Dr. Spence's call coincided with Annalise's arrival. Opening the hotel suite door, I gestured at my phone, and waved her inside.
"Hello, Margaret. It's Colin Spence here, we met yesterday. I just want to let you know that the toxicology profile for your sister has come back clean of any other substances. The official record will state that Shona died of asphyxia due to the inhalation of stomach contents." The confirmation was heartbreaking, but I felt oddly relieved there had been no other drugs involved.
There was a pause in his delivery then he continued, "So that concludes my findings in Ms. Dashwood's case. I can now tell you I will be releasing your sister's body for repatriation. I'm just going to contact your guy at the American Consulate who I'm sure will conclude matters quickly on his end, and you can make arrangements to leave for home." He paused for a few seconds and I wondered if I should say something, but I had nothing to say, so he continued.
"Once again, I'm very sorry for your loss, Margaret, and if you have any questions you need to ask, you can contact me on this number."
I mumbled something I don't recall and concluded the conversation, then stood staring down at the plain white comforter on the bed. Nausea swept through me and my stomach began to heave. Ignoring Annalise, I sprinted for the bathroom and threw myself forward, barely making the bowl. Pale green bile spewed from my mouth and the smell was putrid. My throat burned, and my eyes stung with fresh tears.
For a few minutes I hovered, unsure if there was more to come, then I stared up at the mirror through mascara streaked eyes. A fresh new wave of grief rushed at me until once again, I couldn't hold back my sobs.
Closing the seat, I flushed the toilet, and I slumped down onto it. I lay my head on the cold marble countertop near the sink as the smell of pungent vomit in the air made my stomach roll over. Strangled noises tore from my throat. I sounded like a wounded animal, my once silent grief escaping into the air around me.
Annalise knocked softly on the bathroom door but didn't wait for me to answer. When she entered, her heels clacked rapidly on the ceramic tiles as she made her way toward me. She took a white toweling face cloth from the display by the sink and without speaking, scooped my hair away from my neck and placed the cool, damp cloth over the back of it. Her caring gesture made me cry all the harder because apart from Jeffery holding my hand the day before, no one had shown me much in the way of comfort.
"It's okay, honey, just let it out. Let it all out," she said, encouraging me to cry. Placing a hand on my back she rubbed small circles across my shoulder blades which I found instantly soothing. After what seemed like an age, I stopped crying, but my body was still wracked with sobs as it tried to recover from the prolonged bout of irregular breathing.
My cell phone rang in the bedroom. I ignored it, but Annalise left me and answered it. The low murmur of her voice from her side of the conversation continued for a couple of minutes before she ventured back into the bathroom.
"Margaret, that was Jeffery Barker, the American official dealing with... your sister," she said after hesitating. "He's asked if you want to be on the outgoing Florida flight later tonight or if you want to recover from the journey first?"
I scoffed at the suggestion I could recover from something like my sister's death by having an extra night's sleep. The flight wasn't the issue, it was the trauma of the whole situation and there was no way I could see I would ever recover from what had happened. Besides, I was desperate to get back to poor little Molly.
When I told Annalise I wanted to leave right away, her face paled. My initial thought to her reaction was she was worried about my health given I'd been vomiting in her presence. However, when I explained I had to get back to Shona's daughter she couldn't hide her shock. She had no idea Shona even had a child. Once she understood the position I was in, she made no further comment about me staying there.
I was surprised when she stayed while I rang Jeffery back; however she left promptly after she'd heard the arrangements for my return to the USA, and I figured like Jeffery, I was just part of her job. With the Consulate taking care of the return flight, her work, until we got home, was done.
An awkward moment passed between us and it felt like she didn't know what to say, so I made it easy for her and asked her to leave because I had to bathe and take care of my appearance before Jeffery arrived.
Again, I faced further disappointment when Jeffery was absent from the next challenge I faced. It was Malcolm, Jeffery's driver, who picked me up and drove me to the mortuary alone. Shona's casket was being sealed for the journey, but once again, I had to go to view before they did that to ensure the correct body was being transferred. It was yet another heart wrenching task, which along with the unexpected ones, added another layer to my traumatic experience. My ordeal appeared never ending, and the continued suppression of my distress when dealing with officials wore me down.
Somehow, I got through it with the help of yet more strangers, and with five hours before I had to be at the airport, I found myself back at the hotel, wrung out from yet another round of grief-stricken tears.
After the second viewing, I was wracked with guilt over some of the arguments we'd had in the past. The last conversation I'd had with her the day she left, replayed those harsh judgmental words I'd thrown at her.
It had been a difficult, explosive exchange of words about her selfish attitude because she'd left Molly with our neighbor to go shopping by herself the day before. During the spat, names and labels were traded in both directions because neither of us could compromise. The vivid image of her angry contorted face that morning as she shouted into mine remained; her index finger jabbing at my chest as Shona read me the riot act, then spun on her heel and stomped toward my front door.
My sister had been furious when she left, banging the door with such force the glass shattered into sharp, angry shards which fell to the ground at my feet as I followed behind. Leaving me in a furious mood, I cleaned up the mess she'd made before I went to work. I had no idea of her intentions to leave the same day and it was the last time I saw her.
Since she had joined the crew there had only been two emails. No calls, not even a five-minute Facetime to the precious little girl she gave birth to. My heart clenched painfully again when I thought about poor little Molly. An image of her beautiful innocent little face staring at me before I left came to mind, her huge brown eyes full of hope when she asked if her mommy was coming home. I didn't tell her about Shona because I would not have been able to leave her in grief to do my duty toward her mother otherwise.
When I thought of how I would break the news to her daughter, it changed my feelings of guilt to enraged anger. I was so fucking furious at her leaving Molly that way, for putting me in the position as guardian for her daughter when she should have had her mom.
Exhaustion had become a familiar feeling as I lay on the bed and slipped into a dreamless, fitful sleep for a while. Apart from emotional grief wiping me out, my body clock was all over the place. After a forty-five-minute nap, I filled the tub in the hotel bathroom and got into the water. I sat motionless, fighting back the sadness that appeared to be only one deep breath away since I'd found out about my little sister.
Dressed in my outfit from earlier, the driver took me to the airport and led me to the desk I had to check-in at. It was obvious everyone I'd come into contact with had been briefed because they all behaved with the same compassion. At the airline check-in I was upgraded from business class to first. I was surprised to be in business on the way back in the first place because I had flown out in coach... and the government was paying for my ticket home.
When the undertaker asked if I wanted to accompany my sister's body to the cargo hold of the plane, I didn't. I thought the journey home would be hard enough without the image of them stowing her stuck in my brain.
Besides I had no more to give because I knew I had to save the little energy I had in reserve to support Molly to the best of my ability. I used the extra time to visit the chapel to pray for the strength to see that through instead.
Glancing at my wristwatch, I noted I had less than half an hour before take-off and panicked that I may have missed the flight. Luckily the departure gate was only a short walk from the place of worship, but I heard my name being announced in a frustrated sharp tone over the loud speaker system as I reached the check-in desk at the gate.
"Sorry, I'm here. I was praying," I admitted.
The flight attendant rolled her eyes as she pursed her lips, visibly annoyed when she snatched my boarding pass out of my hand and scanned it. When she glanced at the details on her screen, I watched as shock registered on her face and her eyes instantly softened to the point where when she met my gaze they were full of pity.
"Ah, Margaret Dashwood? All right, honey, Greg here is going to show you to your seat," she said, gesturing at a tall, dark haired cabin attendant. "If you need anything, just let him know. He'll be on hand for your flight home, okay?" She handed me back my boarding pass as she nodded her head in my direction, but looked at Greg as if to say, "This is her."
Instantly, the uniformed cabin attendant stepped up beside me, gave me a tight smile that vanished as quickly as it had appeared on his face, and guided me through the departure gate by my elbow all the way to the plane. I wondered if he thought I was going to be an issue during the flight and his attitude made me feel defiant. That feeling helped me stay strong to face the journey home.