Chapter 44: Selfishness
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(Third POV)
As Kana and Yoriko engaged in a lively conversation, Aqua and Aikara found themselves standing alone, soon approached by director Kaburagi. The director engaged them in casual banter, acknowledging that while the final episode of the show may not have been well received by all, the viewership remained impressively high, for which he thanked Aikara.
Aqua locked his gaze on Kaburagi, and his mind drifted back to the DNA test. Just as Aikara had insisted, it turned out that Kaburagi wasn't related to them at all. The realization left Aqua feeling a mix of frustration and reluctant acceptance. He had been refusing to believe Aikara's theory, but now he had to acknowledge that his brother had been right all along. Unfortunately, Aikara couldn't gather more information from Kaburagi due to their limited time together. However, Aqua felt that the moment had come to dig deeper into this mysterious connection.
He exchanged a knowing glance with Aikara, who seemed to grasp his unspoken intention. Nodding in agreement, they embarked on a lengthy conversation with the director. Starting with some casual small talk, Aikara skillfully steered the discussion towards subtlety inquiring about Kaburagi's past connection with Ai. He responded with a composed demeanor, mentioning their professional collaboration and how he had introduced her to potential business contacts. However, there was one particular aspect that caught the siblings' attention—the mention of sharing cafes for Ai to secretly meet someone.
Intrigued, they decided to probe further, seeking clarity on this intriguing detail. As they delved deeper into conversation, the director couldn't help but notice the striking resemblance between Ai and the two siblings, Aikara and Aqua, particularly the former. Aqua felt a twinge of anxiety, worried that the director might inadvertently uncover their true parentage. However, Aikara, ever quick on her feet, effortlessly defused the situation by laughing it off. He playfully quipped that people had often remarked on his resemblance to Ai, and he even heard jokes saying he might be her reincarnation.
After that, the director explained that the reason he commented on their appearance is because they're handsome, and he said he'll tell them what they want but in return, they'll have to attend a reality dating show in return, which they agreed to after some slight discussion.
As their conversation with the director concluded, he bid them farewell, leaving Aqua, Aikara, and Kana, who had finished talking to Yoriko, to resume what they were doing a while ago. The rest of the evening passed with laughter and teasing as they continued to enjoy each other's company until the party's end, and the attendees started making their way home.
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(One day later)
As the first rays of the soft morning light gently caressed the quaint streets of the city, Aikara emerged from his slumber, his eyes still heavy with the remnants of sleepiness. The night before had been an unforgettable affair, a lively party that had extended well into the late hours, leaving him with a mere six hours of rest. Despite the weariness that clung to his bones, he had summoned the determination to rise early, fully aware that a day of responsibilities awaited him, including his daily meet-up with Ellie.
In those early hours, the city's rhythm was hushed and unhurried, with only a handful of early risers venturing out. The tranquil morning was accompanied by the gentle rustling of leaves and the distant melody of a far-off songbird. Aikara's footsteps matched the leisurely pace of the city, as if he were savoring these moments of calm before the storm of the day's activities.
Amidst this serene atmosphere, Aikara navigated the familiar pathways almost mechanically, his mind drifting between the events of the past night and the anticipation of seeing Ellie. Finally arriving at her doorstep, he paused for a moment to collect himself before gently rapping on the door. With a creak, the door opened, revealing Ellie.
The concern in her voice was evident as she greeted him, "You look tired. You don't have to visit every day, you know."
Aikara leaned casually against the doorway, projecting an air of confidence mixed with a touch of playfulness. "Hey, no need to worry about me," he reassured, his brilliant smile capable of brightening even the dullest day. Playfully raising two fingers in a peace sign, he added, "I'm feeling totally fine, no biggie."
"And, of course, I'll be dropping by every day," Aikara continued with a wink, "I mean, who else would you have to interact with? You might end up getting way too lonely without me here to keep you entertained and maybe do a bit of harmless teasing."
"I was wrong to worry about you," Ellie admitted with a sigh, her fingers gently massaging her forehead in response to Aikara's playful antics. "Come in." She stepped inside the apartment, and Aikara eagerly followed suit.
The once-cluttered apartment now sparkled with newfound tidiness, thanks to Ellie's efforts and Aikara's helpful hand. They settled into their usual spots, and the familiarity of their shared space felt comforting as they began to talk, just like they always had.
Their conversation meandered through random topics, ranging from intriguing occurrences to delightful sights they had come across. After a few minutes of light banter, Aikara's eyes lit up with enthusiasm as he started to recount his time on the set and the incredible experiences it brought.
"Hey, guess what?" Aikara exclaimed, his voice brimming with excitement. "The sets for filming were ridiculously cool! Seriously, you wouldn't believe it! There were these tapes on the floor, guiding us where to step, and the camera work was nothing short of excellent! It perfectly complemented the actors and the scenes."
His playful smile grew, revealing the joy he found in sharing this exhilarating experience. "It's been forever since I felt such excitement! Being on set, surrounded by all that creative energy... it's like a dream come true!" His eyes shimmered with genuine admiration, expressing his deep love for acting.
As he continued narrating his adventures, his hands animatedly gestured, illustrating the grandiosity of the sets and the precision of the camera movements. His infectious enthusiasm could easily captivate anyone listening, drawing them into his world of passion and creativity
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(Ellie POV)
As I watched Aikara enthusiastically talk about his experiences during rehearsal, a certain memory resurfaced in my mind, one that had been buried deep within my consciousness.
It was a memory of Ai and me, conversing after shooting our scenes for director Gotanda's movie. Amidst the whirlwind of emotions that seemed to engulf Ai, I distinctly recalled the fervent expression on her face as she spoke about acting – a passion mirrored now by Aikara's own enthusiasm.
However, there was a striking difference between the two instances. While Aikara exuded excitement for his own acting, Ai's fervor was directed towards Aikara's potential as an actor. She wore a proud smile, expressing her admiration for Miyako's son, which had taken me by surprise at that time who still didn't know he was her son, so I had never expected Ai to be so closely connected to Aikara.
Then, the words she uttered that day, which I had somehow forgotten until now, echoed in my mind once more: "Hey Ellie, I'm sure Aikara's going to be an excellent actor, don't you think so too? I'm so excited to see him all grown up. I can't wait!"
As the memory resurfaced, a sense of disgust washed over me, not towards Ai, but towards myself. A realization dawned upon me.
Throughout all the times I prevented Aikara from pursuing acting, I had convinced myself that I was merely following Ai's wish to keep him safe. I assumed she would have supported my decision. But now, vividly recalling her proud smile as she spoke about Aikara's future as an actor, I knew with certainty that she would never have endorsed my actions.
Why had it taken me this long to realize it?
Yet, deep down, I had always known that Ai wouldn't have agreed with my interference. Still, I had continued to thwart Aikara's dreams.
I explored various explanations, searching for reasons to justify my actions, but with bitter clarity, I came to an undeniable conclusion: my actions were driven by selfishness.
As Ai had astutely observed, I projected Noah's fate onto Aikara, and the fear of losing him as I had lost Noah to a tragic car accident consumed me. I desperately clung to the notion that fulfilling Ai's wish was my motivation, all the while failing to recognize the true source of my actions – my own fear of losing another person dear to me.
Protecting him from potential harm became my excuse, regardless of whether it aligned with Ai's true desires. I couldn't bear the thought of Aikara suffering or facing danger, and in my misguided sense of protection, I suppressed his dreams, no matter the cost.
A heavy emptiness settled in my heart as I delved into this realization, acknowledging the selfishness that had driven me for so long.
Before I could sink further into contemplation, Aikara's voice pulled me back to the present, breaking the grip of my thoughts, and I returned to the world where I had to confront the consequences of my actions.
"You okay, Ellie-nee? You're not responding to me," Aikara asked with genuine concern etched on his face.
As I observed the genuine worry in his eyes, a tide of self-disgust swelled within me. Throughout all this time, despite my actions of hindering his acting aspirations, he had never given up on visiting me. He remained such a kind-hearted and compassionate person. And what had I been doing to him? Selfishly imposing my desires on him, that's what.
I wasn't honoring Ai's wishes, and it was time for me to acknowledge that.
Perhaps it was time to put an end to my meddling.
My mind felt like a turbulent storm, and I knew I needed time to sort through my thoughts and feelings.
"Let's end our discussion today," I firmly stated, leaving no room for debate.
He must have sensed the seriousness in my tone as he nodded in understanding, bidding his goodbyes.
"Sure thing," he replied, "But if you need my help, make sure to call me." With that, he waved goodbye and left, leaving me alone in the living room, surrounded only by the echoes of my thoughts.
I walked over to the balcony, seeking solace in the embrace of the wind and the touch of sunlight on my skin. Gradually, as the elements enveloped me, I felt my chaotic thoughts begin to calm.
Memories of the past cascaded through my mind, an overwhelming torrent of joy, pain, and longing. From the heartache of my parents abandoning me to the torment of bullying at the orphanage, I relived the bittersweet moments that shaped my journey. Noah's arrival had been a beacon of hope, a guiding light that illuminated my path through the darkness. But as quickly as he appeared, he vanished, leaving me feeling adrift and alone once more.
The warmth of being adopted by Japanese parents was fleeting, eclipsed by their abandonment when I dared to dream of becoming an idol. The devastating reality of Noah's death lingered, leaving behind scars that manifested as PTSD, a constant reminder of the love I had lost.
Then came Ai, like a ray of sunshine breaking through the storm clouds. She became my newfound guiding light, illuminating my path and helping me find my way. Meeting Aikara, and spending more time with the two of them, it gave me strength to recover from my PTSD. But fate had other plans, and Ai's tragic demise left me grappling with grief once more.
