Chapter 11: The beginning of all problems - part 1
The goddess looked at her prey that lay unconscious in the seat of the cabin.
To be honest, Lawrence had not been her first choice when she had decided to interfere in this but he was the only one suitable enough to make things work.
It had also been a bonus when he chose the only role that could get the goddess what she wanted.
From the first time she had seen that broken child with a fire to keep on living, she had known that she had found her answer.
No matter how much the child had said he wanted to die, he had clung to life. He had even taken the offered hand she had presented him with to live again.
This was not the behavior of someone who wanted to die. But if someone who wanted to live.
The main problem with Lawrance was his misconception about wanting to die.
What he wanted to feel was the thrill of living. His will to live was so strong that he wanted proof of his life at all times.
And such things only happened when you were on the brink of death. This was the path Lawrance was walking all this time.
But the goddess needed him to snap out of his delusion and into reality. He could not be allowed to make such foolish moves if he was to carry her hopes and dreams on his shoulder.
So she would help him out this time. The goddess would show him what real despair of death was like.
She would make his mind realize what his body already knew - death was not the end and it was not the freedom he sought it out to be.
Death was lonely, an end that did not lead to anything.
Only by living could one make out the best of one's life.
And if she had to use some of her magic to condition Lawrance into realizing that face? Well, that truth would just stay between her and her magic.
==========================
It felt like I was in the carriage for one second and in a dark room for the other second.
The carriage felt like a box to me. It was getting difficult to breathe.
The stress was taking its toll on me. And so was the lack of blood inside my body.
I could feel everything shutting down. It almost felt like death.
And I waited for the feeling of freedom to embrace me.
After all, that was why I wanted to die. I wanted to die and be free of this world.
But the more I slipped away, the harder it was to control myself.
Had I ever slipped this far into the sweet embrace of death? I could not remember that happening.
But the deeper I slipped, the more restricted I found myself to be. The freedom I had longed for was nowhere to be seen.
I had always associated freedom with death. Maybe because of the life I had led. It had left me with no choice but to escape from the abuse.
But I had a taste of this new life and I felt free for the first time.
It was a short while, but my actions were my one. My decisions were my own.
Even my trials were my own.
'Ah, dying like this is not bad. I can finally feel free
That was what I should have thought of at that moment. But all I felt was a terror of the unknown.
And I found myself craving that feeling of freedom once again.
And it was at that moment a thought came to me.
'Dying is not what I crave. It is this feeling of danger. Maybe this feeling is not so bad after all.'
The edge was approaching me faster and faster.
And just when I was about to give in to my feelings, it happened.
'You're more trouble than you are worth. But at least you are beginning to understand yourself.'
'I will help you out with this once. But you are on your own from here on. Make sure you survive till the end of the timer.'
It must have been the goddess that saved me that day but her face looked like my mother's.
To me, it felt like it had been my mother that asked me to survive these hardships.
And I could not disappoint her any further than I already had.
I had to claw my way up from this abyss and cling to my life.
"H-Help me"
My hand reached out to grasp something to pull myself out of the unconsciousness.
"You took your time waking up. I almost thought you died."
I tried to coach my breath but the terror I felt in the darkness could not be shaken so easily.
"Y-You! What did you do to me?"
That experience was something I never wanted to face again.
Death was something I stared regularly in the eye. But it had never terrified me like that. The lack of freedom was something I had never felt before.
I knew this was all my shock talking and I will be alright in a few hours. But I also could not help but feel like something had fundamentally changed inside me.
There was this new fear inside me that I could not comprehend.
"Me? Do something to you? How can you even accuse me of such a crime? I can't even touch you with my own hands. I had to borrow a body to talk with you."
"But you just said-"
My words were cut off when the goddess placed her finger on my lips.
I felt like I could not breathe, much less speak in front of her.
"It's not me that is trying to send a signal to your body. It's you who want to live. Don't blame me for something that is not under my control."
The goddess's words rang inside my mind.
I wanted to refuse them but I was incapable of doing even that much.
"Well then. Since I have gotten my point across to you, I shall take my leave. Try not to miss me too much."
"No, wait! What about the countdown ...."
The encounter felt too brief. The silence around me was deafening and I could feel the presence of that goddess fade away.
"It's my fault. I should not have allowed her to play with my head like that."
I tried to calm my racing heart but nothing seemed to be helping me. There was something inside me that screamed to be alert and always be wary of the danger.
"Is something wrong? You keep on staring at me this whole time?"
Huh, I had not realized that someone else had been in the car with me this whole time? Was I that much of an airhead?
The last I remembered, the only ones inside this car had been me and the goddess. And with the goddess gone, there should be no one else here.
"Had you been here this whole time?"
I had to confirm my feeling of suspicion. I had to know the truth.
"You've been staring at me this whole time and you didn't even notice me? Maybe what they said about you was right? You are not ok in the head."
I felt like invisible arrows were stabbing my body at every accusation I was being dealt.
The girl in front of me looked a few years older than me and I would have called her beautiful had the circumstances been something different.
Her head of green hair and red eyes marked her as one of the 'main characters' of the novel. But I could not remember who it was that I was trying to remember.
"You really are slow in the head. At least ask me for my name if you don't remember."
The girl asked and I wanted to hit myself for such an obvious way out.
Of course, I could have just asked the girl for her name and saved myself from this embarrassment.
"So, what's your name?"
"I'm not telling you now."
"Then why did you even suggest it in the first place?
"...."
"...."
This talk was not getting anywhere. And I was tired after my encounter with the goddess.
I wanted to fall asleep and be done with this day. But my brain would not allow me to fall asleep.
No matter how hard I tried to fall asleep, the sweet embrace of the darkness would not come my way.
Instead, there was a terror inside me that whisperer that I would not be able to wake up if I did go to sleep now.
My energy reserves were too low to do anything else but lay down and read. And they also made my reflexes slow down.
"Is everything alright here? Lady Marsh, are you alright? My brother didn't cause you any problems, right?"
I was barely conscious when Prince Edward entered the car. I didn't even realize that they were talking about me until the prince took a seat at my side.
"No. He just stared at me like a creep and then refused to acknowledge my presence in this chamber. Not that I care about it or anything."
I wanted to protest and tell them the truth about what had happened.
But there was no way they were going to believe in the existence of a God.
For a world that was much more futuristic than the modern human world and even had magic and other races, these people had a weird concept of divine power.
In short, things like gods and deities did not exist outside of the elf and giant race.
It was a little complicated to understand the concept without having read the novel but the short version of it was something like this.
Most of the famous normal gods existed in this world in the form of other races. Gods like titans or Olympians were reborn as the guardian deities of the giant race while all other species had similar gods.
The thought of a supreme God that was able to influence more than their current species did not exist.
And gods did not meddle in the affairs of interspecies conflict at all. They weren't allowed to under the present novel rule.
"Then, I would like to ask Lady Marsh to pardon my brother's rudeness. He has just been through a lot."
"And as such, it was my mistake to lair him up with you. You can travel with Katie and Patricia if you feel safer in their company."
I was not sure if Prince Edward was trying to protect me or Lady Marsh.
But now that I think back on it, Marsh was a somewhat familiar name to me. But where have I heard that name before? I could not remember at all.
"I understand. Then I shall take my leave now."
The female opened her side of the door to get out of the cabinet. But before she turned to stare at me with blank eyes.
Those eyes made me nervous. For a second, they looked just like the goddess that had tormented me and forced me into that darkness.
"-Sita Marsh. Don't forget my name this time."
The female forced the door close with a bang and I let my heartbeat slow down.
"Your fiance is a fierce one. I don't know what mother was thinking by engaging you with the holy maiden of the elf clan but at least Marsh knows how to keep herself hidden."
O-Oh.
Now that Edward had told me that, I could think more clearly and my brain could connect the female in front of me with the one I had read in the novel.
Sita Marsh was a very popular character in the novel. She was someone who had fallen for the protagonist Cain in the academy and had even helped him out despite being engaged.
She was a mysterious figure who could communicate with a higher power but no one had ever seen her use her powers till the end.
It had never been relevant in the main story who her finance had been since it had never been a relevant plot point.
But how knew that she would be engaged to someone no-named like Lawrance?
"She's terrifying. Can I break this engagement?"
The girl genuinely terrified me but there were more reasons for me to break the engagement than just being scared of the female.
And the most prominent of it all was that she was Cain's main girl. And anyone who tried to lay a hand on the protagonist's woman died a horrible death.
I just did not want that for myself since it was not in my plan.
'I need to survive till the timer runs out.'
I did not know why I felt so strongly for that to happen, but I did want to keep on living free. An engagement would hinder my options in the future.
"Breaking the engagement is not something I or you can do. Only mother and father can allow that to happen. You will need to convenience them to take that action."
"Besides, we are here already. Brace yourself because you are about to meet them now."
I could only gulp down my nervousness and fear. I had to keep my head high and face the future.
But I could not help but scratch at my arm where my cuts should be. It was a bad habit I had acquired in my last life and it had followed me along here as well.
My unkept nails hurt my arm, even causing it to bleed out at times but the wounds quickly headed due to my curse.
It was going to be a long day for me. And I should have noticed the interested gaze of Prince Edward toward me. But my mind was too tired and worked up to do that.
And this is where all my problems began.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
Mikuraji
Mikuraji Most confusing parts should be out of the way. The stroy will really pick up pace from here so brace yourself.
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Ranking 
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