Chapter 47: Chapter 47
I had gotten Viktor to drop me off at my own apartment. As much as I wish I could go back to his condo, I was worried that I would not be able to really think with him around. Let's face it, the man was attractive and, given the fact that I was a self-proclaimed queen of procrastination, I knew that what I had to do would not get done in any other place but my own.
After I got out of the car and said goodbye to Viktor and Sasha, I walked up the eight flights of stairs to my apartment. Yes, I could have taken the elevator, but I needed to kill as much time as possible before I walked through the door. Unfortunately for me, walking up those steps didn't kill me or the time that I was hoping it would. All too soon I unlocked the door and took a step in.
I was well aware that I was living well below my means. After 233 years, you do amass a lot of wealth simply through investing. Add that to my wages as an NYPD Detective and I could probably afford an apartment in the same building as Viktor… maybe not the penthouse, but still more than this.
I shut the door behind me and leaned against it, listening to the neighbors beside me yelling at each other and the one on top… dancing a jig? I wasn't sure, but whatever they were doing, it was loud.
I dropped my keys on the table beside me, took off my jacket, and walked over to the couch. Sinking down into it, I brought my legs up and crossed them in front of me, tailor-fashion. I preferred to call it criss-cross applesauce, but when I said that to a co-worker he asked me if I was still in kindergarten. Would if I could, boyo, would if I could.
See… I'm getting distracted… can't let myself do that. There is nothing that I want to do less than confront my monster, but it is a part of me, so maybe ignoring it for over 200 years wasn't the best idea. It was starting to come out when I was stressed or angry and that was not the time that I should be blowing up and saying things that I did not understand.
I turned off my phone and placed it beside me. Putting my arms in a comfortable position, I leaned back against the cushions and closed my eyes.
It is hard to describe how you look inside yourself. I think that it was different for everyone. Some talk about light in the darkness, others stars, but for me, it was more of a feeling than anything that I saw.
I felt something moving deep down inside; like a sickening feeling that you get in your stomach that lets you know that something was wrong. Maybe that was my issue. Every time my monster moved, I would take that stomach-turning feeling as something bad and suppress it as much as I could. This time though, I didn't. I embraced that feeling.
It started out soft at first; like the monster was worried that I would push her back down into the darkness if she moved too fast. My heart broke at that thought. This was something that was a part of me, that kept me alive when I should have died… that was literally the threads holding me together some days.
I felt her slowly coming up, from my stomach to my chest and heart. I felt her hope as she stretched within the confines of my body. "Hello," I said to her in my mind. I felt her answering 'hello' in return, but there was no voice.
I smiled as I felt Callie unwind herself from my hair, only to tie itself around my neck. The black ribbon lay flat against the front of my neck to tie itself into a bow behind me, the long tails fell behind me down to the small of my back.
As if I was not in full control of my body, I could feel my monster taking my hair out of the messy bun I always kept it in, letting it fall down, covering the bow from behind.
I stretched my neck from right to left, an action that was wholly me and felt a sense of peace cover each part of my body. Muscles I didn't even know I had relaxed as the monster filled the holes in my limbs, my lung, my heart, and my head.
We had become one in a way that I never knew we could be. Mother used to warn me that if I allowed my monster to be free, to take over, it would take complete control of me and I would only be able to watch from a small place inside my body as it decided who lived and who died.
I felt a feeling like scoffing inside my chest and I knew that it was the monster responding to the thoughts in my head. For some reason, I got the feeling that she was no more impressed with my mother than I was right now.
You never knew how incomplete you were until you accepted all of yourself and became complete. I thought I was fine, whole, and happy when I suppressed the monster, but now I realized that I was only a fraction of what I could be if I embraced myself wholeheartedly and completely.
I felt the power rush through me and all the fabric in my apartment trembled in response.
I would no longer be Nadezda Sokol, the weak human Gypsy that, although proud of her heritage, hid everything that she was from everyone.
I had my own House, I had a Beta and now it was time to truly fulfill my role of an Alpha. And the first thing to do… was sleep. I was tired.
Hey, I said that I would become a more complete me, not completely transform into another being. Talk about unrealistic expectations.
Oh, and maybe I should officially introduce myself… my name is Natalia Nadezda Sokol Tesalor, Head of the House Tesalor, soon to be Head of the House Gypsy... and the Ribbon Girl.
Call me Nadia.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone