Chapter 39: Over

Unfortunately, she admitted the ugly thing in her heart way too late. It was ugly because she could not control it. It was ugly because it made her insane.

Now, Kathrina felt like crying.

With a heavy heart, Kathrina went into her apartment. She had trouble breathing as though there was a lump in her breathing pathway. She touched her chest, which seemed to throb painfully like she was experiencing a heart problem.

She laughed bitterly. Looking back at her past treatment of Arthur, it made sense that he took a step back. She repeatedly rejected his advance, so it was reasonable for him to decide that he had had enough of her.

Kathrina was so engrossed with her past record with men that she was too afraid to trust that someone really liked her. What her ex-boyfriend said broke her self-esteem, adding that her intimacy problem only made her insecure grow even more fruitful.

After all, no matter what she did, she could not escape her fear. Numerous visits to psychiatrists did not help either. All she ever felt after coming back from her session was frustration because the advice was mostly the same. She had tried it all during the first three years after discovering her fear.

From her mother's recommendation, the current psychiatrist she visited also did not help her much. She still could not find the root of her problem. Where exactly had it gone wrong? She had never had sex before, and to have that kind of fear, she should have had some experience or encounter with something related to it.

Kathrina was the type of girl who never explored about anything related to sex before she was old enough. She first discovered her fear during the last year of high school, when she and her first boyfriend almost did it. Remember, almost. She ruined the moment by being as stiff as a wooden stick.

At first, she thought it was just a simple fright because she was about to give her V card to her boyfriend. However, it kept happening, and eventually, her boyfriend grew tired of her. That was like a slap to the reality that something was wrong with her.

She came home to her mother crying and told her everything, including her ex's harsh words. At that time, her mother went pale as though she had just told her the disastrous news. And they both ended up crying together. She started seeing a psychiatrist then.

One of the psychiatrists once said she was obsessed with control, so she detested it when her body went beyond her control at the effect other people gave. It was the only thing Kathrina agreed. Now, because of the damn control, she hesitated to accept Arthur, which brought her this heartache that no one could heal except time.

Kathrina threw her body into the couch and took her phone to call Jenna. She did not want to be alone tonight. If Jenna were here, she would be a chatterbox, and it would shift Kathrina's mind.

She placed the phone beside her ear, waiting for Jenna to greet her with her high-tone voice. After more than three rings, Kathrina was certain that Jenna would not be with her. It seemed her cousin had another plan. Kathrina assumed Jenna was probably hunting for a new man.

Leaving with no choice, Kathrina turned the television on and looked for a channel that aired a documentary about murder cases. She always did that when something was bugging her mind. It helped her to focus on the subject rather than her own problem.

Kathrina stopped at the VN channel, and fortunately, it showed a new documenter, not a rerun from the past case. She watched it attentively, losing her mind in the explanation from the detective, victim, and witness from the documentary.

Without her knowing, Arthur had successfully slipped from her mind.

***

On the other side, while waiting for Arthur to return, Ariel lay on the couch while munching chips and watching another cliché tv series.

When the protagonist was arguing something entirely stupid, Ariel rolled her eyes. And when they suddenly kissed and got into the bed, her pupils were enlarged.

"What the fuck?" She exclaimed. Why would they kiss in the middle of a heated fight? They should have solved their problem before deciding to yield to their needs. If they did it in the middle of arguments, then it meant they just brushed the issue to the side and used pleasure as a form to escape the problem. "TV shows these days give too many unnecessary sex scenes." She complained.

After complaining, however, she still did not stop watching. You see, when Ariel watched low-quality tv shows, sometimes it was purely because she wanted to badmouth the production value. That was where she found her joy.

Suddenly the sound of the door being opened took her attention away from the big television. Then she saw her brother walk in her direction with a dejected look, and she asked. "Did you get dumped?"

Arthur lifted his eyes to look at his sister. He tried to hide the pained look on his face, but Ariel's following sentence stopped him from even bothering.

"Don't even try to hide it, Brother. I've seen that look many times in tv shows." Ariel said as she changed her position to sitting.

Ariel crossed her hands in front of her chest, and her face showed a sign of displeasure. "Why did that woman dump you?" If the woman threw her brother because of her interaction with Arthur, she would knock on the woman's door and explain everything as clearly as possible.

Arthur dropped onto the couch, his head looking at the flat ceiling like usual, then replied, "We are not in a relationship, Riel."

Ariel scoffed at Arthur's words, "You and she had something going on between each other. If not, she won't be looking at me like she wanted to tear you away from me."

Ariel's words brought a little joy into Arthur. If what Ariel saw was true, then Kathrina was not as unaffected as she was shown. Knowing he had managed to shake her a little, it was enough for him. Sometimes he thought he was pathetic since he was happy even with a little crumb from her.

He was usually a proud man and won't even bother to run for woman because it was always the opposite. Yet, with Kathrina, he was a beggar. He was always waiting for her to spare a second glance in his direction.

If he knew Kathrina almost cried because of their parting, Arthur would probably throw a big party for a week.

"It doesn't matter anyway. It's over, so stop frowning like that." Arthur touched the area between Ariel's eyebrows to ease the frown.

Ariel hummed and did not complain about Arthur's words. If her brother said it was over, nothing could change it except himself.

"Why don't you try to date Belle? She is pretty, smart, talented, and has been with you for a long time." Ariel suggested. She peeked at her brother from the corner of her eyes.

Arthur's face hardened, "Don't mention something silly like that again, especially not in front of Belle."

"It's not silly, Arthur. She has always had a feeling about you for as long as I can remember. You can try with her. Maybe you will find that she is a great partner for you." Ariel turned to face her brother directly, "Try it, and mom will also be happy about it."

"This conversation is over, Ariel. I don't want to hear you talk about it again." Arthur said with a stern voice and got up from the couch to leave the living area.

Arthur was not the type to run after a woman when another woman was in his head. And he was not blind, not to realize that Belle saw him in a different light. If he had tried to be with her, it would only ended in disaster because he was one hundred percent sure his feeling for her wouldn't grow from friendship to love.

"Wait here like a good child. I am going to take a bath, and after that, we can leave." Arthur said without looking back.

He would leave the apartment tonight to move with his family into their old home. The renovation of their home was done a month ago. Initially, Arthur should have moved out of this apartment at the beginning of the month, but the plan was pushed because of Kathrina.

The plan now could be carried on since he had to stay away from her and start focusing on his long-awaited revenge.