Chapter 3: My name is Kelsey
Chapter Three.
"You're home again" his voice was deep and grumpy, his eyes eyeing me strangely. I know we've never really had the best relationship ever since I was little and I thought I was used to that by now but the way he looked at me now gave me the chills.
Don't be ridiculous, Kelsey. I stepped forward and shut the door behind me.
"Hey Dad, you're awake"
"Why won't I? I was waiting for you. I had a feeling you'd be crashing in tonight since it's the weekend"
I decided to ignore him and clean up the mess for the night since I'd be gone tomorrow morning before the day sees light. I picked up some bottles and walked over to the wall side table.
"How's your health?"I asked him
"Really? Do you care about that, Kelsey?"
I turn around to face him "Dad...."
"No you listen to me," he cuts me off, anger in his voice "you make me sick the more. You," he points a finger at me "it's you. You're my sickness, Kelsey and I'd say it over and over again"
I shut my eyes and took in a long breath, then summed up a reply "no, Dad. You're doing this to yourself. Look at you. You're like ....sixty and you drink so much. It's what's killing you. All these" I point at the bottles which I dropped on the wall side table. I walked to the side to pick up another one "you mess the apartment up with your bottles and cigars and. ..."
"You shut your mouth right there," he yelled. Suddenly, he's on his feet, pointing at me, his eyes pouring hate into me. "Do you hear yourself? I drink, I waste my life, so what? What the hell do I have to live for?!"
I feel tears well up in my eyes as I watched him, his every word sinking hard into me. Yes. This is just one of those nights.
"Answer me, Kelsey!" his yelling shook me "you are the reason why I fucking drink so tell me what the hell I'm living for!"
"But..." my voice broke "but...." I gulped hard and tried to clear my throat. The tears are slowly invading my vision, blurring it "you have... hepatitis and it's because of your reckless drinking. How is that my fault? You were advised severally to stop drinking! Do you even attend that sober club anymore?"
"Shut up!" he banged his fists on the table " you're so pathetic, just like Elizabeth" his lips lifts into a smile and I forced my gaze down. He's still my father no matter how much of an asshole he's always proving to be. And I loved him. And I'm gonna help me get through this.
In the end, he's just drunk and sick.
"You see?" He continued "you're just as useless as your mother. Yes! What kind of a woman leaves her own home and comes back at One fucking a.m!? Barney next door got a daughter too and she does not give him a hard time as you do me! She goes to school and learns, Kelsey! LEARN! but you don't. You just go out there, living in some fucked up motel and whoring around with filthy shitty men!"
"I do that for us, Dad!" I finally yelled back, anger bubbling up inside me. Anger and hurt. "I do this so we can live. I do everything I do so I can pay this rent," my lips trembled, breaking my voice "even though I barely sleep in it. So I can pay for your hospital bills...."
"And how would you know then? Huh?! It's been two weeks, Kelsey, how would you know if my fucking meds are finished?! Because it is, damn it!" He rummaged through the table and picked out the pharmacy's plastic white bag that contained his drugs. He empties the contents of empty pills shafts all over the floor "it's all finished! Now how would you know that?!"
He started walking to me and I stepped back till my back hit the table.
"How?!" He screams into my face and a tear finally dropped.
My heart pounded, igniting a different pain in my chest. Was this thing called breathing supposed to hurt so much?
"What is that sweetheart?" he spoke again "are you crying? Oh that is all you ever do, isn't it?" His hand trailed my cheek, smudging the tears over my cheek. "You have no idea, do you?" He spat in my face.
"Dad...."
"Shut up!" He yelled, his hand leaving my face to grab my neck. "Shut up you filthy whore!"
"Stop...." Doesn't he know this hurts so much?
"I said shut the fuck up!"
His hand tightened up, knocking the air out of my lungs. If this continued he was gonna knock me unconscious, I was losing it. I tried to pull his hand away but he slapped my hand away with his free hand, the former leaving my neck to grab my chest. I seized the opportunity and pushed him away. He falls back on this bottom on the floor and I quickly tried to breathe in air. I run over to the door and pulled it open.
"You stop right there, Elizabeth!" he roared weakly.
Kelsey. My name is Kelsey and I'm not Mom. I stopped walking like I always did, rethinking, contemplating whether to go back and help him up and into bed or not. He'd probably be better in the late morning. But I knew I couldn't stand here any more than I already did.
This hurt me beyond words and the tears flowed freely now. I needed to leave. Maybe for good this time but I just couldn't. He's just an addict who's sick and needs closure from his only child right now. Maybe I should go clean the room when he's sleeping like I always do. But then there's all he just said resounding in my head. No, I can't. Not anymore.
I turned to the door again and attempted to step out.
"You, "I stopped as he spoke "if you walk out that door don't bother coming back"
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