Chapter 37: Chapter 37
A nurse wheeled in a wheelchair through the door. August was surprised by the sudden visitor and turned to glance at the face he hadn't seen in such a long time.
"Care for a little catch up?" Ethan grinned. "Hmm, August?"
"Uh-wait, what? Ethan?" August asked, stunned, "Is that...is that you?"
"Yeah..." he smiled sadly, "Haven't been in the best shape, but it's still me."
August was shocked to see him like this. He was in a wheelchair, his expression sickly. His fair skin was unusually pale, as if he hadn't seen the light of day in a long time. "But, what happened to you? This..." he pointed at the wheelchair and asked, "What's all this? Why do you look so..."
"-Ill?"
"Yes. Didn't you say you were going abroad for further studies? Why..." he asked, "Why are you here, like this?"
Ethan smiled apologetically, "I'm sorry, ah. I....there are many things I lied to you about, but today I'm going to come clean." He leaned back, making himself comfortable and crossed his arms. "All our questions, ask away."
"First...what happened?"
Ethan was already expecting this question. There was guilt in his eyes as he replied, "I jumped. From a building."
"...J-jumped?" August stammered, "Not fell?"
"No. It was intentional, August."
To say August was shocked would be an understatement. "...B-but why? Why did you take such a step? You..."
"Were the last person you'd expect to take his own life?"
"...Mhm." His lips were pressed in a thin line as he continued, "I didn't know you were suffering. I'm sorry...for being so ignorant."
Ethan smiled, "You haven't changed at all, August. Still so kind, so considerate."
"But it wasn't your fault. There were..." Ethan sighed, "Circumstances."
"What circumstances, Ethan?"
Ethan took a deep breath. "For that, I'll need to tell the story from the beginning. Please, August...just listen."
August nodded slowly. He wrung his hands anxiously, waiting for Ethan to start.
Ethan didn't delay things any longer. "So. First things first, August, I used to like you." Ethan smiled at his stunned face, "Yes, that kind of like. Romantically."
"I mean, it'll be stranger if someone doesn't fall in love with you. You're kind, always thinking of others, sympathetic..." August's face became slightly red on being complimented out of the blue like this. Ethan couldn't help but smile seeing him like this, "...You're still not good with compliments, August. Still like before."
"Do you know Ian?"
August's breath hitched at that name. His eyes widened as he stuttered, "...Ian? Ian Hall...?"
Ethan nodded. August was startled, "...B-but! How...how do you know him?"
"....He used to be my friend. I'll try to make it short, August." Ethan stated, "He found out about my crush on you."
"So? Wasn't he...your friend?"
"No. Apparently, I was the only one who thought of us to be friends. We...me and Ian, we knew each other since childhood. Our dads were business partners. We got to know each other, spent time together, and became friends due to the positive relations between our families."
"I-" he paused, trying to search for appropriate words, "-just...don't know. When he started to hate me, or if he even liked me in the first place."
"Maybe it was after his mother's death. He had a, you know, kind of flip in behavior. He started to get irritated by the smallest things and got injured almost every month. It's like....he- he had something else going on. I just...don't know. He suddenly got very edgy, always so mysterious, as if planning something. As soon as he got wind of my crush on you, his behavior got even more strange." At August's worried gaze, Ethan nodded. "Yes, it's what you're thinking. He blackmailed me."
"For a while, it was okay. The requests were usually easy, like don't talk to certain people, don't talk to family for a certain period of time...stuff like that. I-" he looked on, troubled. "-still don't know why he asked for all that. Maybe to isolate me from others so I become easier to control? I don't know. I just don't get what he gained from keeping me to himself. Like, if he wanted to spend time with me, he could've just asked. It's not like I would've refused him anyway. But gradually, it looked like he started...enjoying this whole thing. He started to demand unreasonable things, like cutting off all contact with certain people, only being with him...but I still obeyed."
The boy in the wheelchair guessed, "You must be thinking, why did I let him hold it against me for so long? It wasn't actually that big of a secret, right? Well, I'm not sure." He wondered, "Maybe it's because of the way he did things. Starting from easy, gradually turning impossible. If he had asked me to do stuff like that in the beginning, I would've refused. As I slowly began obeying him more and more, the fear of my secret being exposed also began sowing its roots deeper in my mind. It's like..." Ethan found it hard to express his exact feelings in words. He tried his best as he continued, "-I began trembling at even the thought of my secret getting out. The thing I feared wasn't exactly the outcome, but the very thought of it happening."
"I know it might sound strange to you, I mean, with the way I'm wording things, even I myself would've found this weird, but....it's kind of hard to express it in words. I just....began to see him exposing me as the worst outcome, the worst thing that can happen. Even worse than my death."
"At one point, it all just got too much for me to bear. It was...just awful. It's like I was cornered without a way out, no solution in mind. I-" he felt his throat getting hoarse as Ethan recalled, " – just couldn't hold on anymore, and the only thing that I thought could free me from my misery was dying. Just...leaving all my problems behind, you know?"
"So, I decided to do it. Without even thinking about anything or anyone else, I sent you that text, where I said I'm going abroad for a long time, and just... jumped." His eyes became teary as he tried to joke, "-Not one of my best decisions, haha."
August didn't know what to say. He could only stay silent as he took Ethan's hand in his, trying to reassure him.
Ethan wiped his tear and sighed, "Hah, the story isn't even half complete yet, and I'm already getting emotional?" He tried to laugh to alleviate the tension and admitted, "August. He...he told me everything. Everything that happened between you two."
August's anxiety rose on seeing his grave expression. He trembled, "...W-who, Ethan? Just- just who are you talking about?"
Eyes downcast, Ethan revealed, "...My brother, Edward. Edward Felix."
"....What?" August asked in disbelief, "Just...what in the world are you even saying?"
Ethan's heart ached on seeing his forehead crease in worry, unrest visible in August's eyes. He repeated, "It's just as I said, August. Edward...yes, the Edward you know, is my brother. I'm sorry. It....was my fault."
"Please....just listen to what I have to say. That's all I ask." With tears in his eyes, Ethan pleaded, "Please... for the old time's sake."
"...I won't tell you to return to Edward." Ethan looked up, guilt shining in his eyes. "I know that kid messed up, and I'm not trying to cover for him. So, don't worry about that." Ethan smiled sadly, "I'll just tell you the truth, what you deserve to know. This is what I owe you, August. An unbiased, honest, and exact truth."
He told him about everything. How Ian manipulated Edward, how he had a tilted view of things from the beginning, how Ian fed him truth mixed with lies.
"...So that's about what happened. I-" he paused, "I didn't know he hated me that much. Even after I jumped, he still wasn't satisfied and went after my brother." Ethan lamented, "Maybe he didn't find any weakness in Edward. He didn't find something he could exploit for such a long time that he.... just decided to ruin him completely. I guess he wanted to kill two birds with one stone, don't you think? Guaranteeing a lifetime of misery for both of us by coming after you."
Ethan bowed his head shamefully, "That's why I'm sorry. I really am sorry, August. In this whole ordeal, you, an innocent person who had nothing to do with this whole thing, were dragged in unnecessarily. You...are the one who was most wronged, even if you didn't deserve to."
"You're the one who suffered the most...even making you do this-" for the first time since his arrival, Ethan spoke about and looked directly at his bandages. "...I apologize. I apologize for the amount of hurt you have been through which drove even a person as strong as yourself to take such a step."
Ethan couldn't help but sniffle. Still, he hardened his heart and tried not to cry, at least speak all he came to say before breaking down. ".... Nothing can compare to the hurt you went through, August, but that doesn't mean Edward wasn't hurting either. He loves you, August. I know this because I saw the struggle on his face when I woke up, the longing and regret in his eyes when he spoke of you. I saw.... just how much in pain he was in when he told me about his 'revenge.' This was something Edward felt like he had to do, but that doesn't mean he enjoyed it either." He tried to clarify, "I'm not trying to take his side, really, but-"
"I just-...whatever. I'll be honest with you." He sighed, "I- I'm also a brother, August. You know...I can't see my brother suffer. But I am a friend to you too, which means I still won't try to pressure you to do something you're not willing to."
"I know...I know I said I won't talk about feelings or emotions, but-" he looked up, troubled, "-Am I just supposed to ignore it when I see both of you suffering so much? When I see both of you, who still love each other very much, longing for each other?"
"He doesn't hate you, August." Ethan repeated, "He really doesn't. Maybe he did once, but if there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that he wouldn't run around like a maniac for the sake of someone he hates."
He recalled, "You didn't see his expression when he told me the truth, August. You didn't see the pure horror on his face, the worry he had for you. Along the way, he somehow fell for you just like you did for him. He also...loved you just as much you love him."
"I know the past was ill-fated and miserable.... but that doesn't mean the future has to be." He smiled, "-But I guess I'll leave that decision up to you, August. Because you're the only one who deserves it."
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
sulphurdioxide
sulphurdioxide Almost at the end... next will be last chapter. ofc sidestories after that (SS 1 is a must it shows ian's backstory and motivations)
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