Chapter 1: Bruce & Clark
In a Multiverse far far away... A planet identical to our own numbered Earth 69, resides our favorite heroes and villains sans costume and superpowers. Mere mortals living in a wacky Looney Tunes world that is as bonkers as a Tom & Jerry cartoon.
BRUCE WAYNE (VO) There was a time above... A time before...
The camera pans up, two coffins are being carried to a crypt.
BRUCE WAYNE (VO) There were perfect things. Diamond absolutes. But things fall... Things on Earth... And what falls is fallen. In the dream they took me to the light. A beautiful lie.
And so the Dawn of Bruce's journey to Justice Begins...
Ext. Excelsior Academy Preparatory School is one of the top boarding schools and only a few miles away from Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. It was founded in 1877 and its Latin motto is "Memoria Pii Aeterna" (Memory, Pious, Eternal or "The memory of the pious is eternal"). The academy boasted a large campus with a central building, well-maintained formal gardens, wrought-iron fences and gates, and striking architecture complete with the school's crest and statuary. The central building was crowned with a golden statue with its figure raising a sword toward the sky. Int. Headmasters office. Teenager Bruce Wayne is being summoned to the Headmasters. We see a shot of the back of young Bruce's head. Headmaster Terrence Reynolds is a strict but fair disciplinarian, Reynolds has been known to push his pupils to become better in the world, such as writing essays of where they see themselves in the future but has difficulty handling the pampered smug, high and mighty Bruce Wayne. He is reprimanding Bruce for not only selling fake IDs but also damaging school property, among others. Complaints from parents have issued the Headmaster to comply with school protocol. Having no other recourse but expulsion. Bruce tries to make it go away by signing a check with a very large endowment. But the Headmaster holds up his hand and waves away any sort of bribery. Alas Bruce has no choice but to leave. Bidding adieu. "Au Revoir!" As Bruce exits the halls of the school and approaches his vintage vehicle. He opens the door to his 1955 Lincoln Futura but hesitates a moment to get in, awaiting for the fun to begin. A few seconds later the fire alarm goes off and then the sprinkler system. Everyone comes running out, screaming and laughing, sopping wet. Bruce's face is that of mischievous glee as he enters his car and drives off.
As the sun slowly starts to rise, so does Bruce but not without his daily routine. He pretends to not be awake, then a shadowy figure slowly creeps up nearby without making noise like a trained ninja. But using a baseball bat instead of a samurai sword, the assailant whacks Bruce. Fortunately Bruce rolls out of the way and grabs the attacker in a bear hug and karate kicks him thru the door, sending the aggressor flying. As Bruce approached the provoker he shakes his head and grunts. "Are we through? I didn't hurt you, did I? Alfred?" "I'm quite fine. Thank you for asking, Bruce. I'll have your room and the hallway cleaned by this afternoon." B: Good. What's wrong? A: It took you five moves to subdue me. It should have taken you three. Your reaction to me at the foot of your bed was sloppy at best. If I hadn't purposely... B: Do we need to do this now? I'll be late to my new school. A: You have plenty of time. My job is to protect you. I can't do that if you won't let me. You're not alone in this. B: We've had this conversation. Bruce gets dressed... In the enormous kitchen Bruce picks up an envelope; "The Court of Owls again. How many membership offers have I turned down?" A: I've lost count. Now, can we get back to the subject of your safety? B: I know you want to be out in the field, Alfred, but it's not going to happen. Leave your past in the past. A: MI6 was a long time ago, and I have no desire to re-live my service. B: Good, because I work alone. Gotham's not a nice place. People get killed. Even ex-spies like you. Your job is to keep Wayne Manor running. As long as you're only doing that, I know you're safe. A: I promised myself when your parents were killed, that I would always watch over you. B: And you have. A: Hear me out, Bruce. There will come a time when I will no longer be here. B: Don't fret Al I'll be sure to have you cloned. (Alfred groans) A: I need to know that you will still be protected when I'm gone. B: Not this again. I'm gonna be late for my first day of school. Cheerio! Alfred. A: Please try and behave yourself. And don't get kicked out this time. And make some friends; real friends!
As Bruce selected another classic car from his massive collection; he then sped off. Watching as the dark clouds of Gotham parted ways to reveal a much brighter and sunnier Smallville. Smallville is as an idyllic, small isolated American town, with a "Middle America" atmosphere – resembling the settings of some paintings of Norman Rockwell. Its residents are generally very friendly, with the occasional bitches and hos. Smallville has only one high school, Smallville High School. As Bruce parked in his reserved parking space; he already paid in advance, he exited his Ford Galaxie and removed his dark sunglasses debonairly. All eyes were on him. Awe and envy permeated. He quickly searched for his tour guide... Clark Kent was holding a stack of books when he momentarily got distracted by the lovely redhead; Lana Lang. And accidentally bumped into the jock contingent, sending him careening on the floor. "Hey! Watch where your going nerd!" Hi-fiving and laughing as they left. As Clark picked up his books, the final one was handed to him by none other than Bruce. "Hey! If those jocks are bothering you, I could make a call and get them to leave you alone." C: Nah! It's fine. It was all my fault, I didn't look were I was going. I just got distracted is all. B: You mean the ginger. I noticed her too. C: Her name's Lana Lang, she's the head cheerleader. B: Sweet! You need any help with those? C: I can manage. Thanks! Clark slips the books in his locker and shows Bruce the ropes of Smallville High. C: I'm Clark Kent by the way. B: Bruce Wayne. C: I know. Everyone knows. You even got your own personalized parking spot... After Homeroom and the rest of class it was time for lunch. As Bruce got better acquainted with Clark, a carrot topped weirdo shows up. Slightly attractive if he weren't so damn odd. He squeezed in between Bruce and Clark, ignoring Bruce completely and fawning over Clark. The nutjob kept snaking his arms around Clark like he was his boyfriend. The oddball was named Alexander Joseph "Lex" Luthor. Then came Chloe Sullivan who is an independent, intelligent, curious and somewhat impulsive ho. Ho as in she's secretly a sex addict. She kept calling attention to Clark with her antics. Bending over, leaning forward, licking and pouting her lips seductively, and sticking things in her mouth and making moaning sounds. But Lex kept Clark preoccupied. Pete Ross used to join their little gang but got lured by the popular jocks. Bruce was born to be popular. Every school he enrolled in, he was always voted Most Popular. I guess having looks, brains, talent and all the money in the world would do that. He got called by the cool kids to join them and just couldn't resist. But they were vacuous, shallow pricks and Bruce kept looking over his shoulder at Clark. There was just this indescribable something "je ne sais quoi" about Clark that piqued his interest and challenged him... Bruce had done the same classes over and over, and knew all the answers even before the teachers asked. He was bored. So after a few minutes he came out of the supply closet followed by Chloe.
Lex invited Clark over to his house. It was a modest home and several miles down the road from The Kent Farm. Lex was not yet a billionaire at this point in time. Lex lived with his former scientist father Lionel Jules Luthor. Ever since Lex's mom "Lillian" died, Lionel was never the same. Before being terminated from his high paying job he doted on his only daughter Lena. He gave her the best education by sending her to Mount Helena Boarding School. Much to Lex's chagrin. As per usual Lionel was lying on the couch drunk as a skunk. Reeking of alcohol. Unbeknownst to Lex, Lionel had an affair with a woman named Rachel Dunleavy who bore his illegitimate son Lucas. Again with the L! Lionel gave financial support and ignored his firstborn son Alexander completely. Lex was left to fend for himself. Lex always wanted to escape and seek the great beyond so he tested his theory by jumping off the Loeb Bridge. He was swiftly rescued by the angelic Clark Kent. Lex had finally found his purpose. His obsession with Clark began that day. There was just something about Clark that seemed unnatural. Almost out of this world. After their chance encounter he knew right there and then that they were fated. Together destined for greatness. It was written in the stars. No one could ever come between them. That is until Bruce arrived like a FanFic fantasy. Bruce decided to tag along in a 1959 Cadillac. Much to Lex's disappointment. They were supposed to study then watch The Usual Suspects. Lex had a thing for Kevin Spacey. Bruce wanted to slooth. He found a locked room and tried to pry it open. But it was some kind of high-tech lock. Luckily Bruce had a high-tech key he invented, which opened the door instantly. Inside was a shocker. A shrine to Clark, complete with a giant portrait of him. He had a collection of all sorts of stuff belonging to Clark. He knew right there and then that Lex was up to no good. B: Clark this freak is a stalker! He has a whole shrine dedicated to you. I say let's get the hell outta here. L: How the hell did you get thru?! B: It was open. Clark scoot! C: Fine! L: Clarkie! I can explain. Lex had attached himself to Clark's leg and refused to let go. Bruce knocks him out cold. C: You didn't have to hurt him! He was harmless. B: Sure! Whatever you say. As they leave, Bruce's Cadillac makes a rattling noise and awakens Lionel who notices Lex on the floor. L: Alexander! Get your lazy ass off the floor and get me a beer!
Clark invites his new friend over to the Kent Farm. This scenic farmland is located just outside Smallville, Kansas. It also happens to have a storm cellar, to protect the family from the many tornadoes that plague the state and some say to provide shelter from the threat of nuclear war. The Kent Farm also has a concrete and steel grain silo and a steel windmill. Aside from the Kent house, there is the Barn which includes Clark's loft. Bruce exited from his 1957 Aston Martin. B: So this is where you get your workout. No wonder your so fit. I mean not as fit as me, but close. The next time your coming with me to Gotham. I'll show you my family home; Wayne Manor. C: Wow! Sounds fancy. Clark introduces Bruce to his parents Jonathan and Martha Kent. Jonathan with his bulging arms and Martha in her Daisy Dukes, looking like the sexiest hillbillies. Bruce is busy gawking and fantasizing about "WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?! Hans Zimmer and Junkie XL score, "SAVE MARTHA'S Badonkadonk." Clark notices and smacks his head with the palm of his hand. "Ouch!" Then Krypto comes in and lands two paws on Bruce. "Ooh! He likes you". B: What's his name? C: Krypto, the Superdog. A white dog of a generic pedigree. B: Mine's an all black, Great Dane mix named Ace, the bat-hound. C: Bat-Hound? B: I used to be afraid of bats, then I embraced the fear. C: Cool!
Bruce liked Clark but wanted to make sure he was trustworthy. So on a cold day Clark immediately noticed some shady folks manhandling Bruce. It appeared like he was being kidnapped. They shoved Bruce into a black van and drove off. Clark ran as fast as he could to catch up with them. The van then crashed into the bridge and started teetering on the edge. It fell into the water. Clark acted quickly and dove head first. He valiantly tried to rescue Bruce by forcing the van door open but there didn't seem to be anyone in sight. He came up for air and saw Bruce standing nearby with a terry cloth robe. C: What the? I thought... B: I'm sorry Clark. I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to make sure you were the real deal. C: Was this some kind of test? B: Yep! People usually only want to get close to me because of who I am and how much money I have. C: I don't care about any of that. B: Exactly! That's why your perfect. C: I'm not perfect. B: Near perfect. So let's get you dried off.
Soon Clark was being shown the sights of Gotham City, a world he never knew and never wanted to know. As Bruce and Clark stepped out of Bruce's autonomous vehicle a Tesla; the self-driving car then just sped off. C: Is it supposed to do that? B: Let me show you my Gotham. But instead of just showing you, I'm gonna sing it! C: Please no. Bruce started singing to no one in particular, then faces the camera and out came his entourage. The dregs of Gotham, joining Bruce in an elaborate, completely choreographed musical song and dance number. A little girl then tried to pick Clark's pocket but was halted by Bruce. "Hey! Suzy this is a friend so back off!" Suzy makes a face and pulls out her tongue, leaving. C: You know that girl? B: Yah! She's a regular here on this corner. She's an underage prostitute. Clark's face is bamboozled. "With a Hush Cobblepot odd bird Penguin and a Cat o' nine Falcone in a Black Mask or a Deadshot Clayface. A Scarecrow in Killer Crocs and a Bane of Poison Ivy putting a Dent on a Two-Face riddled with enigma, leaving freezing cold cases like a laughing joke. Dark, Chaotic, Bleak, rife with corruption and crime. That's my Gotham City filled with seedy, sordid, sickly sickos. There's just no place like Gotham City." C: What sort of hellish place is this? Is it always like this? It reminds me of The Purge! B: I love those movies. This is just the darker side of Gotham, right over there is the brighter side. An invisible line separates the dark from light. Bruce just hops on over to the light. "Come on!" Clark just follows Bruce. But not before witnessing someone accidentally tripping over to the dark side and almost immediately gets assaulted. "Help!" Everyone in the light is nicer and friendlier. Waving "Hi, Hello!" This is where affluence resides. The bold and the beautiful, glamorous people of Gotham. C: It's so clean...! Afterwards it was off to Wayne Manor. Wayne Manor Estate is a very large mansion, almost a castle, on the outskirts of Gotham. And is maintained by the Wayne family's butler, Alfred Pennyworth. Wayne Manor's grounds include a surrounding gate around the perimeter with a larger front gate at the main entrance. The newly renovated Manor is a veritable fortress, a pastiche of Gothic architecture combined with features of castellated architecture. Solar panels are installed in the new Manor, providing sustainable and environmentally-friendly electricity generation for the complex. It also includes a heliport for commercial helicopters. Clark is introduced to Alfred who has a full head of hair and is quite brawny, with muscles peeking out from under his daily uniform. He also happens to be Bruce's legal guardian. Then we have Ace, who moseys up to Bruce and then sits like a trained dog. C: Wow! He's like a show dog. B: He's got the medals to prove it. Let me give you the grand tour. Clark is in awe, but would still much rather live the simple life.
Bruce ran for student body president and won, of course. Clark simply wanted to join the football team, but his dad refused. So Bruce pulled a few strings and "Voila!" C: My dad won't allow it. B: Then he doesn't need to know. C: I don't keep any secrets from my folks. B: A little white lie never hurt. Clark just goes along with it. Clark is happy to be reunited with his buddy Pete Ross, so on a Friday night game, The Smallville Crows, with Clark as the starting quarterback, sure was lucky for then The Crows went undefeated 13-0 with Clark leading the offense, and won the State Championship in a clutch game against the finalist powerhouse Topeka Valley Huskies, with Clark again throwing a game-winning last-second Hail Mary touchdown. As Bruce watched Clark get showered with adulation, he started to ponder the idea of Clark's newfound popularity. "Would Clark still remain the same or would it change him?" He dreaded losing his friend to fame, so he acted quickly. He told Jonathan. Jonathan was furious and pulled Clark out of football. Jonathan used to play the sport, but lost his friend to a mere slight concussion. He vowed never to make that same mistake with his son. Jonathan didn't mention Bruce as the tattletale, instead he said he saw the game. With Clark all sad and miserable, Bruce thought all was right in the world.
One day Clark needed a trash bag and went looking at the janitor's closet. He opened it and found Lana Lang down on her knees giving Bruce a blow job. Clark tried to cleanse his eyes from what he encountered, but left the trash heap on their own. Bruce tried to apologize profusely but was ignored... Late one night at the Kent Farm, Bruce got wasted and blasted music from his 1975 Dodge 3700 GT. Playing Taylor Swift's You Belong With Me and singing along poorly -- You're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset. She's going off about something that you said. 'Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do... And she'll never know your story like I do. But she wears short skirts I wear T-shirts She's Cheer Captain, and I'm on the bleachers. Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find That what you're looking for has been here the whole time If you could see that I'm the one Who understands you Been here all along So, why can't you see? You belong with me. You belong with me... Jonathan marches up to Bruce and scolds him. Bruce shuts off the music. Jonathan and Bruce have a heart to heart. B: He hates me and now I feel empty and alone. J: I'm sure Clark will get over it eventually. B: When? Did he tell you why? I slept with Lana thrice. J: Well he just said he caught you two in the closet. I'd probably not mention the rest. B: Right! Bruce and Jonathan hug it out with Bruce in tears. I really miss my parents. Jonathan puts his arm around Bruce and Bruce leans his head on Jonathan's broad shoulder. J: I'm sure their watching you in heaven and they must be so proud of you. Bruce pukes infront of Jonathan. Unbeknownst to them Clark was listening in on their conversation. Jonathan then carries a passed out Bruce into Clark's bedroom. Clark just rests next to Bruce on the bed watching over him. But then Bruce just suddenly jerks up and starts stripping off all of his clothes including his black undies and then hops back into bed with Clark. Clark is momentarily startled by an unclad Bruce but even more surprised when Bruce starts cuddling him like a teddy bear and pressing his honey nuts and grinding his groin against Clark's crotch. Clark instinctively shoves him away a little too hard and Bruce falls off the bed with a hard thud. Clark quickly comes to Bruce's aid gently carrying him back onto the bed. Clark eventually succumbs to Bruce's spooning. Bruce at this point seems to resemble an infant desperate for affection. Clark can't help but smile but then Bruce turns around and plants his face on Clark's pecs. Clark resists the urge to push him back once more but decides to just leave him be. That is until Bruce starts drooling all over Clark while sucking his nipple. Clark had had enough especially when he noticed Bruce's big boner. So he recoils and shoves a pillow at Bruce. Bruce begins moaning and groaning then snoring loudly. Clark just sleeps on the floor. 'Love is like a child, That longs for everything it can come by'
The next day at school, Clark had already forgiven Bruce but was quite fed up with his constant hugging and trying to kiss him. Like surprising Clark in a photo booth meant for Valentine dates and exchanging saliva. Bruce didn't realize that he had morphed into a facsimile of a needy Lex. He just didn't give a damn what other people thought. After all he was Bruce Wayne and he didn't give a flying fuck! Everyone it seemed was in love with Clark. First Lex then Chloe and even at one point Pete Ross. Now it was Bruce's turn to fawn over Clark. Even the jock contingent secretly had a little crush on Clark but were over it. C: I already forgave you, now enough with this nonsense! Your becoming a pain in the ass! B: Not 'til I'm through with you. You had me by the balls. Now give me some tongue. C: Nooo! On second thought I change my mind. B: Just one more smooch. But it's Val day. Just the tip of your iceberg then! C: No no! You stay away from me. You maniac! Clark runs off with Bruce chasing after him and shoving a lanky Mr. Bean out of his way... B: I've been a very naughty Bruce. I deserve to be punished Fifty Shades style. Armie Hammer me! C: I Amber Heard you the first time, now make like a mermaid and swim away. B: I'll splash off as soon as you slap me with it. I'll thaw it like the Titanic! C: Just Kristoff! B: But I have an itch I can't reach. C: Get a backscratcher. B: I'd rather smoke your crack. C: That's Bizarro! B: No, bizarre would be if I [CENSORED!] Clark then backhand slaps Bruce. B: Do it AGAIN!! Clark defeated just walks away. B: You can never silence me by leaving, it'll only make me hornier! Clark turns around and administers a sleeper hold on Bruce. B: (raspy/hoarse voice) If you wanted to choke me... you could have just gagged me with your sweet jawbreakers. Clark carries an inert Bruce into his Infiniti Q50 sedan and sends him off to peace out... Soon it came time to graduate and they both were on the honor roll. Bruce with his eidetic memory was valedictorian. Delivering his speech on the podium. B: We faced a lot of uncertainties. We studied in an environment we had never been before. But we fought hard and worked hard to rise to the challenges before us... Lex is watching Bruce intently with sinister eyes. Bruce is like Lex's Billy Bob Thorn on the ass! Jonathan and Martha are beaming with pride, clapping wildly. As Clark receives his diploma in a crimson cap and gown. Alfred is just grateful Bruce finally got to graduate from high school. He was a little worried that Bruce would repeat his senior year over and over again like the Cullen's in Twilight. Alfred just prayed to God that Bruce didn't plan on blowing-up the school as a prank!
Flash forward to adult Bruce and Clark working out in Bruce's new state of the art home gym. Both men have bulked up considerably since their teens and now look like literal gods. Bruce hired the best of the very best trainers, specialists and even martial arts experts to help keep them in tip-top shape. C: What are you watching? B: The OG Gossip Girl. C: Who is that creep? B: That's my favorite character, Chuck Bass! C: He looks like a well-dressed Joe Goldberg. Is that Gossip Girl? B: No, that would be Joe Goldberg. He's in the show too. C: Why does he sound like that? B: He's actually English, donning an American accent like Robert Pattinson. C: He sounds like a cross between Kevin Conroy and Will Arnett. I don't even wanna imagine what the reboot looks like. B: It's not a reboot! It's a continuation. And how come you've heard of it anyway? C: I read! B: Well I can read you like a book. I'd say you've gotten that white lie poker face down pat. C: Is that your World's Greatest Detective assessment? B: Not quite Sherlock in my home. It's simply an observation. C: Well if you quit observing me, you could focus more on being a crusader for charity. And I don't mean just showing up to some gala and writing a check. I mean actually getting your hands dirty and doing something selfless. B: I am being selfless by getting down and dirty and making a crusade inside Charity. She writhed in ecstasy. Check! Clark buries his face on the palm of his hand. C: Do you ever fret losing all your money? Slight pause then Bruce breaks into uncontrollable hysterics and knocks over Clark's fruit punch. B: I'm sorry Clark but that was an inane query. C: I instantly regretted it. B: You mean like in The Dark Knight Rises? Like that would ever happen. What a joke! AS IF! They'll rue the day they even try to attempt ousting me from my own company and Mr. Freeze my assets. Bruce begins flexing and Clark takes a swig from his water bottle. B: That's why I always have a contingency plan in case of a hostile takeover. Heads will roll. They'll all wish they were dead. I'll eviscerate them from existence. C: Wow! Your a savage. B: In the boardroom and in the bedroom. Just try me. C: I'd rather not. B: For old times' sake. C: In your dreams! Just have an orgy without me. B: It won't be the same without you. Absence makes the heart grow fondling for fellatio. C: You and your filthy mouth. B: You can rinse it with your jizz. C: I believe that's my cue to leave. B: Wait! Were not done talking about my Dark Knight Rising. That movie was a farce. Don't even get me started on Joseph Gordon-10 Things I Hate About 3rd Rock from the Pinocchio-Levitt. I'll turn Tom Hardy into a Limp Bizkit! C: Critics seem to like it. B: They're fickle and can be bought. C: You liked Annie Get Your Gun Hathaway though. B: Of course I did! I'm like her Tomorrow Daddy Warbucks to my Smooth Criminal. Plus I loved The Princess Diaries and The Devil Wears Prada. Those movies speak to us. Your awkward Annie and I'm Princess Mia. I'm Miranda and your Andrea. I'm richer than Tony Stark! Tony Stark can eat my... C: I'm off to work. B: So soon, don't you wanna play some more Sonic, Street Fighter and Super Mario Bros? C: I have to go. Some other time then. Bye...! Bruce is an industrialist, philanthropist, but is more widely known as a celebrity socialite and more recently a reality television star. With his new reality show "Make It Wayne", where he frequently appears in the company of high-status women like actress Julie Madison, photojournalist Vicki Vale, radio talk show host Vesper Fairchild and Gotham socialite Silver St Cloud, which encourages tabloid gossip while feigning near-drunkenness with consuming large quantities of alcohol. And sometimes in board meetings, bored to snore, firing random employees. Critics are less than enthused. But it's all a carefully conceived sham. A guaranteed ratings winner. The illusion and delusion of grandiose aspirational, superficial excess living. How to keep up with the mile high club member, Platinum Amex Black Card carrying, dashing and brilliant businessman Bruce Wayne? The real Bruce would never allow cameras to intrude in his business and romantic affairs.
At one point in time Bruce shows Clark his secret hiding place. C: I've already seen your panic room. B: Not that, this one's much more clandestine. C: If it's another room with your nude paintings, I'm out! Not seeing those again. B: Will you just follow me! Bruce reveals a hidden entry way concealed behind a grandfather clock in the main study. The spiraling staircase leads to a subterranean location consisting of caves beneath his personal residence, Wayne Manor. A tunnel of hangars with big brown bats flying around. B: I found this place when I fell through a dilapidated well. My ancestors used it as a storehouse as well as a means of transporting escaped slaves during the Civil War era. C: Wow! That sounds like quite the story, can I write about it? B: Nope! C: Why not?! B: This used to be my inner sanctum, but now I wish to share it with the rest of the world. Through my reality show "Make It Wayne." C: What! B: That's why I called you down here, to ask for your opinion. I've decided to turn this cave into a discotheque. And call it "The Batcave." C: How ingenious. Are ya nuts! Bats hate noise and what if they poop on someone? B: Don't worry. I've already settled all the kinks. I'm gonna install a soundproof area away from the bats and my guests are gonna arrive thru the waterfall. Smells like money. C: All I smell is a potential lawsuit. B: Oh! I almost forgot. What do you think of this? C: A fanny pack? B: I found this and thought of calling it my utility belt. I'm gonna market these babies for a comeback. C: I believe their a fashion don't. B: Fashions gets recycled. This is functional. I'm gonna lure people into buying these. Kids are so gullible, they'll buy anything, especially when I get a big Celeb to endorse it. C: Like who? B: I'm thinking... Robert Pattinson or Kristen Stewart. C: You do love your Twilight and Jerry Maguire. B: You know me so well. So show me the money and knock me a little kiss Edward. Clark just scrambles off. B: Hey! Where are you going? We're not done yet. We still haven't discussed my trophy and memorabilia room. Come back here!
Meanwhile Clark is back at work at the Daily Planet. And is often greeted by his friend Catherine Jane Grant or Cat Grant for short. Cat is the former gossip/society columnist but was promoted as the editor of the Entertainment and Arts section of the paper. Cat dresses more provocatively and acts more flirtatious around Clark. She now resembles a facsimile of Marilyn Monroe. C: Morning Cat! Cat just goes in for the kill and kisses Clark on the lips. They seem to have this kind of cat and mouse thing going. Where Cat, obviously, is the cat because of her feline finesse and Clark, the tiny rodent who scampers off. Clark is used to Cats advances and just plays along, staying put instead of leaving. Cat constantly puts her hands and arms all around Clark, giving him massages and sometimes even spanks him on the bum or pinches it. All these could be considered as sexual harassment and HR would never allow such a thing. But you don't hear Clark complaining. I guess cause sometimes it pays to be pretty. While Clark was busy being fondled by Cat, Perry White was hollering for Clark to get over here! Perry White is the editor-in-chief of the Metropolis newspaper the Daily Planet. Perry maintains very high ethical and journalistic standards and is an archetypal image of the tough, irascible, but fair-minded boss. This version of Perry is actually quite athletic looking. And speaking of athletic the Sports Columnist and editor Steve Lombard is very robust. Then you have the Political Columnist and editor Ron Troupe. Photographer and Cub Reporter James Bartholomew Olsen or Jimmy Olsen. The sexy ginger haired Jimmy has an uncanny resemblance to Archie Andrews or a redheaded Tom Holland. Last but not the least is star reporter Lois Lane. Lois is an award-winning journalist and is dauntless and intelligent. She is one tough cookie but a total bitch towards Clark. Yet Clark seems unaffected by this and is quite fond of Lois, for now.
Bruce surprises Clark at work. C: What are you doing here? B: I was bored and I missed you. C: Your starting to get clingy again! B: Well your the one who keeps hanging out with me. Hey Cat! C: Don't tell me you and... You know were friends. B: What! It was mutual. C: Whatever! Bruce notices Clark staring longingly at Elizabeth Taylor violet/purple eyed Lois. B: So you likey? Clark evades the question. C: Your taking me out for lunch. B: Sure! No prob. You know we could do this often if you just let me buy The Daily Planet. C: Morgan Edge ain't sellin' B: I have my ways. I can be pretty persuasive. C: Forget it! Let's go! They enter Bruce's Mercedes-Benz 300 SL and drive off.
Bibbo's Diner is a restaurant in Metropolis, owned by Bibbo Bibbowski. Bibbo Diner is a retro-styled eatery, with restaurant booths and countertop seating. Their menu includes dishes such as apple pie and devil's food cake. Bruce had his favorite mulligatawny soup with a side of nachos and black coffee. While Clark had French staple beef bourguignon with ketchup. Followed by steak, burgers, hotdogs and pretzels. In an adjacent booth, a quartet of adolescents are engrossed in a discussion about an unsolved mystery. When they are momentarily distracted by the dreamy dynamic duo. Save for their lanky, Shaggy haired and a rough goatee friend in a green T-shirt. He seems more interested in devouring his Super double triple-decker sardine and marshmallow fudge sandwich. While his canine Great Dane companion is wagging his tail, restless in anticipation to be given a snack. B: ...sometimes I feel like a villain in my own movie, like Christian Bale in American Psycho. C: There is a right and a wrong in the universe and the distinction should not be hard to make. Everyone has the potential for g... B: Will you for once just cut it with the sanctimonious BS! Fore-warned is fore-armed! C: You're right! But sometimes you'll feel like an outcast, but you'll never be alone. It's never as bad as it seems. You're stronger than you think you are. Trust me. I believe in second chances, I believe in redemption, but, mostly, I believe in my friend. B: Stop! Your gonna make me cry. C: Remember, follow truth, seek justice, and stand with your family who loves you. Even when they're not perfect. B: What are you talking about? You are perfect! You just don't know it! That's why you should just write a book instead of working for that rinky-dink little newspaper with all those depressing, stressed-out and overworked cohorts who think your invisible. C: I love working at The Planet! B: And we both know why. All people see when you walk down the street is a meathead Brainiac! C: That's an oxymoron! B: But it's true! Your not a moron and your built like an ox. All I see is a hung jury. I have surveillance footage. C: That's an invasion of privacy! You really are the ultimate creeper. B: I learned from the best, Lex Luthor! That's why your so awkward. You constantly have to adjust it. And don't give me that look, you know exactly what I'm talking about. People always undermine huge musclemen. We're like Chip 'n Dale, here to rescue a wide range of lovelorn masses and quench their insatiable appetite for ubiquitous moi! You'd probably be better appreciated by being a Chippendales dancer, plus you'd make way more moolah than what your currently making. No dance skills necessary. You just pull out your peter pecker and watch the open Magic Mic Night Rider happen. Clark just rolls his eyes. "Thankfully I don't have any dissatisfied customers." As Bruce adjusts his cravat. "You want more dessert?" C: No! I think I'm full. Thank you. B: My adoring public awaits. As they leave the diner, shutterbugs are relentless in their clamoring for Bruce! As usual Clark just flies under the radar and slides right into Bruce's Mercedes. Clark was not only perfect in every sense of the word, he was extraordinary! Most people dream of becoming famous, but Clark was famous for shunning the spotlight. In the media Clark was known as Bruce's nameless invisible, trusted sidekick. But the spotlight would inevitably find it's way towards Clark and shine even brighter than Bruce Wayne.
Afterwards Perry orders Clark to go check out a potential story, concerning a kid who claims he can fly. The venue so happens to be at ComicCon. Bruce tags along in a Bentley Arnage and they both pass by a giant poster of Superman and Batman right behind them. Inside there happens to be two feuding factions. One is dressed as DCs Justice League and the other Marvels The Avengers. They are having a heated argument, debating on which team is better. Suddenly the giant screen behind them turns on and the face of Stan Lee appears. "Hi, heroes! This is Stan Lee coming at ya. Just want you to know, Marvel has always been and will be a reflection of the world outside your window. That world may change and evolve. But the one thing that will never change is the way we tell our stories of heroism. Those stories have room for everyone, regardless of their race, gender, religion, or color of their skin. The only things we don't have room for are hatred, intolerance, and bigotry. That man next to you, he's your brother. That woman over there, she's your sister. And that kid walking by you, hey, who knows, he may have the proportionate strength of a spider. We're all part of one big family, the human family. And we all come together in the body of Marvel. And you, you're part of that family. You're part of the Marvel Universe that moves ever upward and onward to greater glory. In other words, excelsior!" Someone shouts out: "See Marvels better!" "I don't think that's the point. He's talking about coming together as one regardless if your a DC or Marvel fan." "He didn't say that!" "It's what I understood." "Whatever!" Anywho back to Clark awaiting the kid who could fly. The kid has some kind of contraption to help him supposedly fly. He switches it on and the kid who is at the very top of the building jumps off. Unfortunately it malfunctions and the kid falls to his death. End of story. Bruce considers getting a hang glider. He needed a "Kite Man!"
Bruce purchases an original Good Guy Chucky doll from "Toyman" and already starts talking to it like a crazy person. But before entering his Murciélago roadster, in the corner of his eye notices a devilishly handsome stud wearing a studded jacket and no undershirt. Completely blinged-out with his very distinctive green hair, eyeing Bruce with his very lovely main squeeze and her two-tone pigtails, eating a pudding cup... Flashback to Arkham Asylum. The asylum serves as a psychiatric hospital for the Gotham City area, housing patients who are criminally insane, as well as select prisoners with unusual medical requirements that are beyond a conventional prison's ability to accommodate. We see a dowdy criminal psychiatrist in orthopedic sneakers, Dr. Harleen Quinzel, talking to a Condiment King, Clock King, King Tut, Egghead, Killer Moth, Calendar Man, Polka-Dot Man, Music Meister, The Mad Hatter and The Ventriloquist. Eventually she was assigned to the Happy Smiley Face Prince of Crime. It was lust at first sight as Mr. Jack, Jerome, Jeremiah, John ripped off his shirt and whipped out his machine gun. Ready to fire willy-nilly. Striking Harleen with a thud in the chest as the warden observes the gunslinger like it was dinner theatre. Soon they would make their escape without skipping a beat. Mr. J had an ace up in his sleeve. An ace in the hole of Harleen's bonafide heart. Harleen wasted no time falling in a vat of transformation, resulting in a chemical reaction that pushes her inhibitions aside and bleaches her hair. The colorfully stylish merry union drives off their worries and insane notions of mundane living. Harley & Mr. J against the world...! J: Hey handsome wanna join us? We could always use another hand in the bedroom. Bruce is immensely flattered and would have taken the bait if he didn't instantly recognize the Bonnie and Clyde who robbed the convenience store. B: I'm gonna have to take a rain check. I have to get to work. J: All work and no play makes Jack a very dull and limp boy. B: Oh I know! But I really have to get going. J: Is Chucky joining you at work? Harls here has a Tiffany doll, wanna play? Harley is rubbing her hands all over J's torso and licking her lips seductively. J winks at Bruce. B: I'm really sorry but I'm going to be late. J: That's too bad. We could have had a lot of fun together. We may never get the chance to see each other again. Oh well! As they drove off in their stolen shiny purple sports car and tricked out with white leather, neon lights and a reflective pink finish, Bruce hesitates calling the cops. They were just clowning around. The in Heath Ledger and Margot Barbie just wanted to Brokeback Bruce's Mountain. Plus they never actually killed anyone, as far as he knew. Bruce rarely watches the news and is more interested in reading all about his sexcapades. But then Bruce recalled that scene in Spiderman when Peter Parker let the burglar go and killed his Uncle Ben. Bruce would never allow that to happen to Clark so he dialed 911.
Clark reluctantly accompanies Bruce to a charity costume gala. As they exit Bruce's Lamborghini Aventador LP 700-4, the photogs start flashing away at Bruce ignoring Clark completely. Bruce is dressed as Dracula and Clark is dressed as Indiana Jones The Professor! Lex Luthor is unrecognizable dressed as Darth Vader glaring and scowling at both Bruce and Clark with his forceful death stare. Clark is surprised to see his lady love Lois Lane dressed as Brenda Starr in 40s style getup and red wig with a vintage hat. Clark gets up the nerve to ask Lois for a dance but is brutally rebuffed and darts towards Darth Vader dancing with the dark side instead. B: What a bitch! I'll dance with you. C: Forget it! Clark storms off grabbing Cat Grant dressed as a Fembot/Dominatrix. Jimmy Olsen manages to bypass security and sneak in dressed as a ketchup and is seen dancing by himself on the dance floor surrounded by the Walking Dead. But the wheels in Bruce's massive brain were already beginning to turn.
After shooting his reality show, where Bruce gets to pick and choose what scenes to be shown, Bruce contacted Clark to meet him in a secret rendezvous point, with news of a story. Clark after finishing writing his story, rushes over to said location. The Ace o' Clubs pub, owned by Bo Bibbowski nicknamed Bibbo, which he bought after winning the lottery. Bruce becks Clark over. B: I found this Goldberg of a story and I instantly thought of YOU! Bruce tells him the owner has the scoop and to join him next door when he's done taking notes. Next door happened to be Hilo karaoke bar. Bibbo tells Clark of his friend Joe Will Shuster, who's father Mitchell, a Jewish immigrant from Lithuania, died of a heart attack during a night-time robbery at his second hand shoe store. Average Joe wished he could have saved the day, so he dreamed up an inspiration for a hero. Together with his loyal best friend, Jerry Bugsy Siegel, they created a comic book superhero who would take down criminals, gangsters and sinister sociopathic serial killers with glee. The shy, quiet and bespectacled Joe eventually had to sell his beloved hero. With his failing eyesight and inability to continue drawing, and his decline into anonymity and poverty. Plus struggling to pay medical bills and fearing to be evicted. He was in love with this model, and his friend Jerry ended up marrying her instead. Both Joe & Jerry did not only lose their creation, they were lost. And the industry that their superhero created continued to thrive without them. When Clark was done talking to Bibbo he ventured into Hilo. Watching Bruce on stage making a complete fool of himself. Trying to sing Right Said Fred's I'm too sexy! Clark was cringing. -- I'm too sexy for my love Too sexy for my love Love's going to leave me. I'm too sexy for my shirt. Too sexy for my shirt. So sexy it hurts... And I'm too sexy for your party Too sexy for your party No way I'm disco dancing. I'm a model, you know what I mean And I do my little turn on the catwalk Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah I do my little turn on the catwalk. I'm too sexy for my car Too sexy for my car Too sexy by far... I'm too sexy for my cat Too sexy for my cat Poor pussy Poor pussy cat I'm too sexy for my love Too sexy for my love Love's going to leave me. And I'm too sexy for this song. (Elvis drawl) B: Thank You, Thank You Very Much! But no one was applauding. B: Drinks are on me! The crowd goes wild. "Yeah!" As Bruce stepped off stage to join Clark. B: Try to top that! C: Oh, I can't! You were great. B: Your up next. C: What?! Are you crazy! I can't sing in front of a crowd. B: But I already wrote your name down. Clark Kent gets called on stage. Clark makes a snarky face and Bruce grins. As Clark steps onto the stage Bruce can be heard hollering "Take it off!" Clark belts out Five for Fighting's Superman (it's not easy) -- I can't stand to fly I'm not that naive I'm just out to find The better part of me I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane I'm more than some pretty face beside a train And it's not easy to be me -- The crowd is speechless and moved to tears by Clark's angelic, soulful vocals. None more so than Bruce who begins having flashbacks to that dreadful day in the dark alley -- I wish that I could cry Fall upon my knees Find a way to lie 'Bout a home I'll never see It may sound absurd, but don't be naive Even heroes have the right to bleed I may be disturbed, but won't you concede Even heroes have the right to dream? And it's not easy to be me -- interspersed with flashes of images of the Wayne's getting brutally slained and young Bruce on his knees in tears while the gun is pointed at his forehead -- Up, up, and away, away from me Well, it's all right You can all sleep sound tonight I'm not crazy Or anything I can't stand to fly I'm not that naive Men weren't meant to ride With clouds between their knees... Looking for special things inside of me... I'm only a man looking for a dream... And it's not easy, ooh, ooh, ooh It's not easy to be me. Everyone rises to their feet cheering and hollering. Bruce with tears running down his face bolts. Clark scans the crowd for Bruce unsuccessfully. As people pat him on the back as he leaves, Clark was conflicted. "If music be the food of love, play on. Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting, The appetite may sicken and so die."
Back at Wayne Manor, Clark is frantically looking for Bruce. "Hey Alfred! Have you seen Bruce?" A: I'm afraid he's indisposed at the moment. C: What does that mean? A: He left for Spain a while ago. C: When will he come back? A: That is doubtful. C: Do you know why he left? A: Master Wayne was in tears when he came home. I haven't the slightest. C: I was just singing in a bar when he just left. A: He must have been moved by your song. It may have brought back painful memories. C: Now I feel awful. A: You must not fret Master Kent. C: Please Alfred, just Clark, you don't work for me. A: Then Clark it is, but your the closest thing to family Bruce has left. C: Thank you Alfred. A: No! Thank you for making Bruce feel whole again. Without you in his life I don't know how things would have turned out for Bruce. But he'll soon return and be back to normal. C: I sure hope so.
No sooner was the conversation between Clark and Alfred than Bruce returns in high spirits. More like high-pitch shrill. Clark quickly scrambles to the conference room. B: NO! C: What is it! B: I can't believe Homelander killed Black Noir! You wouldn't do that to me would you? C: That's debatable. I mean, of course not! I still can't watch that show. B: I know, your poor My Little Pony SpongeBob heart can't handle the truth. Your too SquarePants to even watch South Park and Family Guy without turning into a total TED! Your strictly PG and I'm doctor prescribed Rated RX. C: So, how are you doing? B: Everything's fine and dandy. C: You sure? B: Yes! Wanna watch some XXX? C: I don't think so! B: I meant the Vin Diesel movie. C: Oh! But Clark receives an emergency call. I'm needed at The Planet pronto. B: Go! See you soon then. C: Bye....! Clark had some pressing news and wanted to parlay it to Bruce. So without knocking he lets himself into Bruce's enormous master-bedroom and was shocked to find Bruce's bare glutes pressing against his lady love Lois Lane. Lois spots Clark and immediately covers up. Bruce was mortified. Clark was displeased and depressed. As usual he just departs, leaving the Despicable He and walked off. Bruce hurried after his lover boy. Clark was just sitting in a leather sofa near the foyer. "WHY?!" Bruce was silent. C: Why do you keep doing this to me?! I thought we were friends. B: We are friends! Best friends! C: Then why do you constantly hurt me?! B: I don't mean to. Not on purpose. I just want to protect you. C: Protect me! How! By sleeping with every girl I like! B: You do have an affinity for girls with the initials LL. Not to mention Lex. Maybe next you'd go for a Linda Lovelace or Linda Lee. C: This is the second time... no third time this has happened. First was Lana then Lori Lemaris in College when I inadvertently stumbled upon you and Lori in the dorm room, in my bed! And now Lois! You know how I feel about her and then you do this! B: You know, you really have a bad habit of walking in on people. Maybe try knocking next time. C: I've had enough of this! B: Come on Clarkie. Don't tell me your breaking up with me. C: We were never together! B: You know what I mean. Sometimes you have this image in your head of the perfect girl, that your destined to be with, but you could never actually approach them and get to know them. The real them without all that makeup. Then you find out that their not so flawless after all. Nobody's perfect. C: I know that! B: But you see if these women were truly meant to be with you, then they'd probably already be with you. But they all went to me. They chose me Clark. And I'm so sorry if that upsets you, but these women aren't right for you! Like Lois for instance, she never even gives you the time of day. She just walks all over you. Why on earth would you want to be with someone like that? She doesn't even know you exist! She treats you like shit, Clark! How can you put up with all her bullshit?! Unless your a masochist! C: Because I love her! B: See there you go again, fantasizing about the perfect girl. You think that deep down inside Lois is some kind of saint. Well she's not, she's a Bitch! And a whore who'll do anything for a scoop. Suddenly Lois Lane's silhouette can be seen from a distance. Lois says her goodbye. "Goodnight Bruce. Goodnight Clark." "Night!" C: That's actually the nicest thing she's ever said to me. Clark is stoic. Bruce tries to lighten the mood by suggesting a night out. "What do you say we be night owls and find some hot chicks? Are you in or out?" C: Whatever! B: You better be sure it goes all the way in. C: RED RUM! B: Got it!
In The Wild Coyote bar, Bruce and Clark are scouring the premises for potential love bunnies. B: ... I'm Prince Harry Potter Styles with my magical WandaVision! A blue-balled Genie to your Aladdin. I Dream of Jeannie rubbing your majestic filthy lamp. I will make your wishes cum true. Wink-Wink! C: Can you grow a pear? B: It's already high and rising like my skyscrapers. C: Does everything have to be sexual with you? B: YES! I'm stiff as a poker. A hankering horndog insatiable for some Stifler pie. C: I bet, what with your lecherous appetite for full-on assault mode. B: Excuse you! I don't assault, I plunger. C: So long as you flush. B: I can guarantee I'm drained. Every time it gets stuck in too deep, I pull it out and cum gushing like a bat out of Help! C: Your exhausting. B: This is just foreplay, wait 'til we get to the main course. That's when the real fun begins. I can go on and on until I break your backbone. C: Can't you just quit while your ahead? B: I'm not a quitter, I'm a winner! C: I meant enough with your banalities and just be quiet. B: Only when I'm watching you sleep. Clark makes a long heavy sigh. B: You know I'm usually more serious and businesslike, I only get to drop my guard down when I'm with you. You bring out my playful true self. C: I'd rather you were dark and brooding... B: What about Lady the Tramp? C: No! B: Ooh! The little Ariel areola, she'll sing you to sleep? Aurora whorey Alice in Slumberland? TWINS!! Don't you just wish you could double digit inside Snow White and The Huntress over there? No? What about yellow Belle Epocahontas you with her Beastly Mrs. Potts? I'm running out of fairy tales here. Just give me head... s-up! But I'm still your wingman. C: Can you make like a Birdman and fly away then? B: I'll Paul Walker away as soon as you find your not so Fast & Furious on the way to Enchanted Ever After. C: I'm currently driving Daisy Disenchanted to Nevermore. B: Edgar Allan Poe said, "Believe nothing you hear and half of what you see." Believe it or not, Lois was actually the one who came onto me. She asked me if I wanted to do an interview. So naturally I said sure, why not. The next thing you know, she's undressing me and... C: Please spare me the gory details. B: Sorry! You know, you don't have to go to work tomorrow. I'm sure it'd be pretty awkward seeing Lois. C: That's actually why I was in a hurry to see you. I got fired! B: What?!! C: Morgan Edge sold the Planet to Lex, I don't exactly know why? But someone just handed me a pink slip and I packed my stuff, said goodbye to Cat and Jimmy. Cat actually wanted to go with me. Then Perry said "bye son" and I even got a hug from Steve Lombard, he said he was really going to miss me. B: Who's Jimmy? And why has none of my team informed me of this? Bruce checks his phone and sees hundreds of messages. Oh! Must have put it on silent. Lex sure knows how to hold a grudge. I'm getting my lawyers and... C: It's fine! Actually I think it's about time. B: But you loved working there. C: I did but I'm turning over a new leaf. B: That's perfect, you could just go work for me! C: I am not doing porn with you! B: I wasn't suggesting that! Although? C: Forget it! B: Hey! Don't knock it till you try it. Dark Knight Entertainment is a legit business. I make sure my girls are safe and protected. Big Barda would make the perfect sleaze! But what I was going to say is that you could manage the Batcave! I'll even triple your salary. C: I don't want to work for you. I wanna be independent. B: Ouch! That hurt my feelings. C: You'll get over it. Plus Socrates once said; "Beware the barrenness of a busy life." B: He also said "The really important thing is not to live, but to live well. And to live well meant, along with more enjoyable things in life, to live according to your principles." and "Those who are hardest to love need it the most." C: Also "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." Plato Quotes: "Love is a serious mental disease." "When the mind is thinking it is talking to itself." "Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion and knowledge." "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." B: Are ya sure that was Plato and not Pluto? I swear Clark if you start spewing Shakespeare verbatim, I'mma gonna end up shaking and bating with your batting super spear. Clark shakes his big head for the umpteenth time. C: I should probably just get a dog. B: What do you need a dog for? When you have a doggone wiener you can walk the dog with. I'm tossing you a boner. Clark just wags the dog. C: What are we even doing here? I won't find anyone, I'm destined to be alone. B: Don't be such a drama queen. You never know, the girl of your dreams could walk right thru that door. Knock on hard as a wood pecker. C: Cheeky but very unlikely. Just then a hushed silence had fallen over the crowd. Everyone's attention had been caught out of breath. For a gorgeous glowing Amazonian Princess, hair in an updo, complete with a tiny tiara walks in, dressed in a very short, Grecian goddess inspired haute couture with lace up heeled sandals, golden bracelets and a matching golden lasso fashion accessory. Sparkling like a diamond. All eyes were on her like Cinderella, the Belle of the Ball. She was the picture of calm and seemed unaware of her own beauty and the reaction she was inspiring in the crowd. As if pulled by an invisible string, she goes directly to the bar. The Tom Cruise lookalike bartender named Jerry asks her what she'd like. Bruce mouth agape thinking "Her-Miney Grinder!", slides towards her and smoothly asks her if he could buy her a drink? Clark just rolls his eyes. She ignores him in favor of Clark. Clark is about to drink his jasmine cocktail when the Wonder Woman twirls next to him and grabs his glass. She sniffs it and takes a sip. Announces to Jerry that she'll have what he's having. D: I am Diana Prince, and you are? C: Ah Clark, Clark Kent. D: And what is it that you do Mr. Kent? C: I'm a reporter for The Daily Planet, past tense. I was recently let go. D: And what is it that you plan to do next? C: That's uncertain. D: Uncertainty breeds stress. C: Oh! I know. It's just that sometimes, it's better not knowing. D: The depths of the unknown, a bottomless pit of endless void. C: But open to explore new possibilities. They both make a toast, clinking their glasses together. As Bruce watches the two eagerly, a pretty slutty girl waves him over to her table. But Bruce cannot leave his buddy unattended. So he ignores the chick and continues chugging whiskey and bourbon. Clark and Diana continue to get to know one another, and before you know it time has flown by, hours to be exact. Diana finally loosens up and undoes her uptight bun. Letting it unravel and cascade down her glorious backside. Clark instinctively tucks her long lustrous locks behind her ear. Locking eyes and igniting a fiery passion inside that refused to be extinguished. Clark lands his firm hand on her soft, silky smooth shoulder. The beguiling beauty is breathless and beaming with bubbly as her buxom bosom began bursting from her bedazzling bustier bodice like a bold bombastic burlesque. Unfurling and untangling Diana, so fit and ripe to Flynn Rider her. Enraptured by each others company. Sparks flew as stupid Cupid picked his intended targets and unleashed the intoxicating Eros, there was just no stopping it now. Bruce, off balance, falls off the stool. Rocking them out of their reverie. Clark quickly comes to his aid. C: I think someone's had a little too much to drink. Bruce slurred: I'm fine. C: We best be getting you home. I'm sorry Diana, but I have to make sure my friend gets home safely. D: That is very noble of you Clark, so I bid you adieu. C: Goodbye! I really hope to see you again soon. D: The feeling is mutual. Thank you so very much for a lovely evening. You are a true gentleman, in every sense of the word. C: Thank you! Bye! Diana waves goodbye. 'Hear my soul speak. Of the very instant that I saw you, Did my heart fly at your service' 'Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind' This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath, May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet.
As they exit the bar, Bruce stumbles and pukes on the ground. Clark comforts Bruce. B: What is wrong with you? C: What?! Am I hurting you? As Clark rubs his hand on Bruce's back. B: You idiot! Your letting go of the only girl who got up the nerve to talk to you. Get back in there you dummy! Forget about me, I'll be fine! C: I can't! Your one of the richest men in the world. I won't allow you to get kidnapped. B: I'm not getting kidnapped! And I can take care of myself. I've trained for situations like these. I come fully prepared. Now go! Shoo! Scram! C: Your in no condition... Just then Diana gracefully exits the bar. C & D lock eyes. D: Your still here. C: Well, my friend is being non compliant. D: I have to be on my way then, antio sas. C: ta leme syntoma. D: You speak Greek? C: I know a few languages, Bruce too, but he's more fluent and proficient than me. D: I wish I could just stay here with you but I have to get back. Diana with a look of melancholy, runs away like Cinderella at the stroke of midnight. Running through a dark alley. B: Oh no! Stop her! A dark alley! Bruce is having anxiety. Clark catches up to her. "You really shouldn't be in this dark alley alone. Bad things happen here." D: I know how to defend myself. I have trained my whole life for this. Clark has a case of deja vu. Then out of nowhere a phalanx of ninjas appear. Bruce still feeling a little woozy, injects himself with adrenaline. Diana grabs the lid off a trash can and takes a broken pipe, both seem to resemble a shield and sword. Both Bruce and Clark assume the position. Bruce nods at Clark. This is what they've trained for. Diana in between Bruce and Clark looking like an Amazonian warrior. And Bruce looking very dapper in all black with his formal men's cape billowing. Finally Clark in a skin tight, head to toe, navy blue designer suit with a crimson neck tie flapping in the wind behind him. The hero pose. The triumvirate. The Trinity! As they prepare for battle, both teams ready to charge the enemy, running in slow mo. Then suddenly a kid shows up with a giant boom box blasting the Mortal Kombat theme song. Everyone halts and stares at the dumb kid. Bruce thinks fast and grabs the sound system and smashes it at the opponents head BAM! He faceplants onto a gross green goo. KID: Hey! Your paying for that! Bruce grabs a wad of cash and flings it at the stupefied kid. As the kid picks up the rest of the dough, he notices a giant bedraggled rat dragging off his unattended pizza. KID: What in the Splinter? That's mine! Where's a Ratcatcher when you need one? The fight ensues. Diana is swift and manages to protect herself using only the pipe and lid but then tosses those aside and uses her lasso like a rodeo. Soon Clark and Diana are pulling the rope to knock out the competition. Bruce uses his martial arts expertise and body slams the ninjas. Clark accidentally rips the back side of his body hugging trousers, revealing tiny red undies. C: AH! This is taking too long. Clark pulls off his glasses and dramatically turns in "Arresting Ezra" slow motion like Zoolander giving us Blue Steel as I'm Your Man by Wham! plays on -- Call me good, call me bad Call me anything you want to baby But I know, uh-huh, that you're sad And I know I'll make you happy With the one thing that you never had Baby I'm your man Don't you know that? Baby I'm your man You bet, if you're gonna do it, do it right, right Do it with me If you're gonna do it, do it right, right Do it with me.... The ninjas stop dead in their tracks and take in awe this captivating to die for creature before them. Some of them even passed out in a looks that kill fashion. Bruce takes it upon himself to strike them out cold POW! ZLONK! KER-SPLOOSH! BLOOP! ZLOPP! THUNK! Bruce sends an emergency SOS to Alfred. D: What just happened? B: Clark happened. C: It's sorta like my superpower. D: How long have you had this gift? C: Since I was a kid. It's hard to explain exactly why. But that's why I never take off my glasses. I actually have perfect vision. Bruce interrupts. "I witnessed this firsthand back in college when a bicyclist accidentally knocks off Clark's glasses and the entire student campus were entranced. I seem to be the only one unaffected by this and now you Diana." C: It's like a curse. That's probably why my birth parents abandoned me. Both Bruce and Diana rally around Clark in one big hug. A few minutes later a new batch of shredded ninja foot clan soldiers materialize, this time with protective eye gear. To shield them from Clark's messianic countenance. B: What is this Ninja Turtles? Just in the nick of time was Alfred flashing his lights from a distance. B: Our rides here, let's bolt! They all quickly got into the bulletproof Rolls-Royce Silver Wraith. And rolled right outta there.
C: I knew It! They were gonna kidnap you Bruce. D: Actually I believe they may have come for me. C: What?! Why? D: I may not have been completely honest with you. B: I knew it! It was too good to be true. D: I ran away from home, but only for a day. I was going to go back eventually. I just so desperately wanted to see the outside world, even if it was only for a day. C: Wait! Are you being held against your will? D: Well, not exactly. You see I am Princess Diana of Themyscira. Daughter of Queen Hippolyta. I am forbidden to venture out into the world. B: I've heard of Themyscira. They have a set of very strict archaic rules and customs. And I hear they loathe most men. D: Not all men. As Diana stares deeply into Clark's soulful piercing, unnaturally vivid shade of blue eyes as Clark grins. C: If your not allowed to go anywhere, then what do they make you do all day? D: Mostly learn through constant studying and a load of rigorous training regimen. C: No wonder you ran away. Is there anything else I need to know? D: I am betrothed. C: To who?! D: King Achilles of Thalarion. C: Were those your men? D: No! We only employ women. Most likely they were from the opposition. Hired assassins. Their trying to prevent our union.
They finally arrive at Wayne Manor. B: Welcome to Casa Wayne! Make yourself right at home and if there's anything you need...? Both Clark and Diana leave Bruce, and Clark shows Diana her new room. A: Has Clark finally found someone? B: Aha! And he's already ignoring me. In Diana's boudoir she and Clark are getting better acquainted with one another. C: Have you ever done it before? D: Quite a few. Mostly women, we were into all sorts of kinks, like bondage and spanking... [Clark's eyes are wide as an owl] but there was one man named Steve Trevor. He was beautiful. He trespassed into the palace one day and got arrested, then thrown in the dungeon. I helped him escape, but not before giving him a goodbye present. C: Okay then. Truth be told, I've never done this before. So I have no clue where to even begin. D: Let's start with just kissing and then move onto some heavy petting. C: OK! I can do that. [Clark was like a dutiful student eager to learn] They slowly start making out and caressing each other. [the kiss felt like the world around you gets all hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this other person and you know that one person is the person you're meant to be kissing for the rest of your life. And for that one moment you've been given this amazing gift and you want to laugh and cry at the same time because you're so lucky you found it, and so scared that it will all go away] She unzipped my fly. I tried to move, but it felt as if my body were tethered down by invisible threads. I felt myself growing big and hard. Her tongue was long and soft and seemed to wrap itself around me. My hand felt deep, warm, and very wet. Then the mounting began a slow rotation of her hips and undulating. Then her legs twined about my head and shoulders desperately, she was beginning to buck her hips, beginning to come. As she caressed my naked stomach and thighs. Spread out around, riding atop me. It tried to envelop me, to draw me in, and at the same time to press me out. I felt I was about to burst wide open. It was the strangest sensation, something that went beyond simple sexual pleasure. It felt as if something inside her, something special inside her, were slowly working its way through my organ into me. Racing through me like twin rivers. As soon as her body began to jerk and shudder violently with unwilling pleasure in response to her climax anew, I found myself astoundingly moved - as if by choral music that surprises you. I could sense my pleasure passing through me almost unnoticed and I tried to fix my entire concentration on it. I was held up by a feeling of dizzying suspension, like the one I have in dreams where I can fly, but only if I get into some weird position. A heavy powerful pounding of penetrating pelvic thrusts, hither and thither ready to discharge. I came, groaning, every muscle drawn taut. It was almost too much. Almost.... My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite. 'I'll make my heaven in a lady's lap.' 'Her passions are made of nothing but the finest part of pure love'
In Bruce's bedchamber he could hear them banging on the thick walls. They just so happen to be right next door to Bruce. Loud, long moans of ecstasy and high-pitched multiple orgasm reverberated in Bruce's room. "Some people are trying to sleep here!" An hour had passed and the noise still continued. "AH!" Bruce just covered his ears with his pillow.
The next morning in the kitchen, Bruce could hear laughter emanating from the pantry. Inside, both Clark and Diana are having a jolly good time with Alfred. Blissfully unaware of Bruce's presence. C: ...You've never had ice cream before....? We're like the ABCD. A for Alfred, B for Bruce, C for Clark and... A: Ah! Master Wayne I made some cucumber sandwiches, toast, oatmeal and plain Greek yogurt, how was your slumber? B: Alfred could you please get my room soundproofed. Thank you. A: Right away sir! D: Good morning Bruce! I didn't get the chance to thank you last night for allowing me to stay in your beautiful home. Diana was eating ice cream and wearing Clark's oversized shirt and not much else. But despite the lack of attire she was still a vision. With confidence and charisma, grace and elegance. And the kind of posture that could only come from good breeding. In other words she had class! B: The pleasure is all mine. (Then in French) J'espere que vous avez apprecie votre sejour? D: J'ai passe la meilleure nuit de ma vie. Clark looking very disheveled still managed to look incredibly sexy. C: toi et moi. Breakfast Bruce? We're done and we better be getting back to what we started. Winks at Bruce. Clark then carries Diana and whisks her upstairs. Bruce is genuinely happy for Clark but it doesn't register on his dour face, cause he's jealous. "I guess I should just get back to work and sell more of my redesigned utility belts." Bruce is constantly hounded by the paparazzi, so he always has to look good for the cameras. By having a high-fibre "Olympian" diet with lots of fruit, tuna & quinoa salad. Sometimes even a Lobster Thermidor. Bruce overhears the salacious duo take a detour into the living quarters. The lascivious twosome are at it again like wild beasts christening the antique leather sofa where Bruce's parents painting just so happen to reside on the wall above the fireplace. Bruce takes haste and covers his parents portrait with a blanket. B: You guys don't need to see all this. Shielding his eyes from the concupiscence but having trouble taking a few sneak peeks. Bruce is in wide eyed wonder at Diana's twin peaks coupled with Clark's gyrating tongue and throbbing thick tall tower. Bruce just froze in arousal. Letting go. Clark noticed Bruce in the corner of his eye and shouted, "GET OUT!!" Bruce ran out but on second thought, "Wait a sec! This is my place! He can't kick me out of my own room." As Bruce returns in a huff they are both gone. Clark is chasing Diana up the stairs like cat and mouse. With Clark's beautifully sculpted bare gluteus bubble butt and nads wobbling in front of Bruce's mouthwatering lustful gaze and both his hands quivering in his pockets. He hurriedly runs to the lavatory and has a scrambled sunny side up.
The very next morning as Clark and Diana are being sensual and fooling around, while watching Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday, in Bruce's massive home movie theater, where Bruce often rewatches one of his favorite flicks on Netflix, Jerry Maguire! Every time Tom Cruise utters the immortal line, "You Complete Me!" Bruce cannot help but laugh hysterically. Just then the emergency alarms go off. D: They're here! Diana was right the Amazonians were there to escort their princess home. There was nothing they could do. Bruce wanted to blast them into smithereens. But Clark said no. As Alfred opened the gates and the grand entryway, the soldiers marched in unison to retrieve their most prized possession. They were all dressed in their protective gear. Clark refused to relinquish Diana. So they shoved Clark aside and took a good look at their princess. She was in no condition to be seen looking like a common folk. But they came prepared. After a few minutes Diana glided down the grand staircase looking every bit like the fairytale princess. She desperately wanted to say goodbye but they simply wouldn't permit it. Clark stood by the front porch watching his paramour exit. Diana was nearing the Humvee when she looks back and escapes the hold on her and runs towards Clark in slow motion as the music plays. When she catches up to Clark they fall into each others arms and seal it with a kiss, that seems to last a lifetime as they struggle to come up for air. Waiting to exhale. Then reality hits and the guards pull Diana away and ushers her in the armored vehicle. As they sped off. Clark was emotional and Bruce felt for him. But right over his shoulder was Alfred inconsolable, blowing his nose in his handkerchief. Bruce shook his head for he had never seen this side of Alfred before. He too had known grief. Alfred never divulged to Bruce his old flame Esme Winikus who was murdered by strangulation. Clark made one last ditch effort to catch up to Diana but it was futile. As he stared at the retreating vehicles diminishing and winding down. With tears running down his immaculate face. His stance though was still that of a Super-Man, complete with his very own spotlight. As the rays of the sun shone brightly and rained down on Clark like a beacon, being sun-kissed from the heavens. Music started playing. Everything by Lighthouse, the same song used at the vey end of the pilot episode of Smallville, the scene is of Clark imagining dancing with Lana in his loft -- Find me here and speak to me I want to feel you I need to hear you You are the light that's leading me To the place where I find peace again You are the strength that keeps me walking You are the hope that keeps me trusting You are the light to my soul You are my purpose You're everything How can I stand here with you And not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be Any better than this? Yeah... You calm the storms And you give me rest You hold me in your hands You won't let me fall You steal my heart And you take my breath away Would you take me in? Take me deeper now.... 'Cause you're all I want You're all I need You're everything Everything... 'They are in the very wrath of love, and they will go together. Clubs cannot part them' 'The course of true love never did run smooth' "When you depart from me, sorrow abides and happiness takes his leave."
