Chapter 166: Downtime (Part 4)
While Zeris watches the group split off and head for their rooms, he hears a knock on the door behind him. Glancing at a specific monitor and seeing Quinn standing on the other side, Zeris takes a deep breath before pressing a button on his keyboard to open the door behind him.
"I want to see them."
"You will soon."
"No. Now," he demands, walking further into the room. "You're not careless. If you really did go through the trouble of helping my father dodge divination, you'd be keeping an eye on them."
Zeris turns around in his chair and says, "I guess you weren't a Lieutenant General at fifteen for nothing. You wanna see them? Then come over here."
He swivels back around and types something in as Quinn approaches the desk. A file with two options appears on the primary monitor before Zeris. The options to 'Access' or 'Close' the file. Moving his cursor over 'Access', he clicks it, and a loading bar appears.
A few seconds later, a surveillance video popped up once the loading bar was complete. On-screen was a clear image of both of Quinn's parents, seated on a couch inside what looked like a small but tidy living room. Across from them, they were watching something on a television screen.
Trying to remain composed, Quinn began breathing much more heavily.
"Mom… dad..."
"Don't worry. They're safe at a place off the grid. Can't exactly have them showing public face, especially your father."
"Yeah, yeah, makes sense," says Quinn, relief rushing through him. "Is this live?"
Looking at Quinn, Zeris asks, "Mhm. Would you like to speak to them?"
Quinn meets his gaze, his eyes brimming with hope, and Zeris points to a microphone on the desk. Giving Zeris a nod, Quinn walks around to the other side of Zeris and picks up the bottom of the microphone. After pressing down on a button, Zeris gives Quinn a thumbs up.
"Mom? Dad? It's Quinn. Can you hear me?"
On the monitor, his parent's heads dart around as they sit up in shock.
While his father mutes the show, his mother shouts, "Yes! Yes, I can hear you! Can you hear me, too?!"
A tear sheds down Quinn's cheek, "I can… I can hear you."
After both sides download that the other is doing okay, Quinn keeps the conversation brief. Otherwise, he felt like he'd never be able to stop talking to them. After informing his parents that stage two of the trials starts soon and that he can't wait to see them again, he says he has to go. Both his parents understand, and Zeris lets go of the button.
Putting the microphone back down on the desk while the image of his parents hugging disappears, Quinn says, "You said they were off the grid?"
"Yeah, a place only Kane, the other Aleyros founders, and I know about."
"I assume I can't see them 'til these trials are over?"
"Yeah, probably."
"What about Ryker?"
"He's one of the Queen's hands," replies Zeris, and Quinn raises his eyebrows in surprise. "You can thank Racafi and divination for his promotion."
"I see," mumbles Quinn before clicking his tongue. "Why are you being so honest with me?"
After exhaling long and disgruntledly, Zeris says, "I'm trying… to earn some trust back."
"You never had any to begin with."
Zeris rolls his lips in, "Right."
"Only after you tortured and used me like some tool… you let me talk to my parents and pretend to be a nice guy. Did you ever think that maybe I would've helped you with Alex if you had just asked?"
"No…" says Zeris, averting his gaze. "Nobody is that kind. You would've taken advantage of my naivety and used it against me."
"You're wrong," cuts in Quinn, shaking his head. "This world is full of kind, good-hearted people. And it's because of sick bastards like you that their kindness goes to waste!"
"I'm a damn trial runner! I had to kill some of you! That's my job here! What good was asking for a favor from you when you knew what I would do?! You were going to hate me either way!"
"You don't know that!" shouts Quinn, the two men locking eyes. "You don't. I've overridden hundreds of soldiers' minds to the point where they'll never be the same. I've killed a few dozen people. All so I could try to save my parents from a fate that seemed impossible."
Taking heavy breaths, Quinn continues, "But you saved them. I don't know why you felt compelled to. Maybe you thought I'd be more willing to cooperate if they were still alive. Either way, your decision to risk your life to save my parents… tells me there is good in you."
Zeris scoffs, "I'm not weak."
"I'm not saying you are. Being weak and being good... those are two completely different things. You're not the only one here who has blood on his hands. Me, you, Scar, Kane, Alex… who knows about the rest… but we have all killed people. And that's not normal."
"Gee. Have any other ways of calling me a scumbag?"
"Stop that. Why are you being so negative? How you're acting… it's pathetic. Pitiful."
"Is there a reason to be positive? You know all about how the government f*cking works, and I've heard about it from Kane! Nobody wins in this country besides Divine! The first eighteen years of your life are pretty much a lie, and then they're erased. If you're lucky to survive the trials, you're just put to work until the queen determines you're not worth the rations anymore. And that's it. End of story."
"No– not end of story. There's so much more to life than what you just described it as."
"Sure. As far as I'm aware, we all end up in the ground someday. Iasa makes the years before that as miserable as possible."
"But there are still moments that make life worth living! Like just now when I talked to my parents!"
"Fine, whatever. There are... extremely rare, non-horrible moments that marginally make things better!" sarcastically shouts Zeris. "Also, don't you agree with us that this government f*cking sucks?"
"I do. But… come on. You– You and General Kane seem pretty close! Isn't he a friend?"
"Tch. More like a coworker."
"You look like friends to me."
"Well, we're not. Sorry to disappoint you."
Both guys dodge each other's gazes, and Quinn walks a few steps away to a framed photograph of a woman he hasn't seen anywhere.
"You know, the first person you kill…" says Quinn, picking up the photograph, and Zeris looks at him. "It changes you for the rest of your life. We both know that. But… nobody kills somebody without a reason. The act could be out of self-defense, or revenge, or greed, or lust… but there's always a motive."
Walking over to Zeris, Quinn hands him the photograph, "And for you to take this job, knowing what the trials are about… whatever is driving you must be incredibly important. So important that the only way you can live with your choices is by punishing yourself."
Staring at the photograph, Zeris says, "She didn't deserve what happened to her."
"And that it makes it okay for you to distance yourself from everybody?"
"You know nothing about me…"
"Really? Because so far, I've figured out that I'm talking to a man who's too scared to let himself feel any kind of emotional connection. A man who is too afraid to be loved again, so he makes people hate him and pushes them away as much as possible. And for that reason, he even hates himself."
Placing the photograph down, Zeris says, "What the hell do you want me to say?"
"From now on, I won't let you use her to justify your excessive acts of violence and seclusiveness. You actually want to convince these people to join your side? Show a little heart. You got one… you might be trying to hide it, but you got one. And you probably think opening up that can of worms will only worsen things, but it won't."
Zeris sits there thinking for a few seconds until he asks, "How do you know it won't?"
"Ryker always went on these, uh, long rants about life," says Quinn, chuckling. "He was like a second father to me. The things I did for Divine… I probably wouldn't be here today if he weren't around."
"And yet he's her left-hand man now."
"Sounds like it… I don't know how he feels about Divine, but he wants the best for Iasa."
"Good for him, not hard to make this place worse," says Zeris, and Quinn laughs.
"Yeah," mutters Quinn, surprised at himself for laughing. "Enough talking, though. Where do you want to go for this?"
Zeris frowns, remembering their agreement. Standing up a moment later, he leads Quinn out the door.
"Follow me. I'd appreciate it if you held back enough so I can teach tomorrow."
"No promises," says Quinn, rolling up his sleeves.
"I understand," says Zeris, and for the rest of the walk, only hushed footsteps can be heard.
***
Sitting on his bed with his back against the wall, Armaros recalls something Kane said.
'They really f*cked you up good, kid.'
His gaze shifts downward to the handcuffs that are dampening his powers, and he takes a deep breath through his nose.
Stryde gave me everything—a new home and a purpose in life… so why does he think they did the opposite? They all stare at me like I'm some… demon, but I did the right thing. I was just protecting my nation's people. Wasn't General Kane doing the same thing for Iasa?
The door to his room emits a gentle ring, and Armaros glances over to see Alex walking in. Immediately on guard, Armaros is fully aware of his vulnerability as Alex approaches him. Stopping at his bedside, Alex meets Armaros's gaze and the two stare at one another for a few seconds.
"Do you think you deserve to live?" asks Alex.
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