Chapter 2: Same Old Feelings
I was walking on the hallway of our school, running late for my first class of the day for the second semester. As I arrived inside the room, "Thank God our professor is not yet here" I said to Mych, one of my college best of friends. I am seated beside her. We were chatting with our friend Thon since our instructor did not arrived yet.
We're busy talking when someone came and like in a slow motion in the movies, my world seems to stop while I looked at the guy who has a perfect smile. He greeted his friends and seat next to them.
Okay, I have this huge crush with that guy. His name is John, we took up the same course but I never expected to be in the same section as him since he always enroll in the other section while I am always in the pilot section. I'm currently at my fourth year in college and next year I will be graduating. My feeling started when I was in my second year, when I keep on seeing him since our class are always on the same building although we are not classmates. Since then, my crush for him does not fade. I thought it will be just temporary but I've been crushing him for more than 2 years now. How pathetic I am, I know.
I'm always contented, looking him from afar and stealing glances when I happen to pass through his room which is the same building as most of my classes. I don't what to feel right now, knowing that I will be seeing him, 3 times a week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Call me crazy, I can't help but feel giddy knowing that we are in the same room, meaning I have a lot of chance to look at him in a close distance. "But how can I concentrate now when I'm in the same room with my ultimate crush?", I told myself. How should I act? What if, a lot of what if's are running through my mind. It's freaking first day and this happen to me. What more on the coming days? I need to stay focus on my study and set aside my admiration to John. Speaking of John, he seems to be perfect today, I sighed. I was in deep thought of John, when Mych tapped my shoulder since our instructor just arrived. How hardworking he is that he came even if it's still first day. Normally instructor came on the third day. But I'm still thankful that I got distructed with my daydreaming about John.
While our instructor keeps on talking about I don't know what it is because I am not paying any attention, my eyes are glued at John. Good thing he is somewhere seated at the front and I am at the back, so I have all the time in the world to steal glances at him. I should thank Mych and Thon for seating at the back because this is just so perfect. My heart is full and I don't want this day to end, or even this semester. I know I sound crazy now.
When our instructor seemed to complete his introduction, he just said that he will meet us again on Wednesday, I shrugged. I can't help but feel dismay and at the same time sad. I heard John talking to his friends and I can't help but look at their direction and my world just seem to stopped when he smiled. My heart skip a beat and I am not sure how long I've been holding my breath. I feel like I'm on cloud nine. It feels like it's just the two us, gazed locked and he walked closer to me.very close until I can feel his breathing on my cheeks and he leaned closer and...
Arrrghhh. I was back into my senses when Mych tapped by shoulder harshly, she might have seen me like a lovesick fool drooling on John. I can't help but blush when she teased me. You are drooling girl, don't be too obvious, she said. Of course not, I said. Really? She teased me again. She keeps on teasing me even when we were walking on the hallway going to our next class. My other friend Thon is just listening. They both know about my feelings for John and they are very supportive to me.
As far as I know, John doesn't have a girlfriend, it's not that I'm stalking him, although I am sometimes but we are friends in facebook. I don't know if I am the one who added him or he added me, I can't really remember. But I'm glad that were friends so that I will be updated about his life. Although, when we happen to bump each other in the hallway or anywhere in the school which rarely happen, he always smile and that made me giddy as always but I always try to hide it. I'm shy. Honestly, I am not pretty, John on the other hand is the most handsome guy that I laid my eyes on. I know to some girls, he's not that handsome but to me he is. Don't blame me, I blame my heart for that.
He can make my day by just being in school and I can see him everyday. I know I'm not the type of girl that he might like but a girl can dream and I'm dreaming about us. Sometimes, I can't help but think, what if he will have a girlfriend, it's possible anyway. What would I feel? Of course I will be devastated. I know I don't have the right to be jealous because I am no one. But until then, I will remain to have this feeling for him. I will just think on my next steps when that time comes, I console myself.
The time passed by so quickly and our last class was ended. I was a bit tired since I just arrived today in the city, I travelled from our province like 6am to be able to attend my first class at 9am.
I parted ways with my friends since I will go at the back gate of our school since the jeepney going to my Aunt's house will pass there. I waved them goodbye and leave. I was walking alone since the back gate from where my last class was is a bit far but it's okay I'm use to walking. So it's not a problem to me.
As soon as I was about to reach the gate, I saw John coming in. Our eyes met and he nods at me and I smiled. Lord, if I am dreaming, please don't wake me up, I told myself. He walk passed me and I'm still standing there like a love sick fool who wanted to jump and jump because he just saw her crush. I was back to my senses when I heard a honk of a jeepney. I made my way to the exit with thoughts of John.
When the right jeepney arrived, I immediately made my way. I get my purse in my bag to pay because I might forget it if I will not do it now. After that, my thoughts where back to John again. How can I be so lucky today. First, he was my classmate for Statistics, meaning I will be seeing him three times a week. Plus we might bump into each other on Tuedays and Thurdays since our class are on the same building. Second, I just saw him like a while ago and I didn't expect it. What a good way to end my stay. I'm just so happy today. I wish this day will not end and I wish I can be this happt everyday. My life was tough and this type of happiness will seldom pass and I want to treasue and enjoy the moment. The thought of seeing John often really gives me this exciting feeling. It's new to me and I never felt like this before. I am not sure if what I am feeling towards him is just a plain crush. I don't think so.
I am inlove with him. It's more like it. I can't help it. Since I have this crush on him, it develops everyday until one day, it is getting deeper and deeper. Until I woke up one day and I can feel that this is not just purely crush but it is more than that. I thought it will be temporary but seeing him again today and knowing that he will be my classmate for one subject this semester brings back the strong feeling that I have for him. Last year, I told myself to forget about him and just focused on my study. I succeeded at least for last year. I was busy with projects and I seldom see him which made it easier. But now, it's totally different, it's like I am back to square one, I sighed. I was battling with my mind and heart. And I know my heart will win but I have to guard it because I know what will be the ending to this. I will fall madly inlove with him and it will be a one sided love. Suddenly my enery falls to the lowest level.
Just when I realized that I already passed where should I supposed to go down. "Shit, I cursed myself for being so clumsy today. I told the driver to stop and I went down. "And now, I will be walking for around 1 kilometer because of my clumsiness". I started walking with the same thought, I can't help but be happy and sad at the same time.
Just when I was about to sleep, I am looking at the ceiling blankly, my thoughts drifted to John again. I know that this should not be my focus but I can't help it. I can't help but hope that one day, there will be an us. That one day, I can tell him about my feelings and hoping he felt the same way too. That one day, fate will brought us to each others arms. Because I believe in destiny and I want him to be my destiny.
That night, I slept with the thoughts of him and I am smiling widely...
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