Chapter 3: Open Heart
My phone rang, bringing me out of my deep thought. The conversation I just had with Carter felt awkward and confusing. Now it seemed full of deception as well. I knew that I wanted to be a part of Carter's life too, not just CJ's. Now I felt like the one telling lies. I looked at the player's screen in my car and saw it was Roxanna calling me. I touched it to answer.
"What's up, Roxanna?" I answered as I maintained my focus on the road as I drove.
"Hey, girl. Where are you at?" She says it cheerfully.
"On my way back to your house. I just left Carter's."
"I just got off work. Meet me at Hot and Spicy. I wanna hear all about it before Leon gets home," she said with excitement.
"Home?"
"Oh, yeah right. I need to explain that. Just bring your butt here. You're my ticket home either way."
"Alright. I'm on my way."
I smiled.
*****
"I would take it as a good sign. You are aware of his fierce loyalty and protective side to CJ. He is aware that by asking you back, he is also welcoming you into his life. He has every right to decline, and he could have done so," Roxanna said, stating the facts as she sprinkled burning butt sauce on her chicken tacos.
I stared at her after looking up from my beef burrito. How on earth could she think that? But the way she looked at me with narrowed eyes made me quickly quit trying to deny it.
Roxanna got the nickname 'Rocks' from our college friends because, according to them, she was the verbal heavyweight champion when we were in college. She didn't pick fights, but they all ended in a 'TKO' thanks to her quick wit and superiority. She was small, at only five feet and five inches, so even I had significant reservations about my ability to defeat her in combat.
We had been close friends since our first year of college, and even when we shared a home when I was in graduate school, we never had a serious argument. I could tell by the way Roxanna was staring at me now that she was prepared to fight for that claim.
I scooped up my mashed potatoes and guzzled my spoon like a child, in my mouth. I attempted to understand her reasoning while savoring the bacon and cheese flavors. Carter pulled me out of CJ's life after the incident at the hospital. Who wouldn't? After learning of the lies, his heart was broken. I start thinking as my mind runs wild.
*****
-Flashback: November 27, 2010-
I was in the hospital. CJ was lying on a bed. Here I was sitting holding CJ's hand, in a hospital room. I kept going over and over all the signs repeatedly in my head. What did I miss? I knew nothing about medicine. I was now considering whether or not I had listened to my father, who had spent my entire childhood preparing me to attend medical school and become a doctor. If things would be different, I might even have some knowledge. However, I'm really happy I changed my mind since I couldn't even recognize asthma in a four-year-old.
I sat there remembering when CJ's mother, Shana, said he was recovering from a cold. Then she and my brother, Dale, went off to go on a date. Shana was a business owner and a single mother who didn't have a ton of time to date. In the beginning, it was just a job, and I gladly babysat CJ whenever I could, especially on the weekends. Even after finding out that Shana and Dale were dating, it didn't change anything. So, after seven months of them dating, I'd grown attached to CJ.
CJ didn't begin coughing or scratching his chest throat before I realized something was wrong until he started wheezing and rubbing his chest. He was currently dozing in a hospital bed while wearing a respiratory mask and an IV.
Suddenly, a man raced to CJ's bedside, interrupting my self-pitying thoughts. He was wearing a suit, sharp-looking, and well-fitted. He had on exactly the sort of thing that a woman would pick out for her man to wear to a formal event. The nurse came in shortly after trailing him inside the room. Something about him made me a bit nervous as he came over and examined CJ. The look on his face became much paler and was uncannily similar to CJ's.
"Are you his legal guardian?" The nurse asked him while overlooking CJ's chart.
"Yes. I'm his dad," he answered. Anger washed over me over that half-truth; I could feel my body tensing. He might have been his biological father, but he certainly didn't act that way. Not like a dad should.
"Your child has been diagnosed with asthma. He had an episode, and the medication and oxygen are helping. A doctor will be in shortly to talk to you. Has his mother arrived yet?"
"Yes. She should be here soon," I answered. The nurse nodded and left the room.
"Where is Shana?" CJ's 'dad' asked me. His cold tone and stare threw me off.
"On her way," I answered briefly, matching his tone.
The last time I talked to my brother, they were leaving his apartment and heading back to San Francisco, from Oakland. It was a thirty-minute drive, but I was sure traffic and hospital parking were the reasons they hadn't arrived yet.
"Who are you?" He asked furiously, finally looking over at me. "Why wasn't Shana with our son?"
"I'm his babysitter," I crossed my arms, pissed at his line of questioning. Since he wasn't involved in his son's life enough to know who was watching him, he had no right to inquire. "It's difficult for her to be a full-time mom while working. What makes it worst is when the father abandons his son; she deserves a break now and again," I answered sharply. I could hardly suppress my disgust.
His expression became emotionless, and I saw him grimace. I congratulated myself in my head. It was only fair to embarrass him even more; he deserved it. Just then, Shana raced into the room in a hurry. I quickly got up so she could sit next to her son.
"Oh CJ," she shrieked as she came to CJ's side. Shana then flinched and blinked when she turned to see CJ's father, which I saw. I found it disgusting that his presence was enough to upset her.
"Carter," the words breathlessly left her lips.
"What happened?" Shana asked, sitting down, turning away from Carter to me.
"He had an asthma attack while we were playing hide and seek," I answered mournfully.
"Oh, god," she moaned.
"Shana-" Carter started to address her.
"Can I find out what's wrong with my son first, please?" She sobbed, not wanting to gaze his way. I glanced back and forth between them, completely perplexed by their interaction.
"Thank goodness the babysitter was with him and had the foresight to take him to the ER. I'm trying to figure out why you got a sitter in order to go Christmas shopping. My mother would have kept an eye on him," Carter questioned her. "Also, I am trying to figure out how it is that you're a single mother who suddenly has a job when you don't need to work. Plus… Am I that worthless of a father who isn't involved in his son's life?"
I immediately understood what was happening. My eyes widened as she gave me a shot, reproachful glare.
This lying, cheating, b**** -
I was unable to complete my sentence in my thought because my brother Dale came into the room. He immediately went to Shana's side; all eyes were focused on him. The worst thing someone could do to me, other than harm my family, is to cheat.
"Where were you… Shana?" Carter asked her softly. Something about the way he spoke and the way he looked at her broke my heart; it was a mix of fury, incredulity, and a glimmer of hope that she had a plausible defense for her lies. I jumped up and grabbed Dale's arm because I realized the situation was hopeless, there was no saving the situation.
"We need to go. Now," I said sharply under my breath, pulling on his arm.
"What? No. I'm not leaving them alone," Dale said, protectively, shaking me away. That's when I also realized that Dale knew. I myself could recognize when you were being used.
"Dale-" Regardless of my anger, triggered within me. I knew I would be begging on death's ears.
"No stay," Carter demanded, harshly. He looked at me and my brother coldly. It gave me chills. "If my fiancée wants you here, you should stay."
*****
-Present-
Carter needed some time to acclimatize and make sense of things, and I entirely understood that. I wasn't going to argue that, but I had experienced what it was like to be abandoned when I was a little child and had no idea why. Before giving me up for adoption, my mother reared me until I was five years old. I still had some unanswered questions. I wasn't going to harm CJ in that way. That year, for Christmas, I sent him a tablet pre-loaded with games and our mutual photos so he would know I hadn't forgotten about him. Carter was upset by my presence but eventually came around to me being in CJ's life. That situation was worse than now. Why would he want to keep me away?
Roxanna shook her head when I explained. "That circumstance was beyond your control. Shana and Dale both fooled you both. Whatever happened after that was all your fault. You had exclusive responsibility for this scenario, and you botched it up," Roxanna declared, taking a bite of her fried potatoes. "Big time," she emphasized.
"That's not fair. Just because I didn't want to be with him-"
Roxanna scoffed and gave me her 'tell that to someone else who will believe it' smirk.
"I wasn't ready to be with him," I corrected, "It doesn't give him the right to just cut me off."
"Yes, you made it uncomfortable for him still talking to his son. Even when you departed, didn't you go against his wishes to maintain your friendship with CJ? That should be sufficient grounds for him to disconnect you."
I blushed with shame. CJ and I got to say our final goodbyes, and I vowed to stay in touch. At the time, Carter told me I didn't have to. He assured me that he would explain my absence and that CJ would eventually learn to accept it. Yet, that idea made me feel so miserable, and depressed.
On the days I knew Leon, Carter's younger brother, and now Roxanna's current boyfriend, was keeping an eye on CJ, I made sure to phone him and talk to him. It persisted for a few weeks before Leon called. He yelled at me and told me it wasn't right to put him between Carter and me.
I didn't realize the anger Carter would feel when he found out I was still in contact with his son and hadn't informed him first. I immediately apologized and contacted Carter later that evening. He didn't answer. Eventually, he responded via a text and assured me that it was okay for me to continue speaking with CJ. I was never given the chance to say sorry.
"I can see why you did it, believe me. But do you comprehend why he didn't think this was okay, and why it was such a big deal? Even Leon thought you were a b**** for that, you know," Roxanna explained.
That made me groan. When it came to Carter and I being together, Leon was once my biggest advocate. It actually made me feel worse to know that he felt that way.
"This time, I believe you have to be open and honest about all of the potential outcomes with your heart. If you have nothing to lie about, then, there is nothing to hide. I would rather someone hate me for telling the truth than love me if I told them otherwise," Roxanna gave a pity look. "Either way, lying to the one who knows you the best… might just be fatal to you instead," she finished.
I nodded sadly. Knowing I might have gone down the wrong path already.
"Now, get your bearings together! You've only been here back for eight hours! I wanna have fun, I desire amusement. Not think about sending you back from the dark hole you came!"
I smiled at that. "That won't take place. The sass b**** is back.!"
"B****! Go get us more queso. You finished the last of it!"
We both burst out laughing and giggling.
"Oh, one more thing," Roxanna said, and I looked at her questioningly. "Leon lives with me, so we are all going to be roommates," she cheered.
I cover my face and groaned inside.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
Lovell_Curts
Lovell_Curts Like it ? Add to library！
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone