Chapter 4: Ch 4 "Unceasing Suffering"
[ Warning: mental torment, self-harm ]
- Huf huf...
Jiwook run and run, trying helplessly to get away of that pitchy black darkness, that wanted to tangle itself around him and swallow him entirely. Countless sharp limbs were following him closely, that if he'd stop just for a second he'll be sliced in thousand pieces right away. He run and run, but he didn't even know where he's heading. In front, at the back, at the sides - wherever he was looking, there was just cold darkness. It was suffocating.
- Huf huf...
He was drenched in sweat and was out of breath. His entire body was on the verge to give up, but he still held into it, in his last strengths. He was fighting with all his being to overcome that power, to successfully run away from it. However his willpower wasn't enough. He tripped on his own foot and was encircled right that second by the moving darkness.
- No! No! Let me alone!...
He tried to break free from it but it was in vain. He got pinned by those cold limbs unable to move.
- Go away! No! No!
His voice broke in helpless screams, panic taking over his mind and making his heart nearly explode from fear. The limbs like sharp thorns stung him continuously, fast, one after another, with such great power that Jiwook lost his voice screaming in pain. It felt like knives were cutting through his flesh and even his bones over and over again, making an unbearable crunching sound. And the worse of it, Jiwook could hear it. With each second his sanity was breaking drastically, the pain, amplified now to an inhuman degree, was taking over his entire body and mind. He felt like he was dying again and again, a thousand times, for God knows how long.
Suddenly the darkness shaped in form of a human. Someone he knew. His brother.
- You...killed me.
His heart nearly stopped.
- You killed me.
As to ensure that Jiwook heard it, the shadow form which looked like his brother repeated the same words over and over again.
- No! It's not true! You... you are alive. You didn't die. I didn't ... kill you, cried out in reply Jiwook, recovering a faint piece of his sanity back.
- You killed me. You killed me. You killed me.
- No! No! You're alive!, shouted Jiwook gradually louder and louder, but it couldn't overcome the shadow's voice. It was multiplied and sounded in echoes, like there were thousand of shadows not just one.
He saw his brother in front of him, covered entirely in blood, his own hands were drenched in that dark red liquid, cold like ice and yet burning his skin at the same time.
- No! It's not me. I didn't! I didn't!
Now Jiwook was slowly drowning in a sea of cold blood, having no way to escape. His screams were dissolving in the heavy smoky air, not reaching anyone.
- It wasn't me! Not me!
As to answer to his statement the shadow reappeared in front of him, immense drops of blood dropping down from his body.
Jiwook looked intently only to find that this time it wasn't his brother there. It was him. A body looking breathless, with the same bluish hair like his, same clothes, same eyes, wearing his face, like he saw himself in mirror, but the reflection didn't follow his movements, instead it drowned in blood. It was dead. He was dead.
That moment when he realized, it was him dead, nor his brother, nor someone else but him – Han Jiwook, his mind turned completely blank. His body fell heavily on knees and hanged down, like all his soul got drained out.
However it wasn't enough. It will not be. Ever.
The shadow, entirely dark this time raised up in front of Jiwook and took another form.
- Foxy Han.
Jiwook instantly flinched and jerked his head to where that familiar voice was coming from. Lee Joohoon. It was really him. He began to tremble and coming slowly closer to the other. Joohoon's appearance, his voice, even the smug smile on his face -just his presence there was such an overwhelming joy and relief to Jiwook, stronger as then a thirsty man, lost for days on an arid dessert, would finally find a source of refreshing water. He didn't notice it himself but Joohoon was for him that miracle water. Jiwook, still on his knees hugged Joohoon's legs as to hold him, to not let him disappear.
Tears of joy started to fall, then he thought he wasn't alone in that nightmare. Not anymore.
How nice that would be. Like a dream. But sadly it wasn't. And reality was more cruel than that.
"Joohoon" bended a little to whisper something at the younger's ear, his voice wasn't warm like Jiwook expected, but ice cold that it sent chills down his spine.
- You are nothing... but trash. Why I'd need someone like you?! You're but a nuisance. Get lost.
Joohoon's unexpected words had such a strong impact on Jiwook, even stronger than then he saw himself in blood a moment ago.
His tears stopped, his eyes, still watery, were wide open and translucent like a glass; even his breath stopped because of the shock. Yet Jiwook's mind still was fighting to proceed what he just heard. He was just unable to accept that .
- J...j-jooh-oon, tried to utter Jiwook with a half smiling expression – Joohoon, y-you don't mean it. Yeah? It's a joke. Ha-ha. It's just a joke. Yeah Joohoon?
Sadly it wasn't the case. Though Joohoon always looks indifferent and playful, sometimes in great mood for some not so funny jokes and (creepy) playing, this Joohoon was more serious than ever. It conflicted his nature, but sadly Jiwook failed to notice that. His eyes darkened instead and his entire body began trembling in horror at the finally awareness of the elder's words. He was not needed. His existence meant nothing to the other.
Though his brain learned the true, he still stubbornly refused to accept that, yet calling out for Joohoon with all the remaining strength in his lungs. It sounded already broken and unnaturally hoarse, less than a real scream, more like helpless pleas. Tears rolling down his face abundantly and engulfed sobs hindered Jiwook to shout, what to tell even to breath was hard enough for him. Nevertheless he continued to call the elder.
However Joohoon seem to not hear it as he walked away and eventually disappeared into a smoke.
"Please don't leave me. Joohoon."
"NOOO! JOOHOON"
Jiwook fell into a breathing crisis, fighting with all his might to breathe, but it was like his lungs refused to take in the air, the echo of his tearing scream still ringing in his ears and the room. His eyes stuck with a flash of light, closed back forcibly and trembled from the tight squeezing.
