Chapter 41: Old Wounds

It seemed there was little love for the Duke and his son. As Sael riled up the crowd they responded with cheers and jubilation. Yet with each beat of his heart his eyes hardened and the sound of the crowd dimmed. Glancing back at the duke's son as he crawled across the sand towards his sword it felt as if icy lightning coiled free of his heart to spread across his body.

In the stands Ara clutched her chest, her eyes watering on the verge of tears. "Do you feel that… what is this horrible feeling?"

"I feel it too, through our bond." Nee acknowledged yet still looked calm.

Silver let out a sound between a yowl and a growl while the fur on her arms stood up as Beth stated. "I guess none of you have ever hated someone, truly hated them with everything you are." Yet, in the stands they all sat helpless unsure what to do but each felt as if something was wrong.

Moving towards the downed fighter Sael's face was a mask of utter disgust and his eyes were glazed over. "Look at you, are you bawling? Aren't you a boy? Stop acting like a cry baby." His tone was mocking as he crouched down near him. "That's what you always liked to say right?"

Alan lunged at his enemy only to be knocked back by a ringing slap, the blow expertly delivered for maximum pain and minimum damage. "You are so weak and disgusting. I hate you. I can't believe I lived in fear of you for so long. Look at how easy it is to make you cower. I told you, if you ever touched me again... I'd kill you." His voice was terrifyingly calm without a hint of anger, only a cold promise. His eyes though were terror itself, empty and cruel.

Alan forgot about winning, forgot about seeking vengeance, or making a name for himself. Fear filled his veins like ice as he stared into eyes filled with murderous intent. Opening his mouth to forfeit his eyes went wide in panic as a hand shot out to close over his mouth with an iron grip. "Shhh now. You know yelling only makes the punishment worse. Take your punishment like a man." A sadistic grin spread across his face making his eyes light up almost feverishly. "That's your rule remember?" Then the attacks began. Steady, meticulous, passionless strikes designed to inflict pain but little damage.

As the Godslayer flailed about struggling to get free while writhing in agony the crowd slowly grew quiet. Below in the arena there was no longer a fight going on. But a torture session, yet the Godslayer wasn't incapacitated or able to yield. Nor did the moderator want to approach the suddenly terrifying Twilight King.

In an unnervingly calm and almost bored voice Sael spoke "You know this is your fault. You made me a monster. You taught me the only salvation from my suffering was violence. So it is only fair you get your share." Sael long since stopped seeing Alan, had forgotten the competition. Only the dark memories drug up from the far reaches of his mind by the pulsing darkness spreading from his heart. "That's why she left you know. Why I will always be alone."

Somewhere lost in the swirling crackling darkness of his heart a bit of his mind stirred. 'That's not right…' His mind struggled as if drowning in the sea of hate to recall different memories. 'She left me because I stopped being a monster...I'm… Not alone…'

In the void of his mind a warm breeze wrapped around him like a hug. A cool hand locked fingers with his before squeezing them tight. The flash of a smirk made his lips twitch and his heart lighten. He felt soft warm fur vibrating beneath his fingers as he stroked it. Inch by agonizing inch the darkness was pushed back and the horrid crackling energy twisting through his body dissipated. When his mind cleared he looked down into the wild eyes of his younger opponent. They were so wide the bloodshot whites looked huge when compared to the tightly dilated irises. His was destroyed and his body was covered in welts and bruises of all kinds expertly delivered to leave little lasting damage but a ton of pain. When he let go the duke's son didn't flee or cry out but simply curled up into a whimpering ball, broken.

Disgust boiled up from the pits of his stomach as he addressed the moderator. "This fight is over. Call it." He walked away before the moderator even finished announcing the fights conclusion. Around them the crowd stayed quiet, the grand fight they had expected hadn't come. Instead the one sided battle had been more a public torture session than a fight.

Leaving the arena he chose to avoid the others not yet ready to face them. 'What the hell was that. Even at my worst… I wasn't that bad. Right?' Shivering he clutched his chest, strangely his heart beat calmly and yet he could still feel that strange cold sensation writhing inside. Making his way back to their inn he flopped down on one of the twin beds feeling both restless and exhausted at the same time. He was glad the others didn't come back right away, yet as time passed worry began to creep in. Had he scared them off? He couldn't blame them.

When finally the door opened and closed he held still not sure how to handle the situation. Would they be upset? Scared? Or something even worse? When the bed shifted slightly as someone sat down his inner dilemma was interrupted by Beth's soft voice. "So… want to talk about it?"

Forcing himself to sit up he couldn't bring himself to look at her afraid of what emotion he might find. "Where are the others?"

"We talked and I asked if I could come by first." It was odd hearing such a muted tone from Beth.

"Are they... " He debated on what to ask. Scared? Disgusted?

"Worried? Of course." He finally glanced at her , finding her brow knitted with concern.

"So… I never told you but I was in a pretty abusive relationship before we came here. I'd barely just ended it in fact." Beth managed to keep eye contact with him through sheer willpower. "It's probably gonna sound cliché but he was my first and only boyfriend in fact. I was always a bit shy and he was so… perfect. At first that is, slowly he became more demanding, more controlling, more violent, more… well more an ass. It took years before I worked up the courage to walk out, I made every excuse, gave them every chance. Honestly, I hate myself more than him for letting it go on so long. So, I get the feeling we aren't so different… If you wanted to talk about it…" She finally broke eye contact, she'd been talking fast as if rushing to get the words out before she lost her nerve.

For a bit he debated before sighing. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell ya, but you can't… there isn't.. Bah." He took a deep breath. "My patients died when I was five or six. I was too young to really know what was going on though so I guess it wasn't that... sad for me. I ended up with a grandparent I hadn't even known existed. And at first it wasn't so bad. People praised them for taking me in, going on about how good of a person they were to do that and things weren't too bad. But after the initial attention died down things started to change. At first just… comments. You know stupid stuff you'd expect to see on a life time movie. That I was stupid or worthless or that my parents died because of me. Nothing that bad really." He winced hating that he was making excuses out of habit. "After a while that didn't seem to be enough to make them happy. I guess I just didn't react enough anymore. So, they moved on to more physical stuff. A pinch here, a slap there. Always with the excuse I deserved it for some reason. If I cried they mocked me and if I didn't they only did worse."

He swallowed down the excuses he started to give out of habit. "And well long story short that is how things went for a while. I was probably twelve when it changed. One day I walked too close to them or maybe some other thing triggered them. I just remember the beating came fast and unexpected. Maybe it was because they were so different that time. Normally they were meticulous about it, emotionless almost. But that day they were like a savage beast and it felt like it went on forever. Then it just stopped, they were done but something snapped in me. The pain and fear went away, all that was left was this cold resolve. So I told them…." His face hardened with resolve as if he was speaking those words for the first time. "...If you ever touch me again, I'll kill you."

He let out an odd laugh. "You know their first response was to laugh. Then to mock me, daring me to try. What would I do then? The police would take me away! I'd be all alone." His laugh turned into a sneer. "Then their faces changed. They realized I meant it and that was the first time I saw it. Fear in their eyes… and it felt good. That was the beginning of the end." he sighed "They say abuse is a cycle. After that I started solving all my problems with violence or threats. It is crazy how many people can be cowed with so little effort. You'd think someone would do something but most… most just take it."

For a while he wallowed in his memories. Both of the times he suffered and the things he did to others, both sickened him. "What changed?" Her voice was barely a whisper.

He grinned and snorted. "To make me change you mean?" he felt her nod beside him as he couldn't bring himself to look at her. "As stupid as it will sound a girl. But don't think it was some type of great romance. I was a horrible person then remember and in truth I acted just like Mr. Perfect did to get close to her. I wanted to use her to hurt someone else… yep I was that level of trash." Shaking his head he paused as if lost in his own self loathing before continuing. "But weirdly enough even after I stopped pretending. She stuck around. At first it was just convenient but something happened. I began to wonder why she stayed with me. By then she knew what kind of person I really was. She tolerated me being… well me and still seemed to somehow care about me."

He glanced at her before giving an awkward chuckle "When I asked her she just said she loved me as I was. I know it sounds totally cliché." He grimaced. "But… something changed. After that I didn't want to be that same ass I'd been. I didn't want to be like my grandparent. Slowly at first, day by day, I became a better person. I treated her the way she deserved and changed who I was." A small smile twitched on his lips. "Through her love I was healed." The smile faded. "And after that she left me. After all, she'd fallen in love with a monster not a man."

Taking a deep breath he mentally chanted his mantra 'I'll never understand girls.' Before Beth interrupted him. "So what happened?"

"Hmm What happened? Nothing really. She left me and I let her go. I wasn't the same me so I wasn't going to try and force her to stay if she wasn't happy. I did consider… going back to the way I'd been. She might have stayed with me if I had. But I didn't want to be that person and as stupid as it sounds I couldn't have gone back to treating them the way I did before."

Flopping back on the bed he let out a huge breath. "You know I've never really told anyone all that. I bet you didn't expect a long winded stupid story right? I mean there are people who have suffered way worse. I mean take your story for example…" He was interrupted by her moving to lay on top of him as she hugged him.

"That's not true. You know it's a bad habit of the abused to make excuses for their own abuse. If I'm not allowed to do it, you aren't either." She snuggled her cheek against his chest while squeezing him hard. "Do you feel better?"

"Yeah…" He answered honestly before he hugged her tightly.

"I'm here for you. I'm not going away no matter what…" she added "... and the others aren't either." She leaned up to give him a quick kiss before giving him a second that deepened.

"We have a moment and you try to put the moves on me while I'm emotionally vulnerable! What kind of woman are you!" He grinned when she became flustered. "I'm just teasing you." He rolled over to give her a deep kiss of his own.

She broke the kiss to mutter out. "Um… If we are… you know… can we… with the wings out?" Her eyes darted between his and random points in the room while his smile broadened and his heart lightened as the last bit of lingering darkness was dissipated.