Chapter 30: Chapter 30
"Ron, I thought I asked you to stop doing that?" Potter said. "I was raised by Muggles, and Milo's from another planet or something."
"Oh, right. Sorry."
"We know as much about Parselmouths as we did about Quidditch," Harry continued.
"Sorry."
"Which is to say absolutely nothing."
"Sorry."
"Because we, unlike you, were not raised in Magical Britain."
"Sorry."
"Just saying."
"Right."
Milo coughed.
"Parselmouths?" he asked.
"Oh, right," Ron said. "Well, it's this really rare ability some people have that lets them talk to snakes," Ron said. "It's said Slytherin was one—Salazar Slytherin, that is—and You-Know-Who. It's a sign of Dark Wizards, for sure. I've never heard of any after You-Know-Who, and it's just snakes, anyway."
"Oh," Milo said. "Well, that's pretty useless." Harry, however, had gone completely white.
"I have to—that is, I should probably—I'll just go. Er. Bye." Harry said, and fled the Common Room.
"Well, that was weird," Ron said. "Wonder what that was all about?"
"Something significant, probably," Milo said. "But I don't think it has anything to do with us, yet. We can always ask him later, but right now, I have to figure out how to speak with this rat."
"So you can find out what evil things Snape was up to in the forest?" Ron asked.
"Yeah," Milo said. "then you can use it to get Hermione to help you figure out what's going on with the Philosopher's Stone."
"How do you know we need help?" Ron asked defensively. "For all you know, we learned everything we needed today."
"Oh? Did you?"
"Maybe. I wasn't really listening, to be honest," Ron admitted.
"Which is why we need Hermione."
"Which is why you need to make your rat speak."
"Yeah."
"Bollocks," Ron said. "Best of luck."
There was a spell Milo knew of that would help, called Speak With Animals. Unfortunately, it was only available to Rangers, Druids, and Bards—and Milo would sooner die than become any of those. If he could get his hands on a gnome—a proper gnome, not one of those garden gnomes that Ron kept complaining about—then they could maybe help, because they could speak with animals a few times a day. Only burrowing animals, though. Milo wondered if rats counted as burrowing animals or, if not, merely digging a hole once would count. He would, technically be "burrowing."
Milo sighed. He didn't have a gnome, he didn't have a Ranger, he didn't have a Druid, and he neither had nor particularly wanted a Bard.
"Squeak, squeak squeak," Mordy continued without pause.
There were only two options, as Milo saw it. He could attempt to push the rules past breaking point and test if his Spontaneous Divination ability could mimic Druid spells, or he could wait until levelling up to find out. The first option risked calling righteous fury upon himself from above, while the second took time and monster slaying. Unfortunately, patience was a virtue, and Milo was True Neutral.
"Speak with Animals," Milo tried to cast, attempting to swap out Protection from Evil. Other than losing the spell from his memorized list, nothing happened—but Milo felt a distinct sense of wrongness. It was as if the universe recoiled from him slightly, pondered for a moment, then...
"Excuse me," Lavender Brown said to him, "Professor McGonagall told me to tell you that Professor Snape wants to talk to you, like, right this second."
"I'm sure it's totally a coincidence," Milo said nervously as he started to sweat. "Heh, heh. Hah. Coincidence. OhmygodsI'mgoingtodie." Lavender gave him a sympathetic look, but said nothing.
Milo supposed he would just have to wait until he gained another level before finding out what Snape was up to in the Forbidden Forest. And this, he thought as he walked towards Snape's dungeon, is why you don't try to stretch the Rules as Written to allow more than 150% as much as the Rules as Intended, er, intended.
I just hope I'll have the opportunity to live long enough to learn from my mistake.
Milo knocked on the heavy wooden door to Snape's office, which created a surprisingly loud echo.
"Enter," a voice said sternly from the other side of the door. Milo quickly ran through his assets before opening the door: a pair of Prestidigitations and Dancing Lights, an Acid Splash, a Protection from Evil, a Silent Image, anda Feather Fall, as well as the contents of his Belt of Hidden Pouches.
So, not much.
Milo cautiously opened the door and walked in. Snape's office was... uniquely atmospheric. There was an eyeball floating in a jar, and it was probably the least creepy thing there.
"Ah, mister Amastacia-Liadon," Snape said. "I've been expecting you."
Milo whimpered quietly. Sitting on Snape's desk was a lustrous black flask inlaid with a silver skull pattern. There was a skull-shaped stopper with reflective red eyes. To complete the image, the eyes glowed slightly.
"Madam Pomfrey has instructed me to give you this," he said, gesturing at the very, very evil flask. "It contains a week's worth of antidote for acromantula venom," Snape continued. "You are to drink one teaspoon every night, ideally within a minute or two of midnight for full effect."
"W-why midnight?" Milo stammered.
"Oh, just so your body has time to process it before breakfast".
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