Chapter 21: Chapter 21 - Maggie's Story

Andy leaned forward, his eyes opening wider almost spilling beer on his gaudy Christmas jumper. 'Mam tell me about your childhood and why you never talk about it?' he asked.

Maggie cleared her throat and her eyes misted over.

'Give me a minute son,' she said in a barely audible voice. 'It's not something that I've ever spoken about and believe me I have my reasons.' she said as she fussed nervously with the crimson velvet bow on her floral blouse. Her red hair framed her face and her green eyes looked distant and sad. 'Seeing as you have been so honest with me about your sexuality I think it's about time I told you the truth about who I really am and where I came from.' she said.

'When I first met Bill I was living alone in a bedsit in Holloway. I was only seventeen at the time but I had left my family when I was fifteen. I was really only a child and before that my life had been very different. I'd had to leave my family because I had no choice really.'

'You see Andy I come from an Irish itinerant background.' she said. On hearing this Andy gasped and sat there in disbelief with his mouth wide open. That just wasn't what he expected to hear. Maggie quietly judging his reaction before she carried on.

'Now you know as a community we were often judged and not always very welcome. My family were Doran's we came from Rathkeel in County Limerick, but you know what Andy, I've never even been there.

'But I thought you grew up in Ireland,' he said 'You know, with your Irish accent and everything.'

'No, no I grew up first in a caravan in Liverpool and then as we got moved on we settled at a camp in Camden. We received a lot of abuse and rejection as a community and we were never accepted. Did you know we weren't even allowed into some pubs or shops? There would be signs around the place saying 'No Irish, No Blacks, No Dogs'. she went on. 'They called us Tinkers or Pikeys back then or Gyppos and other derogatory words. They called us all the names under the sun but we were used to it and we were a tight community and we all stuck together.'

'We were always seen as thieves, dirty and unclean but you know what Andy, travelers are the cleanest people you will ever meet. The inside of every caravan is cleaned meticulously each day. We also had no idea about settled folk and called them Gorgers we had no understanding of them whatsoever. My family would have been shocked to think I married a Gorger.' she explained.

As Maggie was talking Andy remembered his mother collecting clothes and tins of food every month and dropping them of at a caravan site in Camden. It all made sense now. Whenever he accompanied his mother on those visits he had always hung back not liking to go near the site and had even called them smelly Gypos himself. He had been afraid of the camp and was happy his Mother would leave him waiting at the corner while she went in.

There were always gangs of raucous kids running around screaming and dogs barking. He had hated going near the place.

'Good God I'm half knacker myself!' he thought.

His Mam continuing recounting her childhood talking about her parents and her three brothers and one little sister.

'Where are they now Mam do you still keep in touch?' he asked.

Maggie put her hands to her face and started to sob. Andy was stunned into silence and got up and sat on the edge of the old green armchair and gently held his mother's hand.

'Look Mam you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.' he said.

'I want to Andy. I need to tell you but it's something I've kept to myself all these years. You see I was the eldest and I took care of my brothers and sister. Da was terrible with the drink, he wasn't a good man at the best of times, and Ma, well she couldn't really cope. She was only young you know.'

'She had me when she was fifteen and then one every year after that. They call it 'Irish twins', born barely a year apart. So she was basically pregnant for five years and stuck with a husband who was a gambler and a violent drunk.'

'The rest of the community tried to help and were a great support. You know Andy the traveler community really care for each other but there was only so much they could do. He got violent when he drank and he took it out on Ma and really she just didn't know how to cope. Sometimes he would disappear for months and we would have such happy times. We didn't have much money but everyone in the community would help us out. We would go out begging in Camden and sometimes down the West End dodging the coppers and all that.' Maggie continued.

'At night we would sit around a campfire and listen to stories or someone playing the fiddle and singing old Irish songs.'

'Mam, oh my God, I can't take it all in,' gasped Andy who had gone into mild shock by this stage. So many questions came into his mind but he didn't want to rush his mother and could see it was all taking a toll on her.

She unexpectedly stared straight into his eyes and had asked him: 'So do you think of me any differently or do you think of yourself any differently now?'

Andy immediately reassured his mother that none of it mattered that he was just surprised and shocked really. It was all so unexpected but somehow it all made perfect sense.

'You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are Mam,' he said.

'I'm not Andy, I'm not at all. In fact I'm very proud of my heritage and of course it's your heritage also.'

'Then why have you never spoken about it?' he asked feeling a bit bewildered.

'Oh Andy something dreadful happened and I ran away and created a new life and somehow it was just easier never to speak about it.' she explained.

They sat in silence for about twenty minutes as they both got used to this new reality. A million thoughts flew through Andy's mind and finally be blurted out loudly: 'Well Mam, the one thing I never expected to find out is I'm a Gay tinker!' and they both burst out laughing. Once they started they almost couldn't stop. Andy repeated a few times that he was a Gay Tinker and each time they would collapse in fits of laughter. In a way it was nervous laughter but it broke the ice and lightened the atmosphere.

Somehow Andy knew there was more to the story and he couldn't help but start asking.

'Mam where are they and why did you leave the community. What happened Mam.' he asked.

His mother took a deep breath and said gently 'Leave it for now Andy I'll tell you the whole story sometime but I'm exhausted with it all and it's a very sad story that I'm just not ready to recount. Give me a bit of time and I'll tell you everything.' Maggie made her way to the balcony, grabbing her coat on the way, and stood there smoking wondering how she was going to tell her son what really happened.

Andy got up and went into the small kitchen and put the kettle on. Life was changing so quickly and profoundly. He knew he couldn't go back to living a lie and now he had found something out that was so unexpected. He stood as the kettle was boiling and decided he must let his Mam tell him at her own pace. She had looked so sad and broken when he had asked her what happened to her family. Whatever it was it was big enough for her to never recount it to anyone for all these years.

'God what the hell happened?' he thought to himself. He went back into the living room with the pot of tea some mince pies and a small plate of Christmas cake on a tray. They both sat side by side on the couch and turned on the TV and settled down to 'It's a Wonderful Life' which was their all-time favorite Christmas movie. They both sat watching the film but not really watching it. Both of them were deep in thought. It really was like the cat had been let out of the bag.

They got through the rest of the evening without mentioning what had been said, both knowing that the rest of the story would need to be told, but neither of them quite ready for it. So for now they did what they were good at, carrying on as normal.

As Maggie went to bed that night she gave her son a hug and said: 'I'll tell you the rest of the story soon but for now just get used to what I've told you as I'm sure it's been somewhat of a surprise for you to say the least.'

If Andy thought, he was surprised by what he had just heard then nothing could prepare him for what was to come.

comment 0 comment

Vote

SEND GIFT

Load failed, please RETRY