Chapter 2: MRS SURVIVE
CHAPTER 2...
I was frustrated, angry and confused, how could she just look on and watch him beat her? I asked her there why he did it and her reply was:
"He is frustrated."
Wow! Does that justify what he did? Does a father being frustrated give him the right to abuse his child? True a child must be disciplined but is this the way? Grace was especially curious and inquisitive, the way she simply asks her questions perplexes me. She's courageous and nothing stops her when she's determined. But today I find Grace who is dear to my heart and who I would give everything to be in pain. That night, Mom said to me:
"Do you know why I named you Issac and your sister Grace?[sobs] it's because I want you to be happy despite everything that happens in this house. As for your sister, I need God to give her the Grace to help her survive and become strong despite your father's attitude."
Grace cried as mom washed her body and then helped her put balm all over her body and she winced every time the balm was applied on her. Mom laid with her on the bed and realized that I hadn't taken my bath but I assured her that I would be fine bathing on my own.
As I took my bath, I blamed myself for not rushing to her as soon as I heard her voice. That when the bad memory of two years ago came back to me. He had hit Grace so bad until she bleed which eventually made her have a nose cut. Grace mouth and nose were filled with blood as she was carried past me. He was just there watching TV in the sitting room while mom held her with tears streaming down her face.
1. The night I saw him climb on Mother and beat her while she covered her face with her elbow.
2. In the room, where he kicked her and wanted to disfigure her face so she won't be able to leave the house and be left with no other option than to obey his foolish instructions.
The night he locked Grace and I in a dark room and pulled mother by her hair as he locked the door.
Oh my God, my whole body was shaky as I was under the shower. I had seen this man's horrific torment and abuse, how could I forget? Just then I wondered about our neighbours, did they not hear Grace outcry, the crash and beatings? It was suprising that the whole house was silent after what had just happened. Did they know the kind of man that he is and couldn't talk because they were scared? Then what of mom? She was supposed to protect us from from bad things\bacteria as though she was pregnant. It was like she was eating the food that could harm the baby. This has happened probably before I got to this house but Mother wanted everyone to view our family as the perfect family. As I wore my pyjamas, I went into the kitchen where I took a knife and the cutlass behind the cupboard. I needed to see this man dead and cut into pieces…
Mr survive's room had a smell to it. I guess it was probably because henwas in the room and was drunk. The room was warm and had a fresh scent to it when mom was there. How could he breathe with the smell coming from this room whereas I'm about to choke at the smell. He was asleep and this was the perfect moment to kill him and cut him into pieces. I could do it but I couldn't. Was it guilt, God's conscience or mother that stopped me? I don't know. I rushed to return the sharp object back into the kitchen. I drank water and then went to Grace room. I shut the door, locked it and sat on a chair by the door while I watched the door. I could not sleep. Fear, panic, pain, the bad memories I just remembered would not allow me to sleep. I would kill him if he came into her room, now or whenever. Grace had to be in bed for weeks. Mom told me she had to heal from her bruises. After that day, Mr survive rarely came home. I saw him come home, look at me and mom then go to bed. Why would he be looking at us? What odarcity!
Despite the past incident, he talked to people normally as though he was the good person. I grew to know that he made everyone think he was the one with the job that feeds the family, he liked to do what we know as Eye service, being nice to others, claiming to be what he's not whereas people never saw his true colour. Because mom was a good person, a true mother to all, people never liked her because they felt she's so strict and stern. She loved unity and sought out peace but he lived a pretentious life. Grace then clinged to me rather than mom probably because I was with her when she was hurt. We started a new day with mom pretending that nothing had happened the night before but I wanted her to confront him about the abuse. While in school, I spent time in the library reading about marriage, abuse and the bible most especially. What was God's doing seeing the man torment us? I would be so engrossed with reading that I wouldn't notice the time. I had to buy sweet things for Grace by the school gate to make her forget that I made her wait. We would go home and do our chores. We never called him Father after that incident. At least I never did. He was dead to me. He said to mom:
"I don't know what you've been telling that boy but he sure looks like he's going to kill someone with that look of his."
We all slept in Grace's room because of that incident but we later outgrew it. Mom slept in her room only when he's not in the house. Mom went to shopping with her as I slept in my room. This day, he called that he won't come home as I asked mom:
"Why can't you divorce him?"
"No dear. We always pray that the burden of two should not be the burden of one. God does not even like divorce."
"But he beats…forgive me he abuses us. That is a most probable reason for you to divorce him."
"You won't understand dear. When you grow older and you have children you'll understand."
I was so annoyed when I said:
"In the bible, a divorced woman cannot marry except her husband dies and I pray he dies a gruesome death. If I was a woman and my husband did this to me, Mother I would run away with my children{tears in my eyes} because I wouldn't want it to affect their daily lives. Don't you even care how Grace feels or what I feel…"
I ran to my room and shut the door. I then retired for the night. I couldn't eat beside him but I was concerned about Grace finishing her food so we could leave. He poured juice for her and I couldn't stop laughing. What a bittersweet experience! He doing this to try and collect money from her to gamble or squander on drinks. Does he think we're foolish? He was a glutton and didn't eat the day mom didn't give him the money. I was shocked that mom didn't give him money. Mom put Grace and I as her next of kin and I was happy she was doing the right thing legally. Mom took Grace and I were we had fun. I was happy to see the ocean and the room we slept in was the best. I wondered what exactly God would use to punish the man but I wouldn't judge. It pains me that mom had to marry a manipulative bastard like him. He gambled with our education insurance money so mom had to change all the legal documents under his name to ours. He once borrowed money and expected mom to pay for him. Every single thing in our house, mom brought with her money. He is a fool.
"A fool at 40 is a fool forever."
He has nothing to challenge us with to use to take care of him but mom does cause she pays all the bills. Funny enough, mom prayed for him. I don't care how he lives his life but I hated his bad influence on us. Mom gave birth to Grace so how does she feel when she's being hurt? Doesn't she care if she's traumatized?
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