In Diana's private invisible plane on the flight back to Themyscira. With a stack of file folders infront of her to review and memorize. Diana was once again back to her princess duties. Composing herself and fighting back the tears, but try as she must she simply could not focus on anything but Clark. His kind chiseled face and strapping superhuman physique toppled with a superior intellect and a sensitive soul. Not to mention his huge heavy arsenal. He was undoubtedly the most flawless male specimen that ever existed. A Magnificent God among men. Diana stared out the window longing for his sweet embrace. As the island of Themyscira can be seen straight ahead. 'To be wise and love, Exceeds man's might' 'For where thou art, there is the world itself, And where thou art not, desolation' 'I would not wish any companion in the world but you' When Love speaks, the voice of all the gods Makes heaven drowsy with the harmony.
Bruce in his PJs, is imagining Clark all over him as he lays on his sumptuous bed, hands behind his head, staring up at the stars, thru his tinted glass ceiling. As Clark is restless in bed wearing only his boxers. He rolls to the side and sits on the edge of the bed. Then gets up and walks back and forth, scratching his head. Finally settling on the border of the window staring up at the stars above. While Diana cannot sleep, in her silk and lace night gown, approaches her balcony with guards posted everywhere as she looks out at the vast land before her and the ocean, but finally staring up at the stars. The song Wherever You Will Go by The Calling plays in the background -- So lately, been wondering Who will be there to take my place When I'm gone, you'll need love To light the shadows on your face If a great wave shall fall And fall upon us all Then between the sand and stone Could you make it on your own? If I could, then I would I'll go wherever you will go Way up high or down low I'll go wherever you will go And maybe, I'll find out A way to make it back someday To watch you, to guide you Through the darkest of your days If a great wave shall fall And fall upon us all Well then I hope there's someone out there Who can bring me back to you... Run away with my heart Run away with my hope Run away with my love I know now, just quite how My life and love might still go on In your heart, in your mind I'll stay with you for all of time... If I could turn back time I'll go wherever you will go If I could make you mine I'll go wherever you will go. They all appear to be in little boxes. Bruce sandwiched in the middle, staring ahead. Clark on the left, staring to the right. And Diana on the right staring at the left. Then Bruce's box lowers itself and Clark and Diana's connect. Bruce appears to be staring up at them. While Clark and Diana are staring at one another. It seems to resemble the letter T, for Trinity or Titans. Then it morphs into Titans Tower in the San Francisco Bay Area. Titans Tower, not to be confused with Titan Towers which is the HQ of the WWE, is just one of the many acquisitions of Bruce Wayne. This is the chosen location where Bruce sequesters his young ward, Richard, especially whenever he starts acting like a total Dick! With a team of highly skilled Au Pairs, of course. It consists of a vast playroom, bedroom, living room, training area, and conference room. Another Tower is situated on an island in New York City's East River. The building was equipped with computer labs, gymnasiums, infirmary, aircraft hangers as well as a submarine, which can be operated using the tunnel access to the river. Why? Cause when you have boatloads of cash the sky is the limit.
B: Wanna watch Wednesday on Netflix and chill? It's like a Gothic Harry Potter. Wednesday and her roommate Enid are like Sam & Cat and they kinda remind me of us. Spoiler! Harry Potter dies and they have an actual Crackstone Statue. It's a real erection! C: I'm not really in the mood for The Addams Family. B: Right, The School for Good and Evil then? C: I don't believe in fairy tales. Clark was feeling blue and needed some time to gather his thoughts and collect himself. B: One truly is the loneliest number. Woe-me for my Homey. What the hell am I supposed to do now? A: The Circus is in town with real live animals, not those fake ones they use nowadays. The Flying Graysons are performing. They are a family of trapeze artists. I hear it's their final performance. Animal Rights Activists are shutting them down. B: You had me at Activists. The Circus it is then... At Haly's Circus The Flying Graysons consisting of father John, mother Mary, and son Richard "Dick" Grayson were famed for always working without a net. So with Bruce in attendance, flanked by a bevy of beauties, he certainly gets an eyeful when the ropes break during a performance and they plummet to their doom. Bruce then adopts young Richard.
Clark believed in facts and busied himself researching Themysciran laws, when his DNA results return. After reviewing the results he feels like soaring high in the sky. Clark then contacts Bruce. Bruce is in the middle of a board meeting with his business manager at Wayne Enterprises, Lucius Fox, who presides over the strategy and management of Bruce's multi-billion dollar company, ensuring it remains profitable while remaining ethical. Lucius is talking about... something and Bruce who is doing his darndest to pay attention, but his mind was elsewhere, pointing his pen up. The Fulgor Nocturnus (translated to "Night Glow"), known as the most expensive pen in the world, is genuinely a one-of-a-kind piece. It was crafted by the famous Italian pen maker Tibaldi using the Golden Ratio, also known as the Divine Proportion of Phi. If this sounds familiar it's because the Golden Ratio has been used in architecture, art, and can even be found in nature, and is considered to be the most visually pleasing proportion in the world. This ratio is most evident on the Fulgor Nocturnus when the pen is capped, resulting in a perfect 1.618 (the Golden Ratio) ratio between the length of its barrel and its cap. The pen is not only aesthetically pleasing mathematically, the cap and most of the barrel are covered by 945 rare dark diamonds. The pen was sold at a charity auction in Shanghai, which Bruce purchased at a price tag of $8 million/£5.9 million. Bruce was just thinking of Clark's uncut-c... Cut to Clark giving him a ring.... B: Hey Buddy Whattup...! I'm on my way pal. Bruce bolts from the room without saying a word. The board members look dazed and dumbfounded, staring amongst themselves. L: Not again!!
The Royal wedding will soon commence. Bruce and Clark arrive at Themyscira. Bruce assures Clark that their names will be in the guest list. A tall, athletic woman stands guard with the full guest list in her electronic tablet. "Name?" "Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent." She checks the list but finds no such names. Clark glares at Bruce. B: Check it again! She complies and this time their names seem to have magically appeared. They both get settled in their assigned seats. The Wedding March plays on and the groom is waiting impatiently for the ceremony to be over. Diana soon emerges looking breathtaking in a slinky serpentine wedding gown with a very long train holding a bouquet of flowers. As she approaches the dais she is joined by the groom. The Bishop then makes a long boring speech. B: Just get on with it. And finally the exchanging of the rings and then... "Should anyone here present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace." C: I object! Gasps from the crowd. King Achilles: How dare you interrupt the ceremony! Sit down peasant! C: I will not! Queen Hippolyta: Guards arrest this man! C: Wait! As Themysciran Laws suggest. Her Royal Highness can wave the right to choose her consort so long as He/She be of noble descent. I am Kal-El, son of Prince Jor-El and Lady Lara of the former nation of Krypton now called Pokolistan. My father was exiled for falling in love with someone they deemed unsuitable. And soon they were executed. I am the last remnant of a now forgotten nation. Random Guest: What in the CW is this? Who wrote this crap?! B: Sssh! C: I implore you Diana, Marry Me Instead! King Achilles: This is Heresy! D: I shall! Queen Hippolyta: I forbid it! D: You cannot Mother! Rules are rules. King Achilles storms off followed by his army of Olympian Gargareans.
A few moments later Clark is dressed in all white regal attire with his family's crest on the breast plate and long white cape, all thanks to Bruce of course. The Bishop proclaims; "I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may..." Their tongues were already down each others throats. Due to Diana's insubordination she was hereby stripped of her royal status. She too was exiled from Themyscira. Her mother pleaded with her. "If you refuse you are forbidden to ever step foot in Themysciran soil ever again." "Goodbye Mother!" Clark and Diana were finally, blissfully married. "A heaven on earth I have won by wooing thee."
Bruce gifted the lovely newlyweds an island of their very own. It once belonged to Bruce who used it as the site for his infamous pornos like "The Drilling Joke and Babe: Pyg in the Sex and the Sin City." Multiple orgasmic recipient of AVN and The SHAFTA Awards. It was shaped like the letter C. So Bruce called it Cunt Island or Clitoris Island. It was a work in progress. It was Bruce's Honor Blackman to Goldfinger his bat Pussy Galore! But now it's all Clark's, complete with his very own Fortress of Solitude. A state of the art home, combining the old with the new. Now Clark and Diana were free from the confines of society and their rules.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone