Chapter 2: Chapter 2
I'm Tired
I'm crying
I'm sighing
I'm dying inside
At this point sobbing is a hobby
A hobby I must hide
I sit in the corner having a breakdown
Then I look up
And I see someone
"Are you okay?"
"Wanna talk?"
"Want a hug?"
No, no, and no
I say with a smiley glow
"I'm fine."
A simple lie
Because with every sigh
I hide
What I feel inside
Too many emotions
I'm tired
Of life
I'm scared
Of my knife
Though I can't help but love it
I crave pain
There's nothing to gain
But scars and cuts
No buts
Just fears and tears and craving more
Who needs love when you can adore self harm
Suicidal thoughts, depression, mood swings
In my ears, thoughts and static rings
A constant leap of faith
Through a ring of fire
I'm tired of it all
I'm tired
Tired of this constant fall
Oh look, it's my turn to make a call
"Hello Mother."
I speak in no other voice than a cold one
Oh how fun, I'm hanging up
I've never felt love for her
Or my father
Who knows why
Maybe I just don't feel love
Maybe I feel hate and heartbreak
And I hate it when people try to feel bad for me
I don't want pity
I hate it
I'd rather they just kill me
Dust
She fades away
Slowly turning to dust right before our eyes
Screaming in horror as it floats away
People gather and witness the monstrosity
A look upon their faces
More terrifying than the look of her
Waiting
Waiting for the day to end
Is the same as waiting to wait again
The lonely man waits for his bride
A flower in his hand
Wilting and falling apart
This flower is his heart
A beautiful rose
From which petals rose a teardrop
Running backwards up a cheek
Into the eye of the creator
Who seeks a wonderful day
Who shall never see his beautiful flower again
The stem is all that's left
Left to rot and decompose as its petals did
He collapses to the floor
And cries out for someone's affection
A current necessity without which he shall die
Though no one responds he continues to weep on the ground
Safe and sound from the other horrors of his life
For without someone to have hurt you
You cannot get hurt
And without have something to wait for
You cannot wait
You can simply exist
A being of nothing and everything
A being of pure loneliness and safety
One who does not wait
One who lives through life
One who does not love
One who does not do anything but stand in his footprints
Treading the same circle around the tree of life
Black Suede Heels
Emptiness
Loneliness
And beauty
Go hand in hand
One stands on a pedestal high above the rest
Standing in her quiet, sunken allure
There is no doubt of the fact that those eyes have seen much
Yet she still walks through life
Clicking in her black suede heels
Step by step she sees more than intended
And pretends she has not seen at all
For chosen blindness is only as good as the choice of the person
Steel
A cold steel heart
Sits in the midst of a cold person
Freezing them from the inside out
Frost bite on the lungs pierces each breathe
Until there is not one single gasp left
Blisters
One step
A cruel shot of pain
Two steps
The same things
The shoes are two sizes too small
But they cant change them out for new ones
The blisters formed long ago
And can't be gotten rid of so easily
Walking is torture
Day by day and tap by tap
They keep a smile up
Despite the burning pain
Cracks in the Pavement
Missing someone is the worst pain of all
Falling for one who is no longer yours
Who gracefully sauntered out of your life
Who was the cement of your cracks
Who's loss broke them open once more
You will be missed my kitten
My figment of beauty and pain
I shall not easily forget you
You shall never leave my heart
Now that you have slipped a piece of yourself
Into those same cracks you once cemented
Empathetic Pity
Empathy and pity are often confused for one another
You do not feel what I feel
Or sympathize with me
You pity my life
You pity my struggles
You pity those days where I cry and I say I give up
Where I say I've had enough
Where I decide
That I've drawn the line
Between yours and mine
And I grow a spine
And I grab you and say don't pity me
Pity yourself for what you've done by thinking pity is empathy
The Silhouette Girl
A silhouette of a girl dances amongst the rain drops
She is a thing of grace and beauty
And her long wet hair flows around her figure like a ribbon as she twirls
Around and around
Not a single care in her mind
The world may crash down around her
But she does not give a single second of thought to such troubles
For they will disrupt her peace
And pop her bubble of ignorant bliss
Anew
Becoming a new person is not as simple
As changing your hair and clothes
You must leave everything behind
And begin fresh somewhere else
You must let nothing follow you from your past
You must let everything rot where you left it
It is sad
But true
Road to Insanity
Down a lonely street he walks
Surrounded by the shadows and smoke
Tears slipping down his cheeks as he talks to himself
The insanity creeping upon him
As he has no one but the insanity to turn to
He embraces the the warm feeling of his mind slipping away
Because along with every good memory, bad one slips too
He need not grasp them any longer than he must
He allows them to go
Leaving them behind finally frees him from the grip of the pain
There is no need to stay with the grasp of the ropes of reality
If there is no other anchor to his life
Art
Art is an expression of the self
It is the result of one putting their soul into their materials
That is why no artist can hide the truth of what they feel from their audience
They bare their hearts to those who watch
Sometimes only to be pushed away
Artists are works of art in themselves
Flight Path
If there was a manual on how to live
I'd have read it 10 times over
But even with a manual
I think I'd fail
I'd go off of the rails
Nails on a chalkboard
That's the sound of the buzzer that proves me wrong
I think this has gone on for far too long
So I think I'll just die
I think I'll just lie dead in the grass
Slit my throat with some broken glass
Overdose in the middle of class
There are so many options
So many to choose from
So much to lose
I think my time's done
So cut me loose
No strings attached so I fall
Like an unmanned marionette doll
I'm just a silhouette in a sunset
Sometimes orange and sometimes violet
I think I might get violent
I'm no longer my own pilot
And they're crashing the plane
I'll never take another trip down lovers lane
I be stranded in the desert next to her dead body
My life in tatters
Ripped and shoddy
So what's the point
Of anything
Anymore
Just a worthless, scarred up whore
Fucked up
Scared out of my mind
Always
Getting left behind
So what's the point
If you can't crash you own plane
And what's the point
If there's no more sun in the day
For you
For them
You are just a toy
Nothing more
So go be the bore you are
Normalcy
"There comes a time where every normal man must spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and prepare to slit throats"
For not one person is truly normal
The societal expectation of normalcy is a simple lie
It does not exist
It is a made up concept designed to create a mold for all humans
One that not one person fits into
Shadows
"And yet to every bad there's a worse"
Is whispered to me in the shadow of the doom
The gloom shadowing over me in the already dark room
This room shall be my shadowy tomb
Raindrops
It's raining and it's pouring outside
And with each drop I spill a tear
When everything you hear is rain falling
A chill goes down your spine
And at once you start to cry
And on and on it continues until your tear ducts run dry
Diamonds streaming down your face
Misery misery
Glittery tears
Watery, salty
But still a smile spans from between each ear
Because on you put a brave face to block out the bad
And you collect your diamonds to dust off the sad
And smile and smile
And giggle and laugh
And let not one soul see you when your thoughts get bad
Rainbow Makeup
The rainbow makeup covers up
The reddened tear stained skin around my eyes
I cover the pain that seeps through my skin in the salty, running sobs
Each breath is an effort when the rainbow makeup is wiped away
And the concealer no longer conceals
It shows the pain I once hid
And the pain I shall someday feel
The Cold
"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and oftentimes we call a man cold when he is only sad."
And the view of the shoulder of a cold man brings us yet another secret sorrow
Ignoration is poison to the heart which stands frozen
When the only solution is to thaw it with the release of the secrets from the form of the freezer
There is no happiness without its opposite
But the opposite is not true at all
For one can live in an ocean of pain with not a single ray of sunshine
Simply floating amongst the dark until they finally drown in it
The little air left in their water filled, smoke lined lungs bringing them to the surface for a rey of sunshine to find
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