Chapter 25: Chapter 25: Figure out you could still eat it
"Watch out, there's a rope on the floor!"
"Argh, damned woman! My face!"
"Ehe! Don't worry, I can blow on it and it'll be all better!"
"Blow on my cock, you heathen!"
"That's not nice, mister, um… I never actually caught your name… Uwaah…"
"My name is far too good to be heard by a worthless wretch of an abomination that is you!"
"Uwah… that's super-not-cool…" Magical Girl Levi-tan sighed, depressed, while a priest got up after tripping on a piece of rope on the floor.. "You're ranking zero in my one-to-So-tan's-cool-boyfriend scale of coolness. That's bad."
"Stop taunting me and fight, you pink over-rated slut!" A man in white priest's clothes screamed in anger, trying to hit the magical girl with a sword for what must have been the thousandth time.
The girl seemed to 'hop' away, complete with a pantyshot and a jiggle in her chest, and the priest shot at her with his pistol, nearly point-blank, only for his light-gun to squirt water at the girl and cause the fabric in her chest to turn almost see-through.
"Uwah! Perverted priest is trying to take advantage of me and cover me with his juices!" The magical girl wailed theatrically. "Where is my awesome dark knight to save me when I need him the most! I call upon thee, Mo-kun! Please save meeee!"
Nothing seemed to happen and the girl paused, depressed once more. "...I thought that would work. I need to find the right key phrase."
She dodged to the side, complete with an exaggerated 'eep' as a massive kris, a zig-zag patterned blade, struck the pavement where she had stood.
"You can even dodge Excalibur Rapidly!" The priest screamed, completely insane at that point. "HOW?!"
"Uwah, that's an Excalibur fragment?" Serafall squatted down and reached to poke the blade with a bored expression on her face, using a stick to touch the blade as if it was a roadkill. "I thought it'd be bigger. I'm pretty sure So-tan's boyfriend has a bigger 'sword' than that, and I'm pretty sure he's a magic caster-type of a fighter, and I'm talking about his meat sword…"
The priest swung his metal sword again and Serafall flipped over, using the sword as a springboard, and landing in a magical girl pose- standing on one leg, other pulled up behind her and holding her magical girl staff to the air, one eye open and other closed, and covering her open eye with a hand in 'victory' sign.
"ARGH WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THAT WORTHLESS LOSER GUY AND THAT SLUT SO-SO OR SOMETHING AND FIGHT ALREADY YOU… YOU… GROSS-DRESSING GRANNY!" The priest lost it completely. "I AM FREED SELLZEN AND I WILL NOT…"
"Bah. And now I'm mad." Serafall took a step, and the priest's eyes widened mid-speech as he noticed that the pink-clad girl had appeared in front of him, somehow crossing nearly twenty feet distance before the neurons in his brain had even fired.
"Bad ex-priest." Serafall flicked her fingers against the priest's temple.
The man exploded into a pink mist.
"Uwah, I should have brought a umbrella…" Serafall felt depressed as she had to use her water manipulation to clean her clothes, and she scooped the swords dropped by the fine-pasted priest that was spread around a warehouse in the factory part of Kuoh where the 'fight' had taken place. "Hm? I wonder if So-tan has a use for these… although those no-fun-allowed people in the church probably would want to get these back too… Ehh… I guess I'll hold onto them for now. Still… I'm glad the priest-y didn't run into So-tan, she would have probably lost…"
Serafall sighed. "...Good thing priest-san told me his name, I heard Sellzen-tan was exiled from the church and wasn't affiliated with any faction, so he was free meat as far as that treaty is concerned… Still… he really didn't like devils if he went rogue just to kill us..."
She glanced behind herself at a dead body of a devil that Sirzechs Lucifer had sent to Kuoh to monitor the town, one of many such devils in fact, and one the once-priest-now-meat-paste had killed before she had found her.
The dead devil girl had been tied to a chair and showed signs of heavy physical abuse of both varieties, and had been killed with cruel slash across her stomach and one up to her chest, making the wound appear like the inverted version of the crucifix symbol of the church carved to her body.
"I'll have to tell Sirzechs-chan to send more observers…" Serafall sighed as she fiddled with her glitter-covered phone. "Uwah… I'm kinda sad I didn't find you in time, devil-chan…"
She pat the shoulder of the corpse reassuringly before turning back to her message.
"I'm kinda mad now though, could I ask for the 'Supreme Being' to attack, please? I could use someone to punch, preferably someone who won't die with one hit, thanks?" Serafall asked no-one in particular, but she had heard of Murphy and his laws, as well as a group of other human not-quite-philosophers, in her attempt to find cool magical girl lines.
She send the message to the reigning Maou of Underworld with a 'boop' of a button, complete with a sound effect she made herself, and she turned her head around as she felt a discharge of energy around the part of the city where the person she was supposed to be guarding would be living in.
"Hohohoo? I thought Murphy was just being melodramatic, but hey, would you look at that!" Serafall hopped happily, complete with a jiggle in her considerable bust, before taking off towards the source of the energy burst. "Although, Sirzechs-chan said I shouldn't intervene unless the 'Huge Honcho' takes the field so he won't get freaked out and chicken out if he finds out we've got a trap set up… So, go, go, mysterious evil mastermind, you can do it, show up, I believe in you!"
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"G-gha…" Yubelluna coughed smoke out of her lungs. "W-wha…"
"Oww… my head…" Xuelan tried to get up, but managed to only twitch and then flopped back down on the pavement in front of Momon Phenix's estate gates.
Or rather, what had once been gates.
"Awawa… a-are you alright, Asia-san?" A shaky, girlish voice of a boy entered the violet-haired woman's ears and she looked to the direction of the voice to see that the newest addition to Momon's Peerage, Gasper, had shielded Asia with 'her' body, somehow being completely unhurt after Momon had pulled out some ridiculously powerful fire-based ability or spell against the charging assassins from the Church.
The ability which had, unfortunately, also caused enough splash damage to almost wipe out Momon's own Peerage.
Koneko was hissing at Momon's back like a mad lynx while she had shielded Yuuto from the blast, her cat-ears having popped into full display and her white hair turned gray from the soot that covered her.
"Rias? Are you alright?" Akeno coughed out, having managed to get herself between the blast and Rias as she had seen the trio of fireballs leave Momon's hand. She seemed unhurt, even if her school clothes were singed and she had extinguished herself after her skirt had caught fire.
"I'm… fine…" Rias seemed to break out of the trance she had fallen into. "A-Akeno, get Asia and help her heal the others… I'm going to have words with Momon-sa-ma."
"Huh… I didn't think that'd be enough…" Momon seemed as shocked as the rest of the Peerage, although probably for different reasons, and the man lowered his hand.
The estate's gate in front of them had melted into slag, the ground in front of them had turned to glass, and the smell of burnt flesh and boiling fat was stinging the eyes of everyone present.
And the two mangled, charred 'corpses' cooking in the superheated and molten pavement weren't helping the smell, and Yubelluna suppressed the desire to throw up when she looked at the state of the 'corpses'.
Nor was the sight of the 'battlefield' that was strewn with bits of molten metal, splashed burning fat, stone and burning material any easier to look at.
It seemed that the only reason their two nun's bodies were even remotely 'intact' had been because of their weapons, which had been potent enough to shield them, albeit only to the point where they hadn't been vaporized entirely.
The memory of Momon's fireball hitting Yubelluna and carving her chest apart, back when he had first 'recruited' her, caused Yubelluna's body to lose strength and turn heavy, and the sights and smells before her weren't helping the feeling. It seemed Akeno was in the same train, eyeing Momon warily.
"Well, at least it looks like the weapons survived." Momon sighed as he walked to grab the weapons that had been scattered around the 'battlefield' from the force of the blast, grabbing the blades with the same two-handed grip Yubelluna remembered he had used once before. He seemed distracted by his own thoughts while he put the blades into an invisible sheath by his waist… except that the blade seemed to disappear into thin air.
"Hm, I never found out who those two were…" Momon sighed. "I hope they weren't anyone important."
Rias stomped over to Momon and grabbed him by the shoulders.
"Ah, Rias-san… whoa?"
Rias was shaking the boy with all her strength, which was considerable considering her natural strength from her blood and from the Queen Piece inside her. "GRAAAAAHHHHH!"
"Umu…"
"STOOOOOOP, STOOOPPP…" Rias's screaming continued for a while until she seemed to have run out of breath and she choked from the lack of air, and she slumped against Momon's chest. "Huogh… Haah… Khah…. ahhaha…. Ahahaa!"
The girl seemed to lose it and continued to laugh for a solid minute into Momon's chest while Asia was going from a Peerage member to another, healing them in turn.
Yubelluna thanked the small nun-cosplayer as she healed her, restoring her singed hair and healing a few third-degree burns she had gotten from being too close to a splash of molten stone.
"Momon, Momon, aha, Momon… Do you realize what just happened?" Rias seemed to recover from her sudden burst of insanity, seemingly gaining back a degree of sanity from just letting go of her pent-up resignation, paranoia, fear and aggression in the form of screaming and laughing at Momon.
The man seemed utterly confused, which Yubelluna couldn't blame him as he had likely no idea that the Three Factions even existed. Or why Rias had suffered a miniature mental breakdown and rebooted herself.
"Listen, we, as in the devils, had a small deal going on with Heavens, and Fallen Angels who had fallen from heaven and turned into a faction of their own… hehe… a small deal. You see, the three factions had been in a war that almost wiped out the entire devil populace and almost destroyed heaven… so we had this deal that we shouldn't try to kill each other anymore. We called it a Truce, you see, a ceasefire of sorts." Rias chuckled while she explained.
Then she reached to hold Momon's face fondly with both her hands. "You see, the deal was that we shouldn't kill each other. Yes, they attacked us first. But. We could have subdued them, and we'd get compensated. And get an apology from the heavens, and a chance to rub it in their faces. But the thing is, you see… you just happened to kill them both. And those two were Executors, which means they are basically the Church's equivalent of diplomats and executioners, who likely had done their paperwork and were legally allowed to operate here… See the problem here?"
"Ah. So... "
"Basically, if things aren't handled properly, this could spark the start of a series of events that might just unravel the whole Truce. After all, the truce had a small wiggle room for fights, but had strict ruling of 'no killing each other'." Rias finished, patting Momon's cheeks like a mother who was particularly proud of her children, except her tone became more and more high-pitched as her speech continued. "Tell me, please tell me, that you have some insane, utterly ridiculous, completely unfeasible, mind-breaking idea about how to get out of this situation without our factions devolving into all-out war?!"
"Oh." Momon seemed to understand the point of Rias's speech. "Right, I have a couple of ideas, yeah. We'll probably need to check the others first though, I didn't think that, umu, ability would work or be even nearly enough to kill those two. Or that it'd splash so hard on your guys as well, I wouldn't have used it if I knew. Yes, that is definitely so, umu."
"Y-you didn't… Not enough… Grrrr…" Rias growled and then patted Momon's shoulders. "We're going to have a talk. Soon. Count on it. Understood?"
"Understood, dear."
"Grglgh… thanks, dear." Rias's voice was somehow enraged and embarrassed at the same time.
Yubelluna sighed as she recalled the last time the man had been in the same mental state. 'Yeah, Momon-kun is in his 'destroyer mode' again…'
And then her eyes bulged, as well as the rest of the Peerage's as she saw what Momon was doing to the two corpses.
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'Well then… So, I already started a war against myself in the Underworld. If I let this proceed then I'd also start a war between heavens, fallen angels and the underworld.' Momonga thought about the situation. '...I'm alright with that, it'd draw attention away from the 'supreme being', that is, me.'
However, before he could get too much into the line of thoughts, he considered another fact. 'Yet, I instigated the whole war by killing those two nuns, so the heavens would probably come for my head first, and even if they didn't, it'd be likely that the Underworld would offer my head to the heavens in an attempt to maintain the treaty- after all, if the Underworld was almost wiped out by the last war, they'd have more of a reason to uphold the treaty now."
Momon almost instantly reached his decision. 'Yeah, I can't allow those two to remain dead… now, the question remains, how do I reanimate them?'
He considered trying to summon Elder Liches again, which would likely inhabit the girl's bodies, but if he did then it'd be incredibly easy to associate the creation of the undead to him, as both cases of undead creation had happened only when he had been present.
The second option was that he'd use the Wand of Resurrection, which he had in his inventory, but then he'd have to come up with an excuse for having such an item. Rias's panic over simple death also told him that impromptu non-consumable resurrections weren't usual for this world. Same concept applied to him trying to cast [True Resurrection] or [Resurrection] on the girls.
The state of the two girl's 'bodies' would also mean that if they just 'recovered' suddenly he'd have to find a way to explain their recovery, and there was no way anyone would buy his excuses about 'how the girls had a sudden and completely natural recovery after he waved his hand at them'.
Momonga sighed, resigned, while putting a file to a filing cabinet inside his mind with a big red 'failed' mark on it. 'Well… to look at it from another direction I don't think I got experience from killing those two… or perhaps it was because they were so low level? Bah… I'll have to find a strong, but not too strong, enemy and fight them so I can get a definite grip on power levels here. Although at least now I know my spells are effective against, I guess, mid-level enemies?'
[Grand Fireball] was a fourth-tier spell, just tier above [Fireball], but thanks to triplet maximize magic, both the damage and the number of casts was tripled to the point where it would be near the level of seventh or eight tier spell, with mana drain to match.
[Maximize], [Triplet] and their derivative modifier words were part of YGGDRASIL's magic system with the intention to keep low-tier spells from becoming redundant once players leveled up, as the addition allowed a low-cost, easy and simple spell to boost their damage in proportion to their user's level and affinity with the spell. For instance, a [Triplet] modifier would cause a single cast to launch triplicate of the spell in question for around the mana cost of four individual spells. In turn, [Maximize] would boost a spell's level in relation to the user's level, allowing the spell to 'level up' with the user in exchange for equivalent increase in mana cost.
For instance, one of Momonga's guild mates in Ainz Ooal Gown, Ulber Allen, had been fond of using simple first-tier spells like [Magic Arrow] with [Maximize Magic] to deal sustained damage to other players in PVP and gradually build up to crescendo of explosive and fire-based spells like a orchestra of destruction. Meanwhile higher-tier spells such as [Grasp Heart] or [Armageddon: Evil] had a more complex list of effects or more specific requirements, so it was rare that anyone fought a battle with just tenth-tier or ninth-tier abilities and spells.
On the opposite end of the usefulness spectrum, Super-tier spells, until the last years of YGGDRASIL's life, had been largely relegated to PvE uses due to their long cast times, flashy and easy to identify casting circles, and ease of interruption. The no-cash-items crowd hadn't been pleased when the devs rolled out a patch where players could buy cash items that turned Super-tier spells to instant cast for the cost of a cash item consumable.
Still, Momonga had been surprised by the sheer impact and splash damage the tripled maximized fire-spell had dealt, which made him a bit nervous on the inside as he realized he had instantly fallen into a 'raiding' mindset upon entering combat and had forgotten that friendly fire existed in the new world. 'I'll have to be careful in the future… I don't want to either discard my Peerage by killing them accidentally with friendly fire or blow my cover by resurrecting them with the Wand or a spell after I've accidentally splashed them… Good thing [Ultimate Disturb] shielded Gasper so she, umu, he could protect Asia… Still, I don't remember [Grand Fireball] having that strong splash damage, it used to be around the same as a regular fireball... don't tell me the rest of my spells have been mutated as well?'
Momonga suddenly remembered Ddraig telling him how his spell [True Death] had almost 'torn his soul apart', making the meat-suit wearing skeleton wonder if his spells had become, to put it simple, 'literal'.
He shook his head as he walked as close to the superheated patch of glassed pavement as he could, and used a broken street sign nearby to 'fish' the two bodies out of the stone-made frying pan that was turning their sizzling corpses gradually into ash.
"Well, time for another experiment…" Momonga sighed, then cursed himself for speaking out loud as the white-haired cat-girl, Koneko, had apparently heard him and had paled to the point her skin was white as paper. 'Oh yeah, I guess she has good hearing thanks to her cat-ears… I'm guessing she overheard me thinking aloud about friendly-fire experiments back when I was kicked by Xuelan after I resurrected Yubelluna…'
He sighed as there was no point in crying over spilled milk, and pulled out two Pawn Evil Pieces. 'Well, let's hope these things can work even with partial, uh, not-quite-stains-on-the-floor instead of fully intact corpses…'
'I'll have to be conservative with these in the future, I only have four Pawns and one Knight left after these two…' Momonga thought as he fused the Pieces into the two 'bodies'. 'Well, at least if these two are some Church big-shots then I can use them as hostages even if they aren't that strong. I just hope I can convince them to work with me without lobotomizing them with [Control Amnesia]...'
True to Beelzebub's words, the two bodies sprung a resurrection circle under them, and after it had finished its work, the two now-intact, if stark naked, girls were lying unconscious on the hot pavement.
"Alright, let's get inside." Momonga reached to pick up the two girls, throwing them on his shoulders like sacks of potatoes. "Guys?"
He turned to look at the rest of his Peerage who looked… well, like they usually did when Momonga had done something unusual.
"Did I break some taboo just now?" Momonga asked Rias, resigned that he had once again, apparently, started a landslide by stumbling on the road and knocking a pebble loose.
"Aha… ahahah! No, not at all, you just… haha!" Rias seemed to lose it as she leaned against Akeno's shoulder. "Ahaha, not at all, you just netorared some Executors away from the Church… I want ice-cream. And I want to be the one to explain the situation to those two, I don't want to find out what'd happen if you tried to tell them that you turned Executors of the Church into devils!"
"...Serafall-sama was a bad influence on you, Rias-chan." Akeno poked Rias's nose. "Sona-chan told me."
"Right, umu, erm, I didn't really get that… Guys? Regroup on me, and let's go." Momonga adjusted the two sacks on his shoulders as he moved towards the side-entrance to the estate's grounds, as the primary gate was molten slag and the ground under it essentially impassable thanks to being molten stone. "...I'll have to see if I can get someone to repair that… Oh, and we probably should call the fire department to extinguish the fire before it starts to spread..."
Rias waved her hand and a magical circle formed above the superheated patch of pavement and rained water on it, causing a gout of steam to envelop the street and the front of the estate.
"Ah, that takes care of that. Thanks, dear." 'Momon' nodded at his wife, causing Rias to twitch.
The rest of his Peerage followed numbly after him.
Momonga blushed when he heard Yubelluna note that 'she and Xuelan-chan need to suck the destroyer-mode out of Momon-sama again...'
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"Phhahaha... phuhuhu…" Serafall kept slapping her hand against the tiled roof of a nearby building, having taken a observation post on top of it like a bird that had built its nest on top of a chimney. "Ahaha! So-tan's boyfriend-kun is good, really good! But more dramatic flares are needed! And a khaki trench coat! I'll need to train him to release his true, dark awesome beast that lies within, to unleash his true cool nature for the world to see! Although… I'm sorta~ happy~ if he only shows it to ~me~"
She suppressed her mirth with visible difficulty (indeed, she grimaced to make sure the difficulty was visible) and hopped down from the roof, causing a cat that had been licking itself nearby to nearly suffer a heart attack when a magical girl had suddenly fallen from above and nearly landed on top of its tail.
The cat let out an outraged meow and ran off into its hiding spot under the building's foundation, making Serafall tilt her head. "Hoho, that's an idea… hehe, maybe I'll sneak in~ So-tan won't mind, right~ we're sisters, right?~"
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