I saw Aikara's determined face as he spoke of seeking revenge against his father, and I vividly recalled my own futile declarations to stop him, which only seemed to fuel his hatred towards me. For years, I dedicated myself to preventing him from pursuing an acting career, even if it meant hurting others along the way. And yet, despite all the animosity, he continued to visit me, unwilling to let our relationship fade away.
He truly is kind.
As I closed my eyes, the weight of the scorn and criticism I endured from the entertainment industry for trying to thwart an innocent actor resurfaced. The burden felt heavy, threatening to drown me in regret and despair. I began to question the purpose of my existence, feeling as though I merely drifted through life without a true reason to live.
The thought of ending it all and reuniting with Ai and Noah tempted me, offering the allure of an escape from the pain. But as quickly as the notion emerged, I shook my head with such force that it brought on a sharp ache.
Internally, I chastised myself for entertaining such thoughts. I reminded myself that Aikara still existed, and I knew deep down that he continued to seek his father for revenge. As long as he was alive, I couldn't abandon him, for I was certain that leaving him alone would only lead to his demise.
But how can I put an end to his revenge? For the past twelve years, I've tried tirelessly, yet I've failed at every turn.
My mind churns with endless possibilities, sifting through countless solutions until, at last, a simple yet effective plan dawns on me. I wonder why I hadn't thought of it until now.
It's simple—I'll kill Aikara's father myself.
The man responsible for Ai's death, Aikara's father, I will kill him directly.
If I do that, Aikara won't have to face death anymore, and perhaps then, I can find peace in my own demise.
I've convinced myself that I have no reason to live, save for safeguarding Aikara, so I should at least kill his father before considering my own end.
Unexpectedly, memories come rushing back, and I find myself immersed in a cascade of images featuring Aikara. Day after day, he visited me, wearing an unwavering smile even when he knew I was working against his goals. Despite my initial indifference, he persisted in being there for me, showing me kindness and understanding.
As these memories fill my mind, a small but genuine smile appears at the corners of my lips. It's as if those moments of unwavering support have etched themselves into my heart, leaving an indelible mark.
Yeah, who am I trying to fool when I say I don't have a reason to live, so I'll be willing to die?
It's not because I lack a reason to live that I'm willing to die. I am far from weak enough to seek that escape. Don't underestimate me—I'm a child who has endured years of PTSD, bullying, depression, and the haunting effects of abandonment.
I'm willing to die because in the depths of my soul, there exists something so profoundly meaningful that I am willing to make the ultimate sacrifice – to lay down my life for its pursuit, and that's you Aikara.
I cannot express enough gratitude for your unwavering support and understanding, even in the face of my flaws and selfishness. Your presence, visiting me day after day, has meant the world to me. And now, it's my turn to offer you help, to repay your kindness, even if it means paying the ultimate price.
Noah, I know your heart is filled with compassion and empathy. So I'm sure you'll support me sacrificing myself. Your support, just like Aikara's, has been a source of strength, and I hope you can find solace in knowing that my actions are driven by the profound meaning I've discovered in my life.
As for you, Ai, I'm sure you'll also support my decision because I know you want nothing more than to see your kid's dreams come to fruition. I cherish the bond we share, and I know you wish for my happiness as well. By taking this path, I hope to ensure that your child's aspirations are not hindered by any obstacle, not even myself.
While it may seem like a daunting decision, the certainty of my purpose makes the sacrifice bearable. In this act, I hope to leave behind a legacy that speaks of love, compassion, and the willingness to stand for what truly matters.
For those who have supported me and for those whom I hold dear, I offer my life as a testament of the depth of my devotion. May it become a guiding light for others to find their own meaning and embrace the courage to pursue their dreams.
Thank you, Aikara, Noah, and Ai, for being the pillars of strength in my life. I go forth with the knowledge that your understanding and love will forever remain in my heart, even as I walk a path that demands great sacrifice.
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A.N
Such a heavy ending for a chapter.
Anyways, you guys can now celebrate, Ellie's not going to stop Aikara anymore, aren't you guys happy?
Instead, she'll kill the father then die herself.
Character development at it's finest.
I never expected this direction with Ellie tbh.
I really planned for her to be the antagonist, but it just played out in this way.
And in the chapter, you guys can probably see that Ellie has little self-worth, she really thinks that Noah and Ai will support her decision to sacrifice herself? Such a foolish girl unfortunately, I hope she can find self worth in herself as she lives out her life happily.
And the Sweet Today Arc is finally finished!
Yay.
Now, it's highschool, secret(I dont wanna spoil you), love now, idol, etc.
And lately, I've been noticing this, but isn't my chapters getting too long?
I said at the beginning of my novel to only expect 1500-1800 words, and right now the word count is 2600.
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