Chapter 3: Two
With a snap of my fingers, everyone around us moved out of the room. Alexis glanced at them, but otherwise he didn't react. But I knew now that he was actually terrified of being alone with me for the first time. If I wanted to, I could have given him something to actually be terrified of. Part of me certainly wanted to. Still, I didn't. It wasn't his fault that he felt like this after all, and I wasn't in the habit of punishing people who hadn't done anything wrong. That had been the most insulting part that novel had gotten wrong about me.
Very well then, time to take the first step to change my story.
"Alexis, what made you so scared?" When I asked this, he flinched as though I'd hit him. His mouth opened and closed, like a fish you'd pulled out of the water, and silence came to settle around us. When it became clear that he wouldn't answer, I stood up and walked down the steps in front of my throne. "Do you fear I may hurt you?" He wasn't, I knew that, but I wanted him to answer for himself. Yet, he only shook his head. Huh… Taking two more steps forward, I continued: "Then, do you fear I might tread you unkindly?" Again, the only response I got was a shake of the head. I took another three steps towards him. "Do you fear that I won't honor our contract?"
He gasped this time. Of course he did. A devil always honored a contract they made, that was in their very nature. If you payed your price and if you didn't break the contract first, you wouldn't ever have to worry about such a thing. To even insinuate otherwise was akin to challenging my authority as a rex tenebrai. There was no way voicing such thoughts wouldn't have been counted as high treason by any out of the seven of us. It was a dirty move to use this against him, I knew that, and yet…
"I wouldn't dare, your highness! Please, you have to believe me, that thought never even crossed my mind."
And yet it was what worked best.
I nodded, closing the last bit of distance between us and raising his face with my index finger once more. He'd lowered his head when I had "guessed" for the first time. The desperate face that greeted me now was something he barely ever showed last time. This was probably as far as I could push him. So I nodded again, knowing that he saw it this time. I also deactivated my skill, listening for the soft sizzle, like a bonfire being put out with cool water, resonate through my soul. This was something he should see my natural expression for, I thought.
"Alright, I will believe you. But I still want an answer: Why are you so scared, Alexis?"
He relaxed a bit at my words, but looked away still. The way he bit his lip didn't exactly help my self-control either. Thankfully he didn't take much longer to answer me, even if it was only in a hushed voice: "I'm scared that I won't be able to satisfy you properly. I am… inexperienced and unsure of what to do. I am afraid I will make a mistake."
There it was. Finally. He admitted it. And I didn't want those beautiful lips of his to say such things, but it was thousand times better than to have him hide it and fail him because of it. Of course that wasn't everything. There was also the fact that he didn't actually want to be here, and that he was afraid I would take advantage of him now that he was basically powerless to refuse me. But I would allow him to keep those things for himself. Knowing those was enough to change things, I didn't actually need to verbally address it.
As for the things he'd said, though… "You are afraid you could break the contract." It was a statement, not a question. Simply summed up what we both already knew. He knew that as well, so he didn't answer. "That's alright. You and your family are my people as of now. And I protect what is mine. I'm selfish like that. So as long as neither you nor your family does something stupid, like betraying me-" or trying to kill me "-you do not need to be so scared. As for the rest… We'll figure out what works for the two of us, hm? We can take our sweet time with that. After all, we have enough of it."
His eyes searched my face. I wasn't sure what exactly he was searching for, but I knew that he was relieved with what he found in the end. His face didn't show it, but he did that cute thing he always did when he was relieved where he would take a deep breath and blink twice. So if I smirked a bit at seeing that, well, you couldn't really blame me.
I did manage to straighten up again before I ended up doing something stupid, though, like kissing him. I also reactivated my skill. Before I hadn't used it in settings that weren't official in some way, but after over two decades I didn't trust my poker face without the skill anymore. New habits, I suppose.
With long strides I quickly returned to my throne, bringing some distance in between me and him. "You may rise, by the way."
Alex did as I said. Gracefully. I didn't know anyone else that was able to stand up from a bow that gracefully. Last time, I always compared him to a snowflake. His movements were so graceful and it always felt as though he would vanish if you weren't careful - but he was irreplaceable.
Closing my eyes for a moment, I reminded myself that our relationship wasn't like that anymore. We were basically strangers, and he didn't even like me. Hell, last time around he had decided he'd rather kill me than continue being with me. And he had been right, I really wasn't able to force him to feel like that for me. Maybe I could be possessive or overly affectionate, could demand his attention and his time - but his heart wasn't something that I could just take. And it wasn't mine to receive either. So it was best not to get too close this time. It was just political, that was all. It would be better for the both of us if I didn't expect anything more than that.
That didn't mean it didn't hurt like hell, though.
When I opened my eyes again, Alex looked a bit lost. I almost snorted in amusement at that. Never in my life had I ever seen him look lost. Or maybe I just hadn't noticed.
"Let us get to it, then." At my words, he looked at me in anxious expectation. "Do you have anything you would like to ask for? Any accommodations you hope for? Special treatment you would like to request? Favors to ask?"
Once again, Alex shook his head in what looked close to panic. "No. No, of course not. How could I-" Raising one hand, I interrupted his nervous ramble. It worked a little too well, he fell silent almost instantly.
"I would not have asked if I wouldn't want to know the answer. Mind games do not bring me any pleasure, I only use them on people I am extremely angry with. If there is anything, you may voice it at any time. Whether or not I will accept your request is something I will decide after that, but I will not get angry at you for asking." And I couldn't believe I actually had to say that. He'd let me die thinking that I would have punished him or his family if he'd asked me for anything. A ridiculous thought, really. I rather enjoyed spoiling the people I held close to me. Watching someone honestly indulge in something was nice, too. So I smiled at him a little, glad that my sad expression didn't show. "I don't see you as a doll to play with or anything akin to that, after all."
He startled visibly, gasping out a little "oh…" I would never admit how much that reaction stung. Seriously, there had been way too many misunderstandings last time. Way too many.
After a bit, he finally shook his head. "I don't think there is anything I'd like to request right now. Though I would be happy if you would allow me to write the occasional letter to my family…" He trailed off before clearing his throat. "Not that I expect you to agree to that of course. I am aware that you can't trust me or my family, so-"
"Granted."
"Yes, of course not." There was a second of silence, then his eyes meet mine again. Hopeful surprise was filling them to the brim. "Pardon?"
I smiled, resting my chin in the palm of my hand leisurely. "I said that I would grant that request. Let's call it a tentative leap of faith. I don't think I have to mention that you do not want to find out what will happen if you cause me to regret that decision?"
Alex shivered once more, but he nodded and thanked me quietly with a bow. I only dismissed that, though. Honestly, it was just a selfish decision. Last time, me not allowing him to sent those letters had caused the snow tribe to grow anxious about their prince due to rumors about me and him to grow resentful towards me for isolating him. I had made myself clear that it had only been a temporary decree until he'd proven his loyalty, I think. But he didn't ask ever again and I forgot about it. In the end he felt like I was cutting him off from his family since he knew that I considered him loyal to me at that point.
And I could allow myself that leap of faith now. I'd read the book, I knew that he wouldn't try anything. And the Alex I knew would never even have thought about it anyways. He hated bloodshed with a passion that was untypical for the otherwise mostly serene man I had loved then. My death had been the only exception. So if anything, his involvement would end in him interfering should such an idea arise.
"Anything else?" He answered my question with a simple head shake again. Ah, right. At this point in time he hadn't been very talkative, right? What was it? Him being unsure if I would find it annoying to listen to him? What a stupid thought. I loved the sound of his voice. Still, this would help me with keeping my distance, I guess. So I decided to leave it be for now.
"Alright. Then, first things first. You have had a long journey, so you should go wash up and rest for a bit. Eat something, too. This afternoon we will do some shopping. I arranged almost everything in advance, but as for your clothes…" I chuckled a bit. "That is everything for now. Ask any servant to guide you."
"I understand. Thank you, your highness." He bowed once more and was just about to leave when…
"Akaya. For you, Akaya is enough." It was an impulsive request and I bit myself on the tongue just after I had said it. Damnit. Stupid, stupid, stupid! What was that about not getting too close?
But Alex just smiled oblivious to my internal suffering and nodded. "I'm honored. Thank you… Akaya." And, yep, hearing him say my name was like a dagger straight to the heart, just like I had expected. Why was I like this? Still, I did kind of want to hear it.
It was nice, I thought as I watched him leave the throne room. Hearing my name after all these years was nice, especially with his voice. Maybe I should allow more people to call me that this time? Well, only important people, though. Couldn't have my authority be questioned just because i was glad to be home.
The door fell shut with a thud and I let out a breath I hadn't actually been holding. It did feel like I had, though.
First hurdle crossed, many yet to come…
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