shifted to WSA

I finished everything you had written so far, so here's my review. First would be the positives of the novel. Both worlds have been built quite well, although I feel the futuristic setting that takes place initially in the story paints a better picture in my mind. In terms of how the system is set up, it was okay at being unique but having 4 seperate entities fused together seemed a little... confusing in my opinion. Maybe I'm nitpicking here so I won't stay on this subject. The issues I found mainly were due to plot being rather strange in some areas. For example, Ryan, one of the creators of the original device, had to win one of them from a contest of some sort which is rather weird. As creators, I felt it would be simpler and made much more sense if every creator had one due to them well... creating it. Even Ryan mentions about him having special access and unique coding for his, so it's weird that he has to obtain one from winning a contest. The second point can be the execution of the reunion. Aside from Ryan being extremely heartbroken, I feel like when he hears his dad again, the emotions that goes through him could be worded in a way that makes it more emotional. This requires research in how to execute it better, and make it more human in a way that readers can connect. An example here can be looking over the stages of grief when he initially lost his parents, and then to writing how he feels when he has the reunion and his dad becoming part of the system for him. Third point would be him having a new mother and his reaction to it, which felt a bit awkward. I know that the current Ryan and the old Ryan both are one entity (before the old Ryan reincarnates), and the memories are fused together. I just feel like this part could be brought up more like: "Searching through the original owner's memory, Ryan learned that...." I feel like this way, the pacing feels more natural instead of the current Ryan suddenly being the know-all of the new world. Not only does MC Ryan know all about the magic of this world, but the currency, potions, etc. If it's Codex telling him all of this knowledge, I feel like you should mention it too. Tldr, in terms of descriptions and your worldbuilding, and most of the interacting dialogue felt fine. Only some of the plot points seemed awkward, and stuff happened without much explanation like why Ryan gave the snake spirit the name Dia. Was it because of her diamond pattern? These parts required some more explanantion that is essential in creating good tempo. There were also some small wording errors in regards to past and present tense that you can go back to polish. I prefer smaller paragraph format, but it's not too important in regards to the whole storytellng. I strongly suggest going over some plot points though to make the story more coherent, especially the early chapters, as those are what's used to draw new readers in.

I am writing this review while ignoring the many grammar issues. These will be corrected with an editor. The story has a lot of technical explanations in the beginning which was initially off putting. Clearing that up a little will make it easier to read. I am enjoying the world background as it feels fresh and not overused. The sweet relationship Ryan develops with his new mom is refreshing . I am more curious about Ryan’s father. How did he make it to earth and I feel like I need more backstory. Don’t forget to clarify this later. All in all, I think this would make a great addition to my library, provided regular updates are continued. Thank you for the read!