1
Rachel
I step onto the sidewalk and breathe deeply, once...twice. It's nearly summertime in New York City, and the weather is absolutely gorgeous. Of course, it's only a matter of time before the city becomes unbearably muggy and hot, but I love it anyways and thank my lucky stars that I'm able to live in such an incredible metropolis.
As I walk towards Bar Americaine to meet my boyfriend Danny, the muted chatter of people filling the sidewalks is strangely comforting. The sidewalks are congested today because people want to enjoy the weather, and so everyone's out. Not to mention the number of dogs prancing around too! Okay, I love canines as much as the next person, but doing the merengue to avoid steaming piles of doggie doo-doo is definitely not one of my favorite things.
As I near the restaurant, my phone rings. I fumble around in my bottomless bag trying to find it before I miss the call.
"Hello?" I answer, a little frazzled.
"Rachel! Hey, girl. Where are you?" Laurelin Connor, aka my best friend, asks on the other end of the line.
"I'm on my way to meet Danny for lunch. Why, where are you?"
My buddy lets out an exaggerated sigh.
"I'm at home with the baby, but that's not important at the moment because you, girlfriend, have important things to focus on. Are you still planning on talking to Danny today about you-know-what?"
This seems to be an ever-present topic of conversation over the past few weeks, and I know what Laurelin's getting at. I've been with my boyfriend, Danny, for three years now, but it feels like a lot longer. We know each other so well that when he sneezes, I can feel my nose itch. As a result, I want to take our relationship to the next level. It makes sense, after all. We're both solid in our careers and more than able to sustain a major life change. Honestly, he should suck it up at this point and just buy me a ring. But a chill runs down my spine and I bite my lip.
"Yes, today's the day. I'm nervous, though."
"Nervous?" Laurelin parrots. "But why?"
I shrug like she can see me through the phone and mumble, "I don't know. I've just been getting weird vibes from Danny for a couple of days. He's been a little distant. He never answers the phone when I call, but then, he'll call me back within the hour. It's weird, right? I mean, how many times can you be in the shower or at the stove? It's strange, but he says it's because he's busy at work and really trying to make a good impression."
Laurelin's silent for a moment.
"Do you think he's telling the truth?" she asks.
I sigh. "I really hope so. I mean, I know Danny's job can be a little stressful because NYU is a premier university. You know he does IT for them, so he's responsible for their computer networks and that's a lot of pressure."
Laurelin makes a clucking noise because I know she hears the tremble in my voice.
"Try not to worry, sweetie. I'm sure everything is fine. Just relax and everything will go smoothly. By the way, do you want to come by afterwards and see your favorite friend and her adorable baby boy?" my bestie wheedles.
I smile. I love baby Jamie almost as much as I love his mother. "Of course! I'll text when I'm on the way. Love you, Laure."
"Love you too, girlie!"
With that, we hang up and I take a deep breath. Today is the day when I take my relationship to the next level, but what if it goes awry? What if Danny says no and doesn't want to get more serious? I think I'd die but there's only one way to find out.
I walk into the restaurant and spot Danny at a table in the middle of the restaurant. He doesn't see me right away because his face is buried in his phone, but that's not out of the ordinary. But he does seem jittery, and maybe even a little nervous. His leg is shaking from his heel bouncing against the stained concrete floors, making a slight tap-tap-tap sound.
Then I see him smile at his phone, and the smile is bright -- much brighter than anything he's directed at me lately. He chuckles a bit before putting away his cell and then looks around. I wonder what he was looking at?
Then, Danny surveys the room, sees me, and his smile falters a bit. Meanwhile, I wave and in reply, he raises his hand half-heartedly. Ugh, this doesn't seem too promising, and my stomach rolls just a little.
Quit overthinking things. He's probably just overwhelmed at work, just like he said, the voice in my mind speaks. I tell the host that I'm meeting someone, and the middle-aged man barely looks up, merely waving me through. Then I wend my way through the strategically placed tables. Bar Americaine is nice with rattan chairs, small round tables, and the vibe of a French bistro. The dining room isn't overly full, but there are definitely quite a few diners enjoying their meals.
I lean in to kiss Danny, but at the last minute he turns his head so that my lips land on his cheek. The awful feeling in my stomach intensifies a bit, but then I remember that Danny's never really been that big on PDA. It's fine. Everything is fine.
"Hey, how's your day going so far?" I ask with fake cheer as I settle into a chair.
Danny nods vaguely, his blue eyes distant.
"It's been a little busy this morning. One of the buildings on campus had a network outage, and it took the entire morning to get it back online." He rubs his forehead and then his temples in the way he always does when he's upset or tense.
"Are you okay?" I ask. "You normally don't let work overwhelm you this way. It must be getting really out of hand over at NYU. Can't they get you some help?"
He sighs. "They're currently trying to get a few interns from the computer science department to come work part-time, and that'll give us some relief. But honestly, it's not enough. Interns are not the solution."
I frown.
"Well, it sounds like this needs to be a quick lunch then. Let's order so you can get back asap. I know you'll do a great job!" With that, I smile and gesture to get the server's attention.
But Danny hesitates.
"Wait, Rachel," he says. The server strolls over and Danny shoots him an apologetic look. "Can you give us just one more moment please?"
"Sure," the cheery woman chirps. "Just let me know when you're ready."
Danny nods and then slowly turns to me, his eyes regretful.
"There's something I want to talk to you about."
Oh shit, oh shit. Alarm bells go off in my head, but I force myself to smile. "That's funny because I had something I wanted to talk to you about, too." I grin at my boyfriend, but this time, he doesn't return it. Shit. "Can I go first?"
He sighs a bit. "Sure, Rach. Go ahead."
"So, I was thinking about our relationship."
"Yeah? Me, too," he replies, perking up a bit with interest. I plow ahead.
"Actually, I've been thinking a lot about the current state of our relationship, and I think it's time for a change." I smile at him again, and this time, he actually looks eager. My heart starts to beat a little faster. Maybe I've misread everything the last couple of weeks after all? Meanwhile, Danny nods whole-heartedly, his black hair flopping over his narrow forehead.
"It's funny you say that because I've been thinking the same thing," he rushes.
"Right. I mean, we're not getting any younger, and I'm pushing thirty, so…" I trail off and shoot a look at him.
He looks confused.
"Um, so…?"
I beam at him, forcing a bright smile.
"So I think we should get married! Don't you think that too? I mean, of course we'll be engaged first, so we don't have to rush into anything. But we have been dating three years, so I think it's time. Don't you?"
The words come out a mile a minute and my voice is way too high-pitched for some reason. But the look on Danny's voice stops me short. "What's wrong?" I ask. "What happened?"
My boyfriend looks positively ill, and all the blood has drained out of his face.
"Well, I wasn't really thinking along those lines," he begins.
"Really?" I ask, utterly confused. "Well, what were you thinking then?"
He shoots me a shame-faced look and then stares at the table.
"Well, I was going to say that we should date other people, Rach. You know, maybe take a break from the relationship and expand our horizons."
I stare at him, horrified. Is this really happening? Is Danny Roose breaking up with me after I've already invested three years of my life in this relationship? I clap a hand over my mouth as my heart swoops and then plummets to my feet.
2
Rachel
"What?" I gasp. "What do you mean?"
He looks angry and ashamed at once. "Well, I just mean that I'm not feeling it right now. Or anymore. So I think we should take a break, or even break up altogether if that's what we decide."
I stare at him some more as adrenaline rushes through my veins. How did my proposal end up like this?
"I don't get it, Danny," I finally stammer.
"We have three years invested in this relationship, and you're just done? What the hell? Why didn't I see it coming? Why didn't you say anything if you were so unhappy?" I sit there as my ears ring, and I realize I'm in shock.
He looks down and then shoots me a guilty look.
"Well, the truth is that I've met someone, Rach." The information leaks out like the air from a deflating balloon, and I'm flabbergasted.
"You've met someone? What does that even mean? You meet people every day at your job!" My shock is now wearing off into anger, and I clutch at the emotion. It feels better to be pissed and outraged, rather than sad and pathetic.
Danny looks around, holding his hands up. The light gleams on his scalp where he's balding, and his forehead, chin and upper lip appear a bit greasy.
"Rach, please don't get angry and cause a scene," he implores nervously. "There's no reason to go there."
I shoot daggers at him.
"Yes, because that would be a travesty. Crazy old Rachel causing a scene because the man I've been in a committed relationship with for three years is leaving me for someone else!" I try not to raise my voice, but the volume is going up on its own nonetheless.
Danny looks around again, ducking his head.
"For Pete's sake, Rachel. Can you please keep your voice down? Don't embarrass me, okay?" He cringes and surveys the restaurant again while cowering behind a well-placed plant. But I don't care. I sit up straight and stare at him, angry and hurt.
"Who is it?" I demand. "At least tell me which one of our friends you're screwing behind my back. I can't believe it," I spit. "What a bitch."
Danny shakes his head furiously.
"It's not like that. You don't know her, and she's not a bitch. Lily's someone I met at work. She's not one of our friends."
I roll my eyes.
"And I guess you're both into computers right? She fixes networks too?"
Danny bites his lip.
"Well, not exactly. She's a freshman living in the dorms. I went over to help her set up her computer and we got to talking. One thing led to another, and now we want to date exclusively," he says simply.
I stare at him.
"You must be fucking kidding me."
Danny shakes his head.
"No, I'm not. Lily's so sweet, and innocent, and gorgeous too."
I cut him off.
"You picked up a freshman while you were fixing her computer? Really? Aren't there work-related rules against that?"
Danny looks hurt now.
"It wasn't like that, okay? I'm not some older skeeze who hits on undergrads."
But I cut him off again.
"Are you fucking kidding me? You're leaving me for an undergrad girl? Of course you're that dirty old skeeze! You're thirty years old, and she's what? Seventeen?"
"Eighteen," Danny says primly. "So she's legal."
I stare at him.
"Well, at least you have the good sense to look embarrassed after saying that to my face."
He looks frustrated.
"I'm just saying, Rach, that things are different with Lily. She's got such an amazing perspective on life, and her outlook is really innocent and refreshing." He scrubs a hand down his face and has the nerve to look irritated.
I stare at him again.
"Wow. Eighteen. Of course her perspective isn't like yours, you dumbass! She's a child, Danny. She has no life experience."
But Danny is stubborn.
"Lily is not a child. She's a very well-rounded young woman with a great head on her shoulders. In fact, she's an influencer, and she's already created a brand, so I'm very proud of her. You know, labels pay her to wear their clothes and she makes real money doing it, even though she's a student! It's impressive," he says, going dreamy for a moment. "And she looks insanely sexy in those outfits too."
I stare at him. This is a nightmare come true because my boyfriend is actually leaving me for some pretty young thing who lives her life on Instagram. It's like Friday the 13th come to life, and I tell him so.
"None of that is real, Danny. The internet is fake, and girls use filters all the time to create an image. That's all it is: an illusion. Plus, once Lily's grows up, she's going to be a completely different person."
But Danny merely shrugs.
"Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is that she's pretty, sexy, young, and makes good money. I'm sold," he finishes simply.
I stare at him again, still unable to compute.
"You're serious. You're absolutely serious about this. You don't want to be with me. You want to end a three-year relationship with an adult woman, and instead date an eighteen-year-old undergrad who calls herself a "model" on Instagram." I stare at him in disbelief, but he merely shrugs.
"Yes, Rachel. You're making it sound like it's disgusting and gross, but it's not. Lily's the real thing, and I'm in love with her." I'm surprised at how casually he's throwing the L-word around, but then, he turns to look at me, his blue gaze nonchalant. "And I like the fact that Lily's young. I mean, you're what? Twenty-nine? Thirty? Seriously, you need to think about settling down stat because you're getting up there. Women have younger sell-by dates than men, you know."
My eyes feel like they're going to pop from their sockets as I stare at him with my mouth wide open.
"Until about five minutes ago, I was thinking about settling down with you," I manage to get out in a garbled voice.
Danny just shrugs.
"Sorry, no dice." But then he looks out the window and his expression brightens. The boy does a little half-wave, and I turn to see who he's saying hi to. Immediately, my heart drops. There's a young girl standing outside, smiling at Danny. She's thin, blonde, and incredibly alluring with a dress that barely covers her lithe body. By contrast, I'm about forty pounds heavier, and as lumpy as a toad.
"Hi Lils," Danny calls through the glass, although of course she can't hear us. "Love you!" he sings a little louder, drawing the attention of the diners near us.
"Holy shit," I mutter.
Meanwhile, Danny turns to me apologetically.
"Sorry to run, but I really need to go. Lily only has a short break between classes, and we want to make the most of our time together. But think over what I said, okay Rach? Your ovaries are drying up and you should really find someone nice to settle down with. I want the best for you. Take care, okay?"
With that, Danny dashes out of the restaurant, sweeps the young girl into his arms, and then plants his face onto her own. If anything, their noses are bumping and saliva is getting all over his chin, but then again, my ex has never been a man of grace. He's just someone who wants to put his pecker in a teenager, and who am I to judge? People want what they want.
Plus, there's some truth to his words. I'm twenty-seven now, and the days are beginning to pass at light speed. I need to find someone, but it's going to be heartbreaking to start once more at square one.
I let myself into Laurelin's Manhattan townhouse, sobbing and hiccuping through my tears.
"OMG Rach, is that you?" my friend calls out from upstairs. "Come up, but please be quiet because the baby's sleeping." Slowly, I trudge up the ornate staircase, watching as my tears plop on the marble steps. It's so pathetic but the big fat droplets keep coming, and I can't stop them.
When I get upstairs, Laurelin's peeking out of the nursery. When she sees me, her eyes go round and then she holds one finger up in a shh! signal before disappearing. Quickly, my buddy steps out of the nursery with the baby monitor in hand and gives me a big hug.
"Come on, sweetie. Let's go to my room. I just got Jamie down for a nap, so we should be fine."
I nod, still hiccuping, and follow her with shuffling feet.
She flings open the door to show off an ornate master suite complete with a four poster king-size and a huge bathroom just beyond the sleeping area. My friend plops down on the couch in front of the bed and gazes at me.
"What happened, Rach?" she asks.
I stare at the ground.
"Danny dumped me."
"What?" she shoots back, shocked.
I nod miserably.
"He dumped me, Laure. For a damn undergrad. An 18-year-old Instagram influencer!"
"Oh my God," she says with disbelief. "And how old is he again?"
"Thirty," I say in a morose tone.
"Do they even have anything in common?" she asks, truly perplexed.
I sigh. "Probably not. I mean, she's pretty, I'll give her that."
Laurelin jolts forward.
"You met her?"
I nod. "Well not really. But Danny basically dumped me, and then his new girlfriend was outside the restaurant waiting. So I saw her through the window."
Laurelin shakes her blonde head.
"I'll kill him," she says in a violent tone.
I manage a short, humorless laugh. "No you won't. And don't you dare tell your husband because he'd probably die laughing, and then feel sorry for me."
Laurelin nods and mimes zipping up her lips.
"Tate won't hear a peep from me. But goodness, Rachel. What the hell? You guys have been together years, and then this happens?"
I nod sorrowfully.
"Yeah, Danny said he went to her dorm," I spit the word with derision, "to help her set up a computer, and they just 'clicked'. He actually said that he clicked with her like he'd never clicked with anyone else. What bullshit!" I fling myself down on her mattress and sob into the stupidly expensive sheets while Laurelin clucks and rubs my back.
"Just cry it out, babe. Let the tears do their thing."
I sob for what feels like forever, and then finally raise my eyes and shoot my buddy a bleary smile.
"Well, at least there are no babies that need to be born in the next forty-eight hours because there's no way I could be a midwife at this moment."
Laurelin nods thoughtfully.
"That's good then. Stay. Cry. Sleep. We'll order take-out and watch horrible movies and forget about Douchebag Danny. Tate won't be home until late tonight, so it'll just be you, me, and the baby. We can even make a voodoo doll of Danny and stick pins in him if you want."
I try to smile, but it turns out rather watery and wobbly. "Okay, but do you know how to sew?"
Lauren shakes her head, but then gets up, flings open her top drawer, and comes out with a sock ball.
"No, but we can use this if need be. We'll just treat these socks like a pin cushion and Danny will be writhing with agony, trust me."
I giggle despite myself. I'm feeling a tiny bit better, even if the ache in my heart hasn't subsided much. "Thanks. You're the best friend ever."
"Damn right I am, and don't worry, hon. We'll make you forget Danny once and for all. That man doesn't deserve you, and you're going to meet someone tall, handsome, and amazing within the next week or two. I can feel it!"
I smile blearily again, but my heart cracks a bit because I'm a single woman in NYC, and it's tough to meet guys here. Now that I've been dumped by the man I was planning to marry, what's going to happen to me now? I wish I knew a handsome, older man ready for wedding bells, but then a snort escapes my lips. There's no way that's happening because it's just a myth. Guys like that don't exist in New York. Or do they?
3
Rachel
I open my eyes the next morning and immediately confusion enters my mind. Where am I?
Then it all comes rushing best and I sigh with exhaustion, closing my eyes once more. After my sobfest yesterday, I napped and woke up to Chinese takeout and awful 80's movies with my best friend. Laurelin is an amazing woman, and was there to support me one hundred percent, which I'll be eternally grateful for.
"Good morning, sunshine!" I hear from across the room. I roll over and smile blearily. My buddy is standing next to the window, the baby in one arm as she snaps open the blinds with the other.
"You look like such a natural with Jamie, Laure," I say. "Just watching you with him makes me want to smile and cry at the same time."
She grins at me and pulls her focus back to the sweet boy in her arms. "He's a pretty amazing kid, and he makes it really easy to love being a mommy."
I sigh. At that moment, my own situation comes rolling back and the tears start afresh. Goddammit. I still can't process the place I'm in. I'm not sad because I've lost Danny, if I'm being honest with myself. He wasn't that great of a catch and I wasn't swept away by his looks or personality. It's more that I'm sad because I've lost the last three years building a relationship with a man who cheated on me. That time I can never get back, and I'm mourning the loss, not to mention the fact that I'd love to have a baby of my own and seem further from that goal than ever.
"I'm better today," I reassure my friend through the last fit of tears.
She smiles.
"Of course you are! The sun is shining!"
I smile blearily.
"Yeah, you're right. It just sucks that I lost three years of my life! Well, that and the fact that I've been dumped for a college freshman. Ugh. I wonder if she's even gotten her period yet."
Laurelin rolls her eyes while jiggling the baby.
"She's not that young."
I pout.
"You're right, but still. Maybe she still uses Tampax for Teens instead of the real thing. Work with me here!"
My friend just laughs.
"No, it's fine, and don't you dare feel guilty about the time and effort you put into the relationship. Danny was just blah, if I'm being honest with you. Never super bad, but not super amazing either."
Then, my blonde friend maneuvers Jamie more securely over her shoulder and begins to burp him. As if on cue, the adorable child lets out a huge belch.
"Oooh, that was big," I comment.
"I know, right?" Laurelin giggles. "My baby's like an old man sometimes."
But then, my gut clenches.
"Speaking of age: according to the man whose name we won't mention, I need to hurry up and find someone to settle down with. He said something about my ovaries drying up, my eggs running out, and me becoming withered and aged in general. Isn't that so rude?" I roll my eyes and try not to half-gag, half-cry as I remember the awful exchange from yesterday.
"Oh my God, he actually said that bullshit to you?" my buddy gags. "Seriously, we should do something nasty to him. The voodoo doll isn't going to cut it."
I shake my head with disgust.
"He did, but I guess I should count myself lucky. I mean, better I find out his real feelings now, rather than after we're married."
My blonde friend nods furiously.
"You are so right. God, can you imagine having to deal with him in a divorce or custody settlement? You dodged a bullet." She shivers and lets out a noise of disgust.
I laugh and say, "You know I love you, right?"
Laurelin grins.
"Yes of course, and that means mission accomplished. I got you to smile, so my job is done for the day." She winks at me and then adds, "I'm going to put this little stinker down for his morning tummy time. You coming with? Or do you need to get home?"
I flop back on the guest bed and blow out a breath. "I need to get home, shower, and get my life back on track. And I need to talk to my mom. My guess is that I've already missed a couple of calls from her."
Laurelin giggles because she's met my mom before and they get along like two peas in a pod.
"Well, tell the lovely Mina Champion I said hello, will you?" With that, my best friend winks and leaves me to pull myself together. Slowly, I get up and gather my things, puttering about while still feeling sorry for myself. There is indeed a text from my mom, and I glance at it half-heartedly.
* * *
Mom: Hi, honey. I called you about an hour ago, but you didn't answer. Just checking on you. Give me a ring when you can.
* * *
I press the button to call, and she picks up on the second ring.
"Hey, sweetie."
"Hey, Mom." I try to hide the sadness in my voice, but she's too experienced in the ways of all things Rachel to let it slide.
"What's wrong with my girl? What happened hon?"
I inhale deeply and hold it in for a few seconds. As I release the air, I decide to bite the bullet and be blunt. "Danny dumped me yesterday. For someone else. An eighteen year old freshman, to be exact."
Silence greets me from the other end of the call. Nothing but crickets for what felt like an eternity, until -- "What?"
I pull the phone away from my ear at the volume of her voice and cringe. I'd hate to be Danny if Mom ever ran into him on the street.
"Yup," I say tonelessly. "I met him for lunch yesterday to talk about possibly getting engaged, but he pulled the rug out from under me. In fact, he's already met someone else!"
"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry," Mina gushes. "It's for the better, and to be honest, your dad and I never liked Danny. He was okay, but that's it. My girl deserves better than okay. She deserves amazing!"
I swallow heavily.
"Thanks Mom. It just sucks, that's all."
But Mina immediately turns around, determined to help me.
"You know what you need, honey? A bit of R&R. New York City is always go-go-go, but that's not what my baby needs right now. Why don't you take a vacation? Can Birthing Babies spare you?"
I swallow. I love being a doula, and am eternally grateful that I own my own business.
"Yes, I suppose so. Maybe for a week or two."
I can almost hear Mina nodding.
"Well, why don't you go up to the cottage then? Westchester is really close, and the cottage is available. Nobody's there right now, and the peace and quiet are exactly what you need." Mina's voice is hopeful because she knows it's hard for me to get away, but my mom also knows that I need it.
After a few minutes, I exhale. The cottage in Mamaroneck is small and humble, but it's nice too. It's right on the Long Island Sound, so there's sun, sand and the waves of the ocean ringing in your ears. In short, it sounds like pure bliss.
"You know what, Mom? That sounds like a great idea. Let me tie up some loose ends and get my staff prepared for me to take some time to myself. I'll swing by for the keys on my way out of town?"
I hear her hands clap together as Mina cries, "Perfect! Treat yourself, sweetie. You deserve it after the drama you've been through."
With that, we hang up and I smile for the first time in what feels like ages. A vacation is exactly what I need, and getting away to a restful, relaxing beach house would be perfect right about now.
4
Max
I collapse onto a sofa and exhale heavily. Finally, some peace and quiet. Traveling is getting old, and I'm feeling every single one of my forty-nine years today.
Then I let out a snort. When did I get to be forty-nine? Fuck, that's fucking ancient. I still feel like I'm twenty-five, but I guess the years creep up faster than you think.
Then again, my lifestyle is hard too. As a make-up artist to the rich and famous, I travel non-stop. My clients are celebrity jet-setters and socialites, and as a result, I need to be present for the Academy Awards, the Cannes Film Festival, as well as multiple fashion shows, sporting events, and various high-society affairs. Max Wyndham is the go-to man for hair, and my services are highly sought after.
But the non-stop traveling gets to you, so when my high school friend Maurice offered me use of his cottage earlier this month, I jumped at the opportunity. Obviously, I can afford fancy hotels, but there's nothing quite like the anonymity of Mamaroneck. It's a cozy suburb about thirty miles outside of New York City, and there isn't a single celebrity in sight. Perfect, because that's exactly what I need.
My luggage sits in a messy pile by the front door, but I don't care. Right now, I need a stiff drink and I heave myself up to grab some liquor from the cabinet. But then, a movement from outside catches my eye and I stop. Who is that? A gardener?
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