Chapter 30: Bonus Chapter 1: A lifetime ago...
Location: Earth
Year 2018 A.D.
***************************
WARNING!!!
THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS ASPECTS OF DEPESSION AND SUICIDAL TENDINCIES!!!
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!
****************************
A 17 year teen boy was currently holding an object towards his chest.
It's razor ship edge rested on his bare chest in the place his heart would be.
He gripped the handle of the object he was holding...
A knife...
The one holding the knife, ready to plunge his heart, was Amar Singh, or as he would one day be known as, Adrian Hawke.
Amar lived a life like many others.
A good life with a loving family, who cared for him, lived him and wanted what was best for him, to succeed in life.
So how did Amar reach this point, that he would want to take his own life via Suicide?
As he was growing up, he was a...strange person...
He was Autistic and would frequently attack and bite other children in Primary School.
As he grew older, he did stop this psychotic tendencies and began behaving mire maturely...or at least had tried to...
He was still Autistic, and that only made it harder for him to behave himself accordingly.
That had changed when his mother had died at a young age.
At that point in time, he had become very unstable when another person mentioned his mother with I'll intent ir even as a mom joke, without knowing his mother had died.
He would frequently get into trouble for attacking ir almost strangling the students that did all these things.
Fortunately, there were some willing to be his friends, but he was quite Anti-social due to his Autistic behaviour, and his neutral expression he always had plastered onto his face.
As he went through school, his friends did help him out by showing they were willing to hang out with him.
However, these friends were either from different schools or in the older year groups, so he didn't actually have a lasting relationship with any student In his own year.
When he went to High School, life was...changing...
His family had begun to pressure him by telling him to study since his Exams will be arriving in the final Year of High School.
He was well aware of this...but...
He didn't study...
More like he did...but didn't have the will to continue and to fixus on it...
His head and mind was always in the clouds, day dreaming from time to time about fantasies and video games he played.
He found comfort and happiness in those fantasies then in reality...
How wrong he would one day be and would regret his actions of not having studied...
As he went through High School, he didn't interact with many girls, only those in his class as his class partner fir an assignment or if they went and talked to him first.
The only exception to this was a black haired girl named Gwendolin Capillus.
He laughed at her fir this and often teased her as he found enjoyment at annoying others, but nit to an extreme degree, his Autistisim didn't remove a certain level of intellectual from him to realise there is a limit to certain things.
Why did he tease her because of her name?
Becasue Gwen is a Welsh feminine given name meaning "white, holy".
And Capillus in Latin means "hair".
He found it funny from when she would walk away from him after he called her that. Though he did show a level if respect to not name call and insult her when in public but when there were barely any people around.
Annoying people was something he didn't actually wnat to do, it was just he had no common sense, sure not everything can be a result of his Autistim, but it did affect him for a great deal through his childhood, and his mother's death didn't help at all.
Gwen seemed to have found out at one point that Amar's mother had died years ago, and she thought he had bad family at home.
It was 50/50 true.
Amar's family loved him greatly, and wanted him to suceed, but Amar's refusal to study and only play mire games and TV only showed them he would fail his exams.
They gave him "Encouragement" in the form of "Positive words".
What did they say?
They said he will fail and will understand the harshness or reality.
That he should give up any attempt to succeed in his exams since he will end up failing and should just look into getting an apprenticeship in something that requires no qualifications whatsoever.
This only served to do the opposite to Amar, who kept his emotions bottled deep down as his family refused to listen to what he says.
It was definitely because he was the youngest, so what he says had to be illogical from someone as young and as inexperienced in life as he was.
He had a great friendship...of sorts...with Gwendolin over the years.
Amar did get bullied, but not physically, mainly just insults or mockery which he would ignore from the popular and well known kids in his year.
His life was just a repeat day in and day out.
Wake up, eat, school, come back home, get insulted and berated by his family for being a failure in life, play games (if it wasn't taken away) and then go to sleep and repeat.
He would sometimes go hang out with his friends, but Gwendolin wasn't one of them.
She was more of a friend at school He would never meet again.
That was why he didn't really care if he was hated in school by everyone, since he knows that a majority of individuals that leave High School, only leaves with one or two friends.
The dozens of other "friends" were just ones to hang out with while still at school.
The years went by, and his relationship with Gwendolin was going good. It solidified even more when she told him she played games.
He was not a sexist or a racist, so he didn't think she would be a terrible gamer just because she was a girl.
He believed in true and utterly complete equality for all.
They became good friends, but when they passed their exams...things changed and they didn't meet after that.
Amar had passed his exams, even without studying or revising once, he had gotten a pass for the three main subjects needed to succeed in life.
English, Mathematics and Science.
All three were grade C.
But how did his family react.
They had said that he should have aimed for A*, the highest achievable.
They were too prideful to admit that they were wrong I thinking he would fail, and instead avoided it by putting blame on him tagt he could have done better.
But he couldn't...
He was nit motivated...
There was no faith in him...
No encouragement...
No positive words to tell him he was going to do well if he studied...
They had spoken only negative things to him as their way of "Encouragement"...
His family that should have helped to motivate him to go for greatness had instead only served to do the opposite.
Their words were indeed filled with concerns and love for him, but it was the way they said it.
After 8 years of this non stop, it would affect a person.
And so he didn't do as well as he might have, or could have done.
He would just laze around the home fir the next two years, he didn't play games since that was taken away from him and as q result, he wasn't able to get in contact with Gwendolin since.
He didn't have a phone as he saw no reason to.
He was spiked enough as it is, he didn't need a phone until he had an actual need for it unlike many kids around the world nowadays.
And so he never got her phone number to call her, nor any of his friends as a matter if fact. But they all lived close to him so why did he need their numbers?
Only Gwendolin lived far away from him so he don't think too much on it and focused on his current predicament, his life.
During the two years after his exams, he would look up for an apprenticeship to sign up for, but would never put in the effort to actually apply for it.
Then Covid-19 hit the world and one year was wasted, so he had a good reason not to look for a job fur the first year, but not the second.
After many arguments back and forth, he was kicked out of his house as he had reached the legal age of 18.
He was the cause of many conflicts and arguments in the home, and he himself knew he was to name for his failures.
He should have had the will himself to ignore what they said and to study, to pass his exams in hopes if achieving A*s, but he didn't.
Where he was now was his failures and fault, and his alone.
He saw the logic and valid reasonings fir every argument his family had made towards him.
But he was lazy...slothful..
And so here he was, he had swiped a knife from a convince store and snuck it passed the detectors without getting caught.
He had stolen many foods and drinks from the school cafetiere inside of his large pockets of his coat, since the prices for food at the school were ludicrous.
He had become adept at stealing as he knew how to, but he vowed he wouldn't do it when he eventually found out it was very wrong to steal and would give the worth of what he had stolen to charity to make up for it...but he was a begger on the street right now.
He was afraid if dying, of having his memories erased, his individuality...gone...
What nonsense was reincarnation into your next life if you would forget who you were?
That would mean a completely different person would replace you.
He didn't remember his past life, if he had any before, or if this was his first life, but he didn't didn't to lose the feeling he had.
This was his life, the first time he felt alive, felt real...
If he died, he would forget it all, who he was, his mother, his family, his good times, his bad times, his friends, his pains, his happiness and sad times.
Even the touch of his skin against another object, the feeling of his muscles, what he could see, hear, taste and smell...all if it would be gone when he died.
Which is why, at the present, he was in am alley he knew his body would be found, a last will note so that the police would know what to do when they inspect3d his body.
On it it was a letter to his family and informs the police to cremate his body and to spread his ashes down the rivers of his ancestral home, India.
Though he was born in the United Kingdom, he is still a Sikh.
After death a Sikh's body is cremated. A memorial is not usually created, instead, the ashes of the deceased are immersed in a river either in India or in another country where they were living. Sikhism teaches that the soul has moved on and if God wills it, people will be reunited in God's love.
He hoped he might be granted some measure if mercy and perhaps a new life, an new beginning to start over, with hopefully his memories still in tact.
And so he readied himself as he had a knife to his chest...ready to plunge it in and end it all...
[1] - Read in comments after, unrelated to story
...
1...
...
3...
...
4...
...
5...
...
6...
...
7...
...
8...
...
9...
...
10...
...
20...
...
30...
...
60...
...
120...
...
180...
...
Three minutes had passed and he still did not move, he would try to pierce his skin but all he did was make a small mark...
Not even a drop of blood or the slightest sign of a cut was on his skin.
He cursed inside himself as his cowardice!
After everything that has happened, did he not deserve to die!
He should have at least the courage to do one thing in his useless life!
As he was going to try yet again to pierce his chest with the knife, a voice called out, one he did not expect...
???: "Amar?!"
Amar: "Gwen?"
...
...
...
...
...
To be continued in Bonus Chapter 2: A Fresh Start and a New Name....
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
Knight_Riku
Knight_Riku [1] - LOL, as I wrote this, a car sped down my road and crashed into a light post and broke a guys wall, rip wall.
The Indian name of MC back before name change is not my real name. So don't get any ideas...if you had any...anyway, I used Riku since that is my nickname of a nickname of mine. The nickname is unrelated to my real name, so you'll never know my actual name. Don't get any ideas...I'm watching u...*Stare....*...Anyway, I used it since it is more familiar fur me to use in a story since I wnat to write the story as if I was in it. That's why I'll use Riku at times. BTW, Gwen would have used the name Riku if he had survived the Terrorist bombing and became her girlfriend back on Earth and never Reincarnated. Ps, I'll be doing Bonus Chapters like this every now and then to show their relationship since u lot really wnat them to get together again, so until then, it is best if I show you their history. Pss, Remember how in Chapter 1 it says they competed in game tournaments? I plan to do some of that like the Chinese Anime "King's Avatar". Just a little extra in the side. If you don't like it or if you do then comment down below so I will not do it if that is your decision.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone