Chapter 22: Guilt
B
oth of them were on their way back to haveli when Zahra's eyes fell on a man selling cotton candies. Her mouth filled with drool as she desirously looked at those pink cotton candies and she couldn't stop herself.
"Irtazaaa stop the car!" She almost screamed causing him to instantly apply brakes making the car wheels produce a screeching sound, followed by the honks and screeching sounds of those cars as well which abruptly stopped behind them making the traffic jam.
"What Zahra?! What happened?!" He asked worriedly.
"Woh.... asal mein..... I want that." She said, cutely pointing toward the man selling the cotton candies.
(I...actually)
"Did you make the car stop for this?" He asked and she nodded her head sheepishly.
His lips formed a thin line as he took a deep breath to calm himself down before releasing the brake and moving the car again.
Zahra got the hint that he was angry and this made her panic immediately as she began to blabber whatever came into her mouth, which she always did whenever she was scared or nervous.
He stopped the car to a side and looked towards her who was blabbering something, scaredly.
"We could have an accident. Be careful next time." He scolded making her blabbering stop instantly.
"I'm sorry. I love cotton candies so I couldn't stop myself and screamed whatever came into my mouth.."
He smiled, her actions were similar to 5-year old Alizey.
"You're such a child Zahra," he mused, looking at her intensely, and left the car before getting back with a whole big bunch of cotton candies for her.
Her eyes widened as happiness danced in them as they fell on those cotton candies. They were too much for her.
"Are all these for me?" she asked pointing towards the cotton candies.
"Well, I don't like sweets so all of these are for you." He said handling her the candies which she abruptly took. She loved cotton candies to the core of her heart.
"Chalo shukar hai ab apko share nahi Karani parein gi," she muttered under her breath but he heard it, making him chuckle before he roared the engine to life and drove smoothly on the road.
(Thank god I won't have to share these with you)
The car halted again due to the traffic jam and that's when Zahra's eyes fell on a man selling garlands. Zahra was about to scream for the garlands when Irtaza's word came into her mind and she stopped before poking her finger onto his shoulder, diverting his attention toward her.
"Hmm?" he asked, looking towards her.
She hesitated, thinking about his reaction.
'Should I say it or should I not' she thought, confusedly.
"Ab meri biwi ko kia lena hai?" He questioned, striking at the exact point.
(What does my wife want now?)
"Mene gajray lenay hein," she replied, smiling, pointing towards the man selling garlands.
He smiled and teased her nose with his forefinger.
"My innocent wife," he muttered and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead. He loved her childish acts, it was her innocence that attracted her to him.
Calling the man, he brought the whole set of red and white garlands for her. She smiled wholeheartedly, only her father used to pamper her like this.
"Give your hand" he demanded so that he could set the garland of red roses on her dainty wrist.
She forwarded her hands and he delicately slide the garland. It was surprising for her, she wasn't hesitating much in front of him, it might be because she get to witness his softer side today.
Irtaza held her hands before she could retreat them back, and stared at her dainty, white hands, vehemently. His eyes held something potent and vigorous in them.
"These hands are only mine to touch, only mine to kiss, and only mine to hold Zahra. Remember this." he pensively said, a warning hidden behind his words as he intensely looked towards her hands before grazing his lips against the back of her hand.
"Got it?" He asked and started the car again as the traffic jam was over.
"Yes," she replied in her thin voice, looking down at her lap.
Her mind was abruptly filled with haunting thoughts about her future as her anxiety shot up. She was afraid for her future. She didn't know what disaster the upcoming days of her life will be held in for her. She was scared. His warnings were making it harder for her. She just wanted to run and hide somewhere. Away from this world and its inhabitants.
She was in a constant dilemma. On one hand, it was fear of Irtaza and on the other hand, it was her love for Daniyal. She knew Irtaza was trying to progress this marriage but she couldn't find it in herself to give her a chance to this marriage. The actual reason was Daniyal. She was in his heart moreover Daniyal had told her that Irtaza was only attracted to her beauty which is why he wanted this marriage. If she wasn't beautiful she would've meant nothing to him. This was also why her heart wasn't accepting this marriage. Because according to her beauty fades away, if it's only her beauty for which he has married her, then this marriage cannot last long.
But unaware of her, Daniyal has stuffed these things into her mind and her beauty was never the reason for which Irtaza married her, it was her pure heart and innocence. Irtaza was god-gifted with the ability to read people and when his eyes for the first time fell on Zahra's picture, he could only figure out innocence, his mind didn't know the meaning of beauty at that time. He still remembers how his heart started to beat fastly as he was staring at her small form cladded in a red dress.
But Zahra didn't know that, It was Daniyal who was attracted to Zahra's beauty. If it wasn't for her beauty then she would've meant nothing to him.....
The whole ride went in silent as no words were exchanged. Irtaza was busy attending a call and barking orders to the man on the other side. Zahra got the hint that they were discussing something about a drug consignment, a traitor, and a something about the loan. But she was least interested in his mafia life and didn't pay much heed to whatever he was saying.
They reached haveli and Irtaza parked the car outside of the haveli gates.
"Go inside. Some work came up I'll be coming late at night."
"Ok," she said and left the car and he drove off somewhere.
The sky was dark and starry as she gazed at the sparkling stars adorning the sky. It was a cold night as she walked onto the porch, heading towards the main door.
A sudden sadness bloomed over her heart making her depressed. It was her birthday today and her father was no more with her to celebrate her birthday. He used to give her surprise birthday parties and the whole day he would act as if he didn't remember her birthday and at night when he would come back from work, he always had a cake and a lot of gifts in his hands for her.
She smiled recalling those sweet moments with her father as a tear escaped her eye and she wiped it instantly.
It's all just because of that Asim! My baby died because of him!
She thought and her heart clenched at that. A fire of revenge was growing in her heart day by day. She wanted justice so her heart could find solace. How could she live so freely when her father's killer was freely roaming around? This mere thought was enough for fueling the fire of revenge in her heart.
Moving she reached the main door of the lounge and twisted the knob before opening the door. There was dark inside the lounge. She wondered why all the lights were turned off.
"Koi hai?" she said moving into the lounge.
(Someone there?)
Her voice echoed into the whole lounge but no one answered. There was an eerie silence. She moved inside heading towards her room but it was so dark all around that she couldn't figure out the way to her room.
"Koi sun rha hai?"
(Someone's listening?)
She called again but still, there was no answer.
She was getting fearful now. Horrible thoughts clustered around her mind as she begin to think of the worst possibilities. Her family might be in danger! Her mind accumulated the worst of scenarios.
She began to think about the rival mafias' attack on the haveli, kidnapping all of the members and killing them. This mere thought made her nearly cry.
She was a pessimist, a very big pessimist.
"Dua! Mama! Haya!" she cried aloud but no one answered.
"Mama! Are you there?" She called again but still in silence. Her fear shot up as she was confirmed about her family being kidnapped.
She heard a rustling sound behind her as a maid appeared with a worried expression on her face.
"Where is everyone?" Zahra asked, worriedly.
"They... they took them,"
"What?! Who?!!!"
"Osmanis madam,"
"No! No! Mama! Mama!!!"
She cried again and again but no one answered and at last, she sat down on the floor, bringing her knees close and resting her head on them as she began to cry. Her mind was jammed as nothing positive was getting into her brain. Her mind was surrounded by negative thoughts about her family. She was clueless about their whereabouts and situation.
Suddenly all the lights turned on and a loud voice boomed into the whole area.
"SURPRISE!" Everyone screamed with unity making her instantly stand up.
Her puffy eyes absorbed the scene around her. The whole lounge was decorated with balloons, streamers, confetti, centerpieces, cutouts, and banners on which it was written prominently,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ZAHRA!
Her family members were standing behind the sofas where they were hiding. All of them had a big smile on their faces and then the whole room filled with a booming sound as Dua, Haya, Haseeb and Saif blew the party poppers in the air at the same time.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" They screamed again and rushed towards her, immediately settling the birthday hat on her head and then taking her to the table which was filled with a big chocolate cake and many other snacks and desserts.
Zahra was astonished. She had no idea that her cousins will even know about her birth date and here they've arranged a whole big birthday party for her.
"We're sorry, Zahra. I planned it to shock you that way and everyone followed behind," Dua apologised with a smile.
"Cut the cake, Zahra, before it melts." Asma aunty said.
She cut the chocolate cake, which was her all time favorite. Her father always used to bring her chocolate cakes on her birthday. Everyone was smiling and singing their birthday song for her. She was so overwhelmed as she took Dua and Haya in a bone-crushing hug.
"Thank you for all of this." She said still hugging them. She thought both of them have arranged a birthday party for her.
"Oh stupid, there is no need to say thanks to us. It's Irtaza Bhai who told us about your birthday and arranged this whole birthday party. Some important work came up that's why he didn't join." Dua said while pulling back.
Zahra was shocked to the core as her eyes widened with surprise.
Am I hearing it right?
"Did Irtaza arrange all of this for me?" She asked, pointing towards herself.
"Yes he did else we didn't even know about your birthday," Haya replied making Zahra more shocked.
'How does he know about my birthday?'
"So pay your thanks to him when he will come," Haya advised.
"And you know na Haya, Irtaza Bhai has his special ways of taking thanks from Zahra." Dua winked at Zahra making her blush.
"No there is nothing like that!" Zahra retorted with her red face making both of them laugh heartily.
Soon their grandfather also joined the party. Shehryaar as usual was in Lahore, handling his business there.
The party was going in full bloom as Haseeb and Dua's usual fight was going on and as always Haya supported Dua rather than her brother. The elders were discussing business, the mafia, and what more while the ladies were busy discussing the marriage of Irtaza and Zahra. Every member was present enjoying themselves. Zahra was happy seeing them all together but a sudden pang crossed her heart as her father came into her mind she suppressed it by thinking that he will happy by seeing her happy so she diverted her mind somewhere else.
And that's when Irtaza came into her mind. He was the one who has arranged this party for her. She didn't remember telling any of her cousins about her birthday so it was quite shocking for her that Irtaza knew about it.
He was just being nice to her for the past few days. He didn't hurt or abuse her. He listened to her wishes. He let her go to university. A part of her was feeling extremely guilty for putting up the act of accepting this marriage but what she could do, Daniyal was forcing her to do so. And Daniyal also manipulated her into thinking that there s nothing wrong with doing so. So she thought whatever she was doing is right but still, her conscience was eating her for not being able to express her heart to Irtaza that she didn't want to accept this marriage at any cost because she loved Daniyal.
Guilt panged at her heart. She felt as if a heavyweight was being placed on her heart. She wondered how will Irtaza react when he will know about her and Daniyal's relationship and when she will run away with Daniyal.
'At first, I will make him think that I've accepted this relation but at the last moment I will run away?' She thought with dismay.
She was feeling extremely sorry for Irtaza. He was being so kind to her as a perfect husband and she will reply to his kindness like this.
A thick knot formed in her throat as her heartbeat escalated. She couldn't breathe freely as her she felt her whole chest being crushed by a heavyweight. It was guilt and remorse that she was feeling. She decided that she will call Daniyal today and confront her situation with him and ask him to find any other way to end this nikkah.
She was in a dilemma, she wanted Daniyal but she didn't want to backstab Irtaza.
But Daniyal had left her no option. If she wants him, she has to betray Irtaza.
What should I do Baba?
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