Chapter 2: I am strong...
Mattias could smell the strong smell of disinfectants hanging in the air lingering in the hospital room. Mattias never visited the hospital, not even once, but for him, he didn't want to experience it another time.
Visiting hospitals regularly should be the practice. Though he never got to visit once even if he was little because he was a healthy child.
Mattias' mother, Marissa, never had to bring any of her children to the hospital because they grew up healthy. Yet, they had to go. It was because their mother, Marissa herself, was at the hospital.
The hushed whispers, the cold air, the opening and closing of the doors, the rushed footsteps, and beeping noise made the atmosphere of the hospital solemn.
At the moment, Mattias was looking at her mother who was frowning while sleeping. He had never seen his mother so weak. He should have seen it. He should have crossed the line his mother made. But, he was scared. He was scared that if he crossed it, his mother who was full of vitality and strength would collapse. And right there and then, he might also collapse due to his bottled up emotions.
Mattias thought he was doing fine. No, he thought they were all doing fine. Even if their father left them, they learned how to cope with life. They helped each other and grew closer. Mattias would never have imagined that they could grow closer than ever.
"Am I wrong?"
Mattias asked while looking at his mother. He thought she had moved on. But, it seemed that she was handling all the burdens by herself. Mattias thought he had done a great job as the eldest child. But, he might not have or else he would not be here.
Mattias straightened his mother's frown. He held her hands and he could feel how weak his mother was at the moment. Mattias wanted to cry and apologize for his cowardice. He should have done better and assured his mother that they would be alright. He should have said it everyday.
Though he couldn't. He shouldn't show his weakness, not right now. He had to take the burden of making sure that they had something to eat. He had to reassure his mother that he could support all the expenses alone.
He might need to find another job. A higher paying job than working in a restaurant. He had been working at the restaurant for three years, but it's time to let go. The pay was not as good as others. He only stayed because of loyalty. Loyalty couldn't feed their family.
The doctor told him that he shouldn't let his mother be alone nor let her do any work including household chores. The doctor told him that she was just fatigued. An ample rest was needed.
Mattias asked if she had an illness, but the doctor said that they didn't find any problem. She was just exhausted both physically and mentally. She might have collapsed due to lack of sleep and too much mental strain.
Mattias didn't know what exactly happened, but the atmosphere at his mother's work place was too strained. Even if his mother collapsed, no one showed concern, only judging eyes. He might have to visit his mother's work place and settle it once and for all. And while he was there, he'd file a sick leave for his mother. If they wouldn't allow it, he might as well pass a resignation letter.
'Ah, I had to tell my boss that I will be late.'
Mattias fetched his phone in his pocket and composed a text message.
[Boss, I might be late for two hours at most, my mom was at the hospital at the moment. I had to wait for my sister to arrive and change shifts with me.]
Not a minute later, Mattias received a reply with a simple 'Sure, no problem, take your time.'
Mattias' boss didn't ask why nor told him about deducting his salary. In fact, Mattias' boss at the gay bar was so kind that if an emergency happened like what happened to Mattias, she would be understanding and not deduct any payment. Thus, no one wanted to resign at their job. The salary was too good and the boss was also good at her employees. The only problem that Mattias had was being hit on from time to time, if not everyday.
Mattias grew accustomed to these subtle hints. So, Mattias would always decline politely. Mattias' world view widened. because of working in a gay bar.
If before, he could not tell if the other person was hitting on him, now he could tell if the person who was talking with him was interested in him. Mattias was not against other genders but he also didn't want to be involved in their business. He didn't want to have any problems arise because he couldn't handle it. Before he worked, he also broke up with his girlfriend because he couldn't afford to hurt others while he was focused on something completely unrelated to her.
Mattias had no time for such attachments. He had no desire to waste energy and time. Even though from time to time he wished that someone could be with him, more than friends, he would always slap himself if he ever did think of it. It was better to stop these thoughts before it could sprout.
The sound of the door opening snapped Mattias from his wandering thoughts.
"How's mom?"
Mattias heard his younger sister's voice, Carline, the second child. She was in her second year of college.
"Where's Carmen and Marco?"
"I left them at the house. I told them not to worry about anything."
"Okay, that's good. I'll stay here for another hour then I'll go to work."
Carline went towards the left side of her mother's bed. She grasped her hands with her left hand while she gently caressed her mother's head.
"Will she really be alright?"
Mattias heard the concern laced on his sister's voice. Even if he, himself, didn't trust the doctor's findings. Thus, he decided to stay at least three days in the hospital and rented a small private room.
"Yes, don't worry. I'll take care of everything. You stay here at night while I'll stay here in the mornings and afternoon. Don't worry mom will be alright. And she may wake up any second now. So, tell her that I took care of everything. Assure her that she only needs to rest."
Carline looked at her older brother. Looking at his expression, she didn't find anything wrong. So, she nodded her head. She suddenly realized a big problem.
"This... how much is this private room per night?"
"..."
"Do we have enough money?"
"It's fine. I'll take care of it."
Carline sighed. She knew how much stubborn Mattias could get. She decided to drop it and trust her older brother.
"Okay, I won't ask anymore. I'll just pretend that everything has been taken care of. I can file for absence in my school."
"No, you go to school. I told you, I'll take care of everything. You just stay here from 6pm to 5am."
"Alright. What will you do about mom's work?"
"Oh, I forgot about that. I guess you'll be absent in your morning class."
"It's fine. My grades are good. One absence will not cause me to fail."
"Okay. Have you eaten? How about Carmen and Marco?"
"I've cooked them food before leaving. And Carmen's old enough to take care of their breakfast. Stop being overprotective, we've grown up. You know you can't collapse too. You better take care of yourself."
Mattias smiled when he heard her concern. He also didn't want to collapse while his mother was in the hospital. He didn't want to tell his sister where he would get the money. Because, even himself, didn't know where.
If he couldn't get money anywhere... Mattias didn't want to know what he would do. So, it's better to stop there.
"Don't worry about your big brother. I am strong. I am as strong as the bull!"
"Even bulls can be tired sometimes!"
Mattias pouted, but deep inside, he knew that even bulls have their weak moments. But, he had to be strong. He was the eldest. It was his responsibility. He was not forced to do so. He wasn't his father. He was not going to run. He would persevere and move forward.
"Stop. Let's just watch the TV. Let's make the most of it. The room's a little expensive."
Carline didn't react. Instead, she went to find the remote control and turned on the television. It was ten minutes past five.
When the television turned on, it was currently showing an ad. Unlike Carline, Mattias recognized the ad. It was too familiar for him.
It was so familiar that he almost reminisced about the past. Mattias didn't need those unnecessary emotions, so he stomped on it before it could grow. He must not let himself think about his past. It was already his past, no need to regret anything. What he needed to do most was to be the anchor of their family.
Mattias drowned out the ad by opening his phone and playing a loud random song. Carline looked at him and she looked confused but Mattias didn't stop until the next ad was shown. Mattias earned the 'you're crazy' look from Carline. He could only purse his lips and remain calm as he could. But, his beating heart betrayed him.
He heard bits of information even though his music was loud. The heart seemed to agree with his brain for once even though he hoped to forget it.
In Mattias' mind, the words 'VR' and 'Tadhana' kept repeating itself until he went crazy and knocked his head three times to stop himself from thinking about it.
He had gone crazy, really crazy. In the back of his mind, he wanted to play the game. To show his name once more.
'I need to keep myself busy...'
So, Mattias didn't waste any more time. He bid farewell both to his sister and his mother who was still sleeping. Before Mattias left, he kissed his mother's forehead and mumbled for her to take care of herself.
Mattias first went to the restaurant he was working at. He told the owner that he'd quit his job because of an unforeseen event.
Fortunately, Mattias was good at his job so the owner told him that he could come back whenever he wanted to and didn't ask for further info about the reason he was quitting.
After it was all done, Mattias set off and went to the gay bar named 'Exquisite'. It was where he was working. When he arrived, he directly went inside the back door and went straight to knock on the owner's office.
"Come in."
Mattias opened the door when he heard that his boss was inside and closed it. Mattias saw his boss busily clicking the mouse and keyboard, he could also hear some sound coming from the speaker but the volume was so low that Mattias almost missed it.
'She's playing again...'
Unlike her appearance, Beverly, not her real name, was a strong woman. She was beautiful, charming, mature, and a good boss. When Mattias was looking for a second job, he stumbled upon the bar and saw a job post on the door.
At that time, Mattias didn't know it was a gay bar. So, when Beverly asked him some questions and he answered it seriously as best as he could. Beverly only laughed at him and told him he was a funny guy and he was hired.
When Mattias' first day of work came, he was assigned to be trained by his senior in the work. At first, he didn't realize that they only had men customers, not only that, but from time to time there would be glances coming in his way, taking a peek at him.
Mattias' first week was spent knowing how to make drinks and the ins and outs of the job they were doing.
Like its name 'Exquisite', the bar looked beautiful and elegant. So, only those people with influencial background and some money could come inside. Without a membership card, no one was allowed inside even if they had a lot of money.
It was a new world to Mattias. And sure enough, his worldview of the world changed.
It happened when it was on his first month of working at the bar. Behind the counter there were at least two people working, but that night, Mattias was the only one behind the counter.
The customers at that time all knew that their time had come. From time to time, Mattias would receive a dinner invitation.
Fortunately Mattias heard how to deal with it, but it seemed that it was not enough. When he thought that he could never take it anymore, a VIP customer went to his rescue.
"Tsk, bunch of wild dogs. Don't invite the guy you're scaring the kid. Go back to your seats, don't bother him."
Like the naive guy he was, Mattias believed that he survived that night. But, who would have thought, it was only a trap made by that customer to lure Mattias out of his safe zone called Exquisite.
There was a hidden rule of the bar and all customers knew about it, even the other employees, except Mattias.
The rule was to respect the employees wishes. So, if declined once, they should drop it or else they would be reported. And Mattias didn't know that, it was intentionally not mentioned by his co-worker that trained him at that time.
With that, Mattias trusted the customer that saved him. Whenever the customer would visit, he would chat with Mattias like a friend, until he got Mattias' number.
He would then invite Mattias to dinner. Mattias declined because he was too busy, and yet the customer never gave up.
Until the day had come when Mattias was at his lowest. He wanted to let go. It was the time when his father who left them contacted him.
Mattias didn't change his number not because he was waiting for his father, he simply didn't want to bother. But, what got him was that his father wanted him, and only him. He hated his father and wanted to curse him, but he couldn't, not yet.
He wanted to prove that they could live without him. So, he kept it in. He didn't reply.
Even if he didn't reply, from time to time his father would message him. He was fed up with it.
So, when the VIP customer asked him for drinks after his shift, instead of declining like he used to, he accepted.
Mattias thought they would drink at their bar, but he was too naive. Mattias and the VIP customer left in the front door.
At that time, everyone knew that someone had won. They were all competing for Mattias, and the wolf in the sheep's clothing won.
It didn't take long before they arrived at a new bar, unlike Exquisite, the bar was full of sweaty bodies, loud music, and blinding lights.
Mattias only wanted to drink so he declined the invitation to the dance floor. He downed drinks after drinks to the point that he forgot what he was saying. The VIP customer that lured him waited and listened patiently.
When Mattias was hammered, he was brought to the hotel. He was already muddle-headed at that time. He was brought by the customer to a hotel room.
And that was the time that scared him to hell. When he thought that he'd sleep peacefully for once, he was awakened by the feeling of feather light kisses that tickled him.
Mattias opened his eyes and what he saw scared him. Mattias' shirt was nowhere to be seen, he didn't remember how and when he removed it, but the guy he thought his friend was doing something inappropriate towards him. Mattias felt goosebumps and he felt sick.
Mattias was woken up when the guy was trying to open his pants. Mattias sat up and pushed the man. Mattias didn't know if it was the adrenaline, but he got out safely in that room with his clothes on. He only remembered it when the next day came.
Mattias came to work like nothing happened, but unlike his wishes, the guy had the nerve to show his face and pretended nothing happened. He still tried to chat with him which disgusted Mattias.
Mattias couldn't take it anymore. Although the pay was high, it was beyond his bottom line to be stared at by a lustful wolf. After his shift, Mattias went and talked to Beverly about quitting.
Right there and then, when Beverly heard the reason, she angrily told Mattias to follow her. She stormed out of her office went to the bar and told the VIP customer to get out of the bar and to never show himself.
If he did come to the bar nor contact Mattias, she'll do everything that she could to take him to the prison. The VIP customer was so scared that he fled not caring about his dignity.
It didn't end there, after that, Beverly fired the guy who trained Mattias. Since then, everyone knew that Beverly wasn't kidding.
Beverly scolded Mattias and told him the rules especially the do's and don'ts when it comes to their customer's invitations. Since then, Mattias knew how to politely decline the invitation from the customers.
"Are you done with your emergency?"
Beverly snapped Mattias out of his thoughts. Mattias looked at Beverly and nodded. There was also another reason why he went inside. So, instead of announcing that he arrived, he waited for Beverly to be done with her game.
"Um..."
"Is there something else you need?"
"Boss..."
Mattias looked everywhere except Beverly. Beverly didn't rush him, instead she waited patiently for Mattias.
"Boss, c-can I borrow some money?"
"..."
When Mattias didn't hear an answer, he couldn't help but glance at Beverly's face when he saw that she was shocked. Mattias couldn't help but explain.
"Boss, I know that it was shameless of me to borrow money from you, but I didn't have a choice. If you couldn't it's also fine. I can just look for another job..."
When Mattias was done. He couldn't help but bow in shame. He wanted to slap himself because he knew how outrageous he sounded.
The atmosphere lasted for a few seconds before the sound of Beverly laughing breaks the silence. Mattias' head whipped up and looked at Beverly laughing while pounding the desk. Mattias was embarrassed, he didn't know what to make of it. Was she laughing at his shamefulness or did she find it amusing?
"Good, good. That made me laugh. You're borrowing money? How much?"
"Y-You're going to lend me money?"
"Should I not?"
"No! I really need money right now!"
"How much?"
"At least, fifty thousand..."
"Oh..."
Another silence descended. Mattias was on edge. He knew that fifty thousand was a lot. It was worth two months of his salary. He didn't have a choice. Mattias knew how shameless he was for borrowing money from his boss, but he was desperate.
He needed money for daily expenses, hospital fees, and his siblings monthly tuition. He resigned from his job in the restaurant because he needed to take care of his mother. Not only that, but he felt that his mother's company might not assist them.
If worse came to worst, at least he had money to spend while taking care of his mother for the meantime. He didn't plan ahead. He couldn't, not yet. He felt that there was more to the story about his mother's work.
When Mattias thought that she wouldn't agree...
"Okay, when do you need it?"
Weekly Power Status
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Ranking 
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