The Demon's Enslaved

LV 14

Haizao

3 Chapters in, and Mia_625 is proving she has a good grasp of characterization and description that made me find Melanie and her situation quite intriguing. The author has a solid start here, and I'm thoroughly pleased to have given the story a chance and a review. Here's hoping for more good drama!

LV 11

PEARL_WANG

interesting, it will be a great one, the writing is quite good and i am looking forward for the chapters, i like the new concept, for me it's my first time reading such a novel, i thought it was romance but I think its not. AWesome!

LV 2

miu_hozuki

The language is clean, and the story is well written. The progression does feel a little slow, but every scene has this sense of needing to be there. it's like slow start leading to an extremely thrilling movie ... Story has that sort of mystery. Try it ! it just might be your cup of tea.

LV 11

DJK805

Like a black hole it draws you in and won’t let you go

LV 14

Dehni_Olsen

Please know that I only review the first 5 chapters. Synopsis: This is a perfect example of… “If only…” I began this synopsis with hope because the first paragraph was great. And then we get super confusing. - Issue – This sentence makes very little sense, so I’m going to rewrite it for the author. “Investigative the unknown forces was a scary adventure her being a good example of a curious cat fearlessly delving into the unknown was initially daunting,…” - Rewrite – Investigating the unknown would be scary to anyone but it was especially so for Melanie. Her normally boring life became filled with adrenaline and adventure, forcing Melanie to become like a curious cat, fearlessly delving into one of the most daunting tasks she’s ever faced. With that issue aside, the synopsis does do a good job of pulling in interest. I suggest the author redo it so that it flows better. Writing Quality: I’m not sure where to start because I enjoyed the author’s writing style, yet I also found many issues. I’ll show them here: - This example shows how great the author is with their writing. They describe and write with ease and smoothness. – “Mel dragged her tired body along slowly, as darkness began to set in. She hoped to reach her destination soon so she could get some much-needed rest. The farewell party from the night before had left her feeling exhausted.” - Issue – However, while this author was able to describe things well, sometimes it was too much. There was simply too much unneeded description. In this example, you’ll see that the author mentioned the character’s neck twice. She also made her FL “Perfect”. This is not good. You want diversity and room for growth in your FL. – “With her hands tucked into the pockets of her hoodie, she was a true vision of beauty, with luscious dark-brown locks cascading down her slender neck, delicate lips that curved gracefully into a captivating smile, a perfectly sculpted figure, and a long neck that exuded elegance.” - Issue – In the following examples, you will see where the author made grammar/word errors. They were scattered throughout the chapters. Sadly, not only does this pull the reader from any immersion they were able to create but it causes frustration as well. It should not be “the father” and instead should be “her father”. – “Upstairs, there were two more bedrooms, one of which served as a home office for the father.” - Issue – “she didn’t think she had.” – “Mel watched as the detectives grilled her one by one, demanding answers she didn't think she have.” - Issue – This one also includes the author jumping tenses, past and present. Along with words errors. – “Although it was still early morning and she had few hours to prepare for the afternoon meeting with the other criminology officers, she can't get enough of her mother.” - Issue – This one shows an example of how the sentence structure stumbled and had further mistakes in grammar. – “Her mother was a splendid cook. Mel simply believe her mother could make any dish taste delicious with a dash of her magic hand and her recipe brain.” I would advise this author to reread her work. Reread, reread and reread. I can’t suggest that enough to new authors. The errors in their writing could be easily fixed by double checking their work. Secondly, I would like the author to research Lead characters and how to make them audience worthy. But I’ll explain more on that in the Character Design section. For now, this section receives 3 stars. Story Development: Sadly, this was my least favorite section for this author. While I feel like the author has budding talent, the story’s flow bored me. I had to fight my way through the chapters I read because there was so much mundane. There was so much explanation of things, that I had to fight not to skip ahead and past the current scene. I will try to give examples so as to help the author best: - Issue – This was said, RIGHT AFTER it was written that the FL was in a hurry and had to leave – “After finishing her lunch, she collapsed directly onto the bed as exhaustion overtook her body, and she slipped into a deep slumber.” - Issue – Here we were just described how the house looked and shortly after it goes into how her brother is a vet and it just feels like it goes on forever. – “As she was starving and hadn't eaten anything on the flight, they didn't engage in many conversations with her.” - Issue – Here we see another interaction that is pointless. I simply want to move on and see what happens at the airport. It goes further into her buying a ticket and going from one place to the other. It all could have been summed up with “After several long minutes of traveling the airport in search of a ticket, she found herself stumbling onto a crime scene.” – “"Excuse me, Miss, have you downloaded your air ticket?" the woman at the counter asked when she noticed that Mel only had her passport out. I appreciate the authors ability for including scenes to better show off her characters, doing so caused the story to slow and forced me into losing interest. This section receives 2 stars. Character Design: I want to express my appreciation once again to the author. More often than not I find characters on WN to be very 2D. Meaning they are flat and have no substance. They would fall off the page if they didn’t have ink to keep them up. This author describes her characters well. She takes time to really showcase them. Sadly, this is also to the author’s detriment. Sometimes, the author goes overboard, as I expressed previously, in the Writing section. Yet that is not fully what I wish to talk about. The author has made every lead character, so far, perfect. They are flawless and have great smiles and great bodies and are witty and brilliant. As readers, we MUST see growth in the characters so that we can feel attached to them and I feel like the FL has no area for her to grow in. You will lose readers because of that. My suggestion here would be for the author to research character growth and what appeals to readers best regarding growth. I’m torn in this area. However, I feel like the author has potential and deserves praise in that regard. This section receives 4 stars. World Background: The author truly excels here. I felt like I could place myself in the characters shoes so to speak. She made the airport large and chaotic, as an airport should be. She showcased the dorm the FL character lived in, very well. This section receives 5 stars. Sadly, I could not get through the full 5 chapters. It was difficult because the flow of the story felt very stagnant. I suggest removing some of the mundane and bringing the story to a more appealing scene. But most importantly, please don’t stop writing. I feel like the premise behind this story is great and I would love to see what happens next.

LV 12

TheLastRemnants

I have always been of traditionally styled writing. She beautifully paints vivid images with her words, and the flow is amazing. You can definitely tell she loves writing and she puts her all into it. ❤️

LV 12

Harem_Queen

So the writing is great and the story seems interesting and well thought out. For those who loves crime story, with a bit of a dark edge this will definitely be for you!😊

LV 4

Mel_goddess123

love this book, deffo my cup of tea, author did a great job with character personalization and plot, I'd totally recommend this book

LV 13

Justin_Gabventure

Love this book! Read first three chapters and you would be drawn right in! Give this book a chance and you surely would not be disappointed. So therefore, I highly recommend this book [img=update][img=update]