Chapter 8: The Janitor's Guide to the *Gal*-axy
Borislav had established himself a routine; spending all morning on consuming tv shows and going out with Flabby in the afternoon, going back to his computer after eating and finally taking his shower at 10pm while Blobby's bath was being filled. He had reached a sort of agreement with his neighbor, getting the right to use the bathroom first in exchange of him overseeing the bath's preparation. The interactions between him and Blobby were bizarre but had somehow gotten used to them, over the weekend he had realized that there was no reason to be shy when talking to a gigantic fish. Blobby would always keenly asked if he was sure that he didn't want the dog drowned, to which Borislav would always confirm with a "Yes". His repetitive and simple-minded questions made him more comfortable to talk with, he looked as though he was in his forties but he had the reasoning of a small child, albeit one who truly wanted to drown living creatures. He was a strange neighbor, he would sneak out all day wearing a cardboard box on his face that had two holes poked for his eyes and a pair of sunglasses underneath, as well as an ominous light grey raincoat. Borislav never knew what was going on in his life, catching only through bits of one-sided discussions that he was also a retired superhero and that he'd keep Borislav's secret *safe*.
Our "dog that would lick the floor for 50 pals" left with a casual backpack on Monday, only instants before his neighbor. Blobby hadn't heard a thing behind him as he walked on the pavement, attracting the attention of every pedestrian. Borislav found himself following him as their paths unexpectedly seemed to be the same. Somehow, Borislav felt less anxious than usual walking behind this eccentric person, who was sure to catch all bad attention and giggles, sparing the young man from feeling belittled. Nearing a crossroad in front of a delightfully bright housing block, Blobby suddenly stopped, hiding himself behind a corner. He tried to imitate undercover agents from the television, but he was not wearing the convenient attire for the job.
Borislav stopped as well, far from being in a hurry, he wanted to understand what he was witnessing. The object of Blobby's stalking routine was easily identified: a middle-aged short lady wearing a jogging outfit. She stood next to a decade-old bus painted in blue, she was bidding farewell to what seemed to be her son. As the bus went by, she went away, trotting. Blobby directed his head over the corner, waiting for her to be out of sight. Once she was, he took a few leaps forwards, got on his knees, took a letter out of his satchel and slid it under one of the building's door. Having accomplished this feat, he quietly got back up and walked back from there, passing by Borislav, but not noticing him.
Borislav felt like a detective, having trailed a suspect and even being in front of his face without being recognized. The Mystery wasn't hard to crack, at least not for Detective Azurfin. He had it all figured it out; B-Man was in love. He was in love, obsessed by a widowed woman. How did Detective Azurfin know that she was widowed? Well. She was still wearing a ring, and no husband was leaving home for work. These deductions came to him so naturally, despite never having been part of an investigative process, even when tracking villains. Perhaps he had just found out a new talent? Maybe his true calling was to be a Private Investigator of some sort, never ceasing to serve the honest people of Janisbure. Perhaps, perhaps, maybe, it was possible, but the more urgent realization that he had to be flipping burgers by thirty minutes from then rushed back to his gigantic brain.
He continued on his way to Budhak Street, arriving shortly thereafter. Once he arrived into the cubic building, he fell upon the same employee that had called him and Edfone's into the interview room the other day; a tall brunette that went by the name of Mary. She brought him to Shattyk Liwei who was examining the counter, as he was supposed to brief Borislav once again. However, the greasy old man was rather dismissive. Simply howling out; "Just do what you're told. And tell what you're told by the motorized fuck-ups to your little friends. You're gonna be dealing with the drive out.", before storming back in his office immediately.
Borislav was handed his new work uniform; an orange polo shirt with Tyanas The Cow (FCP's mascot) printed on it, as well as a temporary piece of paper with a marker writing "Borislav" on it ( Fancy little metal plates take a while to arrive. ), he of course also had been given some proper night-black pants. He headed towards the bathroom, the only one present in the whole building. The smell was intense and the space in the booth was barely bigger than that of a closet's interior. Once he finished putting on his new costume, he got out with his normal clothes in his backpack; went to the staff break room to safeguard it and at last, was shown the place where he was going to spend the rest of his day.
The drive-out booth was set away from the main lobby, though still in the same building. It was placed near a small road that customers would use to order the food from the comfort of their vehicles. It was probably the most suitable position for Borislav; he wasn't really directly facing the customers and overall playing the middle man between the "motorized fuck ups" and the kitchen was a fairly easy task to do. As he began working, however, one problem quickly arose; that of comprehension. Borislav had never once in his life eaten at Flippin' Cool Patties. He didn't know any of the names the products were labeled with and certainly didn't catch all of them when the customers listed off their desired command quickly.
He spent a lot of time asking the customers to repeat, which in turn got on their nerves. If it wasn't for the database the small computer he used to register the orders had, he would have never been able to go through the day. As customers popped and disappeared before his eyes, he grew more accustomed to FCP's strange codewords for their types of burgers. Seriously, who thought of naming a double patty cheeseburger "Imperial Guard", or a simple milkshake "Shakemate"? In any case, he had not done a horrible job given the myriads of Janisburians flocking passing into the FCP every day.
Two hours of continuous order took their toll on Borislav, but fortunately, he was soon granted his 15-minute break and replaced by a coworker. He went to the staff lounge again; it was just a small room with a few tables and benches, without a water dispenser but instead several vending machines of small water bottles, into which employees had to slip a coin to get this basic need. As for one's lunch; well, no discount on FCP products was given, if an employee wanted a burger to eat, they'd have to pay full price for it. With that in mind, Borislav decided to spend neither on water nor on food. He had to watch his spending and had a quasi full fridge at home.
Thus Borislav simply went to sit on the nearest bench. He saw Mary sat at the other extremity of the room, swallowing whole a "Stomachexterminator 403X", which didn't fit well with her soft personality. Someone, however, didn't seem to mind. Borislav recognized his acquaintance Edfone Jack dressed in a blue janitor's outfit, mopping the floor only a few inches away from the girl. He looked at her quite insistently, seemingly so focused that he hadn't notice Borislav's presence at all. During the first five minutes of break; where Borislav did nothing except sit down and glance at the two other people present in the room, Edfone hadn't changed spot at all; mopping at the same exact coordinates. It's only when Mary had finished exterminating her lean stomach and had left the room, that Ed became aware of the new employee being there. Leaving his mop leaned against the wall, he waved and shouted "Hey Bo! What's up?" as he came and took a seat on the bench in front of Borislav's, receiving a mere "I'm good" as a reply.
Despite his interlocutor's passivity and fatigue, Edfone was set on making Borislav his work-buddy. "Did you see the beauty that was sitting near me while I cleaned?" he asked, somehow hinting that she was the one who was after him. Borislav looked at Ed, softly nodding and saying "Yes". Ed smiled, and leaned on the table as if to whisper a state secret to Bo; "I'm thinking of trying out the White Night method on her." The White Night method? curious name. "What's that?" inquired Borislav, making quieter his already quiet voice, not to attract any unwanted attention from outside the room.
The response was instantly provided by Edfone, as he sinked back onto his chair, looked around and took on a lecturer tone; "So, you know about the ying yang stuff in White Night On Sveta's bed I told you about right?". Borislav nodded, letting the Janitor continue: "I finished the book this weekend and the ending had me really thinking," he stopped, expecting Borislav to ask what the ending was, but since it didn't come, he soon went on; "Basically Mudakov ends up failing to stop Svetlana's marriage from happening, she is too hooked on the Prince Of Night, but that's not the end of it!". What a cliffhanger. "Mudakov wins Sveta's heart after the marriage, and they end up copulating on the honeymoon bed while the PON is out hunting. Sveta then falls pregnant with Mudakov's child."
Borislav highered his eyebrows, dying to know the rest. "Months go by, also the Prince Of Night's father ends up dying from measles, so now he's the King Of Night, and Sveta's child is set to be the next Prince Of Night" Borislav, slightly taken off guard, asked; "Wait, Vampires die from measles?". In an eager display of knowledge, Edfone answered: "Yes! Lockal explains that vampires cannot get vaccinated because vaccines kill them, so they're prone to die by diseases eradicated decades ago. Their body can technically live for hundreds of years but they're very easily killed by disease." Bo shook his head again, as if everything finally made sense. The Janitor continued; "So. They have a whole vampire ceremony that designates the unborn child as the heir to throne of night, it's irreversible except that the King eventually finds out about Sveta's affair, and realizes after 9 months of pregnancy that the child isn't his." The sole audience member gasped, as the summary concluded; "So. The King of Night tries killing Sveta's baby in her sleep, but it turns out that Gradimir Mudakov is hiding in the closet, and intervenes at the right time to stop him. They fight and stuff and Sveta wakes up horrified, her husband defeats Gradimir and is preparing to kill him. But! She then feels something swimming down from her. It's the baby. The baby got out of her, rose on two feet and saved his father by striking the King Of Night with a lightning bolt."
"What?" uttered Borislav, seriously feeling his head ache as he pictured the scene. Edfone admitted; "Yeah. It's weird. But anyways what's important is how that relates to Women's Psychology and the art of Seduction." Borislav's headache only intensified as he tried to figure out *how* exactly any of that was related to seduction. Ed tried clarifying : "At the end, Gradimir becomes the King Of Night by marrying the widowed queen, now what does this tell us? See, prior to that, Sveta couldn't choose between Gradimir, a simple yoga teacher, a sort of white knight, and the Prince, a mysterious figure of authority who humiliated her and made her feel owned. Her affair with Gradimir proved that she needed both of them, however, he was still not giving her the excitation she needed in her life, he was too pure, too innocent. Yet he had already planted the seed of something, represented by the pregnancy, and was changing. When he battled the King and threw his corpse by the window he proved that he was no longer innocent; he had accepted his dark nature. At the end, the White Knight becomes the White Night, as he takes on the King Of The Night title. It's a fusion of the two sides Sveta needed to be in a perfect relationship."
"I don't understand" sighed Borislav, pushing Ed to stop turning around the point so much; "So what women want is for you to be a dark creature, a figure who imposes authority and even mistreats other people, like Gradimir provoked adultery and slaughtered the King to meet his ends, but also someone who cares for them. Hence I came up with the White Night method; it consists of obtaining a woman by being imposing and harsh with others, but soft with her." A look of pride gleamed in Edfone's eyes, as Borislav showed that he had grasped the concept, although skeptical of the notion that women are somehow a monolith. "You'll try it on Mary?" he asked, Ed pleaded; "Yes. But don't tell it to anyone!", before showing more curiosity towards Bo's personal life, "And what about you? Any fish under the radar?"
It had Borislav thinking, about Nomia. She had obviously left an effect on him, but he didn't know if they would meet again, or if they would even talk if this happened, or if she wouldn't immediately run away because of Flabby's mistake. Not wanting to disappoint Ed however, he replied; "Yes. I'm in love with a girl". Ed started asking more questions; whether Borislav had ever dated anyone, how much she meant to him, etc. "I think you need to put that girl aside for now" he confidently spoke, causing the surprise of Borislav, but providing a convincing argument; "The current relationship dynamic is bad. You're obsessing over a girl you talked two seconds with and you barely have time to meet her again. Your current chances of seducing her are of 2.85%. I did the maths." 2.85%? That's higher than anyone would think. That wasn't all though, Edfone had a plan: "You should work to higher your chances of succeeding, to do that you need a training target!"
Borislav, although suspecting he already knew what was meant, still asked Edfone to clarify what was meant by "training target". Edfone gave his definition; "A training target is a girl you seduce just for the sake of seducing, it's for training. I already know who you can use, there's a quiet girl called Sarla. I know she's hanging out with Mary, it will probably be easy." The Janitor's student started to feel uneasy, and shared his worries; "But. Uh. If she falls in love with me but then I stop seeing her, won't that hurt her a lot?". At this moment, he felt Edfone's hand lay on his shoulder, as the Phala-Oriented Dishwasher shared his last wisdom before the break's end; "Yes. That's just life. Eat or be eaten, drink or be drinked. Love hurts people all the time, and people are in love all the time. Right now she's probably already crushing on a man that will never set his attention on her. She'll get hurt by love eventually, it just happens. If it happens and it gives you training though, at least something positive comes out of it".
Borislav was left with his thoughts as he hurried back to work, taking orders after orders. A second break came, yet the Janitor was probably busy cleaning outside the Staff Lounge. As he took his last shift, the cars somehow became more scarce. At 5pm, as he was nearing the end of his day, he stood quietly, alone with his thoughts. The last client showed his face only minutes before the clock struck 6pm. He was quite memorable, having no car or motorcycle but simply a very old model of bicycle. He was a tall man with a beer belly, wearing a white collard shirt that had strange doodles scribbled with yellow and cyan markers on it. It also had purple circles spread across sparcely, and he was wearing a white baseball cap with a golden-colored sun printed on it. The most striking part of his outfit though, was unquestionably his glasses. They were from a long lost future, forming a single black rectangle, with as frame only a silvery outline that drew a line between each eye.
As he caressed his thick brown moustache shaped like half a bagel, he made his order in a low-pitched voice; "Get me a Giant BuzzBucket with an Imperial Guard, Stomachexterminator 403X and a Sodmod as drink". Borislav passed on the order, forgetting to give the client the price of his dinner. Minutes were spent as both the customer and Borislav glanced at each other, waiting for the food to arrive. When Borislav turned back to receive the packages, and looked back to the front of the booth, no man nor bicycle was to be found. And he hadn't gotten the money. He put his head beyond the booth, looking right or left for any trace, he found none.
He ended up paying this feast himself, though it represented a third of his day's pay. As he grabbed his bag and headed for the exit, still wearing his uniform, he caught a glance of a coworker with the nameplate "Sarla" on her. There was his "training target" to be, an extremely cute caramel-skinned woman not older than he was, standing outside and talking to Mary who was busy biting on a cigarette.
Borislav strayed away into the city, having made up his mind to listen to the Janitor's advice, after all, Edfone was an expert concerning women, or so he thought. As he followed the same path as that morning, he remembered the ongoing investigation into B-Man's stalking habit. He was standing right in front of the jogger lady's house, he decided to take a peak at the name inscribed on the mailbox. "Jannet Sweemey", that was her name! He didn't yet know what he would do with this information, nor exactly how he could help Blobby, yet he still stuck it in his mind.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone