Chapter 40: Not Meant To Be
Nesrin placed her arms around him lightly, almost not touching. But her grip tightened when they started riding.
Her soft body pressed close against him, she was warm, too warm. Izekiel momentarily forgot the road, becoming too aware of how close they were.
"Should I slow down?" he asked.
"No,"
Nesrin's voice had hints of fear, she refused yet her hold became tightened.
Izekiel smiled to himself, riding slightly faster; he liked the feeling of being close to her, for her to hold him like that.
The green wilderness slowly began to turn white, as they ventured deeper into the woods and closer to Esmeria.
Izekiel had taken a narrow, less traveled road to make sure they could reach the palace without catching anyone's eyes.
He only stopped once at an inn, to rest and because Nesrin didn't have any breakfast.
However, it seemed as if she was not in a good mood.
"Is something wrong?"
The reply was silence.
Izekiel wondered if she was upset because he didn't answer her questions before. But she was too curious about something like that, things could end up badly if he told her the truth.
The shadow of the imperial palace slowly came closer and only then did Izekiel slowed down.
Nesrin still held him close, so he concluded she must have fallen asleep. He decided to ask Alice to steal the crystal, if it stays with Nesrin then her health can start to deteriorate.
Izekiel clasped his hand over hers, only to realize that her hands were incredibly cold.
"Nesrin?" he frowned, "Where are your gloves?"
She opened her eyes slowly and upon realizing that they were no longer riding fast, she let go of him. However, Nesrin still leaned against him.
"I forgot them," was her indifferent reply.
"At the inn?"
"Mhn,"
She must be really upset, or perhaps too exhausted by using the splintered grace. Izekiel had seen how meticulous she would stay otherwise.
The silence was heavy as they ambled towards the palace.
Izekiel thought for a while, he wanted to do something that would make her stop ignoring him like that. An idea finally came to his mind.
"There is going to be a private ball in a few days,"
"..."
"Do you like balls?"
"Is it the right time for a ball?" Nesrin was thoroughly confused.
"It's basically a meeting for our allies and potential allies,"
"Oh,"
"I heard that you are close with Princess Irene, she would also be attending,"
Nesrin faintly remembered that Princess Irene was from the house of Liebert, which is also the house of empress dowager and hence a powerful ally.
But the relationship between the house of Liebert and Izekiel was badly strained when he killed Prince Severnus Liebert.
"Is she really going to ally with his majesty?"
"The grand dowager won't allow that, but Princess Irene's father has promised alliance if I agree to take her hand in marriage,"
Nesrin stiffened at those words and pushed herself away from him.
"What did you decide?"
"It would be best strategy for Princess Irene to be with us," Izekiel continued unbothered, "She is also a military general and is said to be a bold and brave woman-"
"You are right," Nesrin mumbled, not wanting him to continue.
They arrived at the palace soon, Jeremiah and Jane were already waiting for them and comfortably talking with each other.
Jane was usually very shy when it came to talking with someone she was not well accustomed to.
"Nesrin?" Izekiel was looking at her in puzzlement as they got down from the horse.
"Yes, your majesty?"
"Do you think I shouldn't marry?"
Her eyes flickered with something inexplicable.
"It doesn't matters what I think," Nesrin cut him off even before he can say anything, "I am tired, I should go and rest,"
With a small, swift and formal bow, Nesrin turned around and left.
It was too rude for her to do, and she wanted to turn back and apologize for reacting like that. He was simply doing what he should do, and it would be a lie to say Nesrin only felt bad after hearing the news.
This war was not going to be like the novel.
His eventual defeat was because he refused to ally. During the short time spend together, Nesrin had tried to convince him to think more about being open to the alliance.
He simply did what needed to be done, he only respected her wishes...
Then why was her heart heavy at the thought of seeing him with some other woman?
He could never be hers.
Their future is not together.
Nesrin was aware of all the reasons why theirs was a forbidden relationship. It defied fate, it defied nature and so she suppressed the feelings she had for him.
She didn't want to love the wrong person again.
Because love creates expectations, and some things are simply not meant to happen.
Nesrin would only get hurt in the end.
The days passed quickly, she kept herself busy to not think too much about Izekiel or worry about the uncertain future.
Nesrin continued to do her courtly duties, and contribute her knowledge of the murky future in formulating war strategies. She took classes and studied more to understand the conflicting situation better.
And she tried her best to avoid him.
It was hard but she certainly didn't want to find herself getting lost in his mysterious eyes that seemed to hide many secrets, to feel her mind calm and her heart race by his very presence, by the man who was handsome beyond belief.
Nesrin decided to cage her heart.
However, in between the moments when their gazes met or when she found him looking at her, or when he caught her eyes on him, it was as if her restraint would waver at any time.
It was the time when the sun was sinking under the horizon, the alliance banquet and ball would start after two hours.
Nesrin's head was throbbing, perhaps it was overwork, or perhaps it was because she had started to feel oddly weak and easily tired since returning from Merah.
She was soaking herself in hot water, while Jane was gently massaging her tense shoulders.
Alice was sitting nearby with bored expressions as she weaved something with white wool.
"It was absurd indeed," Nesrin replied, "To call someone a devil for the sake of their greed is unacceptable,"
Jane exchanged an uncertain glance with Alice that didn't go unnoticed by Nesrin.
"You don't believe this, right?" Nesrin frowned.
"O-of course not," Jane chuckled nervously, "His majesty is the only monarch that had defied the council a lot...so..ah...it does makes sense for the council to want to depose him,"
Alice didn't deny her doubt about Izekiel and instead contradicted Jane.
"In north, where I used to live once, there were rumors about his majesty's inhumane prowess,"
"That doesn't mean anything. He is simply very strong," Nesrin stated.
"It was proven that his majesty's magical element is darkness,"
Alice gave her a pointed look.
Nesrin was silent, she had nothing to say against those words but deep down she refused to believe him to be a devil.
It was all just a misunderstanding, born out of the hatred people had for him. He was cursed and wronged, but he was not evil.
"How rude, Alice apologize now!" Jane exclaimed.
"I am only telling the truth, don't yell at me!"
Alice left the room without any second thought.
"How...short tempered," Jane wrinkled her nose then glanced at Nesrin, "When will her highness get ready for the ball?"
"I am not going,"
"But his majesty personally requested you to come!"
Nesrin ignored her words.
"Your highness I have already prepared the dress and everything," Jane tried to convince her, "The nobles might talk bad about her highness if she doesn't go there!"
"Jane..." Nesrin sighed, recalling the new gown she had seen earlier, "Thanks but I can't. Also, how many times do I have to refuse a corset?"
"Even I wear a corset," Jane mumbled.
Nesrin did not want to voice out her emotions, and so she dismissed any more objections and closed her eyes instead.
It won't be good for her image if she does not go to the ball, but how can she see Izekiel with someone else?
Her mind drifted off to sleep soon, as the exhaustion took its toll on her.
It wasn't until she felt something ticklish against her neck, did her eyes open.
"Jane...it tickles, stop," Nesrin let out a sleepy laugh.
"Does it?"
"Hmm..."
Nesrin smiled to herself and then she froze.
The voice didn't belong to Jane.
Izekiel brushed his fingers from her hair and slowly traced the curve of her neck with his burning touch.
"It still tickles?"
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