worried about much at the moment.
Would it have been conceited of Changmin to have felt happy thinking that he had something to do with that?
He removed his hand from Jeongwoo's eyes. Pausing to ensure that he was deep enough in sleep to not be affected by that, Changmin leaned back against the couch and looked up at the ceiling.
He was a professional through and through but it was just difficult to keep his emotions in check when it came to Jeongwoo. With all that they had been through and done together, it had been hard on him to leave Jeongwoo behind too.
He had tried to fight for it though. When he had been informed about the final line-up for 04:00 am, he had asked Kim PD-nim about why they couldn't debut together. 'Either let Jeongwoo and I be a unit if you can't get him into 04:00 am or let me debut with him. I don't mind waiting a few more years.'
He had actually offered to turn down the opportunity to debut. While he knew best why he had done that, he couldn't believe that he had done something that rash and risky. All of them were working that hard for exactly that chance at debut and he had so recklessly been prepared to throw it all away.
'This is exactly why I do not want to risk putting you together in a unit.' Kim PD-nim had said. 'Your chemistry is amazing. I do admit that that would be very useful in a unit but your chemistry is too good for each other. You're too comfortable with each other. You don't push each other enough. You're too happy with what you have.'
'We can work on that somehow.' Changmin had said, not quite understanding what Kim PD-nim had meant.
'Yoo Changmin.' The CEO had made up his mind. 'You need to let Jeongwoo explore things on his own. He still has a lot more potential. You do too. I have thought quite a bit about this matter before making this decision. You'll help each other better if you aren't in the same group. You will understand it someday but for now, you will have to just trust me.'
Changmin had understood. After S.T.A.Y debuted, every time that he watched Jeongwoo perform, he had realised it a little more. When 04:00 am became popular too, he had realised it. While Changmin was always trying to better himself so that he would continue to remain Jeongwoo's admirable Hyung, Jeongwoo was working really hard to keep up. It was almost as though he was saying 'You're not leaving me behind, Hyung.' That was exactly what had brough them so far. That and the other members of their respective groups but… they would have never done all this had they been together.
There wouldn't have been so many emotions to pour into the song that they were making together either.
It really wasn't all that bad anymore. It was a fact that while they worked hard with each other in mind, they had drifted apart somehow. However, that wasn't the case anymore.
He looked down at the young man who was sleeping so obliviously and played a little with his hair. It really wasn't all that bad if they could spend such moments together every now and then.
The door to the recording studio opened just about 10 minutes after Jeongwoo had fallen asleep. The Producer Min Jinhan whom they had been waiting for had arrived. The man did not step into the room though. He just peeked in from the door. "I'm sorry about being late. Oh. Jeongwoo-ssi's sleeping?"
"Yes." Changmin nodded. "It's alright. We know that you're busy too."
"If he's sleeping then…" Min Jinhan thought for a moment. "I still have a small errand to run. I'll be just 5 minutes. Let him sleep till then. If that's okay with you, I'll be right back after I finish that too. I'll be able to focus on your work better after that."
"That's fine." Changmin bowed lightly, trying not to wake Jeongwoo. "We'll wait. We're okay on time for now."
"Okay then." He nodded. "I'll be back." He then shut the door and disappeared again.
The blue had faded quite a bit and the roots of his hair were already black. He had mentioned a while ago that he might not get it dyed again.
He was going to miss the blue hair.
'I know that I had left you behind but you know that I still love you, right?'
He had gotten good at interpreting emotions and putting them into words.
We really will be fine now, Jeongwoo. This Hyung will make it up to you.
Changmin placed his hand on Jeongwoo's head.
This Hyung will do his best to keep looking after you.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone