Chapter 59: Unbounded Mental
"..."
Sitting still, she stared blankly at the canvas that sat in front of her.
Her mind was running in circles as it turned blank at each turn. She was struggling to pick up her pencil as once she did her thoughts would go blank.
She was lacking in motivation to do anything as she continued to simply stare at the blank canvas trying to think, formulate and bring forth even an ounce of inspiration - but her mind was as blank as the canvas in front of her.
Around her was the warmly heated open room of her house, there was a scent of morning dew and the soothing aroma of a drink that reminded her of coffee circulating the air around her.
The plank wood that made up the flooring was freshly waxed and sparkled with its fresh scent of nature while the dark walls provided insulation to the room, the entire house was homey and older compared to the smooth stone highrises and symmetrical and neat-looking buildings of the capital.
Lulu had decided to paint in this room because she liked its atmosphere and how it looked... and she felt it would stir her pot of imagination — it seemed she was proven wrong; hah, it couldn't light a spark.
She was still struggling and couldn't mull over a single thing to do with the canvas before her as each time she picked up her brush or pencil she would merely stare blankly at it for who knows how long before placing it back down.
She was sitting there struggling to walk through the murky waters that had enveloped her mind; she was placed under a dreadful curse that plagued the minds of the many slaves of creativity: A block.
Artist's block had hit her like a storm. It submerged her mind in its murky waters, holding onto her with an unbearably tight grasp - dragging out all the negative thoughts that cluttered her mind. Thoughts that she constantly had to push back down.
Its sudden attack had struck her shakey mind off its unstable foundation as the negativity flooded in, leaving her mind filled with thoughts of her worthlessness, her uselessness, and the fact that her existence was unnecessary.
She began to doubt her skills much more than usual along with her mind being tempted by the seemingly seductive idea of hanging up her brush and abandoning her pursuit of art.
Gazing at her metallic arm, she glazed her hand across it. Scrunching her face, Lulu began to shift through the painful memories of what she had to go through for her to acquire the prosthetic, memories that haunted her nights since returning.
Her recent sleepless nights were made evident by the bags on her face being much deeper than they were usually, even if she was able to somehow get some sleep, it was made even harder to do so with new forms of nightmares consuming her,
Wolves biting down on her - pulling her apart, limb by limb. Lightning repeatedly struck down her as she was continuously charred in a repetitive process; being assaulted by a wave of Reverse Flauna, suffocating her in the red river.
Her purpose in coming to this room was to get her mind off those thoughts and try to calm herself down she wanted to sit down and draw or paint something, but it was proving futile... Her mind was as scrambled as she thought it was; not even being able to draw.
She tried her best to calm her mind, and relax, but she remained restless. She was unable to find a modicum of calm in her mind, as, if she were to rest silently thoughts would creep up on her and if she tried to do something enjoyable, she wouldn't find joy in it.
It was to the point where the only time she could do something that kept her mind busy was when she was practicing and training; which wasn't such a great realization for her, after all, she wasn't the biggest fan of moving her body around.
The only reason she was doing it right now was that Karma was encouraging her and that everyone in her family was telling her she had to if she wanted to protect herself - something that was proven true when she entered the Spectral Forest and had to face the Spectral Beast that took her arm.
With it being proven necessary to train she thought to look at it in a better light, though she was still happy that she was still unable to stand as she was allowed to skip training.
Stirring from her thoughts, Lulu continued to gaze at the canvas in her permeating silence, that is until she heard the synonymous pitter patter of flesh quickly slapping against the floor outside the room.
Swerving her head towards the door, she watched as it was quickly swung open and a blazing redhead stammered in. Catching herself she locked eyes with Lulu smirking before she made her way to her.
"Lulu!"
Suddenly exclaiming, Karma lightly leaped at the still wheelchair as if she were a cat jumping at a toy, well, if not for her carefulness when doing so — she treated the girl like a precious artifact.
Lulu, who hadn't moved from her spot was staring at the loud girl latched onto her with a blank stare. It was such a common occurrence in their daily lives that she had grown numb to Karma's enthusiasm and their level of skinship.
Where at first, she would become a blushing mess, turning into a ripe tomato prepared for harvest, she could now shrug it off, keeping her panic in her head—not letting Karma bask in satisfaction upon seeing her reaction.
"Karma..."
"Mmm, what are you doing? You've been in here for almost the entire day, are you alright? You're not dealing with any pain right now, are you? Please, please tell me nothing is wrong."
Speaking in a slightly softer tone, Karma stuffed her head deep into the pit of Lulu's neck, embracing her into a hug as occupied some of the space of the seat.
Unbeknownst to Karma, Lulu's face had a slight tinge of red sprinkling about it as her ears twitched. Quickly calming herself she tried to answer her questions in the best way she knew.
"Well, technically everything is fine—"
Trying to articulate herself out of the situation she was put to a stop as her boisterous friend cut her off.
"Don't give me that, Lulu. Spill it up, I want to know what's going on with you, why do you have that look on your face right now."
As they were talking Karma removed her face from Lulu's collarbone and looked at her expression much more closely. Forgetting the obvious blushing reaction she had towards Karma practically hopping on her — the same crestfallen expression had been on her face the entire time.
At Karma's words, Lulu had dawned a conflicted expression as she struggled to put words to her thoughts.
"I... I."
"It's okay, it's fine, just go slow."
Rubbing her back, Karma tried calming her down; reassuring her.
"I... haven't been feeling the best recently."
"..."
After stating that Lulu fell into silence for a moment as she peered into Karma's eyes, trying to spot if there were any forms of shifting flashing through them — but no, instead, they remained glued to her. Waiting for her to say all she needs to say.
"I've been having more nightmares than usual lately... I-I feel like they're getting progressively worse each time, and the end of each of them, the end of each of them!..."
Having her back rubbed once more shot a relaxing feeling through her, calming down her rare moment of being frustrated.
"I-I...I'm sorry. It's just... It's hard, I thought that I could come here and relax, and find some peace in drawing, but those nightmares, leak out even here. I can hardly pick up my pencil with a single ounce of motivation... frustrating.
It's not a simple block like usual, I-I'm scared. I don't want to get hurt, I just want to live in peace. But nothing, nobody allows me that."
Every word that left her mouth was covered in sadness before the dam broke and the tears flowed and flowed out like a neverending waterfall.
The thoughts that Lulu kept to herself had finally come to light as Karma stared down at her hunched figure, her brows furrowed while she continued to rub her back.
She thought about the words Lulu had uttered and she could understand where they were coming from, she had never gone through all the hardships that Lulu had gone through but she could imagine her friend's grief.
Due to an uncontrollable factor that she was born with, she was crippled in more than one way, being unable to do certain things without specified devices. And now, just recently, she lost an entire arm, wrenching pain from it was just unimaginable.
Pulling Lulu into a hug, bringing her face into her chest, she remained silent. In her head, she was finding it hard trying to come up with something to say, but nothing came to mind other than:
"I hear you, I hear you... Don't worry, I'm right here with you... I'm right here with you."
....
***
Well... Here I am with reasonable excuses, as I said a month ago, I caught COVID and was feeling horrible for three and a half weeks, had to do makeup work at school, so there's that too.
After things calmed down a bit I got hit by a large wave of depression, but here I am, back at it again, I'll be writing again because I love this story.
I'd like to thank everyone who remained with this story and constantly support it, I appreciate the power stones.
If you wish to criticize me, or my story, see some of my rare art, chat with me, or just ask questions please do me the honor of joining my discord (I'm quite lonely there).
https://discord.gg/2WQKxCgQFa
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
Pasithea_Midnight
Pasithea_Midnight Not really a calm, lighthearted relaxing chapter I said I'd do but it is downtime, I'll upload one later. Lulu would never be able to relax if she doesn't calm her mind.
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