Chapter 13: 13
Harry smiled to himself as he walked out of the Department of Magical Education. He'd gotten Outstandings on both of his OWLs. Professors Vector and Babbling would be pleased. He wondered what they would work on now that these silly exams were over with.
His wonderings were brought to an abrupt end when someone carelessly stomped around a corner and bumped into him quite forcefully.
Harry grunted in irritation as both of them lost their footing and fell to the floor. Honestly, was it so damn hard to pay attention to where you were going?
"Sorry." The woman who had so unceremoniously crashed into him muttered with a rather angry sounding sniffle.
"Penny?" Harry asked, blinking in surprise as he recognised the former Hogwarts Head Girl.
"Harry?" The now identified Penelope Clearwater said back in the same tone.
"Are you okay?" He asked with a frown, noticing that she looked simultaneously angry and about to cry.
"I'm fine." She asserted, not very convincingly it had to be said.
Harry frowned some more. She was quite obviously not fine. He could pretend that he believed her. It was probably none of his business anyway…
… But Penny had done her best to look after him back when he had been a prickly eleven year old with an all around unpleasant attitude. She had warned him about Bryanna's little seduction plot, which he could admit to himself might have turned out a lot more messy if he hadn't known to be wary of it. He'd feel like an arse if he just left.
"Do you want to get something to eat?" He offered.
Penny had resisted at first, but he'd insisted and she'd relented. Now she was using a fork to push the remains of her meal around morosely, anger seemingly giving way to depression.
"Do you want to talk about whatever is bothering you?" He asked.
"Not really." She mumbled.
Harry frowned. This was not at all like Penny.
"Maybe I can help?" He ventured.
"Can you make the world fair?" She asked bitterly.
"Penny, what happened?" He pressed.
"Reality happened." She went on in the same bitter tone. "You know I'm a muggleborn, right?"
Harry nodded silently, already having a good idea where this was going just from that one question.
"Well I never really fit in with that world. Always had my nose stuck in fantasy books or daydreaming. Getting that Hogwarts letter and learning that magic was real was like a dream come true. So I did my best to learn as much as I could, because I wanted to be part of it. All the teachers kept telling me what a bright future I had ahead of me, the bloody liars. Not one of them thought to mention that my muggleborn status was going to have more weight than anything I did."
"I see." Harry sighed.
"Oh it gets worse!" Penny went on, getting angry again. "You remember how I put Malfoy in detention at the start of the school year?"
Harry furrowed his brow in thought and nodded. He did remember that the blond moron had been trying to start something or other again and gotten slapped down for it by Penny.
"Well apparently he found it so offensive to be punished by a 'mudblood' that he went crying to daddy about it and Malfoy senior made sure that I won't be able to get a respectable job anywhere in Wizarding Britain."
Harry sighed again. He wasn't even surprised that they'd be that petty. The fact that Malfoy senior's arm was long enough to manage that was a bit of a surprise… but not that much of one. He'd already known that a lot of the jobs open to muggleborns weren't respectable even without his interference after all.
"Then the little shitestain had the stones to write me a letter to brag about it!" Penny continued, seething. "He even suggested that I try the whorehouses in Knockturn Alley if I'm looking for something 'appropriate for my station'!"
"Do you want me to throw him off the Astronomy Tower when September rolls around?" Harry offered, only semi-joking. He'd already taken one piece of trash out of the world with Pettigrew and the younger Malfoy was not looking much better. Had he not been so angry on Penny's behalf, he might have wondered at how seriously he was contemplating homicide.
Penny was a nice girl and might have disapproved of that suggestion under normal circumstances, but these were not normal circumstances.
"Can you make it look accidental?" She asked instead, fondly imagining the blond shite's bones shattering on impact.
"Probably not." Harry conceded.
"Better not do it then. It wouldn't fix my situation anyway, even if it would be satisfying."
Harry nodded again, giving the situation some more thought. Even if he didn't kill Malfoy, he was still going to make his life miserable. He was sure that the Weasley twins would be agreeable to helping out. He'd pay them for it even. He and Penny might never have been super close, but he wasn't going to just let this go and he was sure that Fred and George wouldn't take too kindly to their brother's girlfriend getting shafted like this to satisfy that little idiot's ego either. Actually, speaking of Percy…
"Where is Percy in all this? Weren't the two of you together?" He asked.
"Not anymore we aren't." Penny spat, anger coming back to the fore. "The jerk had the gall to suggest that I could've avoided this if I'd been more careful with who I assigned detentions to. That's what I was so upset about in the Ministry just now."
"Why am I not surprised?" Harry muttered to himself. Percy had always seemed like the stereotypical brown nosing 'yes man' to him, few though their interactions had been. He'd never understood what Penny had seen in him, but hadn't cared to stick his nose in their personal business.
"I guess I'll have to move to a different country. Either that or go back to the normal world, catch up on my normal education and get a normal job." Penny said despondently a few moments later. She was obviously not excited by either idea.
Harry leaned back in his seat as he considered an idea he'd just had. He'd thought about hiring a personal assistant of sorts a while ago, but hadn't really put any effort into finding someone appropriate. He'd imagined someone older and more experienced, but Penny had been made Head Girl for a reason and that had to count for something and the job shouldn't be beyond her abilities at this stage anyway. She would probably also be more loyal since he'd be getting her out of a sticky situation, which had been a concern of his.
"What if… I could offer you a job?" He said slowly, uncertainly. He wasn't comfortable making decisions so quickly, but he wanted to help her and the solution just seemed so convenient for both of them.
"What kind of job?" She asked skeptically.
"I'm not sure what your actual title would be, but you'd essentially be my personal assistant. You'd handle my mail, organize my schedule, run errands for me, keep an eye and ear out for things I should know, keep any secrets you learn secret, do research and similar stuff." He explained.
"Is this some elaborate ploy to get me to sleep with you?" She continued to ask skeptically, though there was a tinge of humor in it too this time. "I've been hearing things about you this past year."
Harry huffed a bit, but was glad to see that her mood seemed to have picked up a bit. "No, I'm being serious." And it was a good thing that Sirius wasn't present, or else he'd have made a pun right about now.
Penny was apparently convinced of his sincerity, but now looked uncertain about something else. "I don't know, Harry… I don't think I'm really qualified for something like that."
