Chapter 86: Love edging towards insanity{84}
My heart ached as I watched Vasha, my lover, from across the room. Ever since the death of our beloved Vasili, he had become distant and silent, as if a part of him had been lost forever.
Before we found Vasili, Vasha was a stern and no-nonsense person. With a perpetually stern face and indifferent glances at our subjects, he seemed to care for nothing and no one except for me. Vasha had always kept his heart guarded, rarely speaking more than a few words unless he was addressing me. But everything changed when we stumbled upon Vasili, the sleeping omega, in the sacred cave of Daraphine.
Vasili, with his soft-spoken and kind nature, wove his way into our hearts. While it took longer for Vasha to let Vasili in, slowly but surely, Vasili broke down the walls Vasha had built around his heart. Vasha began to smile more, to speak more freely, and he even showed a lighter side to his personality. He ate heartily and his once-constant serious demeanor was replaced with a more relaxed and open attitude. Vasha learned to trust again, to let his heart love, and he fell deeply and passionately for Vasili. Those were some of the happiest times I had ever witnessed, seeing Vasha smile so genuinely and watching him gaze at Vasili with adoration and love.
But now, as I sat there, my gaze fixed on Vasha, my heart bled. Since Vasili's death, Vasha had retreated back into his shell. He hardly spoke to anyone, except for a few words directed at me. He lashed out at our servants, his anger bordering on the edge of madness. It was clear to anyone who looked at Vasha that he was consumed by devastation, guilt, and self-loathing. The pain he carried was etched on his face, in his every movement.
As I stared at him, destroying yet another room in the castle, I realized that Vasha blamed himself for Vasili's death. He believed he had failed to protect the one he loved, and that guilt was tearing him apart. It was as if he was losing himself again, edging closer to the precipice of insanity. I couldn't bear to witness his suffering any longer.
With a heavy heart, I stood up and walked towards Vasha. I approached him slowly, giving him the space he needed, before I wrapped my arms around him from behind. Vasha froze for a moment, his body tense, before he began to shake. Slowly, he let himself fall into my embrace, pulling me down with him to the ground. Tears streamed down his face, mingling with my own.
I hated seeing Vasha broken like this, but I couldn't deny the fact that Vasili's death had shattered us both beyond anything we could have imagined. In that moment, all I could do was hold him, offering him the warmth and comfort of my embrace. I whispered soothing words, telling him that we would get through this together, that he was not alone in his pain.
But deep down, I knew that my words could only do so much. The truth was, I was slowly losing myself as well. The pain of losing Vasili had taken a toll on my own sanity. Yet, in that moment, I pushed my own struggles aside, focusing solely on being there for Vasha, hoping that my love and presence would provide him with some solace.
As we remained on the ground, embraced in each other's arms, I knew that our journey to heal would be long and arduous. But I also knew that we would cross paths again, we would find Vasili again.
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I sat in silence, watching as Vasha slept peacefully on our large bed. The room was dimly lit, casting a soft glow that danced across his features. His body was wrapped in a robe, a garment that held the scent of comfort, warmth, and love. It belonged to our Vasili, who now lay lifeless and pale in our castle. Though his beauty remained, his vibrant spirit had been extinguished.
A wave of sadness washed over me as I gazed upon Vasha. I knew that he carried a heavy burden, one that weighed on his soul and consumed his every thought. Vasha blamed himself for Vasili's death, wishing that he had perished in his place. It pained me to witness the depths of his self-hatred, to see him suffer so intensely. As much as I carried my own guilt for what had happened, I understood that Vasha had it worse.
Vasili's death had shattered us both. While I could never forgive myself, despite knowing that it wasn't our fault, Vasha's self-loathing ran deep. He loathed himself and believed that he alone was responsible for Vasili's demise. The weight of his guilt and grief pushed him to the brink of insanity, and I feared losing him to the darkness that threatened to consume him.
My thoughts were interrupted as Vasha stirred awake, his eyes searching the room before finding mine. They held a mixture of grief and desperation. I watched as he choked back a sob, the pain etched on his face. "Vasili..." he cried, curling into me, seeking solace and comfort.
I held Vasha tightly, my arms providing a sense of security and warmth. I whispered soothing words, trying to calm his racing heart and quiet his tormented mind. I reassured him that it wasn't his fault, that we couldn't have predicted or prevented what had happened. But Vasha disagreed, his self-blame refusing to be silenced.
In a moment of raw emotion, Vasha kissed me with a roughness born out of yearning and desperation. His lips sought solace in the release of our shared passion. We remained tangled in the sheets, seeking temporary respite from our sorrow through the bliss of physical connection. But deep down, we both knew that this could not be the solution to our pain. We couldn't spend the rest of our lives drowning our sorrows in sex.
As the hours passed, I brushed my hand through Vasha's black hair, humming a low, melancholic tune. My heart ached with the absence of Vasili. We missed his gentle presence, his soothing words, and the love he brought into our lives. In that moment, I longed for the comfort of his embrace, for the warmth of his smile that could chase away the shadows that haunted us.
Together, Vasha and I faced the daunting task of healing. We had to find a way to navigate the stormy sea of grief and come out stronger on the other side. It would be a long and arduous journey, but we would do it together. With each passing day, we would work towards finding solace in memories, in the love we shared, and in the hope that someday, the pain would lessen, and we would find Vasili but until then, we would work toward finding peace.
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Samaelia_Mccarthy
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