After a long moment that seemed like an eternity, Jiwook could finally breathe in air steadily and slowly opened his eyes. He then noticed his surroundings, not understanding where was he and what happened. He tried to get up, but impossible sharp pain began to stick his entire body, every inch of it, from eyes to toes, his back burning like on fire. With superhuman strength he eventually managed to lift himself on his elbow, dragging his heavy body towards himself. Coughing he finally could see better the view of the room and the state he was in, all his previous night incident and nightmare suddenly rushed to his head.
He recollected everything, why he was so much in pain, why was he naked there, every detail of what happened between him and Joohoon. Instantly his cheeks flushed bright red realizing what it all meant and shame was implanted deep on his expression. He tightened the grief on anything he was holding trying to cover himself. Unfortunately it didn't help not a bit, but instead of that he noticed the jacket he held. It was insanely large for someone his build, so he guessed then right away whose jacket could it be. He looked around, checking every corner, slowly as every small movement required a lot of force and it hurt continuously. However no trace of the owner or anybody in the room. His look dropped down to the jacket, tightening even more his grief on the fabric, any more and he could tear it off. Though every small movement from him was possible with just immense efforts, he still succeed to ignore the pain (if that was even possible) and tried to get up. Painful.
He never felt this hurt before. And eventually emotionally it was even more terrible. He felt still chills from his nightmare and his mind continued to be as distressed. Waking up from it alone, in the state he was, wasn't helping at all. Jiwook finally could reach some of his clothes on the floor. He started to put on his underpants first, to lessen his shame at least for a little and then took his shirt. Just this action got him out of breath and he abandoned the idea to dress himself completely. Instead he searched in his pocket and took his phone. He hesitated. What if his parents knew already what he did? What if all in school knew? He could be even searched by the police at the moment. What if they find him? The chain of questions made his already tensed muscles tremble in fear.
- No! screamed Jiwook in horror at the realization. He quickly disassembled his phone taking out the mobile card. But his fear didn't leave him and he looked around where could he throw it and hide himself. He noticed a door, which it was difficult to see at the first glance, cause of the pile of boxes in front of it. As if forgetting about his pain, at an amazing speed and with unimaginable strength, he took his every clothes left and moved away the boxes, which were full and heavy. He made enough room for him to open the door and sneak in. He locked it hurriedly and only after some seconds, he could finally take a breath. His eyes bat more often as a heavy veil of dust fell on him. It was a bathroom, not used for a long time, it was dim there, nearly too dark for the daytime.
Jiwook turned his head and saw a shadow in the dirty mirror on the side. He came closer and wiped it with his sleeve. The view on it made him blink in stupefaction. Messy hair, white-palled skin, dead red eyes, purple, nearly dark under, so puffy, that it looked like someone throw some heavy fists right in his eyes last night, his lips swollen and purple as well, completed by some nasty red huskies on his neck and collarbone and maybe even more under the shirt. He didn't dare to look further. It was worse than looking at a corpse. Pathetic. Disgusting. A weakling. Everything he hated the most in his life and now he ended up becoming like that.
Jiwook couldn't help it and fell on his knees and threw up the little he had in his stomach. Even so the odious feeling still lingered in his mouth and stomach. He continued to vomit or better said tried to, because there was nothing left to spill anymore. This all made him sick and dizzy close to lose his consciousness.
It was unbearable. To wait in a dirty dark corner, with his body hurting like hell, cold, alone, trembling in fear for the moment when he'll be found out, with his thoughts biting him mercilessly, one step to loose his sanity – it was the perfect scenario for a horror movie. But for Jiwook it was real and he was on the verge to break.
And it was tiring. Jiwook, for more times already, dozed off only to wake up from his nightmares. He couldn't find rest nor awake, nor in his sleep. His body protested against the cold floor and not even a drop of water, but Jiwook chose to ignore it. At least he planned that, but after some hours it was insupportable. He felt like he was slowly dying and it hurt more and more. He looked around for anything that could help lessen his pain. Though it was not used anymore, the bathroom had the mirror with a storage case, which he opened in hope to find something useful. Useful or not but it should be long time expired, though Jiwook didn't give a damn about this. He wanted to ... to end it. His suffering. He couldn't take it anymore. But to die – the thought scared Jiwook.
"Ah. So he felt the same.", thought Jiwook. The "he" whom he referred to was his brother and just now, when the same misery reached him as well, could he understand what his brother felt the moment he committed suicide. He took the box of painkillers and took two pills with some sips of the running water. After a few seconds he took two more. And one more. The pills didn't help and even if they would not immediately. However Jiwook didn't have patience; he took a full fist of pills, actually the last ones, and tried to swallow it all together. The next second his body convulsed, as if knowing what Jiwook (unconsciously) wanted to do, and made a strong repulsion. He was about to choke, but fortunately he did just throw up all the pills back and fought to take a breath.
No. Not the same. Jiwook was more of a coward. Even his lost pride and shame didn't take over his fear. Fear of death. Indeed, though what Jiwook was most afraid of wasn't the death itself, but the way to die and what people would think of him. A suicide in his state, would look like a pathetic act of an weakling, a coward, no more than a criminal too afraid to be found out. His pain – nothing than an excuse, not even a false pity would make his death a little more significant.
... still
"I.. I don't want ... to die."
His voice trembled. Jiwook's eyes teared once again, though no tears were falling. Maybe he had no more tears to cry. Maybe it was to painful for that. Yet he wanted to cry out lout, to let his pain out, his wish. However his last strengths left him before he could even try and he lost consciousness.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
Lea_Noah
Lea_Noah [ still not edited ]
be cautious of the warnings
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone