Chapter 9: Ch.9: Love breaks and love divides

:: Quinn POV ::

I weaved my way towards the room I occupied last night. I didn't know where else to go and I needed to lie down. I thought my dizzy spell would wear off once I stayed still but it didn't. I walked on shaky legs, silently praying Raziel wouldn't find me like this.

Once I was safely in the room, I leaned heavily on the closed door and breathed out tiredly. "Safe at last!"

There was no sign of Raziel in any of the rooms I passed by to get here. He's probably somewhere private where my presence wouldn't bother him.

I ungracefully slid down to the floor and brought my knees up to support my aching head. I really wanted to lie down but the bed seemed so far away. And the carpeted floor looked very inviting.

"Quinn?" Raziel came out of the adjoining bathroom wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. His hair was still wet and there were droplets of water sliding off his neck and shoulder. "Are you alright?" He asked, sounding worried.

I swallowed hard. Even in my feeble state I had to fight hard not to eat him with my eyes. Damn, he looked yummy! I purposely turned my head away and tried to get on my feet. But my body was not working properly and in no time I was back on the floor. I hit the back of my head on the door out of frustration and groaned pathetically. "I need to lie down…"

I was in Raziel's strong arms before I could finish. He deposited me gently on the center of the bed and looked down at me worriedly.

"Is there anything you need? Water?" He asked.

I smiled. I couldn't help it. He looked like the Raziel I know, the one who was in a trance, the one who loved me. Raziel was fussing and it made my heart ache. Only this time it's not from the pain of his rejection but from the old kindness I've known and felt before he left me. He seemed to have forgotten he hated my guts for what I did to him. I wanted to bask in the warmth of the moment for a bit longer but as usual, everything is against me!

I struggled to sit up as I clutched his arm and frowned. "B-Bathroom…" was all I could choke out for fear of throwing up on the silk sheets and the carpeted floor.

Raziel wordlessly carried me to the bathroom and I dropped unceremoniously on the tiled floor. I hugged the toilet bowl like it was a long lost friend. As I was hurling what was left on my stomach, I thought Raziel would go away. Surprisingly, he stayed and held my hair away from my face. Then he took a towelette, wet it and gently wiped my face and neck.

"Tell me what's wrong with you?" He sounded anxious as he felt my forehead. "You're feverish. Can you move?"

I shook my head slowly, groaning from the whirling sensation.

Raziel cursed under his breath, held me up and let me sit on the side of the tub. "I'll remove your clothes, okay? We need to get you cleaned up then I'll take you to bed. Just hang on a second." And without pause, he started removing my clothes.

Raziel helped me shower, soaped and shampooed my hair and body. If this was another time, I would have jumped for joy due to this sudden turn. But at the moment, I was too tired. After drying both of our bodies he carried and brought me back to the room. Once there, he helped me dress before placing me under the covers. Raziel put on his clothes and in no time, was beside me feeling my forehead again.

"You threw up everything you ate," he said. "Was there anything that didn't agree with your stomach?"

"No, I just… I can't keep food for the past few days." I explained. I don't want Raziel to think I hated his cooking because I don't. It's another side of him I never got a chance to see until today. I never knew he could cook and from the taste of the food this morning, he could make miracles happen in the kitchen.

"I'll make you something light. You can't have an empty stomach if you're vomiting like that all the time." He brushed my hair away from my face and lightly touched my cheek. "I can hear you so if you need me just whisper and I'd be here in no time."

I tried not to lean in to his touch but I couldn't help relishing the feel of his fingers on my skin. I miss him. I miss this sensitive and caring Raziel. I miss touching him and I miss being touched by him. But I can't let his treatment get to my head. Raziel rejected me and there's nothing I can do to change his mind.

I breathed in deeply, catching his scent in the air. Raziel was close enough to touch but still too damn far and out of reach. I closed my eyes and pretended to fall asleep so he'd go away. I don't want him to see the tears forming in my eyes.

But Raziel surprised me by wiping one stray drop that found its way on my cheeks and lightly touched his lips on my forehead.

"Rest, I'll be right back." He whispered softly as he walked out the door.

:: Raziel POV ::

Quinn slept most of the morning away.

When I found her slumped on the floor, pale as death, I thought my heart would stop. Then she heaved everything she had on her stomach and by the time I was helping her to shower, I was beside myself with worry.

I'm not stupid. Quinn didn't want me to see her that way. But she didn't have a choice because I wouldn't leave her alone, not in the state she was in.

Quinn ate half of the soup I cooked for her and fell back to sleep afterwards. I stayed in the room and watched her sleep, as I did the night before.

What's wrong with her? Is she sick? Quinn said it wasn't anything she ate and I believe her. But it's not normal for anyone to throw up like that. I kept feeling her forehead, worried that her temperature would rise but so far it hadn't.

"Raziel," Syrath called out. Once he caught sight of Quinn's pale form on the bed, he hurried inside the room to take a closer look. "What happened?" He growled, looking accusingly at me.

"Keep it down, will you? She's resting right now." I whispered irritably. I stood up and motioned for him to follow me out of the room.

"What happened?" Syrath demanded once we're out of the room.

"I don't know!" I ran a shaking hand on my hair before facing my brother. "I found her sick in my room. She threw up everything she ate for breakfast. She told me she hasn't been keeping down food for the past days and she doesn't know the reason either. Her temperature is a bit high but not spiked enough for concern, at least not for now."

"Is she hurt anywhere? Did she say exactly how she's feeling?"

"Quinn said she's a bit dizzy. I made soup and she managed to keep half of it down before going back to sleep. Maybe we should get someone to look at her. She looks so tired and too pale." And I'm getting desperate. I need to know what's wrong with Quinn so we can fix it! "Maybe it's stress... I don't know."

Everything is new to me. Every emotion I have, when it involves Quinn, is a first. The constant worry, the paralyzing fear, it feels like my whole being is connected to hers. I want to keep her safe, worry-free and happy. But I don't know how I could accomplish that!

Syrath gave me a long, searching look before breathing in and out deeply. Then he said, "Quinn will be fine. She needs rest, that's all."

He sounded confident and I felt slightly reassured. But Syrath wasn't the one who watched Quinn puke her guts out and he wasn't the one who had to hold her up to get cleaned afterwards.

"Orion and Nuri will be here soon. They'd be helping with putting up charms around the house so we'd know when someone unfriendly comes to visit. They could check Quinn, if we ask. Orion is blessed with the gift of healing and Nuri could link with Quinn to observe what's wrong with her body. For now, we need to look after her, make sure she's comfortable until they get here."

I nodded and kept my worries to myself. Syrath's right, of course. There's not much we could do but make sure Quinn is comfortable.

I watched in silence as Syrath walked back to the room. I can't stay there with them so I went into the living room and focused on nothing in particular.

I'm stupid! I don't know how I thought I'd survive life without Quinn. The past twenty-four hours is testament to that fact. I can't live without Quinn. Fuck the resonance and fuck the mating call! Both are gone but the feelings I have for her remain unchanged.

I'm an idiot! A moron! I've been in love with Quinn this whole time and I had to lose her first to realize the extent of my feelings.

If only I could turn back time, return to when I snapped out of my trance and find out I'm mated to Quinn. If I knew then what I know now, things could have been different. I wouldn't be sitting here worrying if I'm going to get a second chance. But do I deserve a second chance?

I closed my eyes, blocking out the fear. I don't know what I'd do if something happens to Quinn. I can't let anything happen to her. I don't care if she doesn't want me. If Quinn wants Syrath, I won't get in their way. Maybe in time I'd be able to accept their relationship wholeheartedly. But for now, what I want is for her to be safe and healthy.

Suddenly, the words she said this morning surfaced in my mind, about removing all my memories of her. I have no doubt Quinn could do it. I bet she'd done it before. But to whom? Whose memory did Quinn wiped and removed all traces of herself? Why would anyone want to do that? What pushed Quinn to such an extent?

I was furious when she suggested it. Regardless of what happened, even if I hadn't realized I loved her, I still wouldn't want to erase Quinn from my memories. To go as far as to suggest it, Quinn must be quite desperate.

I clenched and unclenched my fists realizing I might have contributed to the fact. Quinn had enough on her plate without having to deal with me. If only I took the time to think and calmed down when it was needed, perhaps we'd be in a better situation than we are now. And maybe I would still have Quinn.

But because I'm a moron, an idiot and a fucking lunatic, I might have to make do with watching over her from afar. I'd have to learn how to live in a constant state of jealousy, towards my brother, because Syrath would be able to do what I cannot.

I suddenly have the urge to fly. It's been years since I last stretched my wings. I miss the feel of the wind on my body and the sight of the endless sky. But I can't go, not now, not when Quinn needs constant care and attention. There are bad men out to get her and we have to deal with them when they come.

If I have the chance, maybe I'd try to talk to Quinn about us. Perhaps after all this is done, I'd fly somewhere and if I could persuade her, I'd take Quinn with me.

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