Chapter 24: The Suzuki Family(1)
-- Honoka Suzuki's POV, Before meeting Ren --
You need luck in life—a simple phrase that you may either be intimately acquainted with or still too young to grasp its profound significance.
For me, you could say I was... quite fortunate.
People often whispered about me being born with a silver, or maybe even a golden spoon.
But, I saw it as pure luck. All I desired was to be with my family, who cherished me and provided everything I ever wished for. A mere word from me and my desires were fulfilled without hesitation.
Until one day, I realized what it took to keep my parents' adoration intact. They wanted me to excel in acting, and to do so, I needed to transform myself.
I could no longer afford to be the naive little girl. I had to grow, and become a natural leader, someone far greater than my original self.
Meeting those expectations was an exhausting struggle, but I still found pride in managing to do so. As a child, everything seemed so simple, but as I grew older, life grew increasingly complicated.
I relished the moments spent with my parents every time I thought of giving up. Despite their busy lives, whenever they were home, they showered me with attention, playing with me as much as they could. And when they couldn't, my sister was there to fill in the gap a little.
Contrary to expectations, my relationship with my sister was remarkably strong. She didn't want to be part of our family's "business."
While she still had ties to the entertainment industry, she preferred organizing to being in the spotlight. This shared perspective brought us closer, as I was eager to make her ideas a reality myself, one day.
But, how foolish I had been.
I once believed myself superior to many simply because of my luck. In reality, I was nothing more than a puppet, adored not for who I was but as a safeguard against the probability of me becoming a "failure" like my sister.
...Or so I overheard one day, during a conversation not meant for my ears.
It felt as though life had suddenly crashed down upon me as invisible needles pierced me all over, including my heart.
I did not even know how I still found the strength to go back in my room before I was caught.
---
Staring at myself in the mirror, my lips arched up a little in self-pity.
Had luck ever been on my side?
Those not born in a family like mine, even if they have to work really hard to make ends meet, at least they can find warmth when they finally drag themselves home, a reason to keep working hard. It's something I thought we had, but I was mistaken.
I knew nothing of this family.
As I gazed at the doll-like face that looked at me back with an empty gaze, only laughter remained. I had already spilled enough tears without me realizing it.
Even though the truth had been laid bare before me, I lacked the courage to defy my parents' wishes.
They might be bad parents, but they at least tried to ensure I never felt like an object to enhance the family's fame and reputation.
However, the words spoken about my sister, for no apparent reason, ignited a raging fire within me. I yearned to make them apologize to her for treating her so unfairly.
---
Of course, it's not like I never tried to "rebel".
After some time, I chose to reveal everything to my sister, as the weight of all this was too heavy for me to carry alone.
I was weak.
After I slowly confessed everything, my sister's response threw me off guard, as for the first time, I saw she also seemed to have another side to herself, it's just that I've been unconsciously drunk on the fantasy that this family could be a normal and loving one to realize.
With a smirk, she replied, as if aware of their true nature all along, and casually lit a cigarette indoors, despite my certainty that it was against the "rules"...
Not that I cared at this point, to be honest.
"They said that? Well, it's nothing new. I didn't expect you to discover their ugly side so soon, though. So, how was it, my dear sister? Will you be their plaything or will you choose to become like me, a failed wench?"
I couldn't help but wonder how much she had endured to become so resilient. But I could offer no apology or proper response. I was, by nature, a coward. I had been raised to never disobey them, and even now, I lacked the will and strength to do so.
I'm sorry...
I can't be like you.
"I... I will do my best to take on that role, sister. You can just do as you've been doing so far..."
Perhaps it was at that moment that I felt irreparably broken, and to fill the void within my heart, I resigned myself to becoming one of them. One of those... naive girls.
"You don't really need to listen to them, but if that's what you want to do, I won't stop you. After you realize just how unbearable this can be, you will surely give up."
These words spoke with conviction, I see now...
"Sis, you..."
Have tried to do so yourself, did you not?
Those words got stuck in my throat as I couldn't find the courage to ask, even though in my heart, the answer from her gaze alone was...
Obvious.
Once again, I felt desperation crawling up my skin. If my sister, who surely didn't lack anything compared to me, failed, then how could I expect to do any better?
Still, I awkwardly gave a smile as I thanked her for listening to what I had to say before I once again returned to my room.
Since that day, I've never had a conversation with my sister again.
---
Author's Note:
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