Chapter 2: The stairway to the heavens, and the red haired bear.
1:32 PM
14th October, 2022
Kalahari desert, South Africa
Yamika
The sun was the most fucking irritating thing on the planet at this point.
I was soaking in sweat, though would you call it soaking wet ,if I was also dehydrated and on the brink of death.
Though the brink of death seemed like a bit of a stretch considering Thomas was panting like a wild dog that has been in the hot dry deserts of the west for about a week.
" Yamika I, don't think I will make it through", he said while making the most dramatic faces, that you would think he was an actor in a Shakespearean play. " Let my name live long in the memories of my children, and their children's children.."
" You don't have kids, now get your shit together, were almost there"
" were not even sure where 'there' is"
" of course we know where it is, the card has directions"
" Oh you mean, walk through about 20 sand dunes, then take a left on a sand dune made of sand, then take a sharp right on the sand dune with a beetle on it?"
" you know its not as stupid as that"
" do we even know what's going on?"
" yes we do, we find the ladder, and were good to go"
Of Course when I said I knew what was going on, I knew nothing about what was actually going on. I fell asleep in my cozy, spacious( this of course is a lie) little office in Gothenburg, and then like magic i suddenly ended up here…in a place with at least a hundred tourist attractions, hint: they were each made of sand.
I of course was still waiting to wake up from this weird dream, where my crush, Thomas was walking half-naked next to me and crying like a pussy, while I was left to be the man here, and navigate through a desert and terrain that was completely alien to me.
I was used to wallowing in self hate and depression, so I never actually took any time to learn some basic survival skills ,or anything of that sort.
I never really had parents to tell me what to do, or how to act, oor how to interact with people…so I was prone to just going with the flow.
The flow told me that following a dumb map on the back of a card was the best thing to do to stay alive, so i went with the flow.
The card in question was this card we found when we woke up here ( or when I was woken up by a naked hot guy, in my case). It had the map on one side, and the letters 'sunboy' scribbled on the other side.
Well the instructions on the card were pretty straightforward and simple, i mean even a 6 year old could get this shit right.
There were five drawings on the card ;1. a large palm tree, that's where we woke up.
2. A pair of skull shaped rocks that we passed about an hour ago.
3. A large symbol of a worm, (i don't know why the hell there was a worm on the map either)
4. A large oasis thingy on a turtle
5. And finally, a large ladder into the clouds
And if you were thinking that this all seems like a big pile of bogus bullshit, and we are dumb for even attempting to follow the map, youre probably right. But unfortunately for all those know-it-all's in the world, we didn't want to die, so we are now following the map.
Thomas had seemingly gone tired of whining and was quiet for at least a few minutes, which in his case was a new high score.
" Yamika?"
" Yes, what do you want?", i replied in an aggressive tone.
" oh, its nothing, sorry for disturbing you"
" im sorry Thomas, i'm just really tired and dehydrated"
" don't worry, so am i "
" So what did you want to ask?", I said as I looked at him full of a mixture of thirstiness and glee.
" I remember you saying something about, a worm on the map"
" Yeah, there was a worm on it, what about it?
" well how sure are you that its not, hypothetically, a giant 12 foot long red snake that was breathing fire ?"
I soon realized that his gaze was not focused on me, but a giant snake that was a few meters away, and was coming quickly towards us, and i wish the part about the flame-breathing was a lie or some sick joke, but there was the snake, breathing fire.
It was at this moment that I realized I was not really as dehydrated as I thought, because I pissed right in my pants as soon as I saw the snake.
It came racing at us at such an incredible speed, that I had barely any time to dodge its attack.
Despite my clear cowardice in the present situation, Thomas stood valiantly in the face of the gigantic beast, as iit focused on him, and spread its large jaws.
<<THOMAS>>
I was beginning to realize that my title of being known as 'the fragile blonde', was beginning to make a fair share of sense.
I had been asleep the night before i got zoomed here, butt naked in the middle of the desert with her.
Well, asleep was not the right term…i was more in a state of pure ecstasy and i was high off probably a mollie or some new shit that the youngsters were selling on the streets.
I was at a party of a friend of mine in the outskirts of the city. There was everything, there was weed, there was beer, there was pills and of course there were girls ( honestly, a party without girls was essentially a men's conference)
It was another ordinary night for me. I ran through a million beer bottles, smoked about a billion cigarettes, and left the party with a smoking hot chick.
Then I woke up the next day in the scorching desert, without clothes and next to my unconscious co-worker. Was I expected to be okay?
Oh, did I mention the part where, my normal beautifully toned arm, was now an even more beautiful golden synthetic arm?
Well back to the current situation.
I was not at all dazed by the fact that a snake was charging at me, ready to split me in two and devour my insides ( which was also a monologue that various women gave about their nights with me).
Infact, I appeared to be surprisingly thrilled at the idea of slaying this gigantic monster, and showing it as a trophy in my apartment.
I lifted my arm and dropped it in sync with the movement of the giant viper, as soon as it was close enough I struck a blow right on its head, and a loud thump echoed through the desert at the time of the blow.
Theoretically, the snake should have been in at least a million pieces, but it stood valiantly, raising its head for another strike.
I learnt two things from this fight even though it was less than a minute into the action, I didn't know how to use the arm and also, yamika had run away.
I began to back away and walk slowly away from the snake, it looked me in the eyes and seemed ready to snap my neck.
" Please don't eat me, I'm just 22, I have a long life ahead of me", I shouted.
" why the fuck would i eat a loser like you?", a voice replied.
" the hell is there?"
" im right here stupid", the snake replied.
" you can talk?"
" well ofcourse i can, im not a dumb idiot!"
" but…", I replied in confusion.
" but, im going to beat the fuck out of you"
" why?, im completely innocent, ``I replied in confusion.
" you fuckin stepped on my eggs, you dumbfuck"
" what the fuck do you mean i stepped on you eggs, i havent seen eggs in days(which was a lie)"
" you were fuckin passing with your dumb ass friend in the red shirt and then you came along and passed over my nest and broke my eggs."
" well…it was a bloody mistake, get over it you dumbfuck:"
" You killed my babies , and you have the balls to call me a dumbfuck?, i can literally kill you right now"
" I'm sorry, how can I repay you?"
" Can you lay me new eggs?"
" i…dont think so"
" then you can die right now"
" okay, okay…can everyone calm the hell down", The voice came from yamika who walked out of the crop of cacti ( to be honest, she had little to no places to hide in this dump load of sand)
She walked out with the voice of courage, but her facial expression showed that she was scared as fuck. She was trembling and sweat was beading down her face ( yes it was a desert, but it was even more sweat than you would expect from someone in the desert).
" you, you fucking killed my babies!", the snake shouted.
" no, i did not fucking kill your fucking babies" she said, " honestly, Thomas, did we kill this snake's babies?"
" we kind of did actually kill her babies"
" Now can I kill you?", the snake interjected .
" no... you can't, we can work this out", yamika continued.
" how in the fuck could you possibly fix this you retard?"
It was at this point that I looked at the sky and wondered to God in the heavens above, is this how I was really going to die?' Why me? Why not Penelope, she was certainly hell bound?
" We could get you something when we reach the ladder to heaven?", Yamika said as a last resort of some sort.
" Yamika, come on, don't give him false hope, he is already close to killing us" i interjected
" shut the fuck up, little man", the snake said, "did you say the ladder to the sky?"
" yeah, we have a map to it"
" really?"
" yeah, we do"
" Okay let's go, I never thought I would have the opportunity to travel there, now i do", the snake said in glee.
" so…snake man, you will spare us?", i whispered
" my name is Morpheus, and yes i will spare you", he replied
" Okay Morpheus, let's go and find this ladder."
" aren't you a bit too big for long distance travel? "Yamika inquired.
" oh, watch this' ', Morpheus replied, as he slowly turned into a tiny monkey and sat on one of Yamika' s shoulders.
Well this certainly went from weird to super weird in less than a few minutes, i looked at the sun, and weirdly i felt it looking back at me.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone