Chapter 23: HOPELESS LOVE
My parents suffered a lot too. Maybe they suffered more than me. I've never thought about the pain they have gone through. Who do I love the most? My parents or him. I don't know. I don't want to be one of those people who left him. I love to be with him but...
The next day I saw him standing by the corner of the canteen, waiting for me.
His face brightened as he saw me walking to him. No one has ever looked at me like the way he looks at me.
" I need to tell you something." I started the conversation.
All the brightness on his face disappeared all of a sudden.
" What is it ?" He asked me, holding his hands firmly on my shoulders.
" We'll never.... uh... This will never.. umm." I couldn't complete my words.
" I am sorry Lijah. This will never work." I said with my eyes filled with tears. My heart couldn't bear the pain I was holding back. I love him more than anything in this fucking world. Even if I love him, I know that this chapter will never end well. If I keep on going with no hope for a happy ending then I'll break his hear, I'll be compelled to do so. We 'll make beautiful memories together and all of these beautiful rivers will only end up in oceans of sorrow and heart break.
That look on his face was the last thing I wanted to see in my life. He looked shattered and broken. I knew what he feels because that is exactly what I feel now. I couldn't feel my heart beat. Normally in worse situations we feel our heart beating fast like a bullet train. But today I understood that, in worst situations we feel only numbness. He slowly took his hands from my shoulder and gave me a hug. Why does this hug feels like the last one from him?
Without uttering a single word, he walked away. I wanted to run after him and give him a tight hug from behind. But no, I shouldn't create new memories that will not last long. I stood there with tears . What I did was terrible and I knew it, but this is for good. This will be good for both of us. I promise you that my love for you was real and it will always be, but this is hopeless. I can't do anything about it and I hate myself for that. All I can do is cry and try to forget 'us' . Deep inside I am well aware that even if I forget the whole world , I can never forget you because you were my 'love'. I don't like him, my dad, but what he said yesterday, I don't know, it just felt so true. It felt like those words came from my brother.
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