Chapter 37: Emotions
He was probably in the right place. Looking again for a teacher, he found a woman who looked like a witch out of a fairy tale. She wore a purple tunic and a pointed hat. Kayden approached her resting spot. The area had several couches and some snacks for the students to eat. Indeed, it was a very professional government service.
"Hello teacher, my name is Kayden, I'm here to spar against conventional mages," the teacher was surprised by Kayden's rank. Normally, students would wait for rank 4 to start.
"Okay, just head to one of the arenas, and on the next rotation, a mage will enter it. You just have to leave when you lose." The rules were quite simple: defend your position and if you lose, attack one to take it for yourself.
Kayden thanked him and walked to one of the circles. After waiting a few minutes, he saw another child appear in front of him. There was no conversation or introduction, the circle simply turned red and the opponent started shooting gusts of wind at it.
Kayden was surprised and didn't even manage to withdraw his katana before having his arm cut deeply. When that happened, he dropped his sword and the circle considered him to have lost. All wind spells were nullified in mid-air and Kayden's arm began to heal with the naked eye. Kayden recovered from the shock and watched as his arm healed. It was a strange process.
"Hey kid, get out of the arena," his opponent called. Kayden was lost in thought and didn't even remember it. When he left, he headed for the nearest arena. In it was a teenage girl wielding a staff. It was the first time Kayden had seen a wizard using an instrument.
"Hello," Kayden greeted amiably. There was still time before the next rotation.
"You're Kayden, right?" the girl smiled.
"Yes, but how do you know?" Kayden was surprised.
"How could I not know the name of the biggest trash in our school, or rather, in the city?" the girl gave a disgusted laugh. "A level 1 talent should be killed in order not to proliferate."
Kayden was shocked by the girl's aggressiveness. Heimer had already told him that there was an extremist group that believed in purification by talent. It was a crazy idea, but it was quite strong in the noble mages group. The boy didn't take it seriously and just started ignoring her. He has lived long enough to have good emotional control. He decided not to use acceleration yet, it might do more harm than good.
Withdrawing his katana, Kayden waited for the circle to turn red. He was deciding what to do when he heard the girl say:
"I'll hit you hard enough to put you in a coma and spend the rest of your life like a vegetable in bed." That phrase triggered memories in the boy. What he thought he had overcome came back with a vengeance, each day spent in solitude, each week without talking to anyone. His death, Nicolas's death. Everything came back like a whirlwind. Without realizing it, his breathing became heavy and his hand tightly gripped the katana. Anger. An indescribable feeling of anger swept over his body. But not an explosive rage, but a cold one.
The moment the circle turned red, Kayden used Pop Flash. The girl was startled and momentarily blinded, using a concentrated ray that hit the girl's exposed chest squarely. He advanced to finish the service. His sword came down hard on the girl's arm and opened a deep wound. The girl hadn't let go of her staff and Kayden aimed for her neck. His bloodlust was palpable. He's never felt like this before.
Before Kayden's sword could touch it, he found himself upside down in the air. When he recovered, he saw the girl crying on the floor. There was a pool of blood on her body, but the circle was healing her quickly.
"I see you've lost it a bit, Kayden. Don't worry, that's part of Yasmin's spell," the teacher appeared in the arena out of nowhere. "Yasmin, remove yourself from the arena." The teacher saw everything that happened and didn't blame Kayden for it.
Kayden grabbed his katana and left the arena as well. Even though he won that round, he still felt like he came out hurt more than the girl. His memories came back very strong. He needed to do something to vent these feelings. Something that would stop you from thinking. Anything. Training wouldn't help. Reading would be even worse. He needed to fight again, but these controlled fights were pathetic. It lacked emotion. They didn't have that sense of achievement when they won. His opponents were mere children with powers. Kayden wasn't thinking very well. His thoughts were clouded.
Before he could leave the gym, the teacher submerged him in a bubble of water. Like magic, his thoughts gradually returned to normal. Your memories became less frightening.
"You needed to clear yourself of the mana spell. You had a little trace on you, boy," the woman warned him with a smile.
Kayden pulled himself together and replayed the situation in his mind. It was a strange moment, it felt like his emotions were magnified thousands of times. He headed to another arena. He started to fight again. This time, everything went smoothly. It was a fire user. Kayden received
some burns on his arms, but he managed to win. His speed was far superior to the other opponent's reaction time.
In his next fight, he couldn't do anything. The opponent simply rained blades of ice in his direction. Kayden didn't have time to take a step forward. Another fight was with an earth element wizard, he created giant barricades and threw boulders at high speed at the boy. Again he lost. Kayden realized that if he let mages use his spells, he would lose. The boy needed to take the initiative or he would be swallowed up before he could react.
After several fights, Kayden returned to his home. The time sitting in the wagon brought thoughts of his second fight back. Why did he react so strongly? Was your past still a trauma? What is the meaning of uncontrolled anger? To whom was his anger directed? Your uncle? No, he had already realized this before, but he buried it deep in his mind, the hatred that he still carried, the bitterness, all those feelings that he thought he had overcome in limbo. None of that had been overcome. He just learned to live with it. But one question kept repeating itself in his mind over and over.
'Why?'
'Why?'
'Why?'
'Why?'
He got home and went up to his room with the same thought reverberating in his mind. What's the point of seeking strength if things so far away and small come back to haunt your mind?
Did he hate life?
God or gods? The hospital staff?
His mind went through everyone he'd ever met. Where did so much hate come from? The girl's magic should only increase existing feelings and not create them. Who did he hate?
Minutes turned into hours, hours into days. That question was on his mind. It didn't matter if he was training or studying, his mind came back with that loose end. Sitting in the lotus position, just listening to the sounds of nature on a random hill, Kayden thought about his two lives so far and how he magically discovered the answer. His hatred, his anger, and all his feelings had only one culprit.
Just a person who couldn't change anything. A slave of fate. Doomed to just observe everything against his will. His hatred had a name and a face.
'it is me'
It's always been him. Since your past life. It was never your uncle or some random god. He was always the source of all his negative thoughts.
AN:this is a chapter that I really enjoyed writing, I like to deal with my main character's psychology and how situations change him
Gifts
-- Gift
received Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone