Chapter 48: Bearsbane
We arrived at Falkreath in the evening of our first day out from the recently depopulated bandit fortress. I smiled as I looked at an actual town of two thousand residents rather than twenty.
Skyrim was roughly equivalent in landmass to Italy, and had a law abiding population of over one hundred and ten thousand. While I loved the game dearly, Bethesda never made an attempt to add more than a skeleton crew of NPC's to their games.
We spent a good hour just passing by the various farms and ranches - mostly pigs and goats and chickens - before arriving in the heart of the town with the various businesses named using a macabre theme in reference to the town's legendary graveyard.
Using the dying light of the sun I looked over a notice board outside of the Dead Man's Drink, the largest of the town's inns. I spotted a bounty for the bandits we had slain for 120 septims (I have changed both the value and size of septims because carrying thousands of fat daddy gold coins is both ridiculous by weight and by volume) placed by the Jarl's steward, Denya, and took it down to claim it in the morning.
When I ducked under the doorway sideways to enter the busy inn all conversation stopped and all eyes stared at me in horror.
"By the Divines!" a man shouted, "It's a monster!"
"Oh gods!" a woman screamed, "Its got armor and a huge axe!
As the people worked themselves into a frenzy Jack came in and shouted, "Shut the fuck up! It's like you people have never seen a giant argonian before!"
"Language!" A man roared, "There are children present!"
He indicated to a nearby girl about nine years old guzzingly a big ol' beer with a flushed face.
"I wanna ride zhe big lizard!" the girl squealed.
"Maybe in a couple of years if you ask nicely." Jack nodded her head at the girl.
"But I want to ride 'im now!" She complained.
The children grow up so fast here.
"That's not an argonian!" a drunk man shouted, "That thing looks like it ate an argonian!"
I see you drunk batman.
Fortunately Skyrim's greatest detective fell over and passed out before I could break under questioning. I've seen the First 48. These people can murder a guy but can't manage to lie for 15 minutes. I don't judge though. I usually scream the confession of my crimes in my accuser's face while popping his head.
"Everyone calm down!" the imperial bartender shouted, "I've heard of giant argonians in Black Marsh. I just never expected them to be this big!"
"If Valga knows of giant argonians then it must be true!" shouted a man, "Sorry for the poor welcome friend!"
"Why would the bartender's word be so important?" Jack asked me quietly.
"Pre search engine society." I told her, "The bartender interacts with the most people and hears the most stories, and thus knows the most and is the final arbiter of truth."
Jack nodded her head and we took up an empty space at the old oak bar top.
"What can I get for you?' The woman asked.
"Dinner, drinks, a bed, and breakfast." Jack told her.
"I'd normally charge a pair of septims for that, but your companion looks like he needs a bit more food and drink than most."
"Husband." Jack corrected as I put down five septims.
"You are right about food and drink though." I grinned.
Five septims bought us three roast chickens, four bowls of fish stew, five loaves of bread, and six baked potatoes, all the ale we could drink and an equally large breakfast coming to us the next morning.
I had to stand at the bar after the stool moaned enough to let me know it wouldn't hold my weight, and I devoured our wonderful dinner while Jack chatted up the bar keep.
"How long have you been married?" the imperial woman, Valga, asked.
"13 years." Jack answered and ate a bit of soup.
"So long!" the surprised woman gasped, "You must have been barely more than a child!"
"I was 24." Jack denied.
"Incredible, you look so young." Valga complimented.
With the vitality we'd gained from Jabba and Jar-Shak, Jack had the smooth skin of a well washed teenager and the thick and lustrous hair of a pregnant woman. I also hadn't aged much either despite no longer having access to krogan Zohan's magic skin care products, but it's not like these people would be able to identify a young krogan.
When we finished dinner I let out a satisfied sign and rubbed my belly. I'd been away from familiar earth food for 14 years and while I truly enjoyed the incredible variety I had at my fingertips because of my reach across the sea of stars, sometimes a man just wants some chicken. And sometimes someone has to die for it.
"You look like a warrior hand made by the Divines. How have I never heard of you?" Valga asked me.
I wiped my mouth with a handkerchief and answered, "Though you've never heard of me, I have killed three of the greatest swordsmen to ever live, slain the most powerful beasts that be, and I have cast down a race of machine gods far beyond anything the dwemer ever imagined. Now I am in Skyrim, and if fate holds you all will soon have need of the biggest, strongest, and hardest to kill man that is."
"Well…" Valga gaped, "That doesn't sound good."
"It probably won't be." I agreed, thinking of the unkillable dragon that is the bringer of the Apocalypse in this universe, and how he is, if my memory serves, less than four months away from showing up on the top of Helgen Keep and kicking off the end of the world.
Thank God I had the Dragonborn coming to handle that shit.
When the locals cleared out to go home, Narri - Valga's assistant - led us up to our room.
"It's a real shame you are married." the nord woman eyed me up like a particularly well grilled slab of meat, "I don't think I've ever seen so much man in one man."
Jack grabbed her as she turned to leave and pulled her into our rented room.
"I don't see what the problem is." She grinned then looked at the bed, "Think that will hold up?"
I shook my head, "Best if we fuck standing."
We made our way down to breakfast with a limping Narri in tow.
"I didn't know you were a screamer." Valga slyly stated while smirking at her assistant.
"Neither did I." Narri shook her head, "He even made me spray fluids like I've never seen before."
"He made you squirt?" gasped the shocked bar keep.
"Over and over, it didn't even make sense as I don't think I even drink that much in a day." gossiped our newest lover as I dug into my big boy works hard breakfast.
"I was up all night burning with envy and now I don't think my poor lonely heart can bear it." Valga admitted.
"You should have joined us. Maybe Narri would still be able to walk straight if you did." Jack teased.
"Nah." I denied, "They'd both be limping."
"I don't understand how you can be alright after what I saw the both of you doing." Narri rolled her eyes at Jack, "I've never heard of anyone going so hard ever."
"If Grunt is the toughest person in the world, I am number two." Jack stated, "I can survive things no one else can."
Jack and the girls continued the chatter while I finished fueling up for the day. When I finished we traveled to the Jarl's longhouse and only had to wait through two prior petitioners to get our meeting with the high elf steward, Denya. I knew from the first sight of her golden skin that I had a new goal in life, to find a nubile and freaky young high elf and rock her world.
"You claim to have completed the bounty of the bandits at Fort Nuegrad?" the high elf muttered, "I don't doubt it by the look of you, but you will have to wait for a rider to confirm it before I can release the payment."
We both understood. CONSTANT VIGILANCE keeps the shysters and snake oil salesmen away from your cash.
"Would you be interested in more bounty work?" the steward asked, "We have had a few incidents with a large pack of wolves and some local hunters have reported tracks of an incredibly large bear in the area. I am paying out five septims a hide for the wolves and sixty for the bear."
"We were planning to travel to Whiterun and join the companions." I told her of our other plans.
"The Companions have been very tight fisted in their recruiting in recent years. If you take on the bounties I will include a letter of recommendation signed by Jarl Siddgeir. They wouldn't scorn one of the Jarls unless he sent truly unworthy wretches."
"Then we have an accord." I agreed to take on the work.
It took us three days of tracking to hunt down the wolves. A huge pack of thirty timber wolves, all of them incredibly tough and quick, but not not quick enough to beat us. We only took down a dozen, and drove the rest off, but the sixty septims for three days of work kept us ahead despite our hefty tavern bill each day.
We met the bear on our first day searching for it and the hunters severely underestimated the thing's mass. The enormous short snout black bear stood as tall as me at the shoulder and weighed over a thousand kilos.
The bear and I wrestled and it nearly matched my strength, but couldn't get through my skin with its claws and fangs. After a brief struggle I wrapped my arms around its neck and squeezed until I choked it to death.
Saying fuck it to skinning this behemoth I pulled it over my shoulders and hulled it into town, dropping it outside of the Jarl's longhouse to the roar of an approving crowd as everyone we passed by followed us.
Denya tripled the pay for the bear and hired a trio of local hunters to skin the thing. The lazy Jarl of Falkreath called for a feast and hung the hide on the wall behind his throne. Even the surliest nords greeted us with good cheer after seeing what we'd accomplished and during the merry making the Jarl stood up and held up two arm bands of twisted gold with nordic bear heads on the mouth of the band.
"I had to pay Lod quite the ransom to get these made so quickly!" He announced to the cheering crowd, "But what Jarl could ignore such a mighty feat in their hold? Today I present these rings to Falkreath's newest Thanes, Jack and Grunt Bearsbane!"
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
JManM
JManM I am very curious about how people found the story. Did you see it in the weekly featured, or the ads when you back out of a story, or did you search for Mass Effect specifically.
I am trying to figure out why I am so high up the biannual power ranking and every story around mine has at least 3 times the number of views and in some cases six times as much to only be one place ahead of me.
I want to experiment with what gets the site to push a story, so if everyone could leave a review for the story I'd thank you kindly.
If you want to support me and my family, you can do so at
ko - fi . com / jmanm
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone