Chapter 33: Sewer Rat
There will be a small arc leading up to the Chunin exams that will be a nice relaxing thing, mostly small stuff hence why I had Naruto punished with a few D-ranks.
Anyway, not much else. Here's a new chapter.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anything I make references to. This is a work of fanfiction that I make no money off of.
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I'd made a concentrated effort to relax about things, feeling like I was high strung. Rin had pointed it out after the talk we had yesterday and I agreed with her. The next day was just us relaxing and crashing at home, but today, I was going to treat us to some ramen, along with Hinata and Sasuke.
I'd just left our apartment and made my way to Sasuke's, having been there once or twice when I was with Kakashi. Getting there after taking my time, I pounded on the door.
"Uzumaki pest disposal services." I called out, hearing Sasuke mutter a curse from inside, "We handle all kinds of pestilence. This includes pests of a poultry variety."
Sasuke opened the door and gave me a bleary-eyed glare, looking like he woke up not to long ago.
"What?" He asked simply.
"You want breakfast?" I asked simply, biting my lip to prevent from commenting about his hair being a mess.
Sasuke shut his eyes for a moment and exhaled.
"Just say what you want about my hair."
"It looks like a duck that got run over by a cart." I said with a grin, happy I got to say it.
Sasuke kept looking at me for a few seconds, before turning around. "Give me a few minutes, I'll be out."
After the door shut, I just rose up and down on my heels, annoyed how I got roped into bringing Sasuke instead of Hinata.
"He's annoying, and a boy, you talk to him." Was along the lines of how Rin justified her going to Hinata and I got to bring Sasuke.
Sasuke came out with his usual clothes on, giving me a slight nod. "Where are we eating?"
"Ichiraku's." I said with a grin, frowning slightly when I noticed him furrow his brow slightly.
"Why do you always eat there?" He asked, beginning to walk to the named destination, "That's where we always eat after training."
"No one else wants to serve us without spitting in our food." I shrugged, not elaborating.
Sasuke remained silent. "Fair enough."
The two of us walked in companionable silence, me just looking around at the different shops. Konoha was beautiful, even if some of the idiots took away from its charm at times.
We were going to get there without hassle, but I ended up spotting a flash of pink.
Sakura.
Sakura was more dedicated to training now, not being terrible like she was at the very beginning, but she still adored Sasuke.
"Sasuke-kun." She shouted to him, rushing towards us.
"Kill me." I heard Sasuke mutter, giving me an idea.
As Sakura reached us, I grabbed ahold of Sasuke, surprising him, and looking straight into his eyes.
"I won't let her take you from me, my beloved."
Sakura stopped completely, her momentum making her stagger, green eyes wide in shock.
Sasuke gave me a hateful look and pushed me away.
"Stop with the jokes, I like girls and even if I did like guys, you'd be the last."
Scoffing, I turned my nose up at him. "Everyone hates redheads."
"No, they just hate you."
Sakura looked visibly uncomfortable now, glancing between the two of us.
"Was I interrupting something?" She asked quietly, shifting her weight slightly.
I shook my head and waved my hand dismissively. "No, of course not, we were just going to eat together." I grinned at how the last part sounded.
Sasuke smacked me in the back of the head.
"Rude." I muttered, pushing my hair back from it being pushed forward, "Unlike yours, my hair should never be tarnished."
"You sound like a girl." He said simply.
"And you like strong girls," I shrugged, "I'm just trying to be what you want me to be, Sasuke."
Sasuke growled under his breath and shook his head, giving up on talking.
"Oh, sorry Sakura, did you need something?" I asked politely.
"No," Sakura deflated, "Just wanted to say hi."
I gave a little small talk before she was on her way to wherever she was originally going.
Once she was gone, Sasuke grabbed my shoulder and pulled me to face him. "Why the hell do you keep doing that?"
"That time," I started, "Was because she was probably going to ask you to get something to eat... in a non-platonic way."
Sasuke still had a glare on his face. "I'd almost prefer that over you acting like you like me."
"It makes me uncomfortable too, I just enjoy watching you squirm so much."
Sasuke still stared at me, but now without much of an expression.
"In another universe, there's a Naruto that actually likes me the way you joke about." He eventually said, a small grin on his face.
"Bite me," I scowled, resuming our walk to Ichiraku's, "There's more likely of a chance that Uchiha Satsuki exists in another Universe instead of you, and she's getting pounded into a mattress, screaming my name."
I'd never seen a more disgusted look on Sasuke's face in all the years I've known him.
"Don't," Sasuke warned lightly, "That's different than being gay."
"I didn't say Satsuki was a female you, more like your sister."
Sasuke ran his hand through his hair, flipping me off as he did so.
"I was going to be named Satsuki if I was a girl." Sasuke said gruffly, scowling visibly.
That caught me off guard. I ended up laughing at the absurdity.
Acting like I came across a massive discovery, I looked Sasuke in the eye. "I know what it is, There's not another universe where the two of us are together, nor is it a female you or me, we're both girls in another universe."
...
"You're an idiot."
We got within sight of Ichiraku's when I spoke.
"Selectively intelligent." I countered, spotting Ayame at the counter, waving towards her.
I saw her smile and wave at me, heading to the kitchen to get a bowl of ramen, probably.
We got there and sat down at the counter, seeing her come back with, I guessed right, a free bowl of Miso ramen that was put in front of me.
"Thanks, Ayame-chan." I said brightly, giving her a bright smile. I then leaned forward and inhaled the scent of the ramen, groaning in delight.
I started eating it and Sasuke gave me a quizzical look.
"Your not taking this from me." I managed to get out from the mouthful of noodles, "I value this ramen more than you value your balls."
"Be dramatic then." Sasuke rolled his eyes, turning to Ayame and ordering himself some ramen.
"Ayame-chan," I proclaimed after swallowing the mouthful of ramen, "You're going to make someone a real happy man with your cooking." I grinned, drinking some of the broth.
"Oh, Naruto," She smiled, mock blushing, "Is this how you're proposing to me?"
I shook my head. "I'd get on my knees and proclaim my everlasting love for you, that I'd have nothing that's first in my heart other than you." I said dramatically, seeing her blush slightly, "But alas, ramen comes first."
"Oh hush, you," She frowned jokingly, smacking me with her notepad, "Are you wanting more?"
"I'll take two more," I nodded, "Rin and Hinata will be here too."
Ayame groaned at hearing Rin's name. "I'll make sure to fix several." She giggled, giving me a wink as she went to the kitchen.
Sasuke glanced at me after she went to the back.
"Why are all the girls you talk with not insane?" He asked genuinely.
"Hmnn?" I asked, having drunk some more of the broth.
"She was flirting with you." Sasuke stared, "How do you not have fangirls like I do?"
"Do you really want me to answer that?"
Sasuke pondered for a moment, then nodded. "I don't care what stupid comments you add, just tell me why."
Sighing, I decided to answer it with what I had observed about the difference between girls and women.
"Girls our age like the quiet, stalwart, and brooding types. You fit that to a T, tall, dark, and handsome, and all that crap." I said, seeing him follow along.
"You don't have as many girls pining after you, civilian or kunoichi, that are a few years older, right?" I asked.
Sasuke thought for a moment, then muttered a "Yes."
"Girls will grow out of it, and they'll pursue another type of guy more often, a guy like me." I pointed at myself, an arrogant grin on my face.
"And what kind of guy are you?" He deadpanned, "A lunatic."
I gave a light-hearted scowl and ignored that.
"A passionate one." I stated simply, "I guy that will fulfill their every desire and pursues what I want with a feral desire, whether it is to be a strong Shinobi, or to claim a woman as my own, making her beg to be mine."
Sasuke was paying rapt attention, not showing any sign of his thoughts.
"At least that's what the books say." I said flatly, seeing him scowl at me.
"I thought you were being serious." he muttered, looking around us to make sure no one would hear.
"I'm being partially serious." I snickered, "Mostly the part about women and older girls not liking attitude like yours."
Sasuke was about to say something, but Ayame came up and set down three bowls, one for Sasuke and two for me.
Giving her a quick thank you, I turned to look at Sasuke again.
"Older girls want a guy that'll talk and be expressive to them, at least that's what I've noticed when hearing them talk."
"You listen to girls talk?" He asked, looking surprised.
"I'm not a thick headed dunce, Sasuke. Lunatics can be smart to."
"So you acknowledge you're crazy?"
"No," I shook my head, "Rin is crazy, while I'm a lunatic. There's a difference."
Sasuke looked at me like I grew a second head. "I don't know how she hasn't killed you yet."
"I don't say she's crazy to her face," I shrugged, "But let's get back to why I don't have fangirls."
Sasuke blinked and leaned in to listen more closely.
"My hair and my whisker marks make me look wild and feral, almost like an Inuzuka. I've had older girls lick there lips when they see me with my shirt off after I train." I said seriously, setting up a comment to annoy Sasuke,"They think I look like I'll throw them in bed a couple years from now and fuck them til they're walking bow legged for a week."
"Naruto!" I heard Ayame gasp, the older girl picking the worst time to come back, "That's disgusting to say." She raised her hand to smack me.
"You didn't hear the context." I protested, throwing up my hands to stop her hitting me.
"Ayame-san, he's telling the truth." Sasuke said seriously, looking towards her, "You didn't hear the first part."
"Thank you," I said, leaning away from Ayame in case she still tried to hit me.
"Oh really?" She asked sarcastically, looking at Sasuke, "What was the context?"
"He was talking about what he wanted to do with you in a couple years." Sasuke shrugged, taking a bite of his ramen now that it was cooled off.
My eyes widened as I felt Ayame's glare burn into my face.
"Sasuke!" I growled, smacking the back of his head, almost causing him to spill his bowl.
Before I could do more, Ayame beat me over the head with the spoon she was holding.
"Pervert." She growled, hitting my eye on the last hit.
"Agh." I clutched my eye, almost falling out of my seat.
I didn't fail to notice how red faced she was when she turned and left us with a huff.
I could hear Sasuke snickering to my left, wiping the lower part of his face with a napkin.
"Screw you too." I muttered, blinking my left eye repeatedly.
"I like how she didn't doubt me at all, and she knows you." He grinned.
"I make jokes," I glared at him, scowling at my eye itching, "I don't talk about screwing specific girls, only in general."
"She didn't see the difference." Sasuke countered, taking another bite of ramen.
Huffing, I shook my head at him. "I ain't telling you the secret to get rid of the fangirls." I felt betrayed. Betrayed! I tell you. The audacity of Sasuke not rolling over and getting tormented without retaliation was an intolerable insult!
Sasuke looked at me frantically. "No. No, don't do that. If you can get them off my case, I'll help you with your D-ranks." he promised.
I scoffed at his statement, not believing him. "You desperate enough to shovel dog shit from the Inuzuka kennels and chase Tora to get the fangirls to stop bothering you?"
"Yes."
"Hmnn," I blinked, surprised at his honesty, "Okay, you got a deal. My D-ranks don't start til tomorrow. This is my last day off."
Both teams were given a few days off from training and missions, a surprise A-rank deserved some well earned R and R.
Scowling, I pressed my sensing out. "Where the hell are they?" I grumbled, not feeling Rin or Hinata.
"Who?"
"Rin was supposed to pick up Hinata and bring her here, not sure what the hell's taking so long. Maybe she kicked Neji in the balls again or something." I added absentmindedly, both me and Sasuke flinching.
Neji evidently said something stupid to her when they were sparring and ended up doing almost the exact same thing she did to me, except it was on purpose. The fact that he preferred sparring against me was telling, especially since I left him black and blue from my hits.
"You're the only one she doesn't like that hasn't gotten hit by her," I pointed out, enjoying seeing him flinch, "I think she's saving the best for last."
Sasuke paled slightly and looked away from me, trying to eat some more ramen but I could see his hand clenched somewhat.
I had a grin on my face that he didn't see.
"Hey, Rin." I said next to his ear, looking behind him.
He jumped in his chair and swiftly turned around, looking extremely pale.
"Gotcha." I laughed, seeing the realization on his face.
He sent me a heated glare and went back to his bowl of ramen, ignoring me.
It wasn't until almost 15 minutes later when Rin and Hinata showed up, Rin looking angry and Hinata looking embarrassed.
"Who got their balls crushed?" I asked sarcastically, not turning around to look at them.
Rin plopped herself next to me and groaned under her breath. "I hate Anko."
I snorted amusedly, beckoning her to elaborate.
"I don't need her giving us 'girl talk'." She groaned, noticing Ayame come out with her favourite ramen, Hinata's usual in her other hand.
"Thanks." Rin said, beginning to eat.
"Pervert." Ayame looked at me, still looking a bit embarrassed. She then went back to the kitchen to fix the orders for the other customers.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Rin raised a brow at me in question.
"Sasuke wanted to know why older girls like me." I said simply, "While he gets fangirls."
Rin scowled, probably from the memory of the offers I got.
"Ayame didn't hear all the context and Sasuke decided to be a smartass."
Sasuke made 'hn' sound and kept eating.
"I don't even want to know." Rin muttered, digging into her ramen.
I shook my head at the mood she was in, turning to look at Hinata.
She avoided my eyes and her face reddened, looking away and eating.
I let the silence stay for a few minutes, letting the two of them eat their food.
After Rin finished her bowl, I spoke. "By any chance are you wanting to help me with the D-ranks I need to do? Sasuke is."
"No." Rin answered simply, raising her hand to signal for Ayame to get her another bowl, "I'm not giving up a free day."
"Just tell me how I'm such a disappointment." I sniffled, wiping a fake tear away, "Anko would at least be honest."
Rin glared at the name mentioned.
"Don't say her name." She grumbled, dropping her head in her hand.
"She say something?" I asked, looking between her and Hinata.
Growling irritably, Rin switched to English, sparing Sasuke a glance. "I could smell Kakashi on her."
I started snickering at the look of disgust on her face.
"On her breath?" I asked, seeing her nostrils flare.
"Not funny."
"Was that all there was?" I asked.
"She gave Hinata advice," She frowned, "About what boys like."
I started laughing and gave Hinata a glance, wondering what the hell was said that would have Hinata so quiet.
"And?" I asked.
"I'm not going to say it out loud." She huffed, "It's embarrassing."
"Will you two stop talking with your own language?" Sasuke cut in, "It's annoying."
"You're annoying." I countered, "The nerve of you to interrupt such an important time between us."
"Sounds like something lovers say about each other." Sasuke scoffed.
Rin chose the wrong time to take a drink of water, coughing profusely and having water come out of her nose.
"That's disgusting." Rin glared at him, her eyes watering.
I was also glaring at Sasuke, knowing he said that on purpose.
"Har har, so funny." I said sarcastically, turning back to Rin, "I'll just ask Anko myself."
After I spoke and Rin rolled her eyes, I leaned forward to look at Hinata.
"Everything alright? You've been quiet."
"Yes, Naruto," She said quietly, managing to look up, "It's just that, Anko teased me."
I just chuckled and got up, moving to Rin's left and squeezing between the two.
"Budge over." I said, pushing Rin towards Sasuke to make room, "You can deal with Sasuke-kun now." I grinned as I heard her growl slightly.
Sitting next to Hinata, I gave her a reassuring smile. "Don't take it personally, Anko does that to anyone she can get a reaction out of. It just means she likes you."
Hinata smiled slightly and covered her mouth as she laughed lightly.
"You make it sound like she's a dog."
I snickered and shrugged my shoulders. "From a certain point of view."
Rin shifted over and started talking to Sasuke some, while I started a conversation with Hinata about the Byakugan.
"Can you see when I use my sensing?"
She shook her head, tucking her hair back behind her ear after the movement. She'd grown her hair out a little bit, not as much as Rin's, which went an inch or two past her shoulder blades, but it was longer than a couple years back.
"I can tell when you're sensing when I'm looking at you, but not much else."
"Anything else you've been doing since the break?" I asked, wanting to just relax and listen.
She smiled and told me what she'd been up to, mostly spending time with Hanabi.
Hanabi was a little firecracker when I first met her, demanding what my 'Intentions' were with her oneesan. It was slightly unsettling how much she reminded me of Hiashi in how she'd glare at me when I tried to be sarcastic.
"Would you be able to have dinner with me?" She asked, smiling slightly.
"What?" I asked, shocked still by what she just said.
"My father wants to talk some more, mostly about you and Rin." She clarified, startled by how shocked I looked.
"Are you okay?" She asked, looking concerned, "You look pale, are you coming down with something?" She pressed her hand against my forehead.
I ended up nodding mutely, shocked at the inversion of what "Naruto" did in the series.
"Yeah," I assured her, blinking a few times, "Just thinking of the D-ranks I'll be punished with tomorrow."
"I'm sure they won't be too difficult." She tried to assure me.
I gave her a deadpanned look. "Do you really think Kakashi won't cook up something to drive me insane?"
Hinata pursed her lips and scrunched her face. "I guess you're right."
I was about to speak some more, but I heard someone behind me, someone that I knew wasn't going to like what I was about to do.
"What did Hanabi say about Konohamaru?" I asked a little loudly, winking at Hinata to go along, "She said he was such an idiot, right?"
Hinata activated her eyes and stifled a laugh.
"Yes, she said he was such a foolish little boy."
I heard the aforementioned boy jump up from the square box with his friends next to him and jumped at me with a shout.
"Where is she? I'll show her I'm stronger!" He shouted, making Rin and Sasuke jump.
"Konohamaru," I exclaimed, feigning surprise, "I didn't see you there. I've missed you, little man." I grabbed him by his scarf and ruffled his hair.
"Agh, stop it." He said, his voice muffled as his face was buried in my shirt, "I wanna play ninja."
I let him go and groaned slightly, not wanting to use up the rest of my free day.
'Screw it.' I haven't spent time with him in a while and he needs a good role model. I thought to myself, standing up from my seat.
"Sure, I've got some time." I stepped towards him after giving Hinata a smile.
I heard Rin snort and she stuck her foot out right as I stepped forward, causing me to fall flat on my face.
Konohamaru started laughing, Udon and Moegi laughing as well.
Jumping up, I gave Rin a glare, but didn't mean anything by it.
"I meant to do that." I lied, jumping up and rubbing my nose slightly from hitting the ground.
"C'mon, ducklings, time to go." I said, pointing towards the street while looking at the three.
Konohamaru grinned and followed me, excited for some fun.
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"You are unwise to lower your Defense." I swung a chakra blade down at a Henged clone of mine, a screech being heard as my blade met my clone's.
Konohamaru, Udon, and Moegi were cheering as I put on a show of 'Sword fighting', mostly to amuse them and myself.
I played ninja with them, mostly having them pursue me through the streets and having a mock taijutsu exchange, mostly me slapping aside their punches.
I did that for about an hour or two, before I offered to provide some entertainment in the form of some Kenjutsu use.
It served another purpose though.
I'd made a subtle hint for Konohamaru to ask his grandfather about learning some Bojutsu from him, commenting how strong the old man was, and that he'd need to study and work hard if he wanted to beat me or his grandfather.
My clone got backed into a tree as I kept slashing and stabbing at it, keeping the pace relatively slow.
I stopped my assault and turned back to them, the three of them showing astonishment at my skill.
"You got to teach me that golden sword thing, boss!" Konohamaru shouted, "That's awesome!"
I signaled my clone to pop, which it did after nodding an affirmative.
"I won't be able to teach you," I admitted, "It's a bloodline."
Konohamaru pouted at what I said. "No fair. All the cool things are clan things."
"Your grandfather doesn't have any Bloodline abilities," I pointed out, "And he's the strongest Shinobi here."
"But he's old." Konohamaru said, convinced of his argument.
I walked closer to him to showcase our height difference.
"Minion one, minion two," I gestured to Udon and Moegi, both scowling at me, "Come here."
They did as I instructed and sat up from the ground where they'd been watching me fight my clone.
"I remember when I was shorter than you guys," I said, smiling at the memories, "Now, I'm just an inch or two shorter than the Hokage."
Hiruzen was 5,4 at most, maybe being an inch or so taller when he was younger, but he was not an imposing man when looking with your eyes.
'Size matters not.' I thought amusedly.
He was like a furnace when staring at his chakra with my sensing, even with his age having diminished it from what it was.
"I taught you that Jutsu, remember?" I asked with a smile.
Konohamaru learned the Sexy jutsu and used it on Ebisu, making my day when the Jonin was made a fool after telling me 'politely' to screw off and stop 'corrupting' the Hokage's grandson.
"Patience is a virtue, guys," I looked at each one of them, "You don't have to be as strong as the Shodai before you get married."
Konohamaru scrunched his face in disgust.
"I don't want to act like Uncle Asuma," He said, "He keeps sparring in the spare room with a lady he kisses."
"Spars?" I asked, being completely lost.
"Yeah!" He nodded repeatedly, "He probably doesn't hit hard because she keeps saying 'Harder, Asuma', 'Give me more'."
'Don't laugh. He's a kid. I can't tell him, Hiruzen will kill me, he'll make me give him The Talk.'
I had to turn my face away from them and act like I was sneezing, trying to hide how hard I was shaking from not laughing my ass off.
'I'm going to be relentless to Asuma when I get the chance.' I thought, composing myself and turning back to them.
"Sorry," I said, rubbing my nose, "Allergies."
They bought it and I continued talking.
"Don't let people say it's stupid and childish to play ninja, I'm 13 and I'm having fun helping you guys out. You're in the Academy and you'll have me for advice, okay?" I looked at all of them.
The three nodded quickly, looking at me with adoration.
"I think it's time for you guys to go home now," I said, "It's been a couple hours now."
"Ahhhhh," they complained, but I held up my hand, Henging as Hiruzen and giving Konohamaru a serious look.
"Now, Konohamaru," I said sternly, quirking the side of my mouth up, "How do you expect to surpass me if you don't eat your vegetables and listen to your teachers? Do you want to be short like me?"
Konohamaru laughed and shook his head.
"No, Jiji." He snickered, looking at his friends.
"Good," I nodded, dropping the Henge, "Ebisu is probably going crazy from trying to find you guys, let's get you back to him."
Right before I did, I looked at Konohamaru.
"Did you manage to succeed in what I asked?" I saw the way his eyes lit up.
"Yep!" He nodded enthusiastically, reaching towards the ground and grabbing a leaf. He stuck it to his finger with chakra, the leaf being totally still.
"Okay," I clapped my hands, rubbing them together, "Did you manage to get to the tree walking part or not?"
"Uh," Konohamaru shifted around on his feet, looking down, "Sort of?"
"What do you mean sort of?" I tilted my head.
"I can stick to the tree, but I can't really walk up it." He said.
I patted his shoulder gently, causing him to look up.
"Show me."
Konohamaru looked a bit nervous, but walked up to a tree and pressed his foot to it, his face contorted in concentration.
After several seconds, he lifted his other leg, pressing it to the tree.
"You got it." I encouraged him, seeing him struggle.
Konohamaru managed to get both feet to stick for five seconds before he slipped of, falling on his back.
He stifled a growl of irritation.
"Useless." He muttered, kicking the tree.
"8 years old and you almost did it." I congratulated him, not wanting him to get discouraged.
"8 and a half." He corrected me, looking up in challenge.
"Oh, then it's not impressive. You're a disappointment." I said with a straight face.
The shortstack shoved me, doing absolutely nothing as I didn't move.
"Not funny." He mumbled, glaring at his friends as they laughed.
"But seriously," I wrapped my arm around his shoulder, "You worked hard while I was gone, so here's a reward."
I stretched out my right hand and focused chakra into it, forming a Rasengan as slowly as I could manage.
"This," I said over the slight noise, watching Konohamaru's awestruck look, "Is what I showed you before. The Rasengan."
"The Yondaime's jutsu." Konohamaru said breathlessly, eyes wide as saucers.
"To put it simply," I explained, letting go of his shoulder and pointing at the orb of swirling chakra, "This involves spinning chakra in multiple directions at the same time, making it act like a saw."
To demonstrate to the other two as well, I rushed forward and smashed my hand into a tree, tearing a hole through it with ease.
I turned back and saw the two staring in open-mouthed shock, while Konohamaru was a little less surprised, having seen it before.
"That's what you can do if you work hard and learn chakra theory and the other boring stuff."
I know that a bunch of the theory lectures were boring, but actually showing what you could do if they were done correctly needed to be done with Konohamaru.
"So, when anybody asks," I said, whispering conspiratorially as I looked around like someone was listening, "You didn't anything cool from me. We'll keep it secret."
"Like spies?" Konohamaru asked excitedly.
"Exactly like spies." I told all three of them. "We're on a mission to show the boring teachers that we troublemakers can learn and have fun."
All three high-fived, looking at be in unison.
"What are our orders, Sensei?" Konohamaru piped up, throwing me an attempt at a salute.
'Cheeky brat.' I laughed to myself, reveling in the lighthearted innocence of these three eight year olds.
They were actual eight year olds, not the freaks like me, Itachi, or Kakashi. They only wanted to learn things to have fun, not to be better killers.
They are innocent.
'But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.'
I wasn't the guy, obviously, but I think I could at least follow that bit of mindset.
"I think we need to go to Ebisu, now." I said, smiling when I thought of what to say. "Act normal. Don't act like a spy."
"Hai." They all three nodded, following me as I walked away, almost like babies following mama goose.
I marched towards where I expected Ebisu to be, finding him a few minutes later outside of the hot springs.
"Surprise, surprise." I muttered, sending a mock salute to the man.
He sent me a glare and watched as the three kids came towards him, waving at me as I turned to leave.
Ebisu ended up approaching me from behind and clearing his throat, causing me to turn around.
"Yes?" I asked flatly, not wanting to talk with him.
I didn't like the glares he'd give me or Rin when we were younger.
"What did you teach the honoured grandson?" He nearly demanded, keeping his tone quiet.
"All the things that would make me a disappointment to my mother." I shrugged, enjoying the tensing of his eyes behind his shades.
"Such as?" He gritted out.
"How to obtain the greatest of happiness in life that a man can have," I said cheerfully, fixing him with a grin, "Keep your feet dry, your pecker wet, and your belly full."
'Semper Fi, bitch.'
I didn't give him the chance to respond as I Shunshined away, heading home.
I got back to the apartment and felt only one signature there, and it wasn't Rin's.
Kakashi.
Deciding to have some fun at his expense, I walked into the apartment and kept shifting around like I was uncomfortable walking, heading to the bathroom.
I almost got a headache from keeping sight of Kakashi's chakra, it being suppressed massively.
I closed the door to the bathroom and made a clone as silently as possible, sitting down next to the toilet and cracking open a book.
'If he thought he could jump scare me, he's in for a surprise.' I thought, my clone starting step one of screwing with Kakashi by starting to smack its thigh repeatedly and start moaning softly.
This went on over and over for about 30 minutes, me pushing chakra into the seals I'd drawn on my hairline to muffle the sound so I didn't have to hear myself moaning 'Anko-chan' for half an hour.
I eventually got bored and signaled my clone to finish, the clone groaning loudly and dissipating seconds later.
I closed the book and put it up, opening the bathroom door, acting like I was slightly breathless.
I made it no more than a couple steps when Kakashi let his suppression drop and jumped out of the closet.
I blinked at him in surprise, feigning shock.
"Kakashi?"
He looked visibly uncomfortable and didn't make eye contact.
"Naruto."
"Were you here this whole time listening?" I demanded, fixing him with a mock glare.
"Forty. Five. Minutes." He said irritably, "How the hell can you possibly do that for that long, non-stop? I came here to fill you in on what D-ranks you're doing tomorrow, not listen to you being a teenage boy. I'm not getting payed for this." he waved his arms slightly, glaring at me.
"What does me being a teenage boy have to do with anything?" I asked, enjoying how irritated he was.
"You were moaning Anko's name." He deadpanned.
"And?"
Kakashi's face twitched slightly and he widened his eye like he realized something.
"Did you make a bunshin and mess with me?"
I just grinned. "You should've never taught me that."
Kakashi shook his head and walked out of my bedroom towards me, pushing a sheet of paper with the official seal of the Hokage on it, meaning it was a mission, into my hands, continuing to walk past me.
I took it and popped it open, reading the contents.
My eyes widened as I read it.
"Oh you got to be shitting me," I said, balling up the paper and throwing it at the back of Kakashi's head, "It rained two days ago, there's going to be shit up to my waste."
The order was to clean out some blockage in one of the sewer lines that dumped sewage and water out of the village, a bunch of leaves and forest stuff possibly clogging it up.
"You can use water jutsu." Kakashi shrugged, leaning down and picking up the paper and trying to remove the creases from it, "You just need to find the blockage."
"Get a Hyuga to do it." I said simply.
I'm not going on a wild goose chase to clean a ball of shit and leaves out of a sewer with a water jutsu.
"You're cheaper hired help." Kakashi countered.
"I'm not getting paid."
"Exactly." Kakashi said happily, waving at me as he turned to leave, "You already know where to meet up," He pointed at the orders he set down, "Later."
He left the apartment without another word.
Growling to myself, I grabbed the paper and glared at it.
"Bullshit." I muttered, setting it back down.
I went in to the kitchen to fix myself some food, having not eaten since I went with Konohamaru to entertain him.
Whistling to myself, I grabbed the fridge handle and opened the door, hearing a slight creak.
It all seemed to go in slow motion. I saw a razor thin wire be revealed as I opened the door, certain food cartons beginning to fall.
"No!" I screamed frantically, too late to stop it from happening.
All the eggs in the fridge came crashing to the floor, most of them breaking and spilling out on the floor.
I froze, not being able to comprehend that it just happened.
I started breathing heavily, my Killing Intent leaking out.
I saw a note attached to the interior, grabbing it and looking at it, the writing on it sending my fury to the next level.
A hand with the middle finger raised was drawn on it, the bottom text telling me who caused this travesty.
I traced it.
"Fuck you, Kakashi." I snarled, wheeling around to grab a bag to clean up the mess. I ended up turning too quickly and slipped backwards on the eggs, hitting the floor hard and smacking my head against the floor, egg yolk coating my back.
I just layed there, giving up on life for a few minutes.
My precious eggs were taken from me, my head hurt, and I needed to take another shower from getting coated in eggs.
Cursing under my breath, I got up and staggered to the bathroom, trying to will the knot on my head to heal faster.
I stripped my clothes off and shivered and twitched at the feel of cold egg yolk leaking down my back, hating the chill.
I ran a hand through my hair and scowled at it sticking in clumps at the back.
"Asshole." I growled, stepping into the shower as I stopped myself from going into a full swear filled tangent and turned on the water, having it at a high temperature.
Rin and I both preferred hot water, this time no different.
I refused to belief that the high pitched scream seconds later came from me.
The temperature was wrong, what came out was ice water.
I jumped out of the shower and started shivering instantly. I glared at the knob that said "Hot", when it definitely wasn't.
I stepped forward and twisted the knob to cold, feeling the water heat up. I stepped back in and started washing myself.
'I hate you, Kakashi.'
///////////////////
End Chapter:
Kind of a shorter chapter, the next one will be what happens tomorrow with his D-rank mission. Just like the group training, this'll be a small, light-hearted arc leading up to the Chunin exams. Training will occur after this small arc's way I'm planning the exams and the Forest of Death is going to be awesome to write.
Here's a comedic chapter and have a wonderful day.
Raging.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone