Chapter 16: Knowing Nathan's sadness

Clara turned to the second page, slowly began to read the contents of the pages in her heart.

Thursday, February 14, 2021

I didn't expect, on my 21st birthday, I finally got a pretty simple gift from Leonardo, my most annoying brother but I love him because I only have him as my brother.

I don't know what to write today… this is the first day I write in this diary...

Erm... I don't know what to say.. uh... Well, I'll say a little about what happened on campus today.

On-campus, there is a man of aristocratic descent who visits to provide scholarships to underprivileged and outstanding students. Nothing special ... everything feels normal but I don't know why he always looks at me when he's giving a speech on the podium?

You should know... He is very handsome, his face shape is perfect, even He is very dignified with his formal style and his hair is neatly combed ...his beard looks like it's always been shaved.

Ah yes, I forgot to mention the name. He is Nathan William Rudolf, he is a descendant of nobles who inherited the entire empire of his family's company which is so big and rich….ah, actually I'm not interested in his wealth... But, I'm just wondering why he always stares at me.

Hemm, let's see, if he comes to campus and looks back at me again, I'll go over to him and tease him... I wonder, will he respond well? Ah, but I'm not good at flirting... I don't even dare to date because I watch too many dramas about sad love...

Well... Enough for today. I hope tomorrow I don't forget to write about my every moment here...

Clara smiled faintly after reading the writing. She could very well imagine how the atmosphere the owner wrote from the body she was currently in.

'So, This is a book given by her brother named Leonardo… and maybe that guy was named Leonardo,' Clara thought, remembering the time she entered the wrong room.

Check...

Her gaze turned to the newly opened door. She closed the diary, then smiled at Nathan who came up to her.

"Are you taking your favorite thing?" asked Nathan.

"Eh ... Yes, but I guess I won't take too much. I'll only take the most important one," Clara replied as she looked at the diary again.

Nathan's gaze shifted to the diary Clara was holding. "May I read the book?" he asked.

"Eh ..." Clara looked down at the book and looked back at Nathan. "I... I don't think you need to read it because it's just about pouring out my heart..and it's a book that I'm very private about..."

Nathan looked at Clara so intensely, so did Clara, he sighed.

"Well ... I'm not going to read it," Nathan finally said. He walked back towards the bedroom. "I'll wait there."

Clara was silent, looking at Nathan who looked disappointed. She feels guilty and is always haunted by the shadow of the sadness that will befall the man when he finds out that his wife has died. The woman looked back at Clara's diary, then led her into the master bedroom.

Nathan sat on the couch with his legs crossed, his gaze blankly staring at the wall where the longest photo of Clara was seen smiling cheerfully against the backdrop of the Eiffel Tower.

'I don't know why I miss that smile so much... I can see you but I still miss you .... you're now feeling very different ... Your attitude seems cold to me,' he thought sadly. 'Going into marriage I thought it would make our relationship even sweeter but it turned out to be the opposite... Why are you so different after that poisoning incident?'

"Nathan," said Clara, who had just come out of the walk-in closet.

Nathan turned his head to look at Clara who came up to him, then turned his face and went back to daydreaming with a sad feeling. 'She even called me by name ..,' he thought.

Clara positioned herself to sit next to Nathan, then took his hand and placed the diary on top of him. She looked at the man with a hopeful look.

"You can read it if you want….there is no more privacy between us because we have to be open to each other," Clara exclaimed with full appreciation and sincerity. "Your life is my life ... You can read this because you are everything to me .."

"No, I don't want to read it," Nathan said, shaking his head and smiling staunchly.

"But you want.".

"But it's your privacy, sweetheart. It's Okay ... I don't need to read it because maybe it's the same content as your heart when you were with me long ago," Nathan explained with a reassuring smile.

"How?" Clara asked, glancing at Nathan innocently.

Nathan frowned and asked back "what do you mean?"

"How do you think my mood was while we were together?" Clara asked, turning her head back to Nathan's shoulder.

"You always seem happy, even though there are hard times we have to face… you were always optimistic and sweet," Nathan explained casually. "But now I feel a difference."

"What difference?" asked Clara.

"You look cold since you were poisoned," Nathan said angrily, then stood up. he walked over to the wide glass window where the white curtains were drawn. "I feel like you're uncomfortable with me. I don't know why... Or maybe you're afraid of me too because I was the one who gave you the poisoned drink in the first place."

"Nathan..."

"This hurts a little," Nathan said then turned to look at Clara. "It hurts to see you every day but it's like I'm not with you. I miss you as usual... I know I was wrong... But that doesn't mean you have to treat me like this ...".

Clara was silent, confused by Nathan's disappointment. She didn't know what to say, there was no way she could tell that she was Casey, because that would only make him even more disappointed while there was still plenty of time to be happy before he was so hurt.

"I feel... I feel like I don't recognize you... I miss the old you!" Nathan said pouring out his heart and then looking back at the window.

"Nathan..."

"Unconsciously you make me feel unloved."

Clara sighed, then got up and walked over to Nathan. She worked up the courage to hug him from behind, then leaned her cheek against his back.

"Forgive me ..."

"But why are you acting like that?" Nathan asked without turning his head.

Clara was silent for a moment as if contemplating the right answer. "I... I'm just confused. I can't stop thinking about who put the poison in that drink... And I... I'm scared every time I eat or drink... It makes me uncomfortable...You have to understand how broken I am and it's hard to trust the people around you anymore ..," she said nonchalantly.

Nathan sighed, then let go of Clara's arms and turned to look down at her sadly. He looked into his wife's dark blue eyes, then touched her smooth cheeks.

"So you still don't feel safe?"

Clara nodded. "I'm also curious... It makes me unable to act sweet or relaxed... It's difficult for me because you're the one who accidentally gave the poisoned drink."

"I didn't expect it either, I also keep feeling guilty."

"I know you're innocent." Clara rested her head on Nathan's chest. "Please don't be angry. But understand the situation..."

"Okay ... I understand. I will try to make you not be afraid anymore," Nathan said slowly stroking Clara's hair gently.

Clara breathed a sigh of relief because she could finally make Nathan melt again.

'If you knew that the poison had taken Clara from you ... I'm sure you would want to kill it... I also feel annoyed and hurt because Clara still has the right to live happily with you ... .but the perpetrators are very evil,' she thought.

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