Chapter 8: Business
As Malaria was heckling Sakumo at Kakashi's place, a serious meeting was being held in the Hokage's office. The theme of the day was the news Orochimaru just brought - the Uchiha have started to plan a revolt!
For some reason, two of the three elders, and Sarutobi Hiruzen thought it was strange. There hasn't been any large scale conflicts between the village and the Uchiha clan for several years. Yet, here they are - planning a coup d'état. Danzo on the other hand was ecstatic. 'Finally all my hard work is bearing fruit. I knew the Uchiha would try to revolt - teacher was right, the only good Uchiha is a dead one.'
Not realizing that the reason behind the planning of a revolt was entirely due to his constant harassment, Danzo slammed the table and stood up to advice. "Hiruzen, I knew the Uchiha were unreputable from the very beginning. I'll take my Root and investigate every single action they're about to take!"
"Now, now, Danzo calm down. This matter seemingly popped out of nowhere and needs to be investigated." The Third Hokage waved his free hand nonchalantly, "Orochimaru, where and how did you obtain this knowledge?", using his other hand, he pointed the still smoking pipe towards the whistleblower.
"I'm sure you know who, but a certain child has an ability to control mosquitoes in the village." Orochimaru glanced at Danzo as a warning to steel himself. "He walked up to me when I was out for dinner the other day. Supposedly, he can communicate with every mosquito in the village and knows a lot of unsavory details that should remain hidden.", Slithering out his long tongue to wet his lips, he continues; "He even knows about our continued efforts in the First's cell activity. We truly need to add some bug catchers in our facilities."
Hiruzen was flabbergasted, Danzo was twitching as he understood the underlying meaning while Homura and Koharu were standing there petrified. They have looked into that brat's behaviours and have seen his several attempts at suicide all over the village. Now, they even felt like giving the kid some help through euthanasia.
"Hiruzen, leave the child to me." Danzo commented with a harsh tone. "I'll turn him into a 'trustworthy' shinobi for my Root in no time." Before the Third Hokage could properly compute these turns of events, one of the Anbu knocked on the door to leave behind some documents. Picking one up and reading what Malaria had been spouting during his first day of school, he started choking and coughing on the smoke from his pipe.
"Did you say, Malaria-kun was the one talking about the Uchiha planning a coup? Then what the hell is this!?", Hiruzen threw the documents in the faces of his colleagues. Picking them up from the floor and reading the statements, they had trouble figuring out what the hell this child was thinking. One moment he informs them about a coup, the next he's aligning himself with the revolutionaries.
"Before a decision about this child can be drawn we need to investigate all the ominous points." Hiruzen looked at each and every one inside his office. "First, investigate the Uchiha but don't instigate them. Second, add some fly catchers to every place that requires strict secrecy. Third, I'll have a chat with Malaria-kun to figure out his intentions for revealing sensitive information in this way. Meeting dismissed." the Third Hokage waved his hands as if shooing everyone out of his office.
Orochimaru and Danzo glanced at eachother before leaving in their own thoughts. Danzo felt he already had Malaria under control with his strict surveilance. Waiting a few days until more scandals appear won't draw any harm to him. Orochimaru on the other hand could tell that the kid was trying to grab attention. Most likely in the way of funds. Even though Malaria's first words to him sounded like a joke, perhaps there was some truth to it? 'Does he truly want to walk on my path towards eternal life? Interesting.'
Jokes on them, Malaria just wanted to plant flags all over the place and see what sticks. Danzo grabs him and nullifies his senses? He'd be happy to obliege. Orochimaru picks him up to do some studying about cells? He's all for it - finally someone that can understand the idea of Plasmodium Parasites. Third Hokage on the other hand just thinks he has a mischievous brat that wants 'attention' and 'love' on his hands.
If the Uchiha clan on the other hand tries to give him a hand… Let's just say that won't happen after the whole police-station-swarming-incident. After his escepade, perhaps they won't attempt to stab and hide him in a ditch.
Speaking of Malaria, he just left the Hatake household when Sakumo almost started crying in depression after some jabs. After dinner, of course, with a sack the mysterious mother of Kakashi filled with several dishes he could heat up on his gas stove. Soon he was walking on his way back home contemplating the future with a spring in his steps, as one does when you get out of a slump.
After being shunned by basically everyone in the entirety of Konoha village, while acknowledging he'll barely have the ability to become a Genin at this rate, he figured he needs some sort of livelihood to sponsor his upcoming experiments. Since his life is tied to his little mozzies, why not center the business around them?
The first step would be: Spread out as many mosquitoes as possible around the village. If a person doesn't have a full rotation of mosquito bites somewhere on their bodies, this step could be called a failure.
The second step: develop a 'mosquito repellent' that's basically a perfume with the smell of Malaria's own blood on the microscopic level. The moment the mozzies smell his 'presence', they'll return to his body and leave the villagers alone for a few hours. The issue with this is he'll be absolutely drained of blood after every batch gets developed. Perhaps he could train his moquitoes to avoid areas with a certain different smell? Planning, planning.
Third step: profit from unscrupulous business practices. 'Oh no, the repellent is sold out, but here's the deluxe edition 'mosquito wipes' you can use to smear yourself with for just quadruple the price.' Snickering to himself, Malaria went back to his apartment to indulge in his 'perfume'-development. Finding a stick on the road, he picked it up and scratched his sack-covered back in delight.
'While I'm at it, I might as well send a true plague of mozzies to the Aburame bastards. How dare they throw me out and strip me to my undies.' Malaria thought with an insane glint in his eyes. 'They never understood my genius, just you wait, when I've developed some plasmodium parasites that work on shinobi with chakra, I'll show them the meaning of Malaria…' Cackling like an insane scientist figuring out the meaning of death, he arrived to find his home blockaded by members of the Konoha Police Department.
Turning around on his heel, he started walking in another direction as if nothing on the scene had anything to do with him. 'Perhaps I overdid it at class today. Not good, what might these Uchiha's want with me? I need to figure it out, and quickly at that!' he thought to himself. "Wait, you there - are you Malaria the Mosquito Hazard?", one of the stationed police officers questioned aloud, taking brisk steps in his direction.
"I'm not into men!" Malaria shouted while starting to pick up the pace. He can't get caught and put into a cell again, this time there won't be any elders to show up that force the Uchiha to throw him out. "It's him! Catch him!", that police officer shouted. Soon, two more members of the Uchiha clan covered the only escape routes Malaria had access to.
"Whatever it is - I didn't do it, and if I did - you can't make me confess!" Malaria shrieked like someone stepped on his toes. "Don't worry little demon, come with us. The Patriarch wants to see you.", the officers smirked. They're perfectly used to civilians reacting exactly like Malaria was doing right now. It's one of the reasons Danzo's constant heckling from the side works so well - their overwhelming arrogance.
'What could the Patriarch possibly want with me!?' Malaria thought.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
ThugB
ThugB This is my first comedy work, and I hope you'll have plenty of laughs. I've heard rumors about a certain stone. A stone with power. One could call it:
The power stone!
And I have an instatiable craving for some of those. Please leave yours behind on the way out! Oh, and do leave a comment or review while you're at it, or I'll send a quintuple amount of mosquitoes to your area!
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone