The problem about Matsushita the other day, And before that the problem of Horikita and Ichinose. Then, the establishment of a cooperative relationship with Chairman Sakayanagi, as well as Chabashira-sensei, and Mashima-sensei.
First and foremost ..., I must remain vigilant about Tsukishiro. Unlike other problems, ignoring him will only make the situation worse. It could be without realizing, I will be immediately dropped out of school.
For that, I have to get cooperative support with the teachers. Well ... even though I say so ... Speaking of sending students from Whiteroom ... it's not certain, but it could happen. Tsukishiro couldn't enter the classroom or corridor at any time. It is impossible for him to attack me only through indirect and limited things like on special tests. But the story will be different if it's a student. They can move freely in and out of the classroom or the school corridor. That way they can create an environment where they can always make contact each other, An opportunity to make me dropout can also be created. What's more, they will also function as a reliable information seeker for sure.
If that becomes a reality, then you can say that it's the biggest change around me. then there are also, Horikita and Matsushita. You could say this is a problem in class. Matsushita doubted my ability and wanted to know my potential. As for Horikita, I have promised to compete with her later, but for now there is no need for me to do anything about it.
For Ichinose too ... It's something that is still far ahead. For now I will look at this year's battle and do what I need to do. But yeah ... all of this is limited to stories from my surroundings. The personal changes that have happened to me ... are still small things.
Right .... To this day ... Spring break has two days left ..., Tuesday and Wednesday. Enjoying the last day of vacation with calm, before the new battle for the students began ... But I was determined to take certain actions to find a big change in myself ...
If you want to move things forward, this is the time. The time has passed 6:00 p.m. This is the time when the sun begins to set and day change to night.
By the way ... If possible... I want to be able to meet more people.
For example, if there is a woman you like, how will we connect the path to the statement of love? If it is a peerless beauty, you might be able to say your feelings immediately without having to take a roundabout path.
Say 'I like you ... come to me ...' and they live happily ever after.
However, most people are not in such a special environment.
Complex about face ... Complex about personality... or complex about physical condition ... Will a complicated triangle relationship also interfere with the path to the statement of love?
Well ... However... the entrance to [Love Statement] is certainly not something easy.
Because of this, I will seriously think about all kinds of wild thoughts in my mind, and then think hard to improve the success rate of confession.
Is the success rate 10% or 20%? Or can it reach one-half?
Sometimes, 80% -90%, or maybe you have the confidence to near 100%.
Even so, you still feel anxious.
When that love statement doesn't work, you're afraid that the relationship will change like never before. Of course, not a few people who think positively without regard to it. But for high school teenagers ... School is everything. In the usual school world, they feel a strong fear that the relationship that is built will collapse.
If you think about it more ... How can you increase the probability ... Even if it's only 1%?
Surely they will start making various efforts. First of all if possible.
Change your hair style and dress style according to what she likes.
Learn and train the body too ... Or maybe you can take strategies such as inviting her to eat and giving her gifts.
Either way ... It changes the probability.
Sometimes from 1% can go up to 99%, or can fail from 99% down to 1%.
Knowing about her, understanding her feelings, you are desperate to understand all that. It is all a process to arrive at a confession of love.
And then-so am I going through this process. Thinking and worrying like other men and women. However, such things are not limited to love.
Broadly speaking, everything has a probability that cannot be seen ... Events can change every day. It's the same as changing probability with learning, to be able to pass the entrance examination of high school or college.
And to what extent can you be aware of this truth, your understanding of the situation will also change greatly.
Examinations and confession are only an intermediate stage. Even if they are successful, they do not end there.
It would be better to say, 'the beginning' of everything.
If you are frustrated before entering school, you may drop out of school, and your love may break up due to an affair or because of violence.
That's how I think about the future. One month later, six months later, one year later.
Sometimes something different than expected can happen, but I don't like actions that are too sudden. What's more, it is related to your own actions.
Alright ... Now let's get back to the topic.
Everything that I have done to this day so far are to make certain change in probability, of course, to increase the probability of success...
It is likely that the results will come out today. If my estimate is correct, It's time to get in touch.
I held my cell phone tightly ringing ... The screen on the cell phone showed an 11 digit number. The number not registered in my cell phone contact belongs to Karuizawa Kei.
"It's me. I'm sorry to call you."
After making a few calls, I answered the phone call from her.
About 30 minutes ago, I tried to call Kei ..., but at that time she didn't answer my phone call. This is a call back from her.
"Nothing ... Why?"
"You sounds like you want to complain huh ..."
"Not really ... Rather than complaining... There's something I just want to
confirm..."
"What do you mean ... About me not contacting you after that?" The day I met Hiyori. I called Kei ... And in the end, I didn't tell her anything.
I'm just saying if I remember, I'll contact her again. And of course I didn't contact her until nearing the end of spring break.
"Looks like you know that ... What? So you just want to bother me?" "Regarding that ... Do you want to meet and discuss it in person?" Saying that ... I interrupted the topic.
"Eh?"
"About 'later if I remember, I'll say it', I remember now ... Can you come?"
"Really ... Always just like that. Ok ... It's okay. But at this time ..., I won't be responsible if others see it.."
(Tln: swear in the raw kei not only use slang style, but the words are also slang.)
Many students come in and out at this hour ...
There's a big chance that someone will see Kei come to visit my room. "Don't worry about it."
I advised her to come after letting her know that it was all right.
"I understand. Oh yes, I already have a plan at 7 o'clock. So don't have much time..."
"I'll finish it as short as possible. About 10 or 20 minutes. Yes ...
Something like that."
"Then that's fine. See you later." Saying that ... kei hanging up. Alright... Let's get started.
(TLM: what are you starting to do, bro)
All preparations are ready. I looked around my room. This room is neater than usual.
Only once, I looked into the mirror.
Facing a serious look at myself, I immediately looked away.
Part 1
Kei, looking unhappy, was sitting in my room.
With her tidy appearance, it really did seem like she had plans afterwards. "So, what is it?"
Kei looked at me, with an unhappy look, as I was silent. After calling her out, I couldn't stay quiet.
"What are you talking about?"
"No, what do you mean? Didn't you say you remembered what you wanted to say?"
"Well, now that you mention it, that is true." "..."
"..."
Listening to my vague words, the look of dislike in Kei's eyes intensified. "That's why I'm asking what you want?"
"Alright, you don't have to be so hasty."
"I just told you. 7 o'clock I'm eating out with my friends at Keyaki mall.
Do you understand?"
"There is still plenty of time, it's fine."
"This is giving me a bad feeling, you know? You're speaking nonsense."
Towards me, who acted differently than usual, Kei started feeling a little suspicious.
"…Right, I've got something to tell you." Since I stayed silent, Kei started to complain. "Something you need to tell me?"
To be honest, I didn't know what Kei wanted to say, so I asked straightforwardly.
"Sato-san is suspicious about our relationship."
Sato——We haven't been in much contact recently, but she was a classmate who liked me.
"I thought she would hate me because I rejected her, so what do you mean?"
"She tried to get me to admit that I broke up with Hirata-kun to date you, in a roundabout way."
That is to say that even if it wasn't direct, her intentions for her words could be understood that way.
"Of course I denied it, but I'm not sure if she believed me." "I see. Something similar happened on my side too." "Huh? Something similar?"
"Matsushita also has various doubts about my relationship with you.
Mainly about whether I was dating you."
I reported the conversation from a few days ago, but after hearing it, Kei's face turned pale.
"Eh? What? Are you lying? Is that true? Are you joking?"
I nodded to say I was not kidding, then explained the whole story.
The things I told her were about how Matsushita-san also hid her true abilities, about her observations which raised doubts about our relationship, and about her doubts regarding my true strength.
"Wa-wait. I can't keep up with all this."
Kei, who had a headache, placed her hand on her forehead. "I feel like things are getting bad…what do you think?"
After understanding the situation, Kei asked me about my thoughts on it.
No, she was seeking a solution.
Since this was partially related to why I called her over, it's better to honestly tell her.
"I think it's fine to leave it alone?"
"No, no, that's not ok! Besides, there's nothing between us at all!"
"So you're saying that you dislike people thinking there's a relationship between us while there's obviously nothing there? Even if Matsushita spreads that rumour, why not just let her do it?"
"Huh? Saying whatever she wants… that kind of thing can't be ignored. You should quickly go and talk to her, and say that there's nothing between you and me."
"Going to talk to Matsushita now would only be counterproductive." "You already knew this from the start. Why did you half-ass the lie?"
"No matter what I say, the situation won't change. Isn't Sato also dubious about my relationship with you? Then Matsushita, who is close to Sato, would have heard from Sato that my relationship with you was unusual sooner or later. No, the chance that she took action after she was told about the situation is high."
It should be seen that she only came to contact me after she learned of the situation from students surrounding her.
"….That, although that is possible…"
After that, my contact with Kei was inevitable.
Even if I strongly denied it this time, next time, it would change their doubts into confidence.
If the other person knew that I was lying, they might spread the news.
In that case, drawing the enemy to your side during the early stage would be more beneficial for future actions.
But the thing Kei was upset about didn't seem to be about this.
"But… if someone said that I broke up with Hirata, well, to date you, then rumours would spread not just in the class, but in the whole school, which would be a huge pain, you know."
"Why would it be a pain?"
"Because, if that rumour spread, it would really affect me." Kei relentlessly expressed her dissatisfaction, talking non-stop.
"Get it? No matter what gender you are, if you've got a scandal with the opposite sex, the chances someone approaching you would be a lot lower."
Understood? Kei held her index finger in front of me.
"So, in other words, I'm hindering you from getting a new boyfriend?" "…Exactly."
From the third perspective, you could understand what she was saying.
Just like how when it was revealed that Sudo liked Horikita, it made it harder to approach Horikita. Something like that.
"Do you really understand? Listen up?"
Kei continued, thinking that I still didn't understand. "You…are close with this Shiina?"
"Shiina? Ah, are you talking about Hiyori?" "Hi…."
She was one of the people who I called by their first name.
Of course, I also called Kei, Haruka, and Airi by their first names. She should know this first hand.
However, it seemed like Kei didn't expect me to have this kind of relationship with someone outside of our class.
"We're pretty close, after all, we both like reading books. What is it?" After telling Kei that, her face changed colour.
"Eh…so you've got the same interests. Reading books….hmm…hmmm.
That's completely opposite to me."
Indeed, Kei and Hiyori had completely different personalities. She knew that herself.
"And so?"
"…Nothing, it's just… Argh, that's enough! You're making me forget what I wanted to say!"
Kei got angry, raised her arms, and looked away.
And then quickly started talking, wanting to keep her cool.
"If the rumour with me spread, then it would be harder for you to get closer to her, right?"
"I see, that's a possibility."
I admitted this, and then Kei stood up.
"I don't care, whoever you want to get closer to is up to you." After saying this, Kei turned around.
"Although I'm sorry, this topic…we should stop now. I want to get to Keyaki mall earlier, because there might be boys from the other classes coming as well, and to quell these rumours, I need to be motivated. I don't have the time to help you."
"Motivated?"
"Because I've broken up with Hirata-kun, I want to find a new boyfriend.
Got a problem?"
"No."
"…Right? So now I have to go."
It seemed like I overdid the teasing.
I stood up as well. Kei thought that I was going to see her off. "No need."
Facing the tone of strong rejection, I called out Kei's name. "Kei."
"Seriously, now what?"
"If you don't like it, then just ignore it." "Huh?"
After showing her surprise, she paid attention to what I was going to say next.
"Will you go out with me?" "Eh?"
Kei frowned, not understanding, overflowing with doubt, she looked back at me.
"What are you talking about? Where are you going?"
(TL note, in Japanese, "Date me" and "Come with me" mean the same thing.)
It seemed like she understood that as where I wanted her to accompany me, so she asked that.
"I don't mean that. I mean to ask you if you would go out with me?" "No, I mean- you mean…I don't…understand…"
There was no need to continue talking. I looked into Kei's eyes, and Kei accepted it. I wouldn't consider the situation where we weren't actually that close now. But between the two of us now, it only took matching up our gazes to convey our feelings.
"Wait, eh, ha, ehhhh!? This, what kind of joke is this, it's such a bad one…!?"
"This isn't a joke."
"Bu, but! Just now, you were hinting that you liked Shiina-san!" "That was a joke."
"But- these few days-"
"That's only, well, I wanted to try to see if you were jealous, Kei."
Calling Kei to the cafe, allowing her to witness the scene between Hiyori and me talking together.
There was no need to have done this.
But, this was a way to let her see that I wasn't so used to romance yet. 'If, if what you just said was a lie, then the relationship we have is over…
if this is a false confession, and you'd like to admit it, this is your last chance…this, do you truly understand?"
With doubt within her heart, this wasn't a question where she could just say yes or no to.
"Of course it's not a joke, so let me hear your answer."
"…e, e-e-e-e-e-even if you say that to me how am I supposed to…?!" "I said it just now, if you don't like me, you can ignore or reject me, or
whatever."
"Who said I'd ignore it! A-anyway, why?" "What do you mean by why?"
"That, that is, me, so uh…something. Anyway, why was it today, uh…" The previous question was unclear, so I could only answer the latter one.
"Why was it today, huh. I can't give you a good reason for me to choose today to confess, I have a good reason for confessing. Because I wanted to prevent you from becoming someone else's girlfriend."
"So basically-you, like-me-right?"
The questions issued by Kei contained strong emotions that I had not seen before.
I wanted t, at this moment, or the previous moment, to strongly shake up myself, and then give a firm answer.
"That's right, I like Karuizawa Kei."
One of the major events in life was to confess.
The fleeting moment where you'd express your true emotions.
To Kei's question, was my answer truly from the heart?
Originally, the act of confessing to someone, the only motives one had was love, an action that turned someone you liked into someone that belonged to you.
'"Your answer?"
The baton in my hand had been handed to Kei, and the rest I had to do was to wait for her reply.
The chaotic Kei sorted out her feelings within her mind, and then she did her best to move her gaze back, as it had unconsciously wandered away.
"-We-well, I'll go out with you…then."
"Can I interpret what you just said as that you like me?" "Yo-you want me to say it!?"
Although I understood her confusion, it was an indispensable part of the confirmation.
Only after receiving a definite reply can the relationship between the two of us can truly change.
"Mhm, I want you to say it."
I urged her like this, Kei, although she was surprised, did not outright reject it.
"…."
There was no third person listening in, nor was there a contract stamped between us.
It is only the two of us that know, it is a conversation between only the two of us, and it's between the two of us that we agreed to mutually help each other.
"Can you not answer?"
If she couldn't answer, then I had to propose what we should do, but. "Wa-wait a second. Now, my emotions are all over the place…!"
Kei stretched out her open hands, to allow me to stop feeling anxious, waiting for a bit.
Looking at Kei, I decided to calmly wait for that moment to come. After a bit, Kei looked at me, determination in her eyes.
"…Well, argh! That, how do I say it…"
Although she made up her mind, it still took some work to organize the words and speak them.
Due to me feeling that she was ineffably cute in that state, I didn't feel depressed even though I was waiting for this long for her answer.
"To you…basically, I…"
Although it was extremely hard to work up the courage to do so, Kei did not try to look away.
This might be proof of Kei's determination.
Karuizawa Kei's strength was that, once she had made up her mind, she would carry it out to the end, no matter what the situation.
"Li-like…huh…rather than say that…"
Kei's voice became softer and softer, stammering, but persisting in revealing her feelings.
"I also… like… like…you. I don't want to say it but…I-I admit! I admit it alright!"
I don't know why she was angry, but even so, she still revealed her feelings of love.
I stretched out my arms and gently held Kei's arms. "W-wait!? D-don't say you want to kiss!?"
Kei's reaction was even stronger than when I told her I liked her.
Even if we kissed now, I don't think Kei would object, but I did not want to do it now.
"I don't plan to do that, at least for now." "For…for now…"
In other words, after that, the scene of us kissing would enter her vision. Imagining that scene, Kei was motionless, as if she were frozen.
I embraced the Kei in that state.
This was proof that my relationship with Kei had taken a huge step forward.
"This should be fine, right?" "-Well, if it's only this…."
Even if I didn't see Kei's face, I understood.
The Kei right now, must be feeling confused, anxious, and happy.
Her face's expression had to be showing a feeling that was impossible to express with just a smile or other methods.
"Hey, haven't you grown a bit taller?" "Maybe."
Before I came to this school, I measured 176cm tall. Growing during this year wasn't much of a deal.
The same was true for the other students. People would grow.
They're also creatures that loved to learn. This was instinct.
Just like learning how to ride a bike, or how to swim.
Just like learning how to use the chopsticks and how to drink from a straw.
I was also learning to fall in love through Kei.
This was something I had not learned in my life so far.
It was also something that couldn't be learned in the white room. And it drove my inquiring mind.
Moreover, there was an important reason why I selected Kei.
This love was necessary for Karuizawa Kei's future growth.
Looking ahead to the next year, her relationship with me would be extremely important.
Kei's way of survival, as a parasite attached to a host, would someday fail.
To prevent this from happening, this stage was necessary. I-
Me right now, what expression did I have? Was I smiling?
Or was there a shy expression on my face? Or was there a confused smile?
I didn't know.
The me now, did not know what expression I was wearing.
-No.
I actually knew.
The expression I had now.
I knew what I was thinking of now, and I also knew what I planned to do. While learning, people would feel joy in the process.
Whether it was studying, athletics, or games, it was the same.
You felt happy when you made progress. This was the same with love.
I still didn't understand love.
I didn't know what attachment was, and I didn't know what affection was. And I didn't understand the relationship between men and women.
The embarrassment and happiness I felt waiting for the outcome, that kind of thing I was also not clear about.
In the near future, I would definitely learn the answers to those questions. But nothing would change.
Merely learning, growing up, and moving forward.
In other words, Kei was like a textbook for me to the opposite sex. And when I finished reading it- it's "purpose" would have been served. Or-
Was a different future waiting for me?
Not leaving her side, becoming an irreplaceable existence for her. I didn't know.
There was a part of me that hoped for that, and there was a part of me that understood that it wasn't possible.
So, let's pray.
Praying at the moment right now – holding an important person in my arms and smiling.
Praying, as a young student, swearing that I'll treasure her. I gently embraced Kei, quietly praying.