Chapter 8: Chapter 8
" Please agree with this Hasanthi. If you accept my parents as yours" Pragathi pleaded.
Then I understood, there is no one to understand my pain. If my marriage makes everyone happy then I will agree for them even if die thousands of time.
" Okay...if you want to get a ride off. I am ready for this marriage" I said coldly.
" You are misunderstanding me, Hasi. You are always my friend. I can't see you suffering alone your whole life. I heard about the cruel incident in your college. So I think someone should be there to take care of you. I love you" she cried hugging me.
Everyone at our home is busy with marriage arrangements. Mom and dad are busy at home whereas prags and her husband are busy shopping. I spent my time with pragathi's child, Smethwick in my room. I always enjoy playing with him and feeding him. He is so cute and sharp boy.
I didn't bother about anything which is going in my home. I only answer their question if they asked or else I spent my time in my room looking at Roshan's photograph.
Mom came to my room carrying a shopping bag in her hand. I am surprised to see her in my room.
Arrange all the things carefully in your wardrobe.
" Maa...but my wardrobe is not empty to keep them," I said.
She opened the wardrobe and removed all the clothes of Roshan. "Now it is vacant to keep those bags inside. By the way, I don't want to touch my son's belonging with your filthy hands. His soul will never stay in peace" she took all his belonging to her room.
I cried sitting in my room. I don't know why she hates me so much. For the last two years, I tried to win her heart but she always accuses me of and everything.
From the day pragathi comes to the house, she stays with me at night. It becomes her habit to convince me to erase my memories with Roshan.
I can't believe how cold she talks with her brother's wife.
Two days for marriage:
All the house is decorated with colorful flowers. Only a few people are invited to the marriage. I see the excitement in dad's face after a long time. I want to run from this place to escape from this marriage but mom and prags tied me with emotional blackmail.
After one and a half years, my parents and my little sister come to this house to attend this marriage.
" Finally, you agreed to start a new life. I am very happy for you dear. I wish this time god blessed your life with all happiness" my mother blessed me and kissed me on my forehead.
" Who invited you, people, here?" I questioned them.
" Are you not happy to see us in your marriage?" My mother asked while crying.
" I invited them to this marriage. Hasanthi, it is not the way to talk with elders and that too they are your parents. Remember it " dad said seriously.
" Dad, you forgot how they insulted my Roshan and how they cursed when we get married?" I asked with tear-filled eyes.
" Dear, you already punished them. Please forgive and speak with them properly. " dad advised.
"Do you know how they felt when I told you about this marriage?" Dad asked me.
" If you respect me as your dad then talk with them properly and try to forgive them," dad said.
I remained silent with his words and agreed with him.
On the same day evening, my Mehandi ceremony is started. Everyone is in a joyous mood. One beautician came to fill Mehandi on my hands. She wrote Sooraj's name on the palms. I am silently crying in my heart looking at my hand to see another man's name.
For the first time after Roshan's death, I wear a bright color saree. All elderly ladies applied turmeric and sandal on my face as a ritual. My both mothers draped me in a maroon red saree and braided my hair with flowers. All elderly ladies wear red and green color bangles to my hands. Then the beautician did simple makeup and get ready in bridal attire.
" You are looking so beautiful" my mother kissed me with a bright smile.
I felt very guilty about cheating my Roshan by giving his place to Sooraj. I want to cry, yell, and die with these feelings.
On the day of my Marriage
We reached the wedding hall, it was fully decorated with lights and flowers. I wear a dark green color saree with golden pallu. Sooraj's parents gifted me with their family jewelry to wear. Our marriage ritual is started with Ganesh pooja and Gauri pooja.
After chanting the mantra by panditji, he tied a yellow thread around my neck (nuptial chain). I controlled my tears with difficulty when he tied a knot.
I apologized to Roshan in my heart to deceive him. I controlled my heart and followed all the instructions by elders and panditji like a robot. At last, I fulfilled my parent's wish by marrying Sooraj by killing my soul.
All the time, I remained calm plastering a fake smile on my face. We had a photoshoot with my all relatives. I plastered a fake smile whole the time. I don't know how many days I have to continue this acting. From the wedding hall, we came to my parent's mom, I mean Roshan's house. I run to my room without caring for anyone around me. I closed the door and took my Roshan's photos in my hand.
" I am very sorry. I had to do this marriage for dad. Please forgive me" I cried silently.
.....
....
Knock...
Knock...
My mother knocked on the door and called me to inform me that it was time to start my in-law's house. I quickly wiped my and tears opened the door. Pragathi and my mother are standing at the door.
" All the best for your future" my friend gave me a side hug.
" God bless you, dear. I wish all happiness should be filled in your life" my mother kissed me emotionally.
Before getting in the car, I hugged Dad and cried miserably. I am attached to this house and the family. Unsteadily, I walked towards the main door. I am feeling very weak and dizzy.
" Are you okay?" Sooraj support to stand from falling.
Simply, I nodded my head. He took my hands in his ànd we walked towards the car to start to his home.
....
...
We get into the passenger seat of the car which is fully decorated with our wedding Flexi and flowers. Everyone bid me farewell when I am leaving for Sooraj's house.
His house is nearly twenty minutes from our house. Throughout the journey, his hands were around my shoulders. I felt restless with his touch.
....
It is almost evening when we reached his home. We are welcomed by their parents. As per their Sooraj family ritual, I lighten the lamp to God. The house is filled with relatives and family friends. I am feeling very uncomfortable as I am new to everyone. It is not a good manner to stay alone, I sat with them silently. I am so scared to think about how to stay with Sooraj and his family. I already knew madam and her husband. But Sooraj...?
After dinner, everyone left the house. Sooraj's parents, Sooraj, and I remained at home. His mother took me to her room and gave me a white sari to drape.
" Are we are going anywhere?" I asked her confusingly.
" Dear, It is your first night. You should wear this saree" she said stroking my hair gently.
My heart stopped hearing her words. I looked at her with disbelief.
" Okay get ready in half an hour. I have to look after other arrangements" she left leaving alone in their bedroom.
That means his words are fake. He said that he will give me some time to accept this marriage.
Here no one is there to listen to my feelings.
He is a big liar. He just wants to claim my body..... I closed the door with tears.
I made my heart like a stone and draped the saree which is given to me. Later my mother-in-law came to the room with some trays. She kept jasmine flower in my braided hair and gave a milk glass to my hand.
She took me behind her to Sooraj's room and asked to go inside the room.
" He might be waiting for you" she closed the door behind me.
I stood like a statue in that place. My body is shivering to take even one step forward. The room is fully decorated with scented candles and the bed is covered with rose petals.
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