Chapter 3: What’s Going On
Misty
I went to the back door; I used my key and unlocked the door. No one was home right now. I would not query where they went. Leaving the kitchen, I went to my room. Hoping there will be an envelope somewhere. Tossing the bag full of books onto the bed, I went on the hunt to find an envelope. There was one in my nightstand. I put the money in it, along with the receipt from the Wal-Mart trip. I wrote father's name on it. Leaving my room, I jogged down the stairs. I placed the envelope on the coffee table, then returned to my room. Going through the books that I have purchased. I found the one that I wanted to read. It is based on a true story about Richard Ramirez. The book was written by Philip Carlo. The book's title is: The Night Stalker. I laid down on the bed and started to read. I fell asleep after two chapters.
I'm not anxious about sleeping for I take pills to make it so I do not dream. There was a knock on my door that awoke me. Getting up and leaving the bed, I answered the door. Jasper was at the door; he informed me that father was requesting for me to go to the living room for a chat. I asked if he could inform father I will be down after I visit the restroom. Jasper said, ok. I left the safety of my room and ventured into the bathroom. After relieving myself and washing my hands, I left the bathroom and headed downstairs. I'm thinking that my rent went up without my knowledge. If that is the case, I will get more money out and then get dish soap. I have to wash my dishes in the bathroom plus my clothes. I will admit I was pampered when I was in the hospital, using a real washer and dryer. Yes, I was able to use the washer and dryer at my grandparents' house. Sadly, mother never allowed me to use hers. I had to wash my clothes in the bathtub then take them outside and put them on a bush to dry. I entered the living room; dad was sitting on the couch.
Father had the envelope in his hand. I knew it was about my rent. I will inform him I will get the rest out. Hoping he does not rase it by too much more for I still need to get my phone turned back on. Walking in front of him as to let him know of my presence. Father was deep in thought that he did not notice I was there. I talked to let him know that I was there. I said Jasper informed me to come down. Father asked why did I give him the envelope. I informed him that was my rent and the repayment for the things purchased from Wal-Mart. I added if my rent went up, I will go get the amount needed.
I asked how much more do I need? Father asked why I was doing this. I was confused about what he was asking. Then I informed him again that is my rent. I said that if I do not pay rent for my room, then I will have nowhere to go. I said if I get kicked out, I cannot afford an apartment. I continued to say I just figured that even though mother was gone, I will still have to pay rent.
I informed him that nothing changed; I am well aware of that. Father hung his head. I asked once again how much more money do I need. He did not utter a word to me. Fantastic, now I have to play the guessing game. I dreaded when mother would play these games. I could never get it right, no matter how hard I tried. Mother would beat me for being too stupid. I know father never touched me, but he never stopped mother and who's to say means she's gone father won't start beating me in her place.
I turned around to leave the room, headed to the stairs so I could go get my wallet. I heard father say something; it sounded like he said sorry. I turned and asked if he said something. He said nothing. I guess I was imagining it. Leaving the living room, I went to my bedroom and grabbed my wallet, phone, earphones, and keys. When I returned to the living room, father was gone. Going through the kitchen to get to the back door, opened it and left, locking it behind me. Heading over to my bike, I picked it up and got on it. The sun is setting now, so it will be in my eyes. But I do not really care; in fact, I hope it blinds me and I get hit by a car. No such luck. I went to the nearest ATM and got out fifty dollars. After that I went to the dollar store. I parked my bike and went into the store, grabbing dish soap and shavers. I paid and left the store. I hopped on my bike and headed home. It felt as if someone or something was following me. I looked around, but saw nothing. It was now dark when I got home. I put my bike in its designated area. I went to the house and unlocked the door and went in.
I went to my room to get another envelope, putting the money inside. I wrote father's name on it. I left my room and down the stairs. I put it on the coffee table once again. I wrote a brief note on the envelope that if this still is not enough, could I get an extension until I get a job. I then returned to my room. I shut the door and locked it behind me. I went through my bag and grabbed one shaver. I took the plastic safety guard off and broke the piece that was covering the blade. I pulled my pant and underwear down just enough to expose my upper thigh. I cut myself; I felt a great sense of relief. I put the guard back over the blade and put it in my nightstand.
I pulled my pants and underwear back up. I went to the bag from Wal-mart and grabbed a ramen. Eating it without cooking it. After eating, I went to the bathroom with my brand new cup and got some water. I took my medications, then went back to my room. Today was a long, confusing day. I laid down in bed so I could fall back to sleep. I was thinking of everything that had transpired today. One thing that has been stuck in my mind is why did father take me to the hospital in the first place?
Mother always said I should have died, should never been born, and I should kill myself. The first time I have tried to kill myself, I took pills, but it did not work. This last time I sliced my wrists, father said he found me in a pool of my blood. He took me to the hospital. If my parents never wanted me, they could have put me up for adoption or just let me die that night. I did it when no one was home; they were out having dinner with their friends. I knew no one care, so I did not bother writing a note.
I was pissed when I woke up in the hospital. I wanted to sleep forever and be with my grandparents. My grandparents both died on the same day. I was at school; I was told it was a home invasion gone wrong. I cried in secret. Then I had to move back with my parents. Two weeks after the death of my grandparents and getting beat every day and night by my mom, I tried to end my life. I was in the hospital for one month when I was told my mom overdosed and died. It did not phase me, for I did not care. Sure, I felt bad for my brothers, but that was it. To be honest, I did not think I was going to leave the hospital until I was eighteen. I was shocked when I was told I would be going home with my dad. Like I said before, I did not want to go home, having to deal with the same crap I had to before I left. Suddenly, I was awoken by a noise coming from the hall. I laid there waiting for my door to be broken down and for me to get beat for not having enough rent money.
I heard my door handle raddle, but it stopped. Then I waited, but nothing happened. As I laid there quietly until my body made me fall asleep again. Back into the darkness, that I love so much. I have hidden a few pictures of my grandparents away; I did have more, but my mom found them and burned them right in front of me. That is the reason I have little. It was always taken from me and was destroyed.
I have a lockbox that I hid, that contains my birth certificate, my SS card, and some pictures of my grandparents and their wedding rings. The key to it is with me at all times. It is on a chain around my neck and I hide it under my sweatshirt. I'm always wearing my hood up on it so no one can ever see it. I hope that when morning comes; I do not wake up, however I know that won't happen, and when it does not, I will get my phone switched back on and turn in my job application. Then I will come back and get ready for school that is coming up. I am thinking I am going to walk to school. Jasper and Jake always offer to give me a ride, but mom would not let me. She always said I do not deserve anything, and she is right.
Weekly Power Status
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Ranking 
-- Power
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