Chapter 2: 2 To Love A Bastard
When Catelyn's husband tells her the truth of Jon Snow's parentage, she is not sure how to react. She is equal parts relieved that Eddard-Ned- remained faithful to her throughout the war but is also very worried, they are harbouring one of the last scions of a house that Robert Baratheon the new king and her husband's oldest friend hates with a passion, if anywhere to find out about Jon Snow's parentage it would mean all of their heads on spikes no matter that Eddard was Robert's oldest friend, the Lannisters Catelyn has a sneaking suspicion would never rest until their hold on the throne was secure. Catelyn looks up to see her husband looking at her closely, she can see it in his eyes that he is begging her to accept what he has told her and to not ask him to send Jon Snow away, for a moment Catelyn hesitates she knows that the majority of Winterfell believe Jon Snow to be her husband's bastard and how not so when he looks so much like him, so much like Lyanna whom Catelyn met once at Harrenhal the tournament that started this all. But then she remembers what it was like growing up without a mother, how Lysa and Edmure always had her to fall back to, to soothe their hurts and their worries, to play with them and to give them attention when father was to busy being a Lord to really pay any attention to his children, she remembers how at times that felt so suffocating for her, for though she knew how to play mother to her younger siblings, there were times as a child growing up after her mother's death that she desperately wanted her mother there for guidance for help, for a loving embrace at the end of a long day, and it is in that moment that Catelyn makes her decision, the words of her husband's house may be "Winter is Coming," but the words of House Tully, the house she was born into are "Family, Duty, Honour" in that order, Jon Snow is as much her family now as he is her husband's he may not be of her own body, but he is of her blood, and if protecting him and loving him means that her own honour and that of her husband's is brought into question so be it, for she has learnt over the years that there is more to life than honour there is love which is the most important aspect of family life. And so she feels she speaks the truth when she tells her husband that she shall keep to the pretence that Jon Snow is his bastard for his protection no matter what the servants will say, she will not let Jon Snow go without love nor protection, for she is not a Lannister.
As the years role by, Catelyn begins to think she made the right decision that night that her husband told her the truth of Jon Snow's parentage. When Robb and Jon are still babes, she dismissed the wet nurse Wylla, telling her Lord Husband that their children will not know another's breast other than her own, she can see the surprise on both Eddard and Maester Luwin's faces when she says this, but she had decided that if she were to treat Jon as one of her own then she would do all the things she would do if he were of her own body. When Robb and Jon are learning to walk on unsteady feet, her husband is out visiting various bannermen, and so he does not see the way both Robb and Jon hold onto each other as they take their first tentative steps towards Catelyn, who kneels down not too far away with her hands out stretched and when Robb stumbles into her embrace he pulls Jon in with him, and Catelyn feels her heart grow with love and pride that her son and her nephew are already so close. When Robb and Jon first learn to speak her lord husband is present, Catelyn had brought Robb and Jon to his solar one afternoon, and Robb had delighted them both by shouting Winterfell at the top of his lungs followed quickly by the word North, which soon was reduced to just no, and became Robb's favourite word along with Winterfell, earning one of those rare chuckles from Eddard who said that it was a good sign that the heir to Winterfell was already thinking about it at this young age. Jon's first word however, surprises both Catelyn and Eddard, Jon even at this young age is quiet and often in Robb's shadow, following everything Robb does, but when he says his first words , he says them very quietly so that both Catelyn and Eddard have to lean in to hear him, his first two words are "Mother" closely followed by "Father", before he stumbles into Catelyn and fits himself into her arms so that she is hugging him, Catelyn can feel the tears beginning to well up in her eyes as her husband puts a hand on her shoulder, when she looks up into his face she can see that it is full of emotion as well. Catelyn feels her heart swell with love for her nephew, for her husband for the family that they have created, for though Jon Snow is not of her body, she loves him all the same for he is of her blood, bastard though he maybe he is her bastard, and she shall defy anyone to challenge her on that.
And so as the years go by and Robb and Jon grow up, Jon spends as much time as he can with Catelyn, whom he still thinks of his mother, and when Sansa is born, it is Jon is the first after Ned- for he has become Ned now-, and Catelyn herself that holds her and he looks at his sister- cousin really- with such awe and love that Catelyn feels her heart swell with even more love for her nephew. Of course when both Robb and Jon look at her once more, they both promise to look after her and protect her like the knights in the songs and Catelyn knows that they will young though they are. Catelyn knows that Ned keeps an eye on Jon, just to make sure that no prominent Targaryen traits come to the surface, so as to not raise suspicion amongst anyone, but they have both noticed how in certain light Jon's usually grey eyes can look violet, there is also an incident that Ned will later say reminds him of something Lyanna had done once, just before news reaches them of the Greyjoy Rebellion, Robb and Jon are six years old Sansa is three, and a stable boy makes the mistake of breaking one of Sansa's dolls causing Sansa to cry, Robb runs to tell Catelyn whilst Jon tries to comfort Sansa, and also ends up scaring the stable boy, simply by glaring at him in a way that reminds Catelyn of how her Septa as a girl had told her that the great Targaryen kings of the past used to look at those who had wronged them, how her uncle had told her King Aegon had looked on the field of battle before the Stepstones and it gives Catelyn chills.
Ned is away fighting in the Greyjoy Rebellion when Arya is born, looking completely Stark with the dark hair, long face and grey eyes, and Catelyn can't help the wide smile that breaks out across her face when she hears the awe in Jon's voice when he says "She looks just like me." Jon, Catelyn notices spends most of his time after that playing with Arya, he is the one who can get her to quiet when no one else, and when Arya first learns to walk it is to Jon that she toddles up to, and it is Jon's name she says when she learns to speak. Catelyn does notice how jealous Sansa seems to get that she does not have both her brothers attentions anymore, for though Robb still plays with her Jon is thoroughly occupied with Arya, and so it falls to Catelyn to reassure Sansa that no Jon hasn't stopped loving her, he still does and always will, it's just that Arya does not seem to want to give him up yet, and so it is that a few days later that Catelyn can here the laughing of children in the courtyard and when she looks out her window she can see Sansa and Arya running away from Jon and Robb both of whom are throwing snow balls at them, the scene brings a smile to her face.
The first time the issue of Jon's surname or lack of one is brought up is when Theon has been staying with them for a year, Robb is the one who comes running into her solar when Ned is there to tell them that Jon has disappeared. This of course immediately causes them both to panic and the follow Robb out of the room whilst he tries to explain that they were playing at with wooden swords when Theon called Jon a bastard, and when Jon asked him why he said that, Theon replied that his name was Snow because his father slept with someone who was not his mother, Robb then stops and looks at her and says "but that's not true is it mother? Jon's surname is Stark just like mine isn't it mother?" Catelyn knows not what to say to her son and so is grateful when Ned asks Robb to lead him to Theon, leaving Catelyn to look for Jon though she has a rather large suspicion as to where he could be, so like Ned he is in some regards.
In the seven years she has spent in Winterfell she has never truly become used to the godswood or the Weirwood trees with their weeping faces, but she finds Jon kneeling beside the largest tree in the godswood sniffling quietly. She walks up to him quietly and kneels next to him placing a reassuring arm around his shoulders, and when he turns to look at her she feels her heart lurch, his eyes are red, raw with tears, and his hands are curled up into fists at his side and asks in the smallest voice she thinks she has ever heard "Is it true? Is it true what Theon said? That my surname is Snow because father laid with another woman, is that why?"
Catelyn hesitates she is not sure how to respond, shall she tell him the truth or not? She looks at Jon, who looks like his whole world has been brought down around him and decides that no now is not the time to tell him nor is it the place, instead she merely shakes her head and says " Oh sweetling, do not listen to Theon, he was only teasing you, though what he should not have said what he did. No your surname is Snow because when you were born there was such heavy snowfall outside, I decided that Snow would fit you better."
Jon gives a shaky laugh and says "But I am a Stark, and you are my mother? Aren't you mother?"
Catelyn feels her heart tense at his words and with her own voice shaking says "Of course you are a Stark sweetling and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, and of course I am your mother sweetling who else would be? Hmmm." And with that she leans over and begins to tickle his sides causing Jon to break out into laughter, later when she and Jon are walking back to the castle she asks Jon "If you wish sweetling your father can write to the King and ask you to make Stark your last name as well."
Jon looks up at her through his dark curls and his eyes so like Ned's look at her as if assessing whether she means it before he replies "No mama, I don't wish to have the name Stark, I have you and father and Robb, and Sansa and Arya to make me feel like a Stark I don't need the name to know what I am."
Once they arrive back at the Castle Jon will run into Ned's outstretched arms and apologies for scaring him and Robb and Theon will apologies to Jon and then the boys will run on and continue to play, and Catelyn will think about what Jon said to her on the way back to the castle, his words sounded far too wise for a child of only seven, and she knows that Prince Rhaegar was considered smart even as a child and she knows then were Jon's almost solemn wisdom comes from and feels a tinge of sadness that her boy- for he is her boy no matter the truth of his parentage- has inherited such solemness. Later she speaks to Ned about possibly writing to Robert to legitimise Jon, but then they both decide against it deciding that perhaps asking that would raise questions that both of them would be uncomfortable answering or trying to form responses to.
Eight years later when her boys come back from watching an execution of a deserter from the Night's Watch and they arrive with six direwolves in their hands, Catelyn nearly fates, direwolves had not been seen south of the Wall for hundreds of years, but it seems like the gods have sent them for her children especially, a feeling that is reinforced when Jon tells her that the pups mother was killed by a Stag. The pups are all given out each of the Stark children, Robb names his Greywind, Jon names his albino direwolf Ghost a fitting name, Sansa names hers Lady, Arya names hers Nymeria, Bran does not know what to name his direwolf and ponders over various names for hours, Rickon her little babe names his Shaggydog, and it appears her children and their direwolves share an strong bond for wherever her children go so to do their direwolves.
Later that same day a raven arrives in King's Landing the first to arrive in Winterfell for two years, and it bears dark news, when Catelyn goes to the godswood to tell Ned that Jon Arryn has died and that the King rides north, she sees the panic in his eyes for she feels it to. With the King and more importantly so many Lannisters in Winterfell they will have to be especially careful with how they act around Jon, they will of course still be loving with him but they can't act in such a way that will arouse suspicion for Jon is meant to be Ned's bastard and if Catelyn were seen to be acting or treating him as more than that it would raise major suspicion amongst the lions and of course the Queen would more than likely speak to the Spider and their secret would be out.
As it turns out they needn't have worried about how the royal party reacts to Jon Snow's presence for they hardly notice him, though when Robert asks Ned to take him to the crypts to visit Lyanna, Catelyn sees the way her love's shoulders tense and she feels the mad urge to tell the King that his lady love never loved him back, that the product of her affections for the crown prince stands behind them, but of course she doesn't, instead she merely hopes that the cloak of red and black that she knows Ned placed behind Lyanna's statue is aptly hidden.
That night Ned will tell her that Robert has named him, Hand of The King and wishes to betroth Sansa to Joffrey. After showing him Lysa's letter which accuses the Lannisters of poisoning Jon Arryn she will urge him to go to find out the truth and to get justice for his foster father for the kingdoms, she will urge him to do these things to agree to the betrothal for she knows that Sansa will flourish in the south and would make a fine queen, when she senses Ned hesitancy she can hazard a guess as to why, and she says to him that with his best friend as king no one would dare harm him nor their girls, though she is not so sure as she hopes she sounds.
At the feast the next day the news of Ned becoming Hand of the King and Sansa's betrothal to Joffrey is formally announced too much raucous cheering amongst those in the hall and Catelyn can see Sansa's happiness with the announcement and she sees how the crown prince pays much more attention to her daughter after the announcement. She also doesn't fail to see how Jon's expression changes from peaceful to dark back to neutral in a matter of moments, although Ned hasn't realised it yet, she knows her nephew holds a crush on Sansa and that she holds a piece of his heart that not even Arya has, she also knows that Sansa feels the same way about Jon, but of course nothing could ever come of it much to Catelyn's sorrow for she knows that as they have been raised as brother and sister it would be frowned upon and questioned where they to ever marry.
The joyous mood that surrounds Winterfell for the next few days is broken when Bran falls, her Bran who never falls, is found lying broken at the foot of the old tower whilst the men have gone out hunting, Maester Luwin says that he should live once the worst has past but, Ned's pleas with Robert asking for a bit more time in Winterfell are rejected stating that there is business to do in the capital and so she knows Ned leaves her side and that of their son's rather reluctantly as do the girls. As she watches the royal procession now containing her husband and her two daughters and their direwolves leave Winterfell Catelyn can only hope and pray that they remain safe, she doesn't fail to miss Jon and Sansa's goodbyes, for though Jon is staying in Winterfell with them, she knows that a part of his heart will go south with Sansa, she does not miss the little piece of cloth which has a white direwolf sewed on it that her daughter gives her nephew or the little piece of jewellery that he gives her nor the longer than proper hug that they share, and she can't help but smile, knowing that at least somewhere her children are happy. Before she returns to her Bran's room to sit with him till he wakes, for he has to wake, he must.
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