Chapter 3: 'Oi!'

Two beetles and a large bipedal rodent later, the dungeon was in sight.

Surprisingly, the wolf hound had no problem with snatching a beetle out of the air by its fatty and round abdomen and then eating the abdomen. I did not get any experience for the kill but it still gave me a pair of mandibles while the beetle I killed raised me to level four and gave me another pair of wing cases. I gave the mandibles to the dog and pet him as he ate.

The rodent thing was tagged with the name 'Small Tree Vermin' but it looked like a two-and-a-half foot tall disfigured person with an elongated face, scaly rat tail, extra-jointed clawed hands with short limbs, and a whiskered mouth full of incisors and premolars. It had a pair of solid black eyes that made me think it was blind if not for the shifting of light and vague edges of white telling me they were moving.

The wolf hound kept the vermin busy by barking with a booming bass voice and dancing up to, away from, and generally around it. The vermin continually gnashed its teeth and squealed loudly, flailing its arms and tail at the nimble wolf hound. Then, the wolf hound managed to make the vermin turn its back to me and right into the back of its neck and head was where I ramming my spear.

[x2 sneak attack: Backstab]

[x2 critical: vital strike]

[One Hit KO]

[+10XP+10*2]

I knew that stealth attacks and critical attacks were usually different and could stack and buffed experience from the kill, but I had never heard of receiving double experience ADDED or experience for a one-shot. Even my earlier beetles had not rewarded me any bonuses. However, I was now at ninety-four out of one hundred experience for reaching level five.

The tutorial dungeon was just an outdoor location with a small pound next to a giant fallen tree off to one side of the road. This tree also blocked the road and marked the boundary of the tutorial in that direction. On the other side of the road was just denser forestry than usual.

At the base of this fallen tree was an upside-down wagon, some rotten dead horses, and a shelter of branches leaning against the earthen root wall of the fallen tree. Not far from the overturned wagon was a small campfire and around this campfire sat three short humanoid creatures maybe a foot taller than the tree vermin. The wear sitting around a fire but… they were still eating raw and rotten meat.

These creatures had broad but pointy ears and rough-looking greenish tan skin. They had hands with thumbs but only three fingers that had short triangular claws and their mouths were full of nothing but canine as they ripped the rotten horse pieces apart. Just watching them close their beady little eyes in joy as foul fat and meat juices ran down their faced made me want to be violently ill.

I even gagged a little. In a video game. A very realistic video game.

Wondering how well he dog would understand commands, I point off around the pond across from the creatures tagged as goblins and simply shoo the wolf hound. Growling softly at my shooing, the dog at first walks out from the bushes and tree we were hiding behind and then simply started trotting out into the pond area. The goblins were so busy eating that it was not until the dog was by the pond that one of them finally took notice.

By the time that goblin pointed and started grunting with a mouthful of food I had already sneaked directly up to the goblins. When the one whose back was toward me turned to look in the direction of the pointing, I lunged forward and thrust my spear deep into the goblin's naked back through its spine from the side.

[x2 sneak attack: Backstab]

[x2 critical: vital strikeS]

[+15XP*2]

[Level Up]

[All stats raised by 1]

Leaving my spear where it was as the goblin emptily gasps with a realistically punctured lung, I flick my wrist to position the dangling trench knife in my grasp while stepping forward to the goblin who had pointed. The wolf hound was already by the campfire as I slashed the smooth forward edge of my dagger across the goblin's eyes and nose.

[x2 critical: Blinding]

The third goblin only had time to stand before a large mouth of fangs closed around its neck and shoulder, dragging them away shrieking. The goblin whose face I had opened also shrieked miserably. For about half a second before I was able to plunge my dagger down into its neck and chest as it flailed.

[x2 critical: vital strike]

[+15XP*2]

For the first time while fighting, I had seen the goblin's health bar for a moment after that first attack. It was already half empty before I struck again. Now, though, the element of surprise was lost to noise as a section of short branches where thrown away from the fallen tree shelter.

A taller goblin with a somewhat heftier build than the others came out of the shelter as I retrieved my spear, wielding what looked like a short rapier with only a cross and knuckle guard around the hilt. The blade was about two feet long and very narrows as it started from a two-inch base and slowly tapered to a needling point. It looked a lot more dangerous than my spear or trench knife did.

Unlike the other three who only wore hide skirts this hobgoblin wore several hides wrapped about its body.

Taking up a low stance on the opposite side of the fire from me, the wolf joins me in facing off with the creature tagged as a hobgoblin who was currently yelling and grunting while waving its sword at us. The movements were dull and simple and the sword itself was far too delicate of a weapon for a crude beast. It was definitely looted and he did not know how to use it.

Making the first move by taking a step forward and away from the fire, I watch the wolf do the same in the opposite direction to immediately begin flanking the hobgoblin. Against a weapon as serious as this one I could not take any chances. Especially when stopping to block would be a technical break of my perfect combat and combo streak.

Unlike pretty much everybody since the game's mass release, though, I was not alone in this fight.

The hobgoblin did not know which of us to focus on without a direct confrontation with its minimized combat AI, it could only stand in place or take a step back while slashing at empty air. Finally, though, I stepped forward hard and fast as if I were about to attack and the hobgoblin turned to stab at me. Big mistake.

The wolf hound closed the distance in and instant as I sidestepped and thrust forward, clamping its jaws closed around the extended arm of the goblin and essentially disarming them as I rammed my spear deep into their hide wrappings and ribs.

[x2 critical: vital strike]

I simply let my spear go as the hobgoblin released the same empty gasp of a punctured lung as the first goblin did before the dog dragged them to the ground. It still had about a third of its health left, but as the wolf hound ripped and tore at its arm while dragging the goblin the bar kept emptying in small notches. Finally, claiming the last sliver for myself, I step forward and abruptly kick the downed goblin in the head.

[+25XP*.5]

[Level Up]

[All stats raised by 1]

[Once again, Life Hack, well done. You found the tutorial event by yourself and flawlessly dealt with the enemies here without taking any damage to yourself or your pet. Very well done. Now, start resolving the situation]

After I read the small but sudden window that appeared before me the window disappeared and I just started wondering what stage of the tutorial this would count as when there suddenly came a soft groaning from the overturned wagon. Then, as the bodies faded away like dust in the wind they finally gave up their loot.

[Acquired Once Reliable Rapier]

[Acquired Rocky Club]

[Acquired Goblin Ear x3]

[Acquired Hobgoblin Ear]

[Acquired Goblin Skin x2]

[Acquired Hobgoblin Skin]

[Acquired Goblin Tendon x4]

[Acquired Hobgoblin Claws x3]

[Acquired Scrap Hides x5]

[Acquired Unlucky Horseshoes x3]

[Acquired Gold x21]

I was suddenly very grateful that I did not have to find something to do with all of the loot that appeared in my player inventory had I needed to carry all of that in a backpack or something like some games required, I would have been screwed. Luckily for me, though, only the contents of my pockets and weapons were there to burden me as I approached the wagon.

Multiple crushed crates and barrels from the overturning not only broke the wagon's tailgate but also blocked entry into the wagon. There were signs of claw marks and broken ground that said the goblins tried to get in here at some point but had obviously given up. Now, though, I found it oddly easy to remove the tailgate and start kicking away debris.

After a while, there came more noises from inside that sounded like crying. Reinvigorated in my efforts, I give the wagon a testing push and when it starts moving I start lifting. At level sixteen with no class I only had sixteen Strength but the game's measurements were in metric. If every person started with one hundred units of carrying capacity, and my carrying capacity was currently one-thirty-two then this broken game gave me a starting strength of nearing three hundred pounds.

Lifting the wagon up took a few seconds of solid struggle but once I had it up above waist height the wolf hound scuttled in among the ruined cargo. Ten seconds later, there was suddenly screaming and jostling that threatened the weight of the NOT SMALL wooden horse-drawn wagon. Half an agonizing minute after the screaming started, the wolf hound came out from under the wagon dragging a young lady by the ankle.

Kicking and screaming all of the way out from under the wagon, the girl seemed to not even notice their sundress was riding further and further up their body until everything under her navel was exposed. As nice of a sight as this would have been under other circumstances, the chick's arms, legs, and body had random bruises of different colors all over and.

As well, her underwear… she had been trapped under the wagon for a while.

When I could finally let the wagon fall back down, I say, "Oi! Cut the shit, lady, your ass is showing."

Even the wolf hound stopped moving at the sound of my voice and let go of the girl, sitting back and scooting a few feet away as if they were innocent. The lady was just lying there with one leg poised to kick and fighting to sit up, looking around for the source of the voice. When they saw me, though, they suddenly rolled over and sat of to fix their clothes.

Then, looking around slowly with cloudy eyes in her dirty face, the girl slowly asks, "Where… are they? The… goblins… are they gone?" Her voice was hoarse and hard to hear, another testament to the time that they had spend under the wagon.

Walking around the wagon looking for something I can use for a bowl or cup, I find a small cooking pot and take it to fetch water from the pond while saying, "They're gone, I killed them. I was just passing through following the road when I stumbled upon this location, I'm sorry I could not have been here sooner. Can you tell me about… what happened?"

If I thought I was getting an answer any time soon, I was wrong. First, I had to stop the girl from making herself sick by gulping down the entire pot followed by her suddenly breaking down into sobs while struggling to retrain herself to only sips. I felt so bad for this girl that it made my chest cold and achy as I thought about what she might have been through.

So, when she dropped the pot and clutched onto my sweater to cry on me I simply hugged her lightly and rubbed her back to try and sooth her. After ten minutes of being a gentleman the girl finally started calming down. After having soaked her face and wiped it clean on my shirt, I realized she was honestly not that bad looking.

She had a tall and petite body with long legs and some curvature topped by a teardrop face with a small mouth but plump limps that were a very pale pink right now. She had large endearing green eyes and even though it was a rat's nest she was also blond so her hair would be pretty when cleaned. If I were a lesser man I might have considered playing the hero card.

However, that was a million baths away from my thoughts right now. The realism in this game was unrealistic in that they chose the worse things to focus on. The physics and stuff were all on point, the NPC AI were absolutely lifelike so far, and combat was pretty realistic as far as I could tell. However, there was no need for that rancid panty shot.