She looked disappointed and reluctant when admitting this, giving Harry the impression that she wanted to accept but was compelled by honesty to say it anyway. That was probably a good sign.
"You wouldn't have much to do just yet ." He admitted. "Things aren't actually at the point where I need a personal assistant, but I'm expecting it to happen soon enough. Plus, it'll give you time to get into the swing of things and it makes my life a bit easier in the process."
"I wouldn't be able to support myself just doing odds and ends for you." She said with a sigh.
Harry frowned. He could offer to employ her full time despite the fact that she would have very little to do until things picked up, but his frugal sensibilities wouldn't let him be so wasteful even if it wouldn't make a noticeable dent in his finances and he had a feeling that Penny wouldn't be comfortable with that anyway.
"Alright, how about this then." He began, getting a new idea. "I pay you a small fee and let you move into Potter Manor if you want, where you will get free room and board. You handle whatever needs to be handled for now and when the work picks up, I'll start paying you properly. It'll be like an internship."
"Are you sure this isn't some trick to get me to sleep with you?" Penny asked again after a moment of thought.
Harry rolled his eyes expansively. "Yes, I'm sure. My girlfriend would undoubtedly kick my arse if it was."
"You have a girlfriend?" Penny blurted out incredulously.
"Yes, I do." He replied, deciding not to comment on her disbelieving tone. "You'll meet her soon enough if you accept."
Penny bit her lip uncertainly. She really wasn't sure about this and it definitely wasn't what she'd imagined herself doing, but it seemed like a good offer and she knew that Harry was a good bloke.
And she didn't want to just bow her head and leave. It would feel too much like letting the damn bigots win.
"Alright, I accept."
Soon after her acceptance, Harry apparated both himself and Penny to Potter Manor.
"You can apparate already?!" She blurted out as soon as the disorientation passed.
"Yes." He replied with a nod. "I'll be expecting you to keep that a secret by the way."
"But the Ministry…" She protested weakly.
"Will do nothing." He interrupted. "Even if they learn about it, they'll only cause a fuss for the sake of appearances. Trust me on this, I have the word of an Auror on it."
"Okay, I guess." Penny mumbled, not sure what to think of that. Eventually she just shrugged and decided to go along with it. After discovering the way that justice worked in the Wizarding World, she wasn't feeling too fond of the Ministry anyway.
"Teeny, is Sirius home?" Harry asked seemingly to the air.
The little house elf popped in immediately and began nodding. "Yes, master Harry. He is being home."
"Good, can you bring him and Kreacher here?"
Teeny nodded compulsively and popped off to fetch the two of them. A few minutes later, they were back.
"Alright, introductions." Harry said with a clap of his hands. "Penny, you've already met the Potter family elf, Teeny."
"Hello." Penny greeted.
"Hello, Ms. Penny!" Teeny said back energetically.
"Next we have the Black family elf, Kreacher." Harry went on, gesturing to the sour faced house elf.
"Hello."
Kreacher merely nodded silently.
"Don't be surprised if he starts calling you a filthy mudblood after a while." Harry advised. "Don't take it personally either, it's just how he talks. He calls me a filthy halfblood and Sirius a filthy blood traitor."
"O… kay?" Penny replied confusedly.
"And lastly we have the filthy blood traitor himself, Sirius Black. Ostensibly, he's living here because he's my magical guardian, but in reality he's more of a freeloader and comic relief."
"Why do you have to keep insulting me in front of all the pretty girls, Harry?" Sirius demanded. "Are you afraid they'll like me better than you?"
"Not much chance of that." Harry retorted. "Why would they like an old man like you when I'm here?"
"Don't listen to him… Penny was it?" Sirius said suavely, turning to the girl that his godson had brought for as of yet unknown reasons and kissing her hand. "He's just jealous of my good looks and distinguished maturity." Harry snorted derisively at the notion that his godfather possessed any kind of maturity, let alone a distinguished one. "To what do we owe the pleasure of your company?"
"Um, Harry offered me a job." Penny managed to say with a flustered blush. She hadn't expected to be flirted with so blatantly.
"That thing we talked about a couple of weeks ago?" Sirius asked, turning back to his godson.
"Yes, that one." Harry nodded. "Anyway, this is Penelope Clearwater. She'll be living with us now and acting as a personal assistant."
"I would be delighted to give her a tour of the manor and help her pick out a room." Sirius offered with his most roguish smile, not batting an eyelash at hearing that they'd have another person living with them.
"I'm sure you would, you reprobate." Harry fired. "But we need to establish ground rules first."
"Ground rules?" Penny echoed curiously.
"Yes, ground rules. Firstly and most importantly, the basement is absolutely off limits. I keep the door locked at all times anyway, but it's still worth mentioning. There's a bunch of dangerous magical artefacts down there and I don't want you getting hurt." And that wasn't even mentioning the Horcrux or his personal workshop for the times when he was fiddling with things both illegal and dangerous.
"Secondly, you'll notice that there is a specially marked off section of the library. This is because the books there have been… ah… liberated from the Black family library and are of a darker nature. You can read them if you want, but don't be surprised if you come across a book detailing the magical properties of human body parts as potion ingredients or something similar." Harry wasn't inclined to hoard knowledge, having long despised the Ministry's censorship. If she wanted to take a look at those books, then she was welcome to.
Penny looked deeply discomfitted by this but nodded all the same, privately deciding to stay well away from there.
"And finally, whatever you see or hear in this house you keep to yourself. Is that okay with you?"
Penny agreed easily, there being nothing about that that she was bothered about.
"Good. Since Sirius already offered, he can show you around. Feel free to hex him if he makes a pass at you."
"Why I never!" The man in question huffed indignantly. "I am the very soul of chivalry."
"Chivalry is just a fancy word for trying to get into a woman's knickers through politeness." Harry sneered in retaliation.
"You really need to get that cynicism of yours checked out, Harry." Sirius said with dramatic sadness, shaking his head at his godson. "It can't be good for you to have such a bleak worldview."
"I'm fine with bleak." Harry shrugged.
Penny watched the good natured bickering with a bemused smile. Harry was being a lot more open than she remembered him being, certainly more open than he was with anyone his own age. Was this why he had so much trouble making friends at Hogwarts? Because he was more able to relate to adults than children?
