Chapter 1: Prologue
"Fia."
"Yeah."
"Sofia Ronan."
"Mm."
A gentle hand covered my wrist. Sunkissed fingers curled around my equally sunkissed forearm before gradually pushing down, down, down, until my attention was forced away from my phone and onto the person sitting across from me.
Mary James Cruz. MJ, for short. My closest friend who has seen me through my highs and lows, the one person I could readily drag over whenever I need someone to accompany me for a sudden merch sale or road trip.
She's also very pretty, but that's already a given.
"There's something I haven't told you," she said.
I gave a hum in reply. I placed my phone face-down onto the table between us, right next to my milk tea, just as she took her hand away from my wrist.
MJ's stare never wavered during those few seconds. It was akin to the intensity of the swarming flashes of light from multiple paparazzi, though that was something I could only imagine from second-hand experience.
That gaze of hers...I've often wondered if that kind of expression was something she grew up learning or if it was something innate, but I could never be sure. Nature and nurture usually went hand-in-hand, from what I knew of it—and MJ grew up in a well-to-do family that was as famous as it was rich.
She began to say, "The truth is..."
I was sorely tempted to check my phone so I wouldn't have to face MJ's stare head-on, but I refrained. I could at least handle this much.
"...I know Roy personally."
I blinked slowly.
MJ blinked back, looking sheepish.
"Okay..?"
"I'm sorry I never told you earlier, but—"
I started coughing out of surprise. I was grateful that I hadn't been drinking as she spoke, at least. I asked, "Wait, you're serious?'
"Yeah," MJ sighed, frowning slightly. "I could call him if you'd like? As proof. He's busy but I don't usually call, so..."
I wrinkled my nose at those words, uncertain on how to feel. The idea that she knew Roy sounded slightly unrealistic, even when I knew her to be a sincere person.
She's talking about Roy Hirsch, after all. Roy Hirsch, who is—
An actor.
A singer.
A dancer.
An artist in multiple fields, and a student of many more. A man with so much natural talent that he was simultaneously a figure of envy, and awe.
Roy wasn't just a local celebrity, but an international one too. I'd like to say he's a jack of all trades, but even that would be lying by way of downplaying him—he was brilliant at whatever it was he liked to do. He spoke well, he was a sporty guy, he dabbled in visual arts even beyond the artistry he was already professionally engaged in...
Though I had liked him because I liked his relatability, and his humor. It would be a lie to say that I didn't like his face too, but there were plenty of attractive celebrities as is. What made him stand out was that he could so easily feel human even with his status. His intelligence and wit really didn't hurt at all either.
Roy Hirsch was, in short, my idol. The one man I'm able to admire far beyond my usual neutrality towards...well, everyone else.
[Ring ring.]
I could only watch as MJ called an unfamiliar number on her phone. Surely, she was just joking?
[Ring ring.]
But what if she wasn't?
[Ring ring.]
She had enough connections both through her family and her own networks to be able to make friends with a celebrity. It wasn't that impossible.
[Ring ring.]
If it's true, then how am I supposed to react?
[Click.]
I sucked in a breath, and held it in my mouth.
["Hello? MJ?"]
That voice was ridiculously familiar...no way.
I stared wide-eyed at MJ as the breath slowly escaped my mouth. She grinned sheepishly in return.
"Hey Roy," she said, putting her phone on speaker as she set it down on the table. "I'm calling because of that thing I mentioned before."
["Your friend is there?"]
MJ raised a brow at me. "Mm."
["Nice to hear from you, then! Let's meet next time, when I'm free."]
I was stunned for a moment. It took MJ wiggling her brows at me for me to snap back to my senses, just enough that I was able to finally shake my head as a belated response to Roy's words.
MJ blinked twice, thrice at me in bemusement. She was probably confused. Wondering, "Why would you reject the idea of meeting someone you admire so much?"
I shook my head again, and she narrowed her eyes at me. To her phone, she said,
"We'll see, man. You're stupidly busy, you know. Anyone would get tired looking at your schedule."
["I'll make time for my friend and her friend. It's important to have downtime too, y'know?"]
She shook her head with an amused smile. "I'll hold you to it, then. I'll text you again later, once I've figured out the details. Bye—"
["You're not even going to let me talk to your friend?"]
I shook my head a little more fervently this time.
MJ smiled helplessly. For all that she was stubborn, we both knew I would always be worse than her.
"Unfortunately for you, I don't intend on sharing that easily. You'll hear her when I want you to hear her."
["So stingy."] He laughed. It was so familiar a sound from the clips I've watched that it felt jarring, hearing it live from MJ's phone while in a milk tea shop. ["But, I understand. I don't mind if they're just shy, honestly. That can be cute too, sometimes—"]
"Still a no, buddy."
["Alright, alright. Then, let's talk next time. Don't avoid me, okay? I'll be sad if you do that."]
"Wow, disgusting."
["Haha, so rude. Bye, MJ."]
"Bye, dummy."
[Click.]
It was quiet for a second. MJ stared expectantly at me, with a look on her face that said, "See? I wasn't lying!"
I made a face as I took a long sip of my drink. For all that I'm sociable enough, it's still an adjustment to process the idea that my friend could so casually call Roy Hirsch a dummy over the phone. I said, as bluntly as I could, "I don't want to meet him, MJ. It feels awkward, and..." I frowned. "Like I'm using you."
She sighed at my words. Strangely enough, it almost sounded like she was relieved, though I wasn't sure what was there to be relieved about.
"Nothing wrong with being a little selfish, that's what you said before, right?" she said cheerily, shooting my plea down promptly. "And it wasn't like you befriended me just because I knew him. You didn't even know until today."
"That's...well, true, but—"
She reached out a hand to hold my own over the table, squeezing it gently. It was a testament to our friendship that I allowed the touch, because I didn't usually like such intimacy.
She said, looking at me with doe-like eyes,
"I'm your best friend, right?"
I frowned. What did that have to do with this? "Yes, so?"
"I'm allowed to want you to be happy."
I stared at her.
She stared back, unwavering.
I ended up giving in to a sigh as I pulled my hand away from her grasp. Part of me still felt awkward about the touch, so I chose to grab my drink as a distraction. "I'm happy enough, MJ," I said, right before taking another long sip. "I don't need to meet Roy Hirsch to be happy."
She raised a brow in obvious disbelief. "But he's your idol? Why wouldn't you want to meet him?"
I lowered my drink onto the table without letting it go. My eyes felt unfocused as they stared down at the back of my hand, everything else in my view melting right into the background.
Why was it, that I didn't want to meet him?
Anxiety?
Embarrassment?
Shyness?
No, it was none of those things. I'm awkward about intimacy, but I'm not shy. I at least know that much about myself.
"I just don't want to," I said with finality.
Maybe it was rude of me, to reject a favor so bluntly. But MJ didn't frown, didn't act offended, as she did just watch me with barely-hidden curiosity.
I smiled, not knowing what else to do.
How was I supposed to tell her that I didn't want to meet him for selfish reasons? Would she ever understand? This man that I admired so much that I would pay hard cash to buy all of his merchandise, this man that I loved enough to follow all of his events, keep up with his schedules...
I love him as an idol, but that was the extent of my love.
"Maybe at least once, you can try meeting him? Just once, and I won't push again," she said, smiling at me. It was that cute smile of hers, reminding me of a cute dog asking for treats.
Part of me felt irritated at the pushiness.
Another part of me felt burdened, seeing how much MJ wanted to give this to me. To her, it might be a small thing, but to me, it was too much.
I had never hoped to meet my idol on such a personal level. And yet, looking at her patient smile, I couldn't help from gritting my teeth.
They say to never meet your heroes, but...
I sighed.
"Then, I'll..."
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