Chapter 7: Entrée De Journal Six: Feelings
Will's POV:
As the days go on, my feelings for Nico grow stronger. I know, that sounds cheesy, but it's true and I have no idea how to handle this. I've come to terms with the fact that I like Nico, I just don't know what to do now. I still haven't told Kayla about this. I think I might tell Nico, not that I like him, but that I have a crush on someone and see what he tells me to do. I know, he's no son of Aphrodite, but he's the only person I trust enough to talk about this with.
He made great progress yesterday when we were talking. I don't know if any of what we talked about will actually stick in his head, but at least we talked about it.
Ah, yes, the classic telling your crush you have a crush on them without saying it's them specifically. We all love those tropes.
Back on topic, Will.
Right. Anyways, my feelings for Nico. I'm just going to be straight-forward here - Er, at least however straight I can be, which isn't very straight…
Sorry, I did it again. Like I said, I'm going to be very gay-forward here, like as gay as I can get, which is higher than being straight. My feelings for Nico are still new. I'm still trying to even get used to the fact that I'm not straight.
Haha. Nico was my Gay Awakening. That's nice.
I like him, I really do. Now, don't make fun of me, but I've never had a crush on a real person before, sure, I've had crushes on fictional characters, but that's even if you want to call them crushes. So, yeah, I've mostly come to terms with it, it still feels wrong though, like I'm not supposed to like him the way I do, but it's not in a homophobic way. It's kind of in a way where you've spent so long hating someone and suddenly you've realized that there's nothing actually to hate about them and that hatred goes away and it just kind of leaves you empty because this emotion you've felt for so long isn't there anymore. I don't know if that makes sense or not, I hope it does. We all know I'm not very good at expressing my feelings.
When writing this and if anybody does actually read this, I hope I do a good job at explaining things that are going on around me and I hope that I help you find confidence within yourself and help you overcome whatever battles you're fighting. This isn't the end of this entrée, but I just want you to know that I'm always here for you and that you can write little comments on this book even if I may never see them.
I hope that I can help you.
So, I guess this entrée isn't just about my feelings for Nico. It's about making sure that you're okay. I hope this Journal helps you realize that you're not alone and I hope that you can find yourself within this story.
So, my current job right now is to make sure that you're okay. I'll do check-ins every once and a while to make sure that you're okay and I want you to make little annotations letting me know that you're me. Okay? I know, it seems like it's a lot, letting a random kid know how your day's going in a book that he's never even going to see, but, it's a good coping mechanism.
A lot of people don't know this but, it's actually helpful to talk to someone even if they're not really there. Now, I know what you're thinking, it's probably something along the lines of "Will, you're crazy and practically suggesting hallucinating." No, that's not what I'm telling you to do. I'm simply telling you to maybe, if you can, write in a Journal like I'm doing myself and pretending like someone will actually see it one day. Maybe someone will, maybe someone won't.
The whole point of this is to make sure you're okay because I can't just focus all my time and energy on Nico, there's other people who need me, like yourself. So, down below, I'm going to ask you some questions and I want you to write your answer to them. Does that sound easy? I hope it does. These questions won't be invading or at least too invading as I don't want you to somehow lose this book and then someone has all your secrets and knows who you are. That wouldn't be good.
Now onto the questions.
Are you in a safe place? If not, please somehow try to contact someone for help. I know it's hard, and I know it might take a while to do so, but please, try to get out if you're in danger.
I know that the first question was a little dark and I'm sorry, but some of these will be dark.
Are you currently thinking of harming yourself or others?
Are you in a bad relationship? It can be friend wise or romantic wise. A bad relationship with somebody is a bad relationship with somebody and you need to get out. You can't have that negativity surrounding you.
Now, that I think that we've got that covered, we can move onto your mental health and making sure that you're okay!
Now onto this set of questions! And I promise, after this set, I'll go back to talking about Nico. Sound good? Kay.
Are you happy? Like truly happy and not just faking it till you make it?
If you don't have any friends, what's holding you back?
I know school's probably a pain in your ass right now, trust me, I know that feelings with the infirmary, but when you graduate, and I'm not going to say if because you will graduate. I believe in you. But it will all be worth it, I know it may just seem like everybody cares about your grades, but it's not just those, they care that you're also retaining the information given. At least the teachers do, I can't say the same for the government and school boards.
I'm done with the questions now. At least, for now, I should say. Now, right now, you need to take a break from reading and go get something to eat or get something to drink. Doing both is the preferred option, though.
But, now that I'm done with you, I did promise that I'd talk about Nico again. I bet you're all just dying to hear about my crush – er, I meant read, not hear, about my crush on Nico.
We love a good enemies to friends , and friends to lovers.
That's not that point.
The point is that I just don't see how other campers are scared of him. I mean is it just because he wears black all the time and has dark coloured eyes and hair? And he's short?!
Automatic hot guy if you ask me. Plus! He's gay! That's a possible win for me!
Don't get ahead of yourselves. Just because I like him doesn't mean that he returns those feelings.
Anyways, I think it's something about his eyes and just his whole personality. Don't get me wrong, I like the way he looks, but the doctor side of me does not. So, therefore, I am not judging him based on his looks right now because he's not back to full health. But why do I need to like his looks when I already like his personality?
What I look for in a person, friends or dating, is always the same. I need to be able to trust the person and they need to be able to trust me. Besides that, I don't really care about what they look like and I've also realized that I don't really care how they identify themselves, as long as they have a good personality, aren't toxic or abusive, and trusts me and treats me nice, then I'm all set. Of course, I'd always treat the person the same way they treat me.
Before we get back to Nico, I just want to let you guys know that I'm not going to say much about him because we both share this Journal now, and I don't want him to see his name so much and start reading what I'm writing. Not that I think that he'd ever do that, but it's just on the in case.
I guess we could give him a codename? That's a great idea!
I'll go ahead and wrap this up now because I have things to do like think of a good codename for Nico and actually check up on him considering I haven't seen him all day. Then again, it is nighttime, but I should still be a good friend and healer and go check on him. I noticed that I've been writing at night a lot more. I should really stop doing that and use this time to actually rest.
That's all for now!
Signing Off,
-Will
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