Chapter 7: The heart
The rest of the evening Zax and Elira sat separately, neither wanted to make the other uncomfortable, and both respected each other for that. After a lot of drinking and chatting, and when the moon had come up, their friends decided to go their way. Elira's place was exactly the opposite as Zax's, and before she left, she went to him and said, "Thank you for coming."
Zax was a bit drunk from all that drinking, and so he couldn't really meticulously control what he said, and babbled, "No worries, it's not like I came for you or anything." and called for a taxi.
'It's not like I came for you or anything.'
'It's not like I came for you or anything.'
These words kept echoing in Elira's ears. She knew Zax wasn't sober enough to think clearly. But that's what made it worse, it just meant he had blurted out what he really thought, "It's not like I came for you or anything."
Fuck. She thought. She knew that already, he didn't have to say that out loud to her. She knew it before she even invited him that he wouldn't come because of her. Maybe he'd try not to come there, BECAUSE she was there. She knew that, she's known for a long time that Zax doesn't see her any different that any of his other classmates. But still when he said that, all of it really felt real. She got a harsh reality check that there was really no chance for them to be together, that the sliver of hope that she'd been holding on for so long at the corner of her heart was worthless after all.
She knew that all along, but knowing something is gonna hurt you doesn't make it hurt less.
And so she just went home. She didn't cry though. Elira was a strong woman. Or perhaps she was just stubborn.
Phul was returning home from Kuroi entertainment company. She was happy today. Her work was praised, and she would be paid for it soon! What bliss! Maybe when she gets paid, she could take her friends out for lunch. Well, what friends, Zax. Oh right, Zax! Phul suddenly remembered him. "He must be off work by now" she thought," maybe I should call him."
But she suddenly stopped. Phul used to feel guilty about Zax a lot. She felt guilty that she was only contacting him now that she felt okay and wanted to talk to him, but she had completely ignore his texts when she was sad, even though he might've wanted to talk to her. She was well aware how one sided their relation was, but she didn't know how to make it better. She couldn't change how she was and always has been just because she wants to now. If only it were that easy.
As she contemplated whether she should call him or not, she reached her apartment. The piano was still there, and the sheet music were spread about. That scene made her happy somehow, maybe she wasn't that detached from her dream after all. She cleaned the place up a bit, and went to make dinner. Just then, there was a knock on her apartment door.
"Who could it be at this hour", she thought as she went to answer it.
She peeped through the peephole, and what a coincidence, Zax was there!
She immediately opened the door, somewhat happy, somewhat surprised, it was almost as if Zax had known what she was thinking and came to her, but as soon as she did that she caught a whiff of alcohol.
"Are you drunk?" she asked as she helped him get inside.
"Ahnn ..no, I only had a few drinks with my classmates." Zax mumbled. He was half asleep and definitely didn't look like someone who had a few drinks.
"Sure, sure." Phul said, and put him on the sofa, "Did you forget the way to your apartment again? Somehow you always come here when you're drunk."
"Umm, I didn't! I-I wanted to see you-hic" Zax said, almost in a child-like tone, that Phul couldn't help but find him a little cute.
"Well, I wanted to see you too, Zax! Sorry about last time." She said and sat beside him on the sofa.
"Nuh-uh, it's okay. I love you."
Zax said that, so naturally.
Phul blushed, hard. Maybe because he sounded so sincere, or maybe because it was so sudden and out of the blue. No matter the reason, Phul's heart skipped a beat. She brushed her hair away nervously, and Zax kept staring at her.
"What are you saying suddenly, ha-" she said, trying to break the tension.
"I said I love you!" Zax shouted, and Phul was surprised again, "Hush, hush, okay!" she said, trying to calm him down. It was obvious he was drunk, and if he remembered this tomorrow, he would surely be super embarrassed. She didn't want to add onto that, or say something that would hurt him, so she just kept quiet. Zax mumbled a lot of other things too, but they were basically incomprehensible to Phul. Eventually he fell asleep, and Phul brought him a pillow and a blanket. She stared at his sleeping face.
It wasn't the first time this had happened, Zax used to take the cab and come to her place whenever he was drunk, and crash on her sofa. When he wasn't sober, he would confess to her a lot too, which Phul usually didn't respond. What could she say? She couldn't be in a relationship with him, not when he would be giving everything to her and she wouldn't be able to give him a single thing. She couldn't love Zax back, yet, and she didn't expect him to keep waiting for her either. She wouldn't bat an eye if he moved on, heck, she'd even be happy if he was in a relationship with someone else, but that doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon. She sighed, and left to go to her bedroom.
But then Zax held her hand, which sent an electric shiver down her body. She turned around to look at him, and there he was, looking so helpless, in her couch, half asleep, looking straight at her with drowsy eyes.
"Don't go." He said, and held her hand a little tighter.
Phul sighed again. how could she leave when he looked like a lost puppy? She sat beside the sofa, and all this time Zax didn't leave her hand. He had her hand close to her face, and Phul could feel his warm touch, his muffled breath and the swaying of his hair.
Maybe under different circumstances, she'd be able to look at him as a man, and feel something in her heart when they're cozied up like that. But right now at that moment, she felt nothing. He was just a friend she was comfortable enough with having over at her house, with giving her hand to help him sleep. Maybe someday that would change, and she would make Zax happy too. But she didn't know when that would happen, or if that would happen at all.
For now, that's all she could do; stay beside him as he tried sleeping, It was a full moon that night, and there weren't clouds either. The moonlight entered Phul's living room, and engulfed them both in silver light. It was a magical moment, almost as it the time had stopped, something you'd see in movies or fairy tales, but ours is just a tale about life. The night would be over soon, and time would move on again, relentlessly, without mercy. Tomorrow the sun would be up. Zax would have to go back to his work and fight his conflicting thoughts again. Phul would have to go back to try to sing again, to come to terms with her past and present. Elira would see Zax again and break a little inside. TARA would continue their schedule, without Phul, without ever knowing what happened to her. The world would go on and on, hurting all the people to have ever lived upon it, but right now at that moment, as the two were blanketed by the moonlight, they felt that maybe, just maybe-
Everything would be okay.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone