Chapter 50: Chapter 49
UNEDITED-
Helena POV-
As I walked back through the halls, retracing the steps we took to get here, I can't help but think about why she would do that instead of just asking me what I was thinking about. I just don't understand.
Reeling through the thoughts in my head I had forgotten where I was when she spoke "Leena, please wait!" Belle called running after me. I turned around as she stopped a foot away from me. "I really am sorry." the lump in her throat is evident..
"Why? Why would you do that?" I asked in a wounded tone. The first person that ever showed me love was my sister, and now I know all those memories really happened I couldn't help but feel more whole, only for her to betray my trust.
"I just saw that something was really tearing you up inside.. I had to know what it was.. I didn't want to make you have to say it." she's still crying.. why is she still crying? Everytime she looks at me more tears well up in her eyes.
"So you made me live it instead?" I replied sarcastically.
"No, that wasn't supposed to happen, it wasn't supposed to go like that I swear.." she pleaded. She's hiding something.. I can feel it.
"What did you see?" I asked.
"I don't think now is the right time to do this." she spoke wiping away a few tears.
"What better time than the present?" I replied in a cold distant tone.
"Are you sure?" she spoke hesitantly.
"I don't need you to protect me.. you said yourself that the truth is the only thing we can rely on. Just tell me what you saw."... "they are my memories" I stated firmly..
"But there are things that you don't remember, maybe you aren't ready to.."
"Please." I sighed, begging as a last resort. I thought for a moment that I would be better off not knowing exactly what I had endured.. but it all happened to me, I have to face it.
"I saw, almost every moment you spent in that prison." she closed her eyes wincing, unable to look at me.
"Could you show me?" I asked with a tear in my eye. Her eyes flicked open as utter sadness filled her face.
"Why would you want to put yourself through that?" she asked almost in tears again.
"It has already happened to me.. I'm living it Belle, I can't expect you to fully understand. Maybe something I saw or heard will help me kill him." I sighed.. a huge part of me just wants to know what I went through when I wasn't fully awake, and exactly who it was that did it.
"I think I can do it.. if you're really sure.." she tried to reassure me with a small smile but I just feel like garbage.
"Thank you." I smiled back.
"Hey I forgot to ask, who's the lucky guy?" she pointed to my mate mark.
"Her name is Florence, you untied her about fifteen minutes ago.." I laughed..
"Oh right" she laughed back. "Leena.. can I hug you?" she asked cautiously..
"Come here.." I held my arms out and hugged her tightly. "You won't go back on your word will you?" I asked mid hug.
"I won't I promise.. just think about whether you really want to do this.. whatever you see you can't unsee.. I felt how scared you were." she whispered squeezing me tighter.
"I will think about it." I smiled pulling away from her to see she still has watery eyes.. "Stop crying.." I laughed as I was wiping away her tears.. "I wasn't expecting it that's all.. Next time will be different.".. I added in a hopeful tone.
"I love you cub." she smiled puffy eyed.
"I love you to bear." To think she still calls me this. I remember some of the nightmares she was talking about earlier. The men in all white with white masks to match, they would pin me down and strap me to the hospital bed, where I'd be poked and prodding for hours. I think she'd have heard my cry echoing through the halls, what I could manage of a cry anyway. Whatever the case, she would come and get into bed with me.. I was so scared the men were going to come back but she would say, 'you are my cub, and I'm your bear.. what do bears always do?' she'd ask me.. 'they protect their cubs' I'd say.
I really don't need to be protected. Perhaps Belle could teach me more about magic though, she seems to be getting the hang of it. Minus making me involuntarily relive that moment but we are past that, we know what we're in for now.. I think.
----
"How are you all feeling?" I asked the group. Personally knowing the effects of aconite I feel their pain.
"When your 'sister' waved her hand to untie us she hocus pocused it away" One of the men said mimicking the hand movements she'd made at the time causing me to laugh, until I realised he was being dead serious.
"So you have a homicidal sister?" Florence asked eyebrows raised inspectering me. Everyone still gathered in the room waiting for my explanation.
"In all fairness I thought she was dead.. turns out she's been here all along" I sighed..
"And she is fae too?" Bea shook her head still in shock.
"I know, it's.. well I don't know what it is, honestly I'm just relieved after all these years to find out she was safe and happy, and far away from our parents.. and she didn't want to hurt any of you.. I heard her talking before I took their alpha hostage, before I knew who she was"..
"You did what?" Anders laughed..
"I had to do something" I laughed back.
"You could have been hurt Anna.." Florence argued..
"Or worse" Bea interjected. This is a good a time as any to tell them my name is not Annabelle right?.
"I should tell you now, my name.. it's not Annabelle" I should have warmed them up first but it's out now.
"What?" Florence asked with a look of pure confusion.
"What is it then?" Bea asked quizzically.
I looked down before I answered.. why do I feel guilty for not telling them my true name. Annabelle is the name I've lived by almost all of my life. I was honest wasn't I? "Helena.." I sighed, my name on my own tongue feels foreign. I looked up to see Florences expression has gone from confused to slightly hurt. I guess I had a feeling somebody was going to get hurt over this.
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you Helena" Bea smiled holding out her hand for me to shake.."My name is Beatrix but 'most' of my friends call me Bea" She hummed, playing the roll perfectly. Probably talking about me when she emphasised the word 'most'.
"My family call me Leena" I said as I let go of her hand.
She grinned brightly "Leena.. that suits you better" she gestured to me with her hands. I could sense someone was still not okay with this.
I smiled to Bea then devoted my attention to Florence.
"Florence?" I called.. she replied but didn't look up at me.
"Yeah?" she answered calmly..
"Can we talk?" I asked..
"What do you want to talk about?"..
"Somewhere else maybe?" I asked eyebrows raised.
"Okay" she said, simply getting up and walking out of the door.
I followed behind, Florence somehow knew exactly where she was going, she entered one of the smaller sections of the building and into a small room, it had a single bed, a table and two chairs. She sat down on one of the chairs, I sat on the other silently.. I was about to talk when Florence got there first.. "Did you feel like you couldn't tell us?" she asked with a sad expression.
"No of course not.. this has never been about any of you.."
"Why do you smell of alcohol?" she asked confusedly.
"Annabelle decided we needed a drink to get through our much needed conversation, and I agreed"..
"So your sister 'Belle'.. that's the real Annabelle. Why did you take her name?" the look on her face is very telling. She must think I'm insane.
"I didn't, I mean they made me take it.." I replied sounding frustrated.. She can't understand any of this. Will it matter what I say?. Then I remembered a brief conversation I just had with Belle, if I concentrate I can just show her.
When Belle touched my arm she tried to project herself into what I was thinking about, the cell. But not only that she said that we can also project people into our own memories. If this is the easiest way for Florence to understand maybe it's worth a try. My sister thinks it didn't work right on me because I have the same powers that she does, but Florence doesn't so that won't happen with her.
"Will you try something with me? If it works it will help you to understand" I offered my hand..
Hesitently she finally took my hand from across the table. "Close your eyes" I said. I watched her close her eyes, then I closed mine.
I did as Belle told me too, I held onto my intentions, somehow pulling Florence through my mind with me. I took her to the first birthday I ever spent with my parents besides the day I was born.. on my sixth birthday as I blew out my candles, I made the same wish I had the year before..
"I wish Annabelle was here." I whispered to myself blowing out all my candles in one breath, I was so proud of myself, I hadn't had enough power in my lungs to ever do it before. My happiness though was short lived..
It seems I had whispered loud enough for my mother to hear.. she grabbed my face in her hand to look at her.. I cried and screamed under her grasp until I realised there was no use panicking. I just looked up at her, wondering why. My Father didn't move from his spot, he didn't wince or flinch. He just stood there. Why did I always remember him in a warmer light?.
"Stupid Girl!.. you. are. Annabelle" She snarled, gradually squeezing my cheeks so hard my teeth left indents on the inside of my mouth, she finally leg go and calmly sat back down.
I decided to take Florence back even further, to a rare memory I have from when Belle was still around. I must have been almost four in this one..
"I'm sorry cub but you have to stay here." A six year old Belle wearing a frilly pink princess dress and a silver tiara knelt infront of a tiny sickly, frail looking child, who was only dressed in a white night gown, wiping her tears away.. This is around the time my health began improving, slowly. I still somehow looked like I was on the verge of death. Loud party music can be heard from down the hall along with laughter.
"I'm scared, I don't want to be on my own.. Lilah sleeps 'all' the time!" I whined out of breath, my face covered in tears and snot.. Delilah was my nanny at the time. I don't know why she was even hired. The woman hardly even went to her room to sleep. She'd sit in the chair of my playroom and snore with her eyes open.. The sound of it even reached my room to wake me up at night. And I could smack her with a broom and she wouldn't wake up.. Come to think of it she was probably hired because no one would believe her if she told them she 'takes care' of the Kings second daughter.
"Your not well Leena, you can't leave the wing, they don't want you to get poorly again.." she lied to save me and this time I noticed how much it tore her up, she was only a child too.. They didn't let me out because then they would have to explain who I am.
I looked to Florence who clearly had tears in her eyes. It wasn't my intention to make her sad, but even I can't help but feel sorry for them.. A split second thought had me thinking about what Belle did. A new scene began unfolding in front of us.. the moment I threw me and Belle out of my head.. I finally got to see the panic on my face as she had.. I truly look afraid of her. The scene quickly fast forwarded to the moment I was asking for Belles help..
"Could you show me?" I asked eagerly..
"Why would you want to put yourself through that?" Belle replied almost in tears.. Then I remembered that Florence is here watching this moment with me.. I took us back to our own bodies.
I opened my eyes just seconds before her. "Can I ask what you were talking about?" She asked wiping her eyes.
"Belle tried to.. look into my mind without me knowing... but instead she dragged me back to a horrible memory, one that my subconscious had chosen to try an bury.. I was scared at first because I didn't understand.. I just saw myself hanging and I-" My face expression let on that I had already said more than I wanted too. I just looked down squeezing my eyes shut..
"You want to go back?.. to see what you buried.." she sighed..
I opened my eyes to see her intently looking at me. "I want to see their faces again.. I don't want to ever forget their faces.." I'm lucky that one of the guards I did remember, the one with the soldiers, he ended up getting killed while I was passed out. One more face I know will never hurt anyone else.
"I understand.." she sighed getting up from her chair. "I just hope one day you can try to move on from this.. for your own peace of mind.." she smiled reassuringly.
"And I just hope you never leave my side" I opened my arms ushering her to come to me, and away from the door. She walked back over to me and sat down on my lap holding onto my shoulders. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer.
"How could I ever leave?.. look how much you need me." She hummed resting her head on mine, moving her hand to hold the side of my face. She is right.. without her I would be no where. She has saved me twice and I'm supposed to be the hero.
Tears began to well in my eyes again as I spoke "I really do need you"..
She pulled my head back from hers to see a steady stream of tears rolling down my face.. "I've got you, I'm not going anywhere, and you are not leaving me behind again.. this is the second time your shitty decision to face things alone has resulted in a catastrophe." She is trying to scold me but she's still so cute, I just smiled. "Don't smile.. just say you won't do it again.." she tried to hold it but couldn't help but smile too.
"I will try.." I spoke sincerily.. "I honestly thought it was the right thing to do." I admitted.
"Well clearly it wasn't.. we are supposed to stay together.. please don't leave me again.."
"I won't.. okay?.. I'll do my best not to" she hugged me tight in response to my words, knowing that's the best she's going to get.
"We should probably get out of here.." She said as she stood up still holding onto one of my hands.
"Whose room is this?" I asked with a confused smile.
"I don't know?" she replied with the same expression I had. I quickly stood up from my chair and left the room with her still holding onto my hand.
"Why would you do that?" I asked still utterly confused but humoured by her decision to enter a strangers room.
"We needed to talk, no one was in there.. it worked out fine." She smiled simply. Causing me to laugh.
We ended up walking into a small garden area, full of planters with all kinds of different fruits and vegetables in rows. A field of green the size of a tennis court with two wooden benches on either side. I led Florence to the only one of them that was empty.
I rested my head on the back of the bench to look up at the clear blue sky with her warm hand still in mine.. "This is not how I pictured my life at all." I thought aloud. I felt Florence rest her head on my shoulder as she squeezed my hand.
"What do you want from life now?" she asked with curiousness in her voice.
"I just want to be free and happy.. now I never will be.." I sighed..
"What do you mean?"..
"No matter what I do-" I lifted my head from the bench looking down, she turned to look at me "..I'm still stuck with his child.. what if it grows up to be like him or.. look like him?".. How can I even be a mother when I grew up without one? Especially if it has his face. Bea and Mav are both lucky they look like their mother.
"This is your child Anna. Helena.. no, Leena?" she quickly corrected "I don't think I'm going to get used to that." she chuckled lightly.. I smiled.
"It's alright.. none of them feel like they really fit anyway."...
"I understand why.." she nodded..
I waited a few seconds before I spoke.. "Thank you.." I looked to her with a smile of gratitude.
"For what?" she asked puzzled.
"For letting me show you.."
"I should have known you'd have a good explanation.. I guess I still have a hard time trusting.." .. "But that's on me, not you." she quickly added.
"Neither of us are perfect.." I smiled..
"Perfect never made you happy before."..
"Maybe because that wasn't my idea of perfection.".. I said jokingly even though it was most likely the truth.
"So what is?" She asked me curiously.
"Perfection to me is." I paused in thought.."doing what you love with who you love..".. I guess that makes sense now that I've said it out loud.. honestly I still don't think anything can ever be completely perfect.
"That's actually quite beautiful.. I wasn't expecting that from you.." She spoke like she was solemnly surprised. I glared at her with a serious expression in response.. I couldn't hold my serious facade as she began laughing.. I never want to be without this again, I just watched her radiating happiness, memorising this moment just incase I ever have to be without her. Her laugh turned to a smile then she looked a little concerned. "What's wrong?" She asked innocently.
"Nothing.. I'm still, getting used to this." I admitted.
"Being out?" She asked looking up to the sky..
"There is that.. but I was more talking about being with you.. being able to be open and truly honest with someone that I care about.." ..
"It is quite scary isn't it.." She sighed..
"It was.. but not anymore.. My only fear is that it will be too much for you" .. I'm surprised she hasn't already got overwhelmed and ran back to Marcus and Gigi already, this is the only time she's ever truly been without them. I don't think she is weak and I still wouldn't if she did go back. I'd be understanding that being by 'my' side of all people is not easy. The only reason she is not there with them is because it's safer for them all if I stay away for now. If I had went straight back there the place would be torn down, come to think of it I'm surprised Ronan didn't tell them about it. Luckily they followed us to a cave instead.
I gasped when she surprised me with her hands either side of my head making me look at her.. "My only fear is that I'll loose you. But you know that already." She spoke sounding sure of her words, but she must fear more than that. She continued, now fighting back tears. "-It doesn't help that you try to do everything yourself" ..
"I told you, I will try not too.." I smiled trying to help her not cry. After I finished my reply she pulled me to her and left a warm gentle kiss on my lips. I closed my eyes lifting a hand to hold her face.
We both grinned as we parted, how good this feels is indescribable.
"I love you.. whatever your name is." she chuckled.
"I love you too Florence." I laughed back only stopping because she kissed me again.. this time as the kiss ended she held my face centimetres from hers, looking into my eyes intently, is she in control of this euphoric feeling or something?.
"What are you doing to me?" I thought out loud as a whisper.
Florence smiled "Shut up, I'm just thinking." she laughed letting go of my face and pushing my shoulder playfully.
"Thinking about what?" I asked..
"If I say 'nothing' can you jump into my mind to check if I'm lying?" She asked, eyebrow raised.
"I think I can, it's easier to show you mine than jump into yours.... but I wouldn't.. You are entitled to have your secrets.." I smiled reassuringly.
"It's not a secret.. I just wanted to know if you could." She replied casually..
"What is it then if it's not a secret?"
"I just.. no it sounds, stupid if I say it out loud.".. she shook her head in protest..
"It won't I promise.." I held her hands in her lap.
She lifted her gaze to my eyes again.
She had a quieter tone when she began talking.. "I was thinking about being with you.. kissing you.. touching you.. you touching me." she raised her eyebrows and took a quick breath, like she wasn't going to tell me the last part.
"Think about it again.." I said before I could think.. She awkwardly smiled while looking at me confused. "I mean because. I think your making me feel things.." That still doesn't sound right.. "things that I don't think I have complete control of.. I think, maybe whatever you were just doing made me feel it?.. is any of this making sense or do you think I'm crazy?" I finished what I was saying desperately hoping she understands what I mean.
She smiled looking to our hands then out in front of us.. "No I don't think you're crazy.. I feel it too, like I'm lighter than air and the only thing anchoring me to world is you." she paused in thought.. "Whenever I heard anyone talk about.. loving someone or being loved.. I thought they must be overexagerating.." .. "I sound so cliche but.. you're certainly not crazy." she looked to me on the last part of her sentence and I felt it again.
I was so enchanted by Florence that I hadn't noticed anyone approaching. "Leena" she beamed.. "oh and this must be your mate" Belle smiled wide at Florence who's face went red from slight surprise before she made a small smile and nodded..
"Florence.." She let go of one of my hands to shake Belle's.. I can feel that she is uncomfortable but she's doing an amazing job of hiding it.
"I know.." Belle smiled.. "I really am sorry about before. We must be ruthless to survive I hope you can forgive me.." She spoke confidently.. I guess this is what she has become. She didn't want to kill them though. Well if I hadn't done anything she would have. How many innocent people has she killed because they came to close to this place?
I don't want to think about it.
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NOTES-
Well this chapter has been way longer than I expected it to be. It just kept going on and on.
No matter what the end result may be, I have loved writing this. Hopefully I am able to fully articulate the world that I see when I write. I know alot of people that can't picture a story as they're reading it and I feel so sorry for them.
I'd love to hear what you think. If you've made it this far your opinion would mean alot to me.
Criticism is always welcome.. Love love.
Oh and incase you weren't aware you read just over 4000 words haha.
This was pretty long.
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