She supposed it didn't matter now. Harry wasn't the sullen, friendless, anti-social first year anymore and seemed happier, which was what she'd been trying to achieve by looking out for him in Hogwarts in the first place.
After the tour was over and Penny had chosen a room to move into, she'd asked what she was actually expected to do now that she was here. A moment later, Teeny dropped off a medium sized pile of letters on the desk of the room she'd chosen for herself.
"At the moment, you'll mostly just be answering spam mail." Harry admitted, gesturing to the pile. "Apparently, Dumbledore spent the past few years refusing interview and meeting requests from various reporters, Ministry bootlickers and assorted busybodies. Now that Sirius is my magical guardian, all of that mail is going to him and my dear godfather is sadly not as diligent or diplomatic as the Headmaster."
"Guilty as charged." Sirius confessed. He just didn't have the patience to read the letters of the many vultures clamoring for a piece of his godson, much less politely decline. He was actually more inclined to send back parchment with prank spells on it.
"So you want me to politely tell everyone to shove off?" Penny asked for clarification.
"Pretty much." Harry nodded. "You'll still have to read through all of it because there might actually be something important in the middle of all that tripe, in which case you should bring it to me."
"Alright, that doesn't sound so bad." She said mostly to herself and reached for one of the letters at random. Might as well get a feel for what she'd be doing.
Her cheeks pinked as she skimmed over the letter.
"Err, this seems to be an invitation to, uh, spend the night." Penny stammered out with a blush. "She also included a picture."
Sirius quickly snatched the letter and removed the attached animated picture of a very nice looking witch in her late twenties.
"I think it's best if you brought these types of letters directly to me." He declared authoritatively.
This got him deadpan looks from his godson and even Penny.
"What?" He demanded.
"Sirius, were you planning on taking that woman up on her offer on my behalf?" Harry asked mildly.
"Of course." Sirius nodded firmly. "I'm your godfather, it's my duty to protect your innocence from all these scarlet women, with my body if I have to!"
"How did you ever convince my mother that you would make a good godfather?" Harry asked, amused.
"James spent a month convincing her and she only agreed to it after Alice Longbottom agreed to be the godmother." Sirius admitted.
Nymphadora Tonks had the look of a woman on a mission as she barged through the front door of Potter Manor as if she owned it. In her hands was a plastic black bag that betrayed no sign of what it contained aside from its boxy shape.
"Oi, Sirius!" She hollered. "Where are you?"
A short time later, the incumbent Lord Black arrived, followed by a curly haired blonde that looked vaguely familiar.
"Going after the young ones are we?" Tonks snarked. The girl looked fresh out of Hogwarts.
"You're one to talk." Sirius snarked right back.
"That doesn't count, Harry's a guy." She countered.
Sirius opened his mouth to retort, only to close it and shrug. It might be hypocritical, but the unwritten rules of the Bro Code stated that the only acceptable response to a guy scoring with a hot older woman was 'nice!'. There were no provisions for age, which meant that Tonks was correct in saying that it didn't count.
"Well, Sirius? Are you going to introduce me to your young lady?" Tonks asked with a smirk.
"She's not my young lady." Sirius stated. "This is Penelope Clearwater. Harry hired her as a personal assistant because we're both too lazy to deal with the mail his fame generates. She just moved in a couple of days ago."
"Hi." Penny greeted, the remnants of an embarrassed blush on her face from the insinuation that she was Sirius' girlfriend. She was honestly surprised to learn that Harry was in a relationship with someone like Nymphadora Tonks. The two of them just seemed so different.
Tonks' eyebrows climbed up her forehead in surprise at that little revelation. Had she been a more insecure person, she would have been very displeased and jealous at the thought of having another woman living with her boyfriend. As it was, she simply decided to take it at face value. If Harry was having some hanky panky on the side, she'd find out and react accordingly, but until then she'd be cool about it.
"Wotcher."
"Harry's in the basement." Sirius informed.
"I know, he told me he'd be working on something today." Tonks said with a nod. "What I need is for you to not tell him that I'm here and keep him away from his room if he leaves his cave ahead of schedule."
"Why?" Sirius asked, a bit baffled.
"Because it's the prat's birthday and like hell am I going to let him get away with not celebrating it."
"You'll have a fight on your hands getting him to celebrate." Sirius advised. "I wanted to throw a party for him, but he threatened to send me to a dog shelter if I tried it. Not the most festive sort, that godson of mine."
"That wasn't the kind of celebration I had in mind." Tonks smirked.
"Oh, I see." Sirius smirked back. "We'll do you one better then and leave so that you have the house to yourselves."
"I suppose I could go visit my parents." Penny agreed, reflecting on the strangeness of still being an eighteen-year old virgin while her fourteen-year old employer seemed to have a very active sex life. Percy had made some unsubtle hints about taking their relationship to the next level, but she hadn't been comfortable going that far. She'd been embarrassed by her own prudishness in the face of both sides of the British society being very sexually open these days, but now she was glad that she hadn't slept with the ginger jerk.
A short while later a still smirking Metamorphmagus stood alone in the master bedroom. She pulled a distinctly muggle style laminated cardboard box out of the black bag she'd brought with her and her smirk widened in anticipation of putting the goodies in there to use. Some assembly was required, but it shouldn't be too hard.
Especially since the hard part, the one that would have potentially required professional help or power tools, could be solved with a little bit of transfiguration.
Harry furrowed his brow in thought as he examined the bracelet in his hands. It was a pretty thing made of silver, but that wasn't what had him so interested in it. The magic in it was the real beauty.
Sirius had told him that it was of goblin make, which he could readily believe as the enchantments on it were like nothing he'd ever seen.
Human made magical items had magic layered over the item, sometimes to wondrous complexity if it had been done by a particularly skilled caster. This goblin made bracelet however, had magic woven into it. The goblins had obviously done the enchanting during the actual forging process.
Harry imagined that this was far more difficult than merely enchanting a completed item, but it was also far more impressive and effective. With time, effort, skill and knowledge, human made enchantments could be undone. Not so with goblin made magical items. He couldn't even tell where the magic ended and the item began.
