Chapter 3: Chapter 3
On the extremely low yet rising chances that I had truly been reincarnated there were two things to spend my free time doing. The first is arguably the most important as it has beneficial effects no matter the situation.
Increasing my brain's ability to retain information using memory practices. It was a slow process but I had both experiences in the 'orphanage' and all the time in my childhood to improve. Unlike my past life, I had time in spades.
The second referred to my optimism that Magic was real caused by childhood dreams that had yet to be crushed. However compared to my previous life there was tangible proof that allows me to believe that mana is real, my very own Magic Sense.
From the various sources of magical assumptions in my previous life, there were many ways that I could increase my mana even if I could not use it. Most were unrealistic or unlikely to succeed however there was one, in particular, that was reasonable.
If mana was connected to 'life force' as most novels would make one believe then it is entirely possible that it is possible to increase my mana reserve substantially.
My current theory is that mana is an energy created from the cells and as one depletes their mana these cells naturally draw in more mana from the atmosphere and slightly expand as their limits have marginally increased similar to a sponge.
While such a thing would affect all ages, children would be the most affected as their bodies are changing every moment to optimize themselves and grow, allowing for the most substantial growth.
This would naturally be caused by the aging of the cells and how the cells naturally weaken as they reproduce for a variety of reasons that would severely limit any possible growth for those above a certain age.
I had been doing it roughly since the day I was born give or take a day or two and while my Mana Sense did show a fairly substantial increase in my color I had no way to prove that it had any real effort nor if the color was something real in the first place.
Speaking of the color I was quite interested in it as it had some level of variation. For example, my mother had a mainly white but partially emerald green color but it occasionally changed depending on her emotions.
While it was impossible to get a read on which emotions she was feeling her color would occasionally grow darker or lighter depending on whether her emotions were mainly negative or positive.
Not only that but it was possible to see a rough outline of which genetics a child inherited by the color of their mana. Not only did my physical traits apparently reflect my mother more than my father according to those who could see them but my mana color was the same emerald green as my mother's.
Judging by the lack of the mainly white shade my mother's color was I could say that either I had solely inherited whatever gene gave the emerald green shade or that it was a dominant gene from the beginning and somehow my mother had only been partially affected for whatever reason. There was no real way to prove either answer so it was best put safely in the back of my mind for later thought.
There were other methods to increase my mana capacity such as reversing its flow however they were all much too dangerous to test without proper supervision and knowledge. I may want to have as much mana as possible on the off chance this is real however death would not be a favorable result.
Regardless, even if we remove my strange ability to utilize Mana Sense from the equation my senses themselves were odd. I had assumed that my senses being so sensitive was a result of just being birthed and perhaps that was true as they remained the same from then until now.
My heightened senses have not lessened from the moment I was born, rather they may have increased. If I was to compare them to my previous life I would say that my current senses are over twenty five times more sensitive without a doubt, perhaps even more than that.
I could safely say that I could hear every sound in a few hundred meter sphere perfectly and beyond that with lesser quality depending on the distance. Playing games such as hide and seek will be a breeze.
Yet heightened senses were both a blessing and a curse. I could hear every detail of my parents… nightly routine in horrifying quality. Perhaps since it goes until morning and frequently happens during the day as well nightly would be the wrong term.
In any case, I should return to my mystical experiments to remove the torture I will face at night from my mind. My current theory dictates that I drain myself of my mana until I come close to losing consciousness however due to a lack of methods it is an unbearably slow process.
The current way I release my mana is by forcing it out of all the pores in my body which generally result in me losing a little of the minuscule dignity I had as a 'human'. For the first week or so it took conscious effort however the adaptability of the human body, especially at this age, will never cease to amaze me.
After that first week of effort, I can now force the mana out of my body while also increasing my brain's ability to function. Not only that but I've noticed that the speed at which the mana leaves my body is increasing with every passing day.
It still takes an ungodly amount of time and I'd assume it always will but I have no doubt that my efforts will be rewarded even if it takes a few years to show any results. Effort, diligence, and constant adaptation with an unhealthy dose of caution are what allowed me to succeed after all.
Obviously, I am still in the dark about a majority of things and even something as simple as the meaning behind the shade of mana between each person is a mystery to me. I have many things to discover however as I mentioned previously, I have plenty of time.
I have decades ahead of me that I can spend doing whatever I please, a far cry compared to the desperate rush to power in my last life yet things were still the same. Things may be different but some things will never change.
Truthfully, I was still greedy. I have the family I've always wanted, I've experienced love, and I've experienced warm, but I still want something more. I don't want anything more from my family but rather I want power.
While I would love to say that I only want power to protect my loved ones from the depths of my heart that simply isn't the case. That may be part of it however I was and still am the monster from my last life.
Things may be different but things are still the same. In my last life, I simply wanted everything that existed both material and immaterial however now I want as much power as possible to hold everything I hold dear to me close to my chest.
I'm still a monster, I don't care about morals, I don't care about how I am perceived, and I don't care about others, I care solely about myself and those close to me. I want everything I love to be safe even if it makes me a monster, no a demon, and…
What's wrong with that?
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
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