He wanted this knowledge intensely, but he knew that the goblins would be as jealously protective about that secret as wizards were about wandlore. It was such a shame that both sides were blind idiots, clinging to old hatreds instead of working together, but he wasn't surprised. If the goblins were as obsessed with the past as the purebloods, then it was no wonder that all they could do was carp on about the old days and the old ways instead of looking to the future.
Well no matter. The goblins had needed to figure it out for themselves at some point too, so there was nothing preventing him from doing the same. Whether he could manage the same feat or even get around to it with all the other stuff he had going on was another matter entirely, but it wasn't impossible.
Harry arched his back in a stretch and groaned at the satisfying popping noises his spine made. He'd been hunching over the desk in his private basement workshop too long. Again. A quick check of the time confirmed that he'd spent most of the day down here. Again. Sirius was probably going to worry about him for no reason. Again.
Might as well go upstairs and relax a bit, maybe read a book or meditate on his Animagus form a bit. That was always a good way to unwind a bit and he wasn't in the mood to try disenchanting another item.
Giving his armpits a sniff, he decided that a bath was in order before that. If there was one thing about his younger body that he missed, it was the lack of offensive odours.
As he made his way out of the basement, Harry paid little mind to how silent the house was. That was how it usually was since there were only three people living in it aside from the ninja silent house elves and the only one of them that was a noisy sort frequently left in order to find himself a willing bed partner.
He was just approaching the door to his room when said door suddenly opened to reveal his girlfriend.
"Dora?" He asked in bemusement, wondering when she'd showed up.
"Harry, hi!" She chirped too cheerfully to be for real.
"What were you doing in my room?"
"Nothing."
"Really?"
Tonks huffed at the rank disbelief in his tone, admitting to herself that it did indeed look suspicious. "Okay fine, so it was something."
"What was it?" Harry asked again, now amused.
The Metamorphmagus sauntered over to him sexily, her approach somewhat ruined when she nearly tripped over her own feet, but she pretended that it didn't happen. Then she went around him and placed her hands over his eyes and whispered into his ear.
"It's a surprise. Want to see it?"
"I would love nothing more." He replied, going along with her games.
She proceeded to lead him to his own room while keeping her hands over his eyes. The whole thing felt a bit ridiculous since they were right there, but Harry figured that there was nothing to be gained by pointing that out.
"Alright, you ready?" She asked once they were inside.
"As ready as I'll ever be." He replied, not bothering to hide his amusement.
"Happy birthday!" She cried and removed her hands.
Harry stared at the new addition to his room. The ceiling had been transfigured so that the wood paneling had holes through which metal clamps had been attached to. And hanging from the clamps was…
"A sex swing? You bought me a sex swing?" Harry asked with some incredulity, having not expected this in the least. He generally didn't care one whit about his birthdays, but this kind of present he could get used to.
"No." Tonks denied with a straight face.
"Are you sure? Because that looks like a sex swing."
"I bought us a sex swing, so you'd better not use it without me."
"Aaah." He said back in realization, figuring that she must have met Penny and this was some kind of subtle female territory marking ritual or something. "You'd better show me the ropes then."
"What an appropriate thing to say." She smirked and began removing her clothes.
It was a sunny summer day free of England's notoriously wet weather and many people were taking the opportunity to enjoy it.
Among these many people were a trio of college girls who had elected to save money instead of going on vacation to a beach somewhere. The sunny weather was too perfect to waste and they had decided to have an impromptu picnic in Hyde Park.
Their day took a bit of an odd turn when a pure black raven landed in their midst and looked at them with beady black eyes surrounded by strangely bright green sclera.
"Is that a raven?" The blonde of the trio asked, sounding a bit awed at having the large black bird just drop in on them like this.
"It is." The brunnete confirmed.
"I wonder where it came from?" The redhead wondered. She was no bird expert, but she did know that most birds would not simply land this close to humans.
"Hello." The raven croaked.
"It spoke!" Blonde exclaimed in shock.
"Ravens can mimic sounds like parrots." Brunette explained.
"Wouldn't that mean that it was someone's pet though?" Redhead asked, looking around as if she expected someone to come collect the bird at any moment.
"Hello." The raven repeated.
"This is so cool." Blonde said with a grin. "What's that line about a raven in a poem again?"
"From Edgar Allan Poe?" Brunette asked.
"Yeah, him." Blonde agreed.
"Something about a raven quoting 'nevermore'" Redhead said.
"Nevermore." The raven croaked.
All three girls stared at it in surprise and then giggled.
"I guess we're not the first ones to think of that." Blonde said, still grinning.
The other two did not respond, because at that moment the feathery visitor waddled over to Blonde and stared intently at her sizable chest. Or more accurately, at the topmost button of her white blouse.
"Shiny." The raven proclaimed.
"I guess it wants your buttons." Brunette said, very amused as she watched the black bird try to pry off the button.
"Or maybe it's a pervert." Redhead added, equally amused.
The raven ignored them with lordly disdain as it continued trying to claim the button.
"I'd give you the button, but I kind of need it." Blonde said, also amused. The blouse showed enough cleavage as it was.
The raven continued to struggle against the button for a minute longer before apparently deciding that it wasn't worth the trouble. Defeated but undaunted, it moved over to Brunette and started tugging on the shiny metallic zipper of her jeans.
"That settles it, that bird is definitely a pervert." Redhead stated, vastly amused as she watched the raven attempting to de-pants her embarrassed friend.
"Hey, stop that." Brunette scolded, not wanting to actually attempt physically remove the raven for fear of hurting it.
Much to her surprise, the raven did actually stop and made a croaking noise that sounded suspiciously like laughter.
"You're a cheeky little bugger, aren't you?" She asked.
"Nevermore." The raven croaked and began pushing its head at her palm.
"I think he wants be petted" Blonde suggested.
Bemused, Brunette did exactly that. Much to her surprise, the raven visibly preened at the attention. In a matter of moments all three young women were gently petting it.
"Hey, look out. There's a dog coming over here." Redhead warned a minute later, warily watching the approach of an intimidatingly large black dog.
"I think you'd better go." Brunette told the raven as if it could actually understand them, not wanting it to get hurt.
Quoth the raven. "Nevermore."
All three women gave it queer looks and stood up, not wanting to be so close to the ground with that dog approaching.
The raven stayed fearlessly on the ground.
Apparently with good reason, as the dog simply stopped once it reached them and gave a gentle woof.
The raven made a short flight and planted itself on the dog's back so that it was looking forward.
"Away." The raven commanded and the dog obeyed. Both avian rider and canine mount quickly vanished in the nearby woods.
"Did that seriously just happen?" Blonde asked, sounding more than a bit stunned.
The other two merely nodded mutely, still staring at the spot where the two had vanished.
Sirius and Harry transformed back into human form as soon as they were deep enough in the woods and immediately dissolved into hilarity.
"Did you see the look on their faces?" Sirius managed to say through his laughter, barely coherent due to his mirth. It was so bad that he wasn't even making any sound, just convulsing wildly with his mouth wide open as if he was howling hysterically.
Harry merely nodded, similarly incapacitated with tears streaming from his eyes due to the force of his amusement.
The two Animagi spent a good five minutes regaining control of themselves, as they would burst into another bout of laughter every time they caught sight of each other.
"We still need to give you a proper Marauder name now that you're an Animagus." Sirius was finally able to say, still red faced and bright eyed.
"Sure, whatever." Harry shrugged. He didn't particularly care about the whole Marauder thing, as he was pretty sure that they'd been bullies as much as pranksters, but it made Sirius happy so he'd let the man name his raven form.
He'd been so excited ever since he'd mastered the transformation after all.
Flashback
"Alright, I guess you might as well attempt the transformation." Sirius said in both pride and resignation. "It's insanely early, but you know your form, you know as much about ravens as you're likely to without being one and you've got better awareness over your own magic than James and I ever did. If anyone is going to get this right, it'll be you."
"Any last minute bits of advice?" Harry asked not really expecting anything.
"Don't hesitate." Sirius said simply. "This isn't something that you can do slowly. It'll feel strange the first time, but your magic will know what to do so don't struggle against it. If you get scared by the transformation and fight it your body will seize up and you'll die. If you don't accept the animal within, your magic will turn on itself and you'll go insane."
"Right, let's do this." Harry acknowledged with a nod.
He settled himself into the now familiar meditation, seeking the animal inside. The presence of the raven in his mind had become increasingly stronger the closer he came to mastering the transformation, until he felt the pressing need to spread his wings and fly.
He almost didn't notice when the transformation started, only alerted by the shifting of bones and organs. It was surprisingly painless, but definitely strange, as Sirius had warned him it would be. It was deeply uncomfortable feeling his bones become hollow and frail, his limbs spindly and weak, his teeth recede and his overall size diminish, but he pushed ahead despite the instincts of his body telling him that this wasn't right.
Even stranger was the mental aspect. Previously, the raven had been a notable presence in the back of his mind somewhere, but now it grew larger and stronger with alarming speed, overtaking his human consciousness. Sirius' warning fresh in his mind, he didn't try to fight or subjugate it and instead simply allowed it to happen. The raven was part of him now after all and fighting against yourself never turned out well.
Fortunately, the sudden flood of avian instinct subsided quickly and gave way once again to human thought, though definitely tinted towards birdlike and his emotions seemed oddly muted.
"Harry? You okay?" Sirius asked, looming over him like a giant.
Harry croaked back an affirmation, somehow not feeling overly strange or awkward in his new form. Even the new field of vision didn't feel too strange. Realizing that Sirius could not possibly understand him, he nodded his head.
"Amazing." Sirius said, much impressed. "A month and you've completely mastered the Animagus transformation from start to finish. I've never heard of anyone doing it anywhere close to this fast."
Harry croaked again and puffed up his chest proudly.
"You think you can manage to get on my arm?" Sirius asked, offering the appendage in question as a perch.
Harry didn't think about it too much and simply lifted off the ground with a flap of his wings. His landing was a bit shaky but successful. He found that as long as he didn't think about what he was doing when moving, it was pretty instinctual, just like being human really.
"Well aren't you a handsome bird?" Sirius asked, giving his transformed godson a little scratch on the head.
Harry puffed up again.
"Full of yourself too." Sirius teased.
Harry decided to try out another thing that ravens were capable of. It took a bit of doing to figure out the avian vocal cords, but it wasn't as hard as he thought it might have been.
"Cunt." The raven Harry croaked.
Sirius gave him a look that was partly offended, but mostly just jealous.
"You lucky bastard." He grumbled. "Do you have any idea how many pranks you could do with a talking Animagus form? In fact, we've got to use this right away!"
End Flashback
"Alright, I've got it!" Sirius announced, breaking Harry out of his thoughts. "I dub thee Messr Blackbeak, son of Prongs."
"Really? Blackbeak?" Harry asked in a deadpan tone, staring at his godfather with an equally deadpan look. "How… original."
"It's perfect." Sirius insisted. "Besides, it's not like the other Marauder names were terribly original either. James was Prongs because he had antlers, I was Padfoot because my feet have pads, Wormtail had a wormlike tail, Remus is Moony because he's a werewolf and you have a black beak."
"Right, because I'm the only bird with a black beak." Harry said sarcastically.
"I'm not the only dog with pads on his feet either, so what's your point?"
Harry rolled his eyes. "Fine, we'll call my raven form Blackbeak if it's so important to you."
"Good." Sirius nodded firmly, looking terribly pleased with himself. "Go forth and prank the world Messr Blackbeak."
"We've literally just done a prank." Harry pointed out, not being as prank inclined as his godfather.
"You can never have too many pranks." Sirius argued but quickly sobered up a bit. "How are you feeling though? Noticed any strange urges yet?"
Harry frowned and thought over the day. It didn't take him long to identify several things that he was fairly certain wouldn't have popped up if he hadn't transformed. "I seem to have gained a strange fascination with shiny objects and a dislike of closed spaces."
"Not unexpected." Sirius said with a nod. "The dislike of closed spaces at any rate, no bird would like those. You might notice others over time, but like I said, it'll be subtle."
Gorefist glared at the five humans currently cluttering his office. That was five more than he would have preferred.
"What do you want this time, Potter?" He demanded rudely. The professional relationship between the Potter account manager and the Potter Heir had long since gone past the point of politeness.
"I need to open another vault." Harry replied, unperturbed by the goblin's tone. Not only did goblins dislike humans as a matter of course, they also had little use for politeness in the first place. "The deposit has to be ten thousand galleons and all five of us need to have full access to it, but transactions or withdrawals larger than two hundred galleons in one sitting or one thousand per month have to be approved by me."
"Names?" Gorefist grunted.
Harry rattled off the names of the four girls. "I'll want the keys locked to their use of course."
"That will cost you ten galeons. Each."
"I think you mean five galleons each." Harry smirked.
Gorefist glowered back. "Nine."
"Six."
"Eight."
"Five and I won't pay attention if an extra ten goes missing from my vault."
Gorefist considered the blatant bribe for a moment and gave a grudging nod. "Agreed."
"I'll also want monthly bank statements to be sent to Penelope Clearwater."
The four girls twitched in surprise at hearing the name of their former yearmate, but stayed silent.
"Fine." Gorefist grunted again and sneered toothily. "I will send a goblin to the lobby to escort you to key manufacture, now get out of my office and die in a fire."
"I hope your mother gets eaten by a dragon." Harry shot back and motioned for the wide eyed girls to follow him out of the office.
"Fucking goblins." He grumbled once they'd left Gorefist's office.
"Is that…..normal?" Bryanna asked hesitantly, more than a bit perturbed at the hostility between Harry and his account manager. She'd never had any dealings with goblins aside from the tellers, which were terse but not so blatantly hostile.
"Pretty much." Harry sighed. "Goblins have never gotten along with humans and now that we're in an enforced peace all we can do is hurl insults and empty threats at each other. It wouldn't be so bad if the little bastards didn't insist on being as antagonistic as possible. I'd bet my last knut that if the treaty between us is somehow voided, the first thing that the goblins will do is start sharpening their axes."
"But….why?" Jade asked, clearly baffled about the whole thing. "Surely we'd have learned to live together by now?"
Harry snorted at the optimism. "We can't even live with each other, what makes you think we can live with a whole other species?"
"Since when does Clearwater work for you?" Tiana interjected speculatively, having little interest in wizard-goblin relations.
"Since the end of July. I ran into her in the Ministry when I was picking up my OWL results and offered her a job as my personal assistant." Harry answered with a shrug, not elaborating on the issue.
The girls shared knowing looks, easily able to guess that the muggleborn former Ravenclaw had run headfirst into the discrimination that had led them to concocting the 'Potter Project' in the first place, though she'd apparently lucked out by befriending Harry. Good on her.
"I'll expect you to send her monthly finance reports so that she can compare it to the Gringotts bank statements."
"Alright." Bryana nodded, ignoring the way that Jade and Isabel stiffened in offense at the insinuation that they would cheat him. Honestly, Harry had just handed them a ten thousand galleon loan with no interest attached to it. They could do with being a bit less prickly over the fact that he wanted to keep an eye on his investment.
"And get in touch with her when you find a venue that you like. I'll negotiate for it on your behalf."
"Will do." Tiana agreed easily, knowing that the Boy-Who-Lived would definitely get a better deal than an unknown group of barely-above-muggleborn and fresh out of Hogwarts witches. The unfairness grated as much as it always had, but they'd learned to be pragmatic.
"Alright, that's that then." Harry breathed out, feeling uncommonly tired from all this business dealing. He'd have much rather spent the day reading a book or tinkering with some magical item, or maybe flying in his raven form. Or making use of Dora's birthday present.
At least he had Penny to take care of most of the tedium now. Negotiating was bad enough, but keeping track of expenses was something that he knew he didn't have the patience for, especially with the retarded currency that magicals used. Honestly, 17 sickles to a galleon and 29 knuts to a sickle? If that wasn't proof that goblins hated wizards, then he didn't know what was.
He knew that Penny had never been fond of computers, but maybe he should send her to a class on using Microsoft Excel and get her one of those solar powered laptops? Maybe even check around for a dedicated bookkeeping program? It would be beyond cruel to expect her to keep track of his finances by hand. She was getting a calculator at the very least, if she didn't have one already that was.
Tonks having breakfast at Potter Manor had become a familiar scene over the summer. Not only did she not feel like apparating to her own flat after Harry wore her out with his rune bolstered virility, but the king sized bed was also far more comfortable than her own much smaller one and a house elf prepared breakfast was superior to cereal in every way.
She, Harry and Sirius generally spent this time sniping at each other good naturedly or jeering at the tripe writen in the Daily Prophet . Penny had felt a bit awkward about the whole thing at first but had eventually become part of the strange dynamic, though a more quiet part.
"Oh Haaaary~." Tonks sing-songed, looking at her boyfriend over the latest issue of Witch Weekly with laughing dark eyes.
"What?" Harry asked with a raised eyebrow from his place at the head of the table, wondering what she'd seen in that rag that merited this kind of amusement.
"It says here that you were seen in Gringotts with a gaggle of four witches. Inquiring minds want to know whether you need four mistresses to satisfy your dark lusts." Tonks informed him, obviously holding back laughter.
Penny nearly choked on her orange juice. So that's what that interview request that she'd refused a couple of days ago had been about.
"You keep falling asleep on me." Harry shrugged with a smile. "A man has needs."
"Preach it, brother." Sirius contributed, nodding sagely.
"Prats" Tonks huffed. It was true that Harry was getting progressively better at turning her into a pile of mush as he learned which buttons to push, and he'd been no slouch the first time. "So were you actually there or are the reporters making stuff up again?"
"Yes, I was actually there, but not to pay off a gaggle of mistresses." Harry paused in thought at this and amended his statement. "Well, two of them could be counted as former mistresses I suppose, if you stretch the definition, but we were there on business."
"The ones that you've been 'honing your technique' on the past year?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. He'd told her about them when she asked where he'd gotten so experienced at his age.
"That'd be them." He confirmed and then took on a teasing tone. "You jealous?"
"Maybe I want my own mistresses." Tonks leered playfully.
"We can share mine if you want." Harry offered just as playfully. "I'm sure they wouldn't mind another participant of variable gender. Just keep any cocks you might decide to grow away from my orifices and we're golden."
"Aw, but that's the fun part." Tonks complained.
"Sorry, Dora, but we'll need another girl if you want to satisfy your futa fetishes." Harry told her seriously.
Sirius lost the battle against his amusement at this point and burst into hysterical giggles.
Penny could only shake her head at the conversation. She'd never have believed that the sullen and anti-social first year Harry had once been would grow up like this.
"I do not have any futa fetishes!" Tonks protested. That thing with the Asian witch in her sixth year didn't count! That girl had been weird, always looking flushed and out of breath whenever she asked about the limits of her Metamorph abilities.
"And yet you know what a futa fetish is." Harry countered.
"So do you!"
"Ah, but I'm not the Metamorphmagus, or should we call you a Metamorphallus?"
Sirius started giggling again.
"I'll Metamorphallus you right up the arse." Tonks muttered.
"What did I just say about keeping away from my orifices?" Harry tried to say sternly, but couldn't keep his lips from twitching into a grin.
"Fine." She sniffed disdainfully. "It's your loss anyway. You'll never know the glories of penetration."
"I think I can manage to stay content with doing the penetrating." Harry said back wryly.
There was a short silence before Tonks spoke up again. "So just to be clear, you're not still sleeping with them, right?"
"No, I'm not still sleeping with them." He assured her and paused in thought for a moment. "Do you want to meet them? I'm sure I could convince them to come over and get you measured for some custom clothing."
Tonks thought the offer over. She was sure that he was telling her the truth, but she appreciated the gesture he was making. Being a Metamorphmagus was awesome, but it did come with the unfortunate caveat that almost all of her past boyfriends that she'd slept with had inevitably asked her to transform into someone else. A little roleplay was okay, but it was a fine line between that and being used as a means to live out someone's fantasies. Harry hadn't asked her to use her abilities for anything of the sort so far aside from some minor ideas like making her clitoris bigger, which indicated either a lack of desire to do so or uncommon intelligence by leaving it up to her. She was betting on the latter.
And now he was offering her the chance to speak to the women he'd spent a large portion of the past year sleeping with. That could be… informative.
The chance for custom made clothing shouldn't be squandered either.
Tonks was feeling tentatively positive about Bryanna and Tiana. They seemed like a very practical and down to earth sort, though their enthusiasm for a shapeshifting human mannequin was a bit disturbing. She didn't think that her Metamorph ability had ever gotten such a workout as they asked her to change body proportions and colorations to test what would work and what wouldn't.
The talk about Harry had also been surprisingly frank and absent of awkwardness. The two younger witches did not seem to have any feelings attached to him other than friendliness. It had been exactly as Harry had described it, a business arrangement that had turned into casual sex.
"We wouldn't have minded keeping it up." Bryanna was saying. "He was a good way to scratch an itch and wasn't a jerk about it when he easily could have been. Since he never showed any interest in getting into an actual relationship, we figured that he'd stay available, so we were pretty surprised when he turned us down last month."
"So much for not getting into a relationship." Tiana snickered and then sighed. "I guess it's back to toys and that buzzer spell."
Tonks knew about the buzzer spell. It was one of the things she'd put on Mr. Purple. She had to agree that it wasn't as good as having Harry go down on her though.
"So he turned down a three-way for me?" She had to admit that that was more than she would have expected a month ago. "I'll have to reward him for that, especially since he didn't brag about it."
"If you want to reward him, all you need to do is make yourself look fifteen or twenty years older." Bryanna advised.
"Why?" Tonks asked, puzzled.
"Harry's got a thing for older women. I'm pretty sure that he was plotting out ways to seduce Professor Vector before he met you." Tiana answered with a smirk.
Tonks had to snicker at that. She could easly imagine Harry pacing his room with that broody look on his face as he planned ways to turn his Arithmancy lesson into a different sort of lesson entirely.
Maybe she could reward him for his faithfulness with a detention…..
"Are you ready for your detention, Mr. Potter?"
The question snapped Harry out of his focus on the book in front of him and he looked towards his girlfriend in bafflement.
Then he continued to stare. It was definitely Tonks, but the slight wrinkles at the corners of her mouth and eyes made her look a good deal older. Harry would be hard pressed to explain why he found those hints of age attractive, but he did. The new look was further complemented by a rather severe but tight robe and a less playful hairstyle than she normally preferred.
"Dora?" He asked in surprise.
She tsked and started walking over to him. "That's Ms. Tonks to you, Mr. Potter. Now prepare yourself for detention."
Harry was catching on and had to fight to keep a grin off his face. He still had no idea how he was supposed to prepare himself for detention though.
The question was answered when she waved her wand and caused his clothes to fly off of him until he was naked in the chair. Then she proceeded to straddle him and reveal that there was nothing under that robe.
A little wriggling later and she had impaled herself on him, after which she leaned in close to whisper into his ear. "Detention is now in session."
Bryanna and Tiana put her up to this. Harry realized. He was going to have to do something nice for them.
Harry appeared in an out of the way alley and promptly chucked the empty bottle of Guiness that had been turned into a portkey into a nearby garbage bin. Someone in the Department of Magical Transportation clearly thought they were being clever by using a bottle of Irish beer as a portkey to Ireland. Harry was impressed just by the fact that whoever had made that portkey actually knew about a muggle beer brand.
He and Penny had tracked down the former manager for the Potter vineyards to this Irish village, now he just had to find the right place. It was one of those places that was big enough that not everyone knew each other, but still small enough to be called 'sleepy'. In other words, the type of place where a few magicals could vanish into the crowd with relative ease as long as they weren't incredibly stupid.
He didn't want to be here at all, but it had to be done and he'd put it off long enough already. He had to find out what exactly Parkinson had done to usurp Potter business interests and this was his best bet. The pottery business had been quite small and more of a nod to the family name than anything else. The manager for that one had left Wizarding Britain a long time ago and would have been difficult to find, which was probably intentional.
A fifteen minute walk later and he was approaching an unassuming looking house that had spells layered over it to make it even more unassuming. There were even aversion spells targeting magicals present, but Harry ignored them and knocked on the door.
A short while later, a confused looking man that looked to be somewhere in his fifties opened the door, which meant that he was probably a couple of decades older since he was a wizard, though he was dressed in regular clothing. The confusion probably stemmed from the fact that he'd knocked on his door despite the spells that were meant to discourage exactly that.
"Ossian O'Sullivan?" Harry inquired.
The man looked a bit startled at hearing his name, but then took a closer look at his visitor. "Harry Potter. I thought I might be seeing you on my doorstep one day, though I hadn't been expecting you for a few more years at least. Well come on in, we can't very well have this conversation on the porch."
Harry did so, inwardly feeling rather amused by the old man's brusque manner. Charlus had warned him about that, but it was something else to experience it himself. He was led into a comfortable living room and told to have a seat while his host went to grab a few drinks.
He took a look around while O'Sullivan was absent, noting the mix of still pictures and magical animated ones. Aside from Ossian himself, there were also pictures of two boys at various ages that must be his sons and a woman that was presumably his wife. Judging by her absence in the house, Harry guessed that she was dead and determined to avoid any talk about family.
The old man came back a minute later and Harry ironically found himself once again holding a bottle of Guiness. He clearly didn't care about any underage drinking laws.
"Muggle beer." O'Sullivan explained unnecessarily. "Always found Firewhiskey too strong for casual drinking and Butterbeer too sweet. You'd think that wizards would die if they adopted some moderation with the way they avoid it."
"You don't have to tell me twice, I was raised by muggles. Nearly did a spit take the first time I tried pumpkin juice." Harry said with a shrug, deciding not to mention that he wasn't too fond of beer either. No need to come off as whiny.
"You'll be wanting to know why the Potters lost their business." O'Sullivan stated, changing the subject abruptly.
"I'm fairly sure that there was some foul play involved, but I would like the details." Harry said evenly, feeling oddly pleased by the straight to the point approach.
"Hah!" The much older wizard chortled, apparently amused. "If you've guessed that much without even talking to me then you're already twice the man your father was, at least as far as brains are concerned."
"What do you mean?" Harry questioned, puzzled.
"James Potter wasn't stupid, but he was a brat." O'Sullivan stated bluntly. "Never cared to learn about any of his responsibilities and only wanted to run around with those friends of his and chase girls. He didn't really start growing up until he was out of Hogwarts. Can't really blame him I suppose. Charlus and Dorea were already getting old by the time they had him and pampered the boy too much."
Harry had known that his father had been something of an entitled brat. He'd also known that Charlus and Dorea had been approaching grandparent age by the time they'd had him. He hadn't known that they'd spoiled him however, but he supposed that he shouldn't be surprised that they'd omitted that little detail.
"So he wasn't prepared to take the Lordship when Charlus and Dorea died?" He asked.
"Didn't want to either." O'Sullivan grunted. "Too busy listening to Dumbledore's shite and risking his neck fighting Voldemort."
Harry had to raise an eyebrow at finally hearing someone say the dreaded V-word. He'd just about despaired of finding any traces of spine among the magical population.
"Don't get me wrong. It was brave of him to fight that lunatic head on, but stupid. He could've done more by convincing those feckin' gobshites in the Wizengamot to stop sitting on their arses and seein' that Voldemort isn't going to make things better." The old man ranted, his Irish accent getting thicker in his agitation.
"Not that this isn't interesting, but how does it relate to the Potter business?" Harry steered the conversation back on track, finding it personally unlikely that his father could have managed that one even if he had been politically inclined.
"Right, got a bit off topic there." O'Sullivan nodded. "Charlus was dead and James didn't want to deal with anything until the war was over, so he delegated authority to everyone he could instead."
"Ah." Harry said, pinching the bridge of his nose and wondering if his father had really been that oblivious. The Potters wouldn't be the first House to take a beating because a new Lord made stupid decisions. House Black was a prime example of mismanagement; A magnificent manor torn down and traded for a much smaller townhouse in London on the whims of one Lord Black, a huge chunk of gold given to the Ministry by Sirius' own grandfather for the dubius benefits of an Order of Merlin First Class, the whole family nearly wiped out in their fervor to support Voldemort and lastly, Sirius' decision to deliberately let the family name go extinct out of spite for those long dead.
"Yes. Ah." The older man repeated flatly. "I tried telling him it was a bad idea but he wouldn't listen, just signed over authority for me to 'do whatever I needed to do' and apparated away before I could get a word in edgewise. Then he went into hiding with his wife and word got out that I was making decisions that only Lord Potter should have been making. Then one day that streak of piss Parkinson showed up and made it clear that I should sell the business to him for less than a quarter of what it was worth and get out of the country. He wasn't very specific, but I know a threat when I hear one. With your father in hiding and the Ministry looking ready to surrender I was short on choices, so I sold and made plans to move my family to the continent."
"You did the right thing." Harry sighed. His father and Sirius really had been two peas in a pod, shortsighted, irresponsible and reckless. Sirius was still dodging responsibility to this day and James Potter had as good as painted a target on the man's back.
"Damn right I did. Charlus was my friend, but I wasn't going to risk my family to protect Potter business interests." O'Sullivan grunted but seemed pleased to hear it anyway. "Course', then Voldemort got himself blown up going after you and the Potters were suddenly martyrs. Nobody would have touched their stuff after that, but Parkinson had already gotten what he wanted by then and it was all nice and legal too."
"For a given value of legal." Harry muttered, making the older man snort in agreement. He finished what was left of the beer and stood up. "Thanks for telling me about this."
"Sure." The other man said. "Throw a couple bone breakers in self-defense at Parkinson's legs for me when you get around to it."
Harry's lips twitched in morbid amusement. The Irish wizard must have seen Skeeter's article on the Pettigrew debacle and drawn his own conclusions. He seemed to be under the impression that Harry was on a revenge trip of some sort. "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Right." O'Sullivan managed not to sound too sarcastic.
"I don't wanna go." Sirius pouted.
"Stop being such a big baby, Sirius." Harry sighed, wondering yet again at his godfather's capacity for being childish.
"But it's going to be so boring ." Sirius whined.
"Yes, I know ." Harry said back irritably. "I'll agree to try casting a few wandless prank spells if you agree to stop your bellyaching." Why did he sometimes feel like a single parent when dealing with his godfather?
"Deal!" Sirius agreed, instantly cheered up. He'd turn his godson into a prankster yet!
"But only if I think I can get away without anyone figuring out that it was me." Harry provisioned.
"Fine." Sirius conceded. It was always better when the prankster remained undetected